Our Stork isn't Great with Directions

Secrets Don't Make Friends

2012-01-28T22:32:00.000-06:00

I'm not one for keeping a secret about myself. I've always been a very open book and like to share with the world anything they'd like to know. My friends probably know WAY too much information about my bowel habits, embarrassing stories, and menstruation. Not exactly a shy girl.

Which makes it all the more amazing that I can keep a pregnancy secret for so long. With Paisley, I announced it at 13 weeks after our NT scan. Even then, I would have hid it longer if my belly bump wasn't starting to give me away. It's kind of fun being one of the only people who knows that you are growing a miracle in your uterus. And let's face it- who likes thinking that their boss, parents, and even strangers are calculating exactly when something personal may have been happening with the spouse.

With that little tidbit of useless information, I'd love to announce that our 2nd baby is due in August!!! I'm 12 weeks pregnant and things are checking out perfectly. We are so incredibly thankful that a no treatment baby could happen for us. I would have posted this much sooner, but we have so many real life friends and family who read my blog that I couldn't let the news slip until now. It gave us a wonderful opportunity to tell people in person this time around and really celebrate our growing family.

I'll post more about how I found out and how I've been feeling tomorrow. Just wanted to let you in on my little, ever-growing secret!!!

Isolation

2012-01-22T18:17:00.000-06:00

Our little family has never been so sick ever before. This winter has hit us like a freight train and just when I think we're all feeling good again, the next "bug" seeks us out and attacks us. We've had flu-like viruses, colds, stomach bugs, all the good stuff. Mostly, I've gotten the worst end of it and somehow Paisley has come out on top. She has still not ever had to go on antibiotics (17-months-old) which makes me super happy. In fact, she makes it hard to tell she's even sick until the vomiting starts or I check her temperature.

Being from the medical world, I believe that patients are strongly overtreated with antibiotics. Our bodies are meant to fight off illness and we build up tolerance to antibiotics quickly if overused. So, I am thankful that this tiny little person has really done so well.

Her parents, however, have not faired quite so gracefully. I mean, really, Aaron even ended up in the hospital in September from some mysterious illness leading to rhabdomyolysis. Does it make sense? Not at all.

And I know we aren't the only ones sick this year, but I never got sick when I worked in family practice. The constant exposure seemed to keep me healthy even though I was constantly seeing people with pneumonia, flu, and viruses galore!

So, what do you do to keep your family healthy? And has it been a worse than usual year for you health-wise?

Chatty Cathy

2012-01-12T22:36:00.000-06:00

Paisley has found her voice and she is using it to her fullest potential these days. It seems like over the past month, her vocabulary is blossoming. She already was ahead of the curve at her 12 month appointment by knowing more words than our pediatrician expected.

But now she seems to be learning at least one new word every day. And she'll repeat everything like a little adorable parrot. Except not so cute when the word she chooses is "crap" out of a paragraph with 50 words...

Today her word is "happy". And it is sweet. I'll ask, "are you happy?" and she'll say "happy, happy, happy". She says it cuter than anything I've ever heard other than "mama". And I like to think that it's because she actually is happy...

Also this week, we were getting ready to leave for the clinic and I said "let's go bye-bye". She turns and starts marching towards the front door saying "hut-two, hut-two". Not even quite sure where she got that since we don't exactly practice military like behavior in our house, but I loved it anyways.

Crazy how many times a day she makes me laugh now with what she says and the things she does. Looking forward to seeing what next month has in store for us!

Difficult Baby

2012-01-08T15:12:00.000-06:00

When talking to a friend this week who has 4 children (one of which is a handful), I realized something about Paisley.   She is a difficult child. And I would have thought that difficult meant bad before having a child but now I realize that they are two totally different adjectives.

She isn't bad at all. In fact, I haven't had to spank her yet and rarely have to tell her no. And it isn't because I'm ignoring things or letting her act crazy. She just doesn't get into things that aren't hers and rarely throws fits or acts up (huge exception is putting her in the carseat at times). She's very loving and affectionate. She's interactive and playful. And now that her vocabulary is expanding, she's getting really funny.

But difficult. This started on Day 1. She didn't let us put her in the plastic bassinet like every other baby without screaming. Endlessly. She wanted to be in our arms at all times, day and night. She never slept well. We tried all the surefire ways of getting a baby to sleep: swaddling, rocking her to sleep, sound machine, lying her down awake, cereal in the milk, her swing, her bouncer, car rides, warm bath, nighttime lotion, bedtime routine, etc.   Nothing made any difference. And she still doesn't love to sleep. Or really need to for any length of time. She doesn't require much rest to have 150% of my energy level.

Eating is a challenge. She only breastfed for 9 months, refusing to take a bottle ever. We bought 75 types of bottles with 100 nipples creating an astounding combination which all failed. Now she hates solids, after a brief period of eating anything we offered. She'd rather have all calories come from milk. And at times, that's where it does come from. Because she refuses everything else like it may kill her if it even touches her lips...

Her activity level is outrageous. Her tiny little legs are in constant motion. We let her walk everywhere we go so it may wear her out. She ran all over the Science Museum yesterday and did take a ninety minute nap following. I was exhausted! She can get out every single toy she owns in about 8.2 seconds and then be bored with them all just as quickly.

I wouldn't trade her for the world though. She's developing into the most incredible little person I've ever met and she surely has enough confidence and spunk to carry her through some tough situations in life.   Well, I'm off to continue chasing my ball of fire through the house!

The Best of Intentions

2011-12-29T21:33:00.000-06:00

I've had several blog friends have babies lately and it has brought me back to when I was due with Paisley. You have so many thoughts, hopes, worries and expectations about the biggest day of your life. Everyone tells you what to prepare for and what to bring to the hospital (turns out I needed a nanny and lots of vaginal ice packs) and of course shares their own horror stories as if that will help you somehow. And many girls make out detailed birth plans with every aspect of a birth planned out to a T.

But babies don't read birth plans (or sleep books for that matter). They come when they want as if due dates mean nothing to them. I mean, are they not following our countdown calendars? I was just trying to get some extra sleep on a Saturday morning when Paisley woke me up with gut-wrenching contractions. Not my plan.

And I know so many girls who are forever disappointed that they had a c-section and didn't get to experience natural childbirth. In my opinion, nothing about it is "natural". And nothing about it was all that beautiful either. You should have seen my episiotomy!

But all that matters in the end is that a healthy baby is brought into the world and placed safely in your arms. And I honestly think that no matter how it happens, where it happens or when it happens, you probably always wish you could have changed something. I wish I hadn't panicked so much when I went into labor. I wish I'd taken the time to shower and look decent considering I despise the photos of me from that day. I wish Aaron and I had more alone time together during labor. And I wish that epidurals could be placed before the contractions begin. :)

Paisley is here though and she's perfect. And my birth plan goals were all actually met. Pretty easy since I only had 2. Make it to the hospital and get an epidural. Check and check. So, keep it simple. Nope, it isn't necessarily fun and definitely not easy, but it's one day. Just get the baby here safely and with as little pain as possible (just my preference). Unless you love pain. Then go for it. :)

Merry Christmas

2011-12-27T15:38:00.000-06:00

The holidays were so enjoyable this year! I cannot believe how much more fun things are now that Paisley is here to share them with. The enthusiasm she brings to life is just infectious!

She opened gifts very slowly and meticulously, and then just wanted to play with whatever it was. I'd have to encourage her to move on to the next one. She got lots of great new toys to play with! And I actually love the new stuff too!!!

Even better, my "biological father" and "Mother Trucker" didn't show up for Christmas which made things perfect! The family was able to really enjoy each other without worrying about any drama. Other than the normal silly stuff my family always manages on creating!

I'll update more later, just wanted you all to know that we're still here! Just enjoying the holidays and time together. :)

Bubble Guppies

2011-12-19T14:06:00.000-06:00

Paisley absolutely loved TV when she was a newborn. She'd crane that head all the way around like an owl to sneak a peek of whatever was on. Even if it was something sucky like golf. I think she owes all of her neck muscle strength to this! It was one of the only ways to get a minute or two to rush around getting things done before she required our undivided attention again.

Then she could ignore it no matter what show was on. It could be at the highest volume showing crazy bright colors and blaring music and she'd go on about her business like it didn't exist. She's actually really good at being "selective" already. What she hears, what she's able/wlling to do, what she likes/dislikes...

Until about a month ago when she discovered her 1st true love. The Bubble Guppies. It's a show on Nickelodeon about fish. And she loves it. She will sit and watch an entire 30-minute show. Which is great for us because she is not the easiest child to entertain. She'll even squeal when it comes on!

And before anyone gets onto me about TV watching, I keep Paisley very busy with baby gym, art and music classes, playdates with friends and other activities. But this mama needs her hands free once in a while!!!

Child Labor Laws?

2011-12-14T23:02:00.000-06:00

My husband and I own a vet clinic for those who don't already know. And we bring Paisley with us to work everyday. My office is set up for her as a play room, so it hardly looks professional at all. I have alphabet floor mats, stuffed animals, a little bed for her, diapers, and toys galore. And then shoved in "my corner", I have all of our important tax papers, payroll stuff, etc. Seems fair enough.

This has been an amazing situation. We've gotten to both spend lots of time with our little girl as she's gotten bigger and her love for animals has just blossomed. Currently we have a stray cat that we found in a dumpster that she adores. He lets her love on him like crazy, carry him around, and squeeze him. Perfect friendship.

Hanging out with one of her best friends (also one of our employees)

Playing in her stray kitty's cage

Our clients also love seeing her. They've gotten to watch her grow up and it's so sweet how many of them will schedule appointments based on when she'll be in the clinic. But now it's even more fun because she's starting to act like she needs to greet them when they come in. She'll head to the front of the clinic when the door dings. And she loves waving and saying "hello". Plus, she adores ALL animals. We truly are blessed!

Naughty or Nice?

2011-12-11T15:02:00.000-06:00

Giving Santa her wish list

Watching the fish at Bass Pro

Doing art and crafts at Bass Pro after her picture

Sleepless Beauty?

2011-12-06T22:50:00.000-06:00

You all had tons of great suggestions, and even better- sympathy- for our current sleep debacle. Here's what we may have figured out. I fed her more during the entire day the past 2 days and she has slept good the past 2 nights. In fact, Monday morning she woke up at 6 but after a sippy cup of milk, she slept in my bed until 9:00. I could of swore it was Christmas morning. :)

And as far as questions about naps ruining her sleep at night, I think we can rest assured that naps are not the problem. She only takes one ever and it typically is about an hour long. On a good day. I'm pretty sure that she'll have outgrown naps by the time she's 2.

And as for putting her down earlier and us going to bed earlier, problem is that she doesn't fall asleep until about 10 now and wakes up at about 7 normally (prior to our current issue). So, we already didn't get any adult time at night and I have been getting ready for work with a child clinging on to me for a while now. Not so easy, but it's our life.

So, the moral of this whole saga is that Paisley doesn't require much sleep at all to function and be in a good mood. Furthermore, she doesn't care how much sleep mom and dad require to be good human beings because she's a bit selfish right now. But she's worth the bags under my eyes and careless errors made out of exhaustion because she's amazing. And apparently doesn't want to waste a minute of her life sleeping... :)

Sleeping Beauty

2011-12-05T22:48:00.000-06:00

Anyone who has read my blog for any length of time knows that sleep has been a battle in this house. I cringe every single time I have to hear the phrase, "my baby slept through the night from the first night at home." I try to imagine that these people are pathological liars and that babies like that have as much likelihood of existing as unicorns. But I think maybe some people really are that lucky. And I also think that until you have a baby who requires next to no sleep that you'll never know true sleep deprivation.

So you might guess that when Paisley finally started sleeping 8 hours straight, I felt like I'd won the lottery. After all, she was like 8 months old. And even then, we'd go through periods of waking up again for a while. But things have been solid for about 3-4 months now so I crossed that obstacle off our list.

Until 2-3 weeks ago when she suddenly remembered that she likes to wake up in the middle of the night. Except now, she can stand up in her crib and scream a heck of a lot louder than she could back then. And I'm a little worried that my little climber may scale the crib wall at some point. I've tried multiple attempts at solving this problem.

I've moved her bedtime earlier. I've let her stay up later. I've given her more milk before bed. I've fed her more solids. This is one tough nut to crack. She is consistently waking me up at about 4-5 am. And I get up at 7 am. If you do the math, that adds up to a tired mama.

And she is so super easy to lay down at night. I brush her teeth, turn on her sound machine and then just lay her down in her crib. She curls up adorably and falls asleep without a peep. So it's not like she hates her room. And even if I bring her into our room to sleep with us which used to work wonders, she now wrestles and sticks her finger in my eyes and nose, and pulls my hair not so sweetly.

We've got an opening for an overnight nanny. Pay won't be very much at all, but she sure is cute. :)

Return of the Black Sheep

2011-11-25T19:27:00.000-06:00

It just isn't the holidays if my idiotic bio-dad doesn't show up with his trashy wife and wreak havoc at my Grandma's house...

I've described him as the "black sheep" of the family on this blog before and I can't reiterate enough how I think this term was actually invented specifically for him. He seems to have made it his life's goal to prove that he is the black sheep every chance he gets.

Thanksgiving morning we always go out to my Grandma's house, including my mom even though she and my dad have been divorced 30 years. She is definitely more welcome than he is. This was the 1st year without my Grandpa so that was tough, and everyone was on their best behavior. It's a huge family with tons of cousins and lots of great-grandkids. It's always been my favorite place to celebrate the holidays. Of course, we have little family fights. One year, it was over the gravy. Another it was about gloves.

But then Black Sheep and Mother Trucker (she's a truck-driver) show up and try to ruin the festivities. Even though it's only noon, he's already been indulging himself in some substances so he quickly "falls asleep" in a lawn chair in the backyard. She came sauntering into the house wearing a leather, zip- up, biker type shirt that was not zipped up nearly enough. And had nothing on underneath it. My eyes are still burning from seeing that. Pretty sure I'll never be the same again.

Meanwhile, Black Sheep wakes up after being encouraged to move into a lower piece of furniture in case of a fall and starts trouble as usual. He is told to leave by multiple family members and so Mother Trucker does what any good wife would do and drags him out to their car. We luckily never saw anything else of him.

But she comes back in to start drama with her daughter (my half-sister) and ends up leaving too. But not before loading up a gigantic plate of food to take. Aaron thinks they treat it like a soup kitchen and just come get their bellies full and then leave to go no telling where.

What would the holidays be without a couple of crazy relatives???

Possessed by the Holiday Spirit

2011-11-21T21:57:00.000-06:00

Normally, I'm what people would refer to as a Scrooge. The holidays have, for the most part, really gotten on my nerves and even caused anxiety attacks. The biggest culprits being Christmas and Thanksgiving. Because with all that said, I L-O-V-E Halloween. And I can tell you what the big difference is. Christmas and Thanksgiving are very traditional, rigid holidays with a lot of strings attached. Compared to Halloween, which is just fun and easy-going.

I usually vomit when I hear carols playing in stores starting in September, and cringe when I hear a countdown to Christmas. Turkey and its fixings are just okay in my book (I'd pick mexican food anyday) since they're kinda bland. The weather is turning cold and crappy. And I get a little weird about opening gifts in front of others. Oh, and I hate shopping for gifts to give unless I know exactly what they want. The only good thing about this time of year was Chevy Chase's Christmas Vacation.

Recently, I started thinking I must have come down with a terrible illness. Suddenly, I was humming along to Christmas carols and shopping enthusiastically for gifts. There was this strange little feeling inside of me that felt excited and eager and happier than usual. And it occurred to me that I was feeling something I hadn't felt since I was 8.

The Christmas Spirit.

And it felt really good. My best guess is that Paisley has brought this out in me. Last year she was only 4 months old at this time and I was too exhausted to acknowledge the holidays. But this year it has really sunk in. I have an amazing little girl to share them with. Soon, she'll love gift-giving, and leave a plate for Santa Claus, and understand the meaning of Christmas. And it will bring back all of the magic of the season that I so long ago forgot.

You're Too Good To Me...

2011-11-17T23:22:00.001-06:00

After numerous facebook messages, texts, and comments left by my very sweet and loyal followers, I've decided that this blog must go on. You all reminded me that even if people don't comment very often, it doesn't mean that they no longer read my updates. Apparently some people like to follow my boring, pretty predictable life. And let's face it, I really do love writing. Even if no one reads it.

So, it's going to just have to fit in the schedule. No more half-assing it. I need to be better about commenting on others' posts and updating more frequently. Because this blog truly has been my lifeline during the hardest times of my life and you are amazing friends who deserve better. Who knows what life may hand me next. I may just need you all again.

Since I'm back from retirement already (sure was a lovely break), I had a comment about baby #2. Good question. How about you all just answer that for me? It's not nearly as black and white as I'd hoped it would be. The thought of going back to the RE right now is just not happening. You know, I'd made an appointment. And then cancelled it since Aaron was in the hospital trying to die on me. Not a good time to go see the doctor for family planning. And then it just happened to never get re-scheduled.

I tracked my BBT charts for a couple of months but then tucked them back away in my nightstand drawer. The thermometer got shoved in there too, never to return. I ran out of OPK's a while back and never bothered to buy more. Don't even talk to me about cervical mucus. It's like I'm super lazy this time around.

There are moments that I think there is nothing I'd like more than another baby. Usually when Paisley is being unusually adorable and possibly asleep. And then there are just as many other moments that I'd rather cut out my own uterus with a dull knife. Typically after she smears poop all over my kitchen floor or has a huge meltdown in public. I literally change my mind constantly.

So, I've kind of left it up to fate until now. No birth control for most equals certain pregnancy. Considering I haven't been on birth control in 3.5 years and I've managed to have one child, chances are a 2nd may not happen anyways. And definitely not on its own. I mean, Paisley was born almost 15 months ago and I'm not pregnant again. But I'm not feeling it for intervention. The drive to do anything in the world to have a baby is O-V-E-R. I've got my precious baby. And she certainly keeps me busy enough. She almost made me quit this blog, for goodness sake!!!

Time-Out from Blogging?

2011-11-16T16:21:00.000-06:00

This blog has been my source of comfort, friendship and support for almost 3 years now. I started it during my painful infertility battle just on the verge of undergoing my ovarian drilling which ended up being a success. I've celebrated with you all, cried with you all, and prayed for my readers who were going through similar heartbreak. I've even looked forward to returning from vacations so that I could check my blogger again for updates on my friends who were expecting good news soon.

This blog has been everything to me. It's amazing how many women I've connected to that I would never have met otherwise. No one can help you through a tough time like someone who has been there or who is currently there too. I swear my miscarriage would have killed me if I hadn't had such compassionate readers offering amazing words of strength and hope. And I'm so grateful that I've had that kind of support.

But most of my long-time blog friends have babies now (thankfully) and have kinda moved on. And I get that. Life gets hectic with a child, to say the very least. I've honestly had days that I never got to brush my teeth or even pee because her needs come very first. And she seems to have a LOT of needs. :)

So, I find that less of my friends update their blogs and even fewer comment on mine. Which leads me to believe that fewer are following at this point. I may just not update as frequently, but will definitely continue to follow those who are still in the middle of the journey. I will continue to pray for those waiting, and celebrate with those who have succeeded. But, maybe my role in the blogging world has been fulfilled. Considering the extensive list of things I need to accomplish every day, this would be one less thing I'd feel guilty about not getting done. :)

Picture Success!!!

2011-11-13T18:24:00.000-06:00

Paisley had lots of pictures taken of her on the cruise and actually enjoyed it! She didn't burst into tears once, and doesn't appear to be suffering from PTSD now. :) Of course, she didn't stay still for any of the pictures, but the photographers did a great job of capturing action shots!

This was a bridge on the main floor of the cruise ship that Paisley loved to run across!

As you can see from her less-than-thrilled expression, she'd rather be running loose than have me hold her.

This was a crowd favorite. Tons of other passengers stopped to watch this shoot, because she was being adorable!

We didn't pose any of these shots, she just played and they took pictures. Worked so much better.

Running like crazy across her favorite bridge

She adored the DreamWorks characters. The other kids were all terrified, so she got to spend a lot of time hugging on them.

They just heaped all the props up together and she loved it!

Sneaky little grin

I'm so guilty of becoming "that" mom. I cannot believe I posted 8 million pictures and bragged about how cute my kid is. Next thing you know, I'll be joining PTA and making homemade meals. Yikes!!!

Frequent Flyer Baby

2011-11-11T22:44:00.000-06:00

Paisley has now been on 10 flights and we have only had one near meltdown which I described several posts ago. And I was kinda on the verge of having my own at that point, so I understand where she was coming from. Lots of you have asked me to share how I keep her happy and what I take with us to make flying a pleasant experience.   I'm certainly no expert and mostly I just wing it when it comes to parenting.   But this girl LOVES to travel and I was determined to not let a baby slow us down.

As far as what I take with us on the plane... I just carry-on a little rolling suitcase that can slide easily under the seat in front of us. I don't want to stow it overhead because crap up there is essentially useless during the flight! We also travel with a very lightweight (8 pound) stroller which we check in at the gate. In her bag, I keep our travel documents in the front pocket away from everything else and easily accessible.

Milk: Paisley drinks whole milk and I've taken a sippy cup of whole milk through security just fine, but I find that it's a nuisance to pack a cooler with ice to take extra for later. So, we have been using Enfamil Toddler formula. It's for kids over 1 and she actually really likes it, which is good for a kid that drank nothing but breastmilk. So, I pack the formula divider bowl that holds 3 servings and an empty water bottle to fill at a water fountain before we get on the plane. It's easy to mix it up that way and super simple to go through security.

Food: Snacks work really well to entertain a lot of kids on a plane, but not so much my little multi-tasker. She likes to grab a handleful of Goldfish to munch on while reading a book and playing with a doll. So, I take them out of necessity, not so much to keep her busy. We packed the 100 calorie bags of Goldfish and also little boxes of cereal. I also took several bananas.

Diapers:   I took 5 diapers, a small thing of wipes, and the wonderful little blue diaper sacks just in case she decided to drop a deuce on a plane. Let's face it- that kid's diapers could smell up an entire shopping mall, so imagine what it could do to a plane. Luckily, I've never had to change her on a plane and I'm still not positive how I would manage that feat. :)

Toys: The part I'm sure everyone really wanted me to talk about...   This time around, I packed three of her favorite books, a brand new doll, sunglasses (she loves to put them on and take them off over and over), a sticker book, a toy truck, a squishy ball, etc. Mostly we took just tiny little toys because they're lightweight and don't take up much room. I also had a travel pillow. Not because I thought I'd get a wink of sleep, but to cushion my arm on the armrest when she'd fall asleep on me.

Ears Popping: Paisley only gets a binky when she sleeps now, so they make her REALLY happy when she has one. So, I took several with us so that she could suck on it when we took off and landed. Her ears never seemed to be a problem, so I guess it worked well! Giving her the sippy cup might have worked but it would be hard to get her to drink for long enough.

What we did: We had a 2.5 hour flight and then a 1.5 hour flight both ways this time and she slept during one of the flights each way. Paisley is great about napping anywhere so it definitely comes in handy during travel. Otherwise, she was awake the rest of the flight time. She loves to watch out the window during take-off and landing. She also likes to play with the overhead light and fan. We found that her favorite item to play with was an empty cup. We could put her toys under it so she could lift it to find them. She liked to talk into the cup like a megaphone. This kept her busy the longest! She also enjoyed flipping through the Sky Mall magazine and identifying objects she knows such as "cat", "dog", "fish", etc.

She also likes talking to people near us. On one flight, we had a little baby boy behind us so she loved peeking over our seats to see him. Both babies really enjoyed interacting and stayed perfectly happy. It really always goes so much better than I anticipate!   I'm always terrified that she's going to freak out and scream for 2 solid hours while I'm trapped on a plane, but it just never happens. Kids seem to always surprise us!   :)

The Great Diaper Crisis of 2011

2011-11-09T23:05:00.000-06:00

Sure, I could post about more important things. But it's late. I'm exhausted from this stupid time change. So I want to talk about diapers. Or I should say the lack thereof.

Packing for myself and a one-year-old in a single suitcase is difficult. Kinda like working a rubik's cube. I have to plan very precisely for exactly what we'll need for an entire week for both of us. And diapers take up a bunch of room in that tiny space. So I must have done the math a bit wrong when deciding how many diapers we'd need for 7 nights, because I decided that 34 would be plenty. In my defense, I also packed about 10 swim diapers since we'd obviously be spending a lot of time in the water.

What I didn't account for was that due to all the amazing cruise food, including a ton of delicious fruit, my child pooped about 3 times a day. And peed WAY more than usual, resulting in a diaper change at least every 2-3 hours. Now, none of this was a concern to me until the 4th day when I realized that our diaper stash was getting L-O-W. And the cruise ship, amazingly enough, did not sell diapers. You can surf onboard, climb a rock wall, and ice skate. But heaven forbid they sell diapers!

So we did what any intelligent parents would do, and we started using swim diapers in place of the regular ones. What we didn't realize is that they are completely worthless in capturing any bodily fluids at all. Don't ever swim in a pool with kids wearing swim diapers if you aren't okay with swimming in urine. Because she peed all over my pretty dinner dress one night while wearing one. :)

Since "Operation Swim Diaper" failed to help us, we resorted back to the regular diapers which were now like an endangered species. This began the phase of "Commando Baby" or "Premature Potty Training". We started letting her swim in the ocean without a diaper at all, in just her suit. I'm sure she actually really enjoyed this, and it worked well for the most part except when she peed all over my mom while sitting on the beach. Oops. Still it bought us some hours that she didn't need a diaper.

And let's all admit that we have some less than stellar moments as parents. Sadly enough, this is not the first time I had to resort to the following disgusting measure. One night, I had just changed a really wet diaper and to my horror, she immediately goes into poop mode. The kid loves pooping in a clean diaper. Her face turned red, she squatted down, and started doing "shoo-ey" with her hand. It's cute everytime she does it, but this was not the time!!! I checked the diaper and found about 4 solid rabbit pellets in there, so I had only one option. I fished them out with a kleenex and flushed them down the toilet. Crisis everted.

We ended up making it home with one diaper to spare. (My mom found a package of 3 in Cozumel that we bought or we would have been using towels as cloth diapers.) I was holding on to it in case of absolute emergency. I will pack more than enough diapers next time we travel. I may even order a jumbo box of them online to be delivered to where I'm going just to be sure.

Traveling!

2011-11-08T21:55:00.000-06:00

We are home from our cruise and we had a wonderful time! I have SOOO much to catch up on, so I'm planning on posting a blog a day for a while. We'll see if my motivation can hold up with this stupid daylight- savings-time-nonsense that is making me comatose by 7 pm...

Relaxing on a hammock in Haiti

Paisley was remarkably good. The flights all went well again with the exception of one "incident". It was our last flight coming home and we'd been traveling all day. The plane was hot, Paisley was tired and I had to sit by a stranger in a very tiny seat meant for a dwarf. The crisis began when we had delays due to the airline "overbooking" the flight. How this is possible I still don't get. But they kept asking for volunteers to take a later flight and we kept waiting to leave. So, Paisley had a meltdown.

My worst nightmare.

Luckily, it only lasted about 2 minutes. Sadly, it felt like 4 hours. And I had her to sleep in no time, but let me tell you how many dirty glances I got in that time period. Like I wanted her to scream. I was trying to ruin everyone's flight... But then she slept through the rest of the flight. I was too afraid to move by this point and risk waking her up, so my legs were completely numb by the time we arrived home.

In her defense, she was an angel the rest of the trip. She played quietly on the flights, entertained strangers on the cruise ship, napped wherever we were when sleepiness hit, and ate everything we offered. She loved swimming in the ocean and playing in the sand. She was perfect when we spent 8 hours wandering around in the hot sun.

Carrying around a rose that one of the workers on the cruise ship gave her. We got her this dress in Jamaica and I think she's precious in it!

Ignore the fact that her daddy looks like he's passed out in the sand...

I'll post some pictures to recap a bit of our trip. As a reminder mostly to myself, I'll be posting about "The Great Diaper Shortage of 2011", entertaining a child on a plane (by request), our cruise ports-of-call, and our drunken co-cruisers.

Happy baby on the cruise!

Snuggling with mama!!!

Pack, Unpack, Pack Again

2011-10-22T23:41:00.000-05:00

I'm about to make a really lame excuse for not blogging the past week and a half, and you can feel free to judge me all you want for it. :) Because it's not that the past week has been busy, but this upcoming one will be and I've been concentrating on that. You know, doing mental checklists of everything I need to get done to prepare while not actually doing anything at all to get it done.

This week I have my annual PA conference and I'll be gone to Tulsa Tuesday night through Thursday, which I'm super excited about. It's great to see all of my classmates and this year, it will be nice to have a small break from my normal responsibilities. Plus, I LOVE staying in hotels. Especially ones with pools. :)

Then, one of my college friends will be in Friday night so we're having dinner with him (he was a bridesmaid in my wedding) and his fiance. And after that, we leave for our cruise on Sunday!!! We're going to Jamaica, Haiti, Grand Caymen and Cozumel. Paisley and my mom are going with us, which I'm really happy about!

Point of this story is that I've been a bad, bad blogger, excuses are not my strong-point, and I don't expect my blogging to improve over the next 2 weeks. Forgive me if you can!

Paisley's One Year Photos

2011-10-12T09:15:00.000-05:00

I'm delayed in adding these 1st year photos because she didn't do quite as well as we'd hoped!

You might notice a complete lack of smile, or even personality in general. :)

She liked this chair. It was the only thing she liked.

Great shot of her adorable tutu.

Beautiful face. Even if she does hate taking pictures.

At least she put some effort into this one with the finger. I'm surprised she didn't use the middle one!

I love the colors of this picture even if she is a bit put off by being in it.

Picture taking is NOT fun for this family. Paisley hates it. So much that we have left with a child in tears and adults having panic attacks. And it doesn't matter if we take her to a portrait studio or outdoors (like we did here), she just doesn't want to be herself for pictures. And most of the time, she cries. So, enjoy these. They are most definitely the last professional photos that we'll have done for a LONG time. :)

Room for More Friends

2011-10-09T18:52:00.001-05:00

I have to admit that I've been a terrible blogger since Paisley was born. She definitely consumes a HUGE part of my day and then I like to enjoy my free time (aka: 5 minutes) by taking a rapid bath, brushing my teeth, eating, picking up toys, etc. But I still love to follow everyone's blogs! My problem is that alot of my blog friends have stopped writing altogether since having their own babies. So, I'm on the lookout for some new blogs to follow.

I love to follow some that also have babies so I can relate and get advice. I love having others where a baby just hasn't happened yet. Those are the most important to me so that I can remind myself every day how lucky I am to have Paisley and to encourage someone who may need it. And there's nothing more exciting than a pregnancy announcement!

So, if I'm not already a follower, leave me a comment. I'd love to start ~~stalking~~ following you! :)

The Dreaded Gym Nursery

2011-10-04T23:45:00.000-05:00

This week I started back to the gym. Or I should say that I tried to start back.   But you might remember that Miss Paisley never much liked the gym nursery. She'd always decide to need to nurse or poop every time I'd put her in there. Which always resulted in me getting drug away from my exercise class or machine to tend to her. While disgustingly sweaty and with a heartrate of 160.

But it's been 3 months. She's much more confident these days and doesn't mind strangers at all. I know she loves playing with other kids and can walk around now. So, this was going to be much better. Let's face it, the milk factory shut down 5 months ago and she poops like once a day. Surely we could make it through a step class.

The dropping off part was easy. She actually took off across the room and began playing with a toy like it was the coolest thing she'd ever seen even though it's one we have at home that she ignores. Funny how that works.  So I went to my class feeling amazed that she did SO well.

And about 25 minutes later, I get the dreaded gesture from the doorway that signaled me to leave class. My baby was obviously having a meltdown. And with my head held low, I hurried my way across the gym to rescue my poor baby from that bright, colorful, toy-filled room where a nursery attendant was trying desperately to comfort her.

One second in my sweaty arms and she was fine.  She even wanted to show me around in there and continue playing. She just didn't want me to miss out, I guess. So, I'll try again next week. And maybe the week after that.   Eventually, this girl is going to work out again on a regular basis. And that little stinker is going to realize that the gym nursery is F-U-N.

Side note: not a good sign that my legs are actually sore today after only working out for 25 minutes. :)

Baby Fever

2011-10-03T21:27:00.000-05:00

Baby fever. Girls always talk about it. Especially when they see a tiny newborn outfit or hold a baby in the hospital or realize that their own kids are getting big. But I have to admit that I just don't get it.

I remember when my friends told me they were pregnant before we even thought of trying and I was so disappointed. Not because I was jealous, but because I was so not there yet. Of course I was happy for them, but no baby fever set in. Baby showers never pulled on my heart-strings and I wasn't one to "ooh" and "aah" over stranger's babies. Just not my thing. Kind of like Tupperware parties or musicals.

Now, when I was at my low point in trying, I felt tremendous sadness at the sight of anything baby. A poopy diaper at that point would have made me cry. Now it's usually the smell that makes me tear up. :)

But to be quite honest, I did not looooove the baby phase. I didn't love the sleepless nights where I felt like I could do nothing right to make this tiny little person happy. I didn't love losing the 25 pounds that didn't come off with delivery of my 7 pounder and her luggage. I didn't love worrying about if she was eating enough or pooping enough. I didn't love my sore, leaky breasts. And I didn't love the constant fatigue from the sleep deprivation.

Of course, she was beautiful. I loved her. But not like I love her now. She's amazing now. She smiles and laughs and plays. She actually LOVES me back. I wouldn't go back for a second. Maybe she doesn't cuddle as much, but she's so funny. And maybe I can't just lay her in one place to get something done, but now she follows me around and mimics me.

I think at the time I worried that I wouldn't ever bond with her the way people describe. Most moms describe it as an instantaneous love that is greater than anything. And maybe it already was. But it was nothing like it is now. Like any other good relationship, I feel like it's one that just continues to get better with time. She's my best friend these days. So I'll gladly pack up her little tiny clothes in exchange for a more reciprocal relationship!

2011-09-30T22:07:00.000-05:00

Life around here is getting back to normal. Aaron went back to work and has been able to do surgery without paralysis in his arms. :)   Definitely a positive for the animal he's operating on...   Miss Paisley has been running all over the house, clinic, baby gym, mall, grocery store, etc.   Her tiny little legs NEVER. STOP.MOVING. It's actually amazing. I wonder how she isn't sore the next day from the high mileage she puts on them.

And I realized several things this week.

1.) She doesn't get into things. I still haven't baby-proofed anything in our house with the exception of the plug-in protectors. And let's face it, I'm just not willing to risk it with electricity and my only child.

2.) She's really happy. Many days, we go without any tears or fits. She smiles a lot and laughs hysterically when we play peek-a-boo, if a cat or dog licks her feet or face (yep, we let them...), or during parachute time at the gym.   But let's be honest, when she does throw a fit, it can get U-G-L-Y. So the days without are amazing.

3.) She's VERY healthy. This may be due to multiple factors. She hasn't ever had to go to daycare, but is exposed to the public on a daily basis at the clinic and baby gym. Plus, we aren't germ-a-phobes by any means so I believe she's building an immune system. Of course, I keep things clean for her but I certainly don't keep her in a bubble! She lives with animals and works with them, so a certain amount of germs happen. And sometimes she eats something off the floor at home after she drops it...   But she's never needed antibiotics and has only had a fever once.  I'm still giving all credit to my breastmilk. :) (Even though I was formula-fed and was just as healthy).

4.) She's probably a genius.   Okay, so I'm totally kidding, but I do think she picks up on things really quickly. And she's in a mimicking phase right now which I LOVE. Keeps me on my best behavior. I was cleaning a spill off the floor the other day and she grabbed a piece of tissue and bent down to help me. So cute!

Bragging is over. You won't catch me doing that much, but she deserves it this week. She's cutting two teeth right now and is in a great mood. Still sleeping good (8 hours at night and maybe a short nap, but that's great around our house), but her eating is pitiful.   She's on pretty much a milk only diet and just doesn't care at all about solids right now. I'm blaming the teeth, but she's over 20 pounds now so I guess the whole milk is working!

My Busy Little Girl!

2011-09-24T16:11:00.000-05:00

I sometimes wonder why I don't have time in the day to blog for 15 minutes. And then I upload our pictures from the month and remember that this little princess of mine keeps me SUPER busy!!! Here's what Paisley's been up to these days:

Learning to drive her car, which was a 1st birthday present from her Grandma. She fills the trunk of it with her bracelets and necklaces!

Posing for the camera- don't let her fool you. She's a diva!

Cheering on her Cowboys!

Helping daddy with a raccoon spay at work

Eating corn on the cob at the state fair (Look- no hands!!!)

Picking apples at the state fair

Cheesing for the camera right before we tried to take professional photos for the 2nd time. This smile quickly turned to tears when we went into the studio... :(

Playing at Gymboree

Laughing like crazy at Gymboree

Again, Gymboree. We have LOTS of fun here!

I apologize once again for being such an absentee blogger. I read everyone else's blogs regularly still and even comment as much as I can. But this is how I fill my days now. Plus working 2 jobs and trying to sleep every now and then...

Our Romantic Getaway

2011-09-22T21:03:00.000-05:00

Aaron and I spent our first two nights away from Paisley this week. Unfortunately, it entailed Aaron being hospitalized and me sleeping on a cot while nurses came in all hours of the night. Maybe you'd like more of an explanation...

Aaron had a NASTY virus starting Friday night which caused high fevers (over 103 while taking tylenol), chills, extreme fatigue, etc. You know, the good old flu type symptoms.   He was better enough by Monday morning that he went to work but had the other vet do the surgeries. While his flu-like symptoms were getting better, his muscle aches and weakness were getting worse. Not normal.

He realized that he couldn't even write with a pen due to tremors in his hands. We thought about it for a while that evening and finally decided that we were worried enough to go to the ER. Which we NEVER do. The only other time we went was when my uterus tried to rot out following my ovarian drilling.

Luckily we did, because he was diagnosed with rhabdomyolysis which is a breakdown of muscle tissue which can cause kidney failure and even death. He was admitted and kept on IV fluids while they ran LOTS of tests to try to decide what had caused this. All the labs have been negative so far, so we left without many answers.   The docs don't think we need to worry about it recurring and feel like it was just a really bad virus. (He was negative for flu A&B, all tick-borne illnesses, etc.)

So, I stayed with him the whole time and my mom kept Paisley. I was actually so focused on him that it wasn't too hard on me at all. He and I tried to make the most of our "getaway" by watching TV together and making jokes about everything we could. That's what I love most about this guy. We make the best of bad situations.

We missed our RE appointment on Wednesday, obviously, but I'll reschedule once this all blows over. We had a doc's appointment this morning to re-check his labs and we go again in 2 weeks for infectious disease, but maybe shortly after that. In case you're wondering, my OPK's have all been very negative this month and my temp chart is like a slightly bumpy yet very level road equaling no ovulation.  :(

Doctor's Appointment: Check

2011-09-14T17:34:00.000-05:00

Today, I did something I never ever thought I'd do again. I called my RE's office and scheduled an appointment. My heart was racing and I felt like I was choking back tears as the phone rang. I actually felt dizzy when I heard the sweet voice answer, "Center for Reproductive Health". Amazing how different this feels from the first time around. I was naive and ignorant and excited about starting my family. Sure I'd been told that things weren't normal and deep down I knew that. But I had NO idea what pain would follow nor what great lengths we would go to for a baby. However, I was also unaware that it would all be worth it once I got my perfect baby.

I'm committing myself to this again. I've been charting my basal body temperatures again this month, started OPK's today (CD 13, but since my cycles are freakishly long now I'm sure I haven't missed it), and I'll be seeing my favorite doctor in the world next Wednesday. Maybe another baby isn't meant to be, and that's okay. God blessed us with Paisley and we are more than fortunate to have her. And our hearts are still very open to adoption if that's the path that opens to us.

I feel peaceful with this decision and ready to endure it again. And at least this time, I have a precious baby to love on if times are hard. So, let's get this show on the road!

Decisions, decisions

2011-09-12T21:38:00.000-05:00

Crap. My approval to see Dr. Haas came in the mail today. I totally expected them to deny it. He's not a covered provider anymore. And I should be excited but this is REAL now.

I can call his office and make an appointment. Anytime. And then I'll admit that once again I'm not normal and drag myself into his clinic to hear whatever kind of crazy bad news he has to say in his compassionate way. The first time around, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I'm not quite so blissfully naive now.

And I have my beautiful angel. What am I really willing to do for another? I definitely don't want to take any time or money away from Paisley. And maybe we're not ready for another baby anyways. Maybe I never will be.

But what if I regret it if I never try again? There's enough doubt in my mind that I'm not certain. There are several reasons that I can't wait on this forever. One: my age. Yeah, we're "only" 31, but eggs don't get better with age. And I don't want to have kids after 35. Period. Two: my insurance. I have COBRA coverage until April which doesn't leave us long until we'll both be on private (aka: crappy and expensive) insurance without maternity coverage. Luckily, my OB will work with me as a self-pay to make it affordable, but I can't spend a ton on infertility too. Three: I feel like the older Paisley gets, the more I'm resistant to go back into the baby phase. I wanted my babies close in age and they'll at least be 2 years apart now even if I got pregnant quickly.

The baby phase is tough. I'm definitely not one of those moms who is super sad about her getting older. I LOVE the independence she's gaining and the things she's learning and our relationship as it evolves. And I'm not worried that I can't love a 2nd child as much as I love her, but I love that she and I share such a special relationship. I know I have some time to think about this. But I don't know if it'll ever be clear to me.

Side note: I've never adapted well to change and resist it with all my might. I also avoid healthcare as much as possible even though I work as a health care provider. Weird, I know... just not sure I'm ready to start hearing about my "inhospitable" mucus and "inadequate" eggs again...

Cold Stirrups= Cold Feet

2011-09-08T22:16:00.001-05:00

Day 40 brought AF knocking on my door again, which is exactly when it's started every month since I weaned Paisley. Yay for consistency. Boo for not even coming close to falling in the "regular range". And if you're wondering why I haven't blogged in over a week, it's because it nearly killed me. (And my marriage.)

The cramping was terrible, my bloating made me consider pulling out my maternity clothes, I was sleeping more hours in a day than I was awake, and my mood was horrendous. Like clomid horrendous. Honestly, if they start going this badly from now on, I'm ready to sign up for some good ol' birth control.

A very familiar feeling set in with this cycle and I remembered why I had been on birth control for SO many years. Because my periods sucked.   And they made me really physically and mentally sick. Whereas, birth control made things wonderful. Like rainbows and unicorns appeared near a beautiful stream, erasing the dark clouds and monsters created by stupid periods.

And of course, I'm again wondering if this isn't all a sign that maybe my dysfunctional ovaries are up to no good again. I had a gut feeling before we even started trying the first time that maybe something just wasn't right. No reason to feel that way, I just did. And the 2 months I got pregnant, I knew I had. They just felt exactly right. Again no reason for my optimism, it was just there. Now, I feel pretty certain that it isn't happening.   If I am ovulating, I think it's the teeny-tiny follicles that I was creating during my early RE appointments. You know, the ones we forced to happen with multiple medications and hCG trigger shots and watched hopefully on ultrasound every flipping day while the OPK's did nothing and my temps stayed the same.

I haven't heard on my RE appointment yet and I'm getting cold feet about it. My heart is just begging me to not open myself up to this again. Walking through those doors as a patient again would be really tough. Like opening your life story up to a painful chapter, knowing you'd have to relive it. And maybe the ending wouldn't be so great again.   Aaarrrrgggghhhh!!!    I was so hopeful that I wouldn't be back up in the stirrups until my yearly exam. :(

Insurance Can Kiss My...

2011-08-31T19:19:00.000-05:00

My OB's office called to let me know that my stupid HMO which caused me nothing but grief while trying to conceive the 1st time around is still up to the same ol' bullcrap that they're known for. They no longer refer to Dr. Haas ("not in network") and now use another well-known RE in our area. I've had friends that have been to The Other Guy and he's probably fine, but he isn't my "miracle worker".

He hasn't held my hand when I lost a baby. He didn't come visit me three times a day when I was hospitalized. He didn't caress my forehead as I dozed off for surgery. And he didn't have a hand in the miracle that is now Paisley. There's a bond there that just can't be replicated.

So, she asked what I wanted her to do and I want to see Dr. Haas. Period. Even if insurance denies it (which I'll appeal every single day until I get my way), I will pay to see him. Which I'll do even if they do approve it because they suck at infertility coverage. Their policy is that infertility treatment is optional. But since he is the only one who does ovarian drilling in this area, so it only makes sense that I would follow-up with him now. We wouldn't be starting from Square One. He already knows my whole history, and he knows that my body frequently throws modern medicine a curveball.

And if I'll ever cycle again, I'm going to do a month of charting and OPK's to see what (if anything) is going on in there!

Back to Square One?

2011-08-30T23:22:00.000-05:00

I can't even believe I'm typing this and I'm certainly not ready to say it out loud. Today, something ~~clicked~~ broke down in my crazy little mind and I forced myself upstairs today at lunch to see my OB/GYN. If you'll remember, I work in the same building as them when I'm a PA (as opposed to office manager) two days a week.   They are wonderful people who have supported me through all of my journey to get Paisley. My OB showed up WAY before I delivered and just hung out in the room with us, checking me every two seconds to make sure Paisley didn't deliver herself. And his nurse practitioner who I consider a good friend spent her Saturday at the hospital so she'd get to welcome my baby into the world.

I digress...  Anyway, I talked to my NP about my 40+ day cycles that my body has once again embraced, and the obvious lack of a pregnancy thus far despite the complete absence of birth control.   She feels like 4 months after weaning, things should be getting more "normal". Whatever that means.. But here we are. Day 38. And no period.

She thinks I should consult with Dr. Haas (my hero) and see what he thinks. Not what I expected. I thought she'd do some bloodwork. Maybe an ultrasound. But she feels like we've done everything with them before and it didn't get us anywhere. He did my ovarian drilling and would know better what to think about things now.

And then something shocking happened. I agreed. She's putting in a referral and I agreed. I'm admitting that I'm not just fine, I've noticed that I have only been pregnant twice (once successfully) in over 3 years time off birth control.   Maybe I do need a consult.

But that sure does suck. Because if I have hundreds of ovarian cysts again and my hormone levels are crazy out of whack and my follicles are weak and useless like they were and my uterine lining is once again "hostile", this door may close. And it's just nice to know that maybe, just maybe, it's still possible for me to be pregnant once more...

Toddler's Trots

2011-08-28T22:34:00.000-05:00

I forgot to update you all on our pediatrician visit. She is weighing in at a whopping 18 pounds, 9 ounces (10th percentile) and is 31 inches long (90th percentile). I still call her my little supermodel baby but it's so funny because she has such a chubby belly! We'd swear she was at least 25th percentile!!! :)

The pediatrician wasn't concerned about her change in stools at all. She said it's common around the walking mark to get what she called "toddler trots". (Thanks Erica- you were right!) Apparently their little bodies just get so excited about their newfound independence that they forget to take the time to form solid stools resulting in completely disgusting diapers.

Aaron warned her that she'd have to start using the toilet if she was going to poop like a grown-up. Apparently, she heeded the advice because the day after we went to her appointment, she started firming back up. YAY!!!

And her appetite is in full-force again. She'll eat anything and everything we offer her, plus her milk. So, I'm much more at ease about things now.

Still waiting on AF to show up. Day 35 now... Do any of you have really long cycles on a normal basis?

Back in the Saddle?

2011-08-24T12:48:00.000-05:00

Take this entire post with a grain of salt because my feelings change on a minute-to-minute basis. Like one minute, when Paisley is snuggling with me and talking sweetly- I say I want another baby. Then the next minute, when she's throwing herself on the ground having a fit over the fact that I won't let her re-program our TV by playing with the remote and I realize she's got poop coming out of her diaper onto my carpet, I consider calling for a hysterectomy STAT.

But today, an old familiar feeling really set in. Today is CD 31. I used to have 29 day cycles when things were "fixed" from my surgery. But I've had more like 40 day cycles since I quit nursing. So, I thought I might as well just take a pregnancy test to make sure that's not what's going on. Especially since I love to have mango margarita night from time to time.

And strangely, I felt myself hoping that the 2nd line would appear. The complete absence of a line in that control area made me sad. Which I did not expect. So here's what I'm thinking. Maybe, if CD 1 shows up again, I may chart this month. Heck, I may even do OPK's. Because it may be best for me to know if a 2nd baby is likely or if this body has retired from the baby-making business...

Little Miss Veterinarian

2011-08-23T23:36:00.000-05:00

Just checking on one of the surgery dogs at the clinic

Very serious face. Usually means she's pooping. This time I think she was mainly interested in me taking pictures.

I LOVE the tip-toes!

Who wore it best?

2011-08-20T21:40:00.000-05:00

Several weeks ago, I went to a local swimming pool/water park with my best friend and her two kids. And of course Paisley. I wore one of my favorite bikinis which is brown with white polka dots. I feel like it's super cute and definitely doesn't scream "soccer mom". It's not like a one-piece with a skirt, people.

Well, lo and behold, someone else at the waterpark had on the exact same bikini. Which is never good, especially if that someone is way better looking than you. But in this case, it was even worse than that. It was an 80-year-old woman. In my swimsuit. What is the chance of that happening???

And to make it worse, when I joked about it to my "best friend" (you know who you are), she paused when I asked her who looked better!!! One of the saddest days of my life. Losing a swimsuit competition to an octogenerian. :)

My Pukey Baby

2011-08-19T09:53:00.002-05:00

This beautiful morning started off with Paisley projectile vomiting all over herself and her carseat this morning. Not once, but twice. In the parking lot of the vet clinic. Very convenient and great for business.

I snuck in the side door and hurried her back to my office so that none of our well-meaning clients would try to come over to catch a peek of our "adorable" baby who was currently drenched in the foulest smelling, chunkiest vomit I've ever seen.

It was one of those moments where you consider calling 911 because you have no idea how to even start to clean it up. Luckily, her daddy and one of our vet techs came rushing to my aide considering I was starting to dry-heave from the smell. We got her washed off in our surgery sink, cleaned her clothes and sprayed out her carseat which I was ready to just throw away.

But, it got me thinking. Paisley's digestive tract hasn't been quite right lately. And by lately, I mean several months. You might remember me saying how great she was at eating solids. She loved anything and everything we put in front of her. But slowly, she's become less and less interested in food. In fact, some days the only thing she'll even consume is milk.   Sometimes she'll completely refuse to even try solids, and other times she'll put in her mouth and then spit it out. Even her favorites.

I kinda just blamed this on her being a baby learning to eat, and didn't get too excited about it. But over the past few weeks, her stools are changing. They've went from formed and brown, to very liquidy and almost yellow. She had a few that were solid and white, which concerned me that something was wrong with her liver. (Remember I went to PA school, so I'm constantly analyzing everything like the true nerd that I am. However, I've never treated kids, so everything she does is a mystery!)   Again though, I've kinda ignored all of this because baby's poop is ever-evolving. But this current poop is very acidic and is giving her terrible diaper rash. Which we've never dealt with. And I should mention that she went from pooping once a day to about 3-4 times a day. And there were chunks of grapes and strawberries in her vomit which she hasn't eaten in 2 days. Meaning they didn't digest at all.

So, I'm concerned.  She has her 1-year check-up on Wednesday morning and I'll obviously address it then. But I was wondering if anyone else has had anything like this happen.

Party Animal

2011-08-16T20:30:00.002-05:00

Excited about her gifts

FYI: Cakes start to lean in 100 degree weather.

My little mermaid

Looks like a steady stream of urine coming from my baby and I won't promise that it isn't. Has anyone else noticed that swim diapers do not hold in fluids???

Opening her gifts

We had Paisley's 1st birthday party on Sunday at a local waterpark and it was super fun! Lots of our closest friends and family came to celebrate, even though we did it a week early. (The waterpark will be closing early now since school goes back, so we bumped it up a week.)   She L-O-V-E-S the water, so she thought the party was awesome. And she loves other little kiddos, so that was just icing on the cake for her.

She is learning SOOO much right now. Yesterday she decided that she can walk, although we've known she could for months now. She's just toddling all over the place like she's been doing it forever. Super cute. And she now pokes us in the eye and says "eye" in the sweetest voice. It makes me happy that she's poking my eyeball out. :)

She now says "fish" along with "kitty cat" and "doggy". Not surprising that our child's vocabulary consists almost entirely of animals.   Although she does say "ball-ball" (not sure why she has to say it twice) and "boon" for balloon.   She loves to sing "la-la-la" especially to Beyonce's "All the Single Ladies". In fact, she'll usually copy our "uh-uh-oh-uh-uh-oh-oh...."

I have been a very bad blogger lately because my days are FULL with a busy baby, 2 jobs and summer time plans. I'm committing myself to getting better SOON.   Maybe this week I'll make up for it. :)

Walking? No, Thanks.

2011-08-09T23:32:00.001-05:00

Paisley started walking while holding both of our hands about 3 months ago. Then she would walk with just one of our hands about 6 weeks ago. I thought for sure that walking independantly was right around the corner. But she's still holding on. And now we're nearing the 1st birthday which seems to magically make children start walking, so I'm wondering if my little gal is going to get the urge.

I can hear you all out there saying, "get ready. Things get WAAAAYYYY harder when they start walking." And maybe you're right. But I'm never one of those people who appreciates an "I told you so." I love each of her developmental stages. And I don't love the baby stage. So I actually look forward to her being able to do more. It makes both of us happier.

Crawling actually made our lives easier because she was more content and played more on her own. So, I'm ready for walking to begin. And my poor back needs a break from bending over! I've tried luring her with toys/food/remotes/phones to no avail. We've tried having her walk between us but she just throws herself on the ground like her legs are broken. But then every now and then, she'll just take three or four steps before lowering to crawl mode. And she can stand very steady if she isn't thinking about it. Any ideas on how to encourage her?

Fitting In

2011-08-05T10:15:00.000-05:00

When I was pregnant, I remember feeling like an imposter in the world of other pregnant women. Somehow, it seemed like I was wearing a fake belly and wandering through Babies-R-Us, pretending that I belonged there. It felt like the pregnant women at my doctor's office knew I was somehow different than them. And really, I was. I didn't celebrate from the minute I found out I was pregant for fear that my heart would be broken once again. In fact, I was terrified. And I refused to let any baby stuff enter my house until way past the point of viability because I know all too well that a pregnancy doesn't guarantee a baby. A nursery would just be too painful if this didn't go well. And I had a panic attack before every doctor's appointment, because I'd received so much bad news before this.

Then Paisley came along. I was actually a mommy. But still, I don't feel like I "fit in" to a mommy circle. For one, I'm not a girlie-girl. You won't catch me at a Tupperware party or gossiping about a great shoe sale. I'd rather die than watch a chick flick and I think musicals are unbearable. So, my girl friendships have always been a bit unique. Now, I have some awesome girlfriends, but they all know that I'm not going on an all day shopping trip and that I'm really useless at hosting baby showers.

But I realized last night at the baby gym that I just don't feel like I'm a "normal" mom. It all hit me when the other moms were all talking about getting together for a play date next week and they invited me. First thought was, "how nice that they're including us. I'm sure Paisley would love it." Followed within seconds by, "I can't imagine what we'd talk about or how uncomfortable that would be." I mean, really? Me and a bunch of stay-at-home moms hanging out? Sounds awkward at best. I might as well go back to junior high if I want to put myself in that kind of situation.

Maybe it's the type of women who go to baby gym, but they all seem perfect. Hair always fixed, wearing cute clothes, making adorable crafty things, talking about child development and cooking, etc. And then there's me. Wearing my athletic clothing (aka: pajamas), hair in a disheveled ponytail, my child with food on her clothing/face/hair, wondering where I should pick up something to eat on the way home.

And at first it made me feel sad for Paisley that her mom will never be president of the PTA. But then I realized that we have so much fun together and she's a super happy baby. I would rather spend all of my time with her than make myself look like Martha Stewart. So there.

Day 1....finally

2011-07-26T22:59:00.000-05:00

Since I haven't had all too many periods considering I've been nursing for 9 months and pregnant for the 9 months before that and pregnant again before that and completely non-functioning prior to my surgery which finally got my lady parts in working order, I don't exactly know what to expect from a "monthly" cycle.

All I do know is that my cycles were always 29 days long following my ovarian drilling. (They were endless before the surgery). I would ovulate on Day 16 or 17 every time. And we only had 4 monitored cycles after surgery, but they were very consistent.

So I was feeling rather dismal about the possibility that maybe, just maybe, my body would finally give me a break and just do what nature says it should do. I had my 1st period after weaning Paisley last month and expected the next 4 weeks later. Well, 29 days later actually.

But 29 days came and went. I thought I should give it more time. 32 days showed up and I decided maybe I should take a pregnancy test just to be sure. Even though I knew immediately the 1st two pregnancies before I even tested. There was just this unusual feeling my body had that told me without a doubt that I was pregnant. And of course, the test was negative. Just as I expected. By day 35, I was throwing in the towel. Sign me up for a hysterectomy because my uterus is just annoying me now. No reason to keep around a broken-down body part that's just taking up space and blood flow.

Except on Day 39, while meeting with our accountant to make sure we aren't going to owe a million dollars in taxes since buying Aaron's vet clinic (we may be selling our organs soon), I started my period again. Nope, it wasn't good timing considering we were in a meeting. And of course it means I'm not pregnant. But the good thing is I started on my own. Better late than never, right?

The Black Sheep

2011-07-24T13:40:00.000-05:00

My Grandpa's funeral was yesterday morning and for the most part, it was peaceful. I have 15 cousins so it is a LARGE family with lots of people who dearly miss this man. He had 5 children (1 is deceased), 15 grandkids, and 16 great-grandkids.   Not to mention his wife of 55 years (my Grandma).

My half-brother gave the speech at the funeral and did an amazing job describing my Grandpa and how wonderful he was.   He is serving in the Marines so he looked great in his dress blues and we were so proud of him.

We all went to their house afterwards which was difficult of course, but my Grandma enjoyed everyone being around so much that she requested we do another cookout today out there. So we are. Even though the house seems empty without him there.

The only true black cloud surrounding yesterday was my "father". I put it in quotations because I never call him that. I call him by his first name, which I don't want to put on my blog. So let's call him "Black Sheep" since that is his role in my family.

We've always had a rocky relationship. My mom divorced him when I was less than 1, so I wasn't raised by him at all. He gave up visitation with me and never paid a dime of child support. My mom kept a close relationship with his parents and siblings, however, so I saw them all the time. In fact, she hasn't ever missed a holiday or birthday at their house. And my grandparents have always considered her one of their kids. Wonderful situation and I'm grateful to my mom for being such a great person.

Anyways, he has been on and off with the family forever. Sometimes he shows up and acts decent, other times he's been ran off for acting out of control. The police have even been called.   It's always best when he just fails to show up at all. He hadn't met Paisley until the night Grandpa went into the hospital and if we could have avoided it, we would have.

When I was young, I used to feel hopeful when he'd call me and want to get together. But time and time again, he let me down. And eventually, I stopped caring and shut him out of my life. Several months ago, my Grandpa shut him out too. He just couldn't take anymore and banned him from their house. We had several conversations about it and I agreed with the decision entirely.

Well, "Black Sheep" and his wife were there yesterday. She kept urging me to talk to him because he needed me to comfort him. And I just didn't care. I lost a man who I respected greatly. And I know he loved me too. But I also know how much "Black Sheep" hurt him. And that just makes me angry. Angrier than any other time he's disappointed me.

So, I'm feeling a bit confused right now. Most of me says that he's a person who has only made bad decisions in life and I don't owe him anything. He chose substance abuse and anger problems over his family and that won't ever change. Then there's that teeny-tiny part of me that tries to hang on to a shred of hope and wants me to be the bigger person. But I think this loss just permanently closed that miniscule part of my heart that was left for him to hurt.

My Grandpa

2011-07-19T08:02:00.000-05:00

My grandpa is in the ICU following a fall yesterday which resulted in a large subdural hematoma. It is inoperable due to his age (80) and the size of the bleed. The neurosurgeon didn't give us any hope since so much damage has already been done.

This is a man who had his first heart attack at the age of 41 (so 49 years ago). He has had multiple heart bypass surgeries, coded several times in the hospital, and defied strict dietary orders by eating his nightly bowl of ice cream before bed. With chocolate sauce.

He has a wonderful belly laugh, ornery smile, and hugs you like he hasn't seen you in ages. He loves raising chickens of various types and his dogs which are great pyrenees. He and Grandma still spend late nights at the local casino (playing blackjack, but mostly making friends), love to shop at Sam's, and he still works with my uncle part-time.

I need some prayers and kind comments. Maybe a funny story or two. Because this is one of my very favorite people to have ever walked this earth. And this may literally tear my large, dysfunctional family apart.

Grandpa with Paisley on Thanksgiving

Stupid Computer

2011-07-17T20:41:00.000-05:00

I just typed a really nice, long post which I was quite proud of. Seemed to have the perfect mix of seriousness and humor. And it actually had a point to it. Which is unusual for this blog that consists of mostly nonsense and boring jibberish.

But then just as I clicked proudly on PUBLISH POST, thinking how proud my blog followers would be that I had taken the time to write something of interest, something terrible happened and the internet destroyed the post.

I had a moment of genius, however, and thought that I could go back into the edit posts section and then repost it. Blogger always automatically saves what you're writing so frequently that surely it would be there. And it was there in the edit department, except that apparently it only saved the first TWO lines. Of a long post.

Which means either I was typing crazy fast (and I do type pretty well thanks to a great 8th grade keyboarding teacher. I only took the class because I thought it meant learning to play the keyboard which seemed pretty cool, but I probably got a better long-term outcome from learning to type) OR blogger just screwed me over. And I'm pretty sure it was the latter.

So, I was too frustrated to try to re-type it all and really feel like the moment is over. Let's just say you probably aren't missing out on too much and I'll try to blog during my next creative moment!

You've Got Personality

2011-07-10T15:06:00.000-05:00

Paisley has recently started showing off more and more that she is her own person.   I feel like she did this from Day 1 when she refused to sleep in the bassinett like the other babies in the hospital. And then again when she hated her swing. And when she refused to ever take a bottle. You get the point...

But now she's starting to become goofy. And I love it! She'll join in when we're laughing about something even though she doesn't understand the joke.   And she has the cutest fake laugh ever.   She loves to wave at everyone in a public place, even if they don't notice. And if someone turns to walk away from her, she shrieks and starts "complaining" at them.

She is super playful and as busy as ever. This child loves to explore new places and is starting to play on her own for an hour at a time. Which is awesome! In fact, if I try to play with her, she'll often turn her back to me and move her toy to the other side. Everything is on her terms.

Sleeping is still going well, and still not on any type of schedule which works for the unscheduled, spontaneous family we are.   She is eating everything and loves to feed herself, which she's been doing for a while now so she's really good at it. Problem is she likes to shove all of her food in her tiny mouth all at once.

The cats and dogs are by far her favorite friends in this world and she says "kitty cat" and "doggy" more than any of her other words. And she says them with much more enthusiasm.   We're so close to walking it's ridiculous, and if she would just realize that she can do it- she would. She stands really well without holding on and has taken some good steps without falling. I actually love the mobility, so I'm excited about her walking.   Crawling made our lives more fun and made her happier, so bring on the walking!!!

Happy 4th of July!!!

2011-07-04T15:10:00.001-05:00

Hard to believe that last 4th of July, I looked like that! I'm obviously a whole lot lighter and more comfortable this year, although I admittedly felt prettier pregnant. I loved the curves and how special my body was at that moment. Even if it meant my bones ached and my lungs struggled to get a good breath. I was growing a little life in there...

But this year is even better. Today we took Paisley to White Water (our water park) which she LOVED! And now we'll be going to her cousin Marley's birthday party tonight. For those that don't remember, Marley is Kate's twin sister. We gave Paisley the middle name Kate to remember her after she passed away from a heart condition as an infant. So, this family is pretty special to us and we look forward to sharing Marley's birthday with her and remembering a very brave and beautiful little girl who has every right to be with us today too.

Marley's on the left and Kate is on the right

My Little Beach Bum

2011-07-03T00:10:00.000-05:00

Well, it's official. You can indeed travel with an infant. And it IS still enjoyable! I hated when I was pregnant and people would tell me that I better enjoy the trips I'd taken because I could never go anywhere again... Packing wasn't actually even that bad. I took my one suitcase that I always take, and it did weigh 49.5 pounds. But we made it just fine. Security is really nice about letting you carry on liquids for a baby, so that wasn't bad either.

Paisley was once again a champ about the travel and never whined or cried at all. It took us about 10 hours total to get to the airport, two flights, one layover, and the shuttle to the resort. She napped several times, ate snacks and played with toys. And if it were acceptable to let your child pull the hair of the person in the seat ahead of you on the plane, she'd have been thrilled!

Our resort was really beautiful and had lots of trees and animals. The beach was perfect and the water was gorgeous. It rained 3 of the days we were there, but Paisley thinks rain is hilarious apparently. We would even stay in the pool during the rain and she didn't mind at all.

There was plenty of stuff for her to eat at the restaurants and she even got to try lots of new things. She loves refried beans, but her diapers have been no laughing matter since the trip!!! We tried to let her sleep in the crib provided by the resort which amounted to a thin mattress from 1960 supported by a crib made from popsicle sticks. I can't imagine why she didn't want to sleep in it... So she slept in my mom's bed with her. (She transitioned back into her crib just fine last night and is in there again now.)

She learned a really cheesy grin while we were there. Turns out she thinks hispanics are the absolute best and wants to make them happy. So she started waving more than ever, blows kisses and smiles from ear to ear when a stranger walks by. What we noticed is that the natives there are very affectionate to kids. They always say hi to the baby when they pass by. "Hola baby". Super sweet. And they feel very comfortable with picking them up, caressing their face, and holding their hands. All things that I attempt to avoid with people at Wal-Mart, but it's really sweet in Mexico.

Paisley has really expanded her vocabulary recently and it now consists of 8 words: duck, doggy, kitty cat, yeah, hi, ball, mama, dada. And she's started to dance. It's not good at all. But it's SO cute! She bobs her head to absolutely no rhythm at all and tries to shake her little adorable body.

We would go to a show at the resort every evening after dinner and Paisley would usually fall asleep during them. Which was amazing considering they were as loud as a rock concert usually. And she'd sleep right on through. And once again I was thankful that Miss P can nap/sleep anywhere and through anything. Her ability to be flexible is crucial for vacationing to work out. :)

She's still just walking holding one of our hands but hasn't quite figured out that she can do it on her own. Every now and then I'll catch her standing unassisted, but she hasn't learned what she's capable of yet.

Hola Mexico!!!

2011-06-23T17:17:00.000-05:00

We are leaving tomorrow morning for Playa del Carmen!!! Paisley is going along with us, and is bringing her grandma to help out. :)

My suitcase is stuffed full of both my stuff and hers. Diapers take a lot of room and we have to have both regular and swim diapers. Luckily, her teensy-tiny clothes don't take up much space at all. And I only wear bikinis and sundresses while there. Still, it weighs in at 49.5 pounds. YIKES!

I am so excited to let her see the sand and the ocean, since the beach is my favorite place in the world!!! And since she loves swimming, I'm assuming she'll love the ocean too. So, I get to have my 3 favorite people at my very favorite place. Pretty sure life doesn't get any better...

Well, hello stranger...

2011-06-18T22:28:00.001-05:00

Lack of menstrual cycles has been a big part of who I am, so imagine my surprise today when I started my period. This was totally unexpected considering I just quit nursing 3 weeks ago and wouldn't have put my money on menstruation if I were a betting woman. Which luckily I am not, since I obviously would have lost.

Sitting in her highchair at the vet clinic

Aaron and I have talked casually about whether we'd want a second baby since the day we had Paisley. But in the back of my mind, I never really thought that it would happen again for us. We just couldn't get that lucky twice. Right? But now I wonder if maybe, just maybe, my body really is "fixed" since my ovarian drilling. Who in the world ever decided that drilling holes through both of a woman's malfunctioning ovaries would reset the whole hormonal mess and allow her to have babies??? It sure shows how desperate I was at that point in the infertility journey that I signed up, no questions asked.

Cleaning off in the sink after pooping out of her diaper, smearing it all over the tile floor and her body.

And considering that I got pregnant 3 months after my ovarian drilling, miscarried and then got pregnant again 2 months after that, maybe I am actually pretty fertile since the surgery. Which is quite a shocker since this body refused to even consider ovulating on clomid and metformin.

Looking glamorous in her feather boa

Now, my question is that I took metformin three times a day throughout my whole pregnancy and pre-conception time with Paisley per my RE's insistence that it helps reduce miscarriage rates and gestational diabetes. If we do decide that we're going to proceed with trying for numero dos, should I start metformin again? (I still have about 3-4 months worth). And would I be absolutely crazy to have a 2nd child???

I adored pregnancy, didn't have a bad childbirth experience at all, and love being her mom. My body is actually maybe a little better than before I got pregnant (weight is a little less), and we have the finances to care for another kiddo. Only negatives for me are that I worry about taking time away from Paisley, not having enough time to bond with another baby, and the lack of sleep again! Of course, I could be blessed with a good sleeper next time, but let's not count our chickens before they hatch...

Uggghhhh, so much to think about!!!

Testing out our Walking Skills!!!

2011-06-15T08:45:00.000-05:00

On Monday night, Paisley took her first steps! The first couple of tries she would let go of whatever she was holding onto and pretty much just face-plant into the floor. I guess she decided this method was not so successful and wouldn't be great for getting around.

So, she then steadied herself a little better and took 2 steps before crashing to the ground. And then laughing at herself! It was the cutest thing she's done so far and Aaron and I were lucky enough to both witness it. We stared amazed at her for hours before realizing that it was really late (after 11 pm) and we needed to get her to bed... :)

I realize everyone says that life is over now, but I love every single time she becomes more mobile. It makes her happier and she actually is playing so much better on her own now. The whole house is a playground which is hilarious because she doesn't play with any of her toys right now. She mainly just wants us to walk with her while holding her hands. And she'll go in circles around the living room and kitchen for hours! Too cute!

Technologically Challenged

2011-06-13T23:00:00.000-05:00

Is it just me or is everyone having trouble with blogspot lately? I used to go to blogspot.com and it would bring up my dashboard so I could see everyone's updates, but now it says link broken. So I have to go through my own blog to get to it.

Plus, I can't comment on anyone's blog. And maybe it's because I've been ridiculously boring lately, but my comments are less than usual. So, am I the only one having issues?

My New Normal

2011-06-09T22:50:00.000-05:00

Since Paisley was born, I have been trying to figure out how to manage all of my different roles in life. A mom, wife, physician assistant, office manager, daughter, friend. I've tried to figure out how to get in enough sleep, find time to exercise, and squeeze in some relaxation. There hasn't been enough time in the day for housework, chores, errands. And I usually fall into bed, exhausted and frustrated that I couldn't find just a little more time in the day...

But I think it's finally coming together for me. I know some of you are thinking, "wow, it took you 9 MONTHS to figure this out." And others are probably still looking for the balance. I can't promise it will last forever, but it sure is much better right now.

Part of the change is that Paisley is now sleeping 10 or so hours straight at night. Which some of you may take for granted if your child has been doing this for a while, but it is such a blessing! It allows me several hours to get things done without lugging around a child who has octopus arms. And she's increasingly mobile which means she plays really well on her own now. She'll entertain herself for much longer periods of time. And she's happier than ever because of her new abilities.

Aaron and I have it worked out so that I can make it to the gym 3 times a week, and I love going to my PA job twice a week. We've hired a housekeeper to come twice a month which is saving me lots of time on cleaning. YAY!!! And the weaning has really relieved me of a lot of stress. It's crazy to me how much time it really did take for me to nurse all the time. And pump. And admire my much better cup size. (Which is now very sadly gone.)

My schedule looks something like this:
Monday: work at the vet clinic (Paisley is with me). Workout class.
Tuesday: work as a PA (Paisley is with Aaron and my mom). Baby gym in the evening.
Wednesday: OFF!!! Workout class.
Thursday: work as a PA (Paisley is with Aaron and my mom). Baby gym in the evening.
Friday: work at the vet clinic (Paisley is with me). Workout class.
Saturday: work 8-12 at the vet clinic. (Paisley stays with my mom).
Sunday: OFF!!!

So, I'm working this out and figuring out how to do my best at all of my different "jobs". We like to stay busy and Paisley loves all the activities. And when it all comes down to it, if Paisley had a good day, I can go to bed happy.

Knock on Wood

2011-06-04T19:00:00.001-05:00

Let's all start knocking on wood throughout this post, so I don't jinx a really good thing.

Paisley has now slept through the night (8-11 hours) for the past 7 nights!!! It has been the most amazing gift she could've ever given me. And the past couple nights, I've fallen into a really deep sleep that I've been incapable of since giving birth to my sleep interrupter. In fact, Aaron had to wake me up for work the past two mornings after I unconciously turned off my alarm.

There are no words to describe uninterrupted sleep.

(UPDATE: The milk factory is almost completely shut down. That one desperate pumping session was just the ticket to get me through and since then, pain has been gone and things are almost over. Sadly, my breast size has decreased dramatically!)

Talk me off the Ledge, Please

2011-06-01T12:53:00.000-05:00

I stopped nursing a week ago today and it went fine. Paisley took really well to her sippy cups (still hates bottles) and will drink my thawed breastmilk wonderfully from them. She doesn't even try to nurse on me anymore and didn't seem to miss it much. And my nipples are no longer in the path of danger from her teeth!

My ta-tas were a bit sore and swollen, but after 3-4 days I thought weaning was about to be a breeze. Until day 5 hit, and they got even more engorged and painful. I've been taking high-dose ibuprofen for the past 2 days and wrapping them up tight in a sports bra that wouldn't fit a 5th grader and icing them down until Aaron worried I'd given them frostbite. (They were very purple and ice cold afterwards...)

Today I just couldn't take it anymore. My breasts are HUGE, painful and lumpy. It hurts when Paisley even grazes them. So I dug the pump out of the closet where I hid it so that I couldn't easily hook up to it during a weak moment. But just like a crack addict going through withdrawal, I was willing to do anything to feel better.

After pumping 5 ounces, I forced myself to stop even though I wanted nothing more than to drain them! They feel tolerable again which is nice. So I don't know what my plan is now. I probably have enough breastmilk already to keep her on it until she's 1, especially since her pediatrician has us doing whole milk too. I could donate again to the milk bank.

Really, I don't care if I have to pump until she's 10 as long as I don't have to suffer through that again!!!

Miss Independent (and Insomniac)

2011-05-27T21:58:00.000-05:00

Today, Paisley didn't nurse at all. She's been nursing once or twice a day for several weeks now, mostly first thing in the morning and right before bed. This morning, she showed no interest in nursing and ate a good "big people" breakfast instead.  All day, she ate normal foods and had lots of mommy milk in her sippy cup. Then tonight, she took my milk from a sippy cup instead of from me...

I feel like she cut the cord. This is both happy and sad for me.  Of course, it's a bit nice to have my body to myself again.  It's been a very long time. But breastfeeding has been a good connection between the two of us. It was easy and free and convenient. My production must be way down because I don't hurt even though it's been over 24 hours now.  Luckily, I have enough frozen breastmilk stored up that she may be taking it with her in her school lunch box. :)   Plus, she's on whole milk as well since she's a little squirt.

Speaking of, she weighed 16 pounds, 7 ounces and was 28.5 inches long at her 9 month check-up this week. She is in the 10% for weight and 75% for height. And her giant noggin' is now in the 90%.   That's the same head that caused me to have a giant episiotomy!

This little darling is still not loving sleep. And I'm dearly missing it. The sleep deprivation has started to really wear me down (especially now that I'm working two part-time jobs). So I decided that last night she would have to work things out if when she woke up.

I put her down at 9:30 (we're trying an earlier bedtime) and she woke up around 1 am. I let her whine for a little bit and checked our video monitor when she started screaming. By this point, she is standing in her crib. I can tell she isn't really crying (no tears or sobbing) and is just throwing a temper tantrum. So Aaron and I let her be. And within 15-20 minutes, she was asleep with her head on the railing of the crib. Still standing up! It was the cutest and funniest and saddest thing I've ever seen.

Her legs would get wobbly for a second and it would wake her, but she'd immediately go back to sleep. I finally went in and laid her down because it was just too sad. I will never again judge those who let kids cry it out. My princess and I both feel so much better if we sleep good. I just have to get us back to doing so!!!
She then slept soundly until 7:30 which was great. I desperately need her to SLEEP!!!

Summer Time!!!

2011-05-22T17:53:00.000-05:00

Greeting daddy at the door- what you can't tell is that she's squealing with excitement.

Modeling her summer wear...

Looking stunning in her polka dotted two piece with the matching hat. You can really see the hard work she's put into her abs! :)

Swimming in the FRONT yard with her mom and grandma. Some people laughed and smiled at us, but amazingly most didn't seem to notice... :)

Doctor Paisley

2011-05-20T08:14:00.000-05:00

Paisley has figured out that she LOVES daddy's stethoscope. She thinks it accessorizes her outfit well! The little toot decided that LOUD thunder and torrential rains were the key to a great night's sleep last night. She's still asleep 10 hours later. NO waking up. In her own crib. Who would have thought? I woke up many times due to the storm, but she's sleeping like a rock. And I can count on one hand (even if I amputated a couple of fingers) the number of times she's slept 10 hours straight. So, yay!!!

My job is going well at the pain management clinic. I really like my new doc I work for and it's great working with a classmate. She's been training me this week and it feels good to be around patients again, and regain that part of my life. I'm actually enjoying my time there and Paisley has done great with everyone at the clinic while I'm gone. So, I think I made the right decision! :)

Nursing is still occurring around here. My milk likes to continue to come in massively even if I don't feed very often or very long. So, my willpower is pretty much non-existent when she decides she's hungry. I could make her a meal, but it feels a lot better to nurse her... Yesterday she was kinda cranky all day, so she wanted to nurse more. But we'll get back on track when she's ready. I'm gonna miss the big boobs anyways. Kinda dreading what will be left behind when this is all done!

Bye-bye Booby Milk?

2011-05-18T11:35:00.001-05:00

Paisley seems to be weaning herself from the breast. I had it in my mind that we might be getting to the time where I was ready to be done, but she may be deciding for me. She's loving solid foods of ALL types, and eats really well. She'll eat mexican food, pasta, hamburgers, veggies, fruits, yogurt, pancakes, etc. And she isn't a fan of plain milk, but loves coconut milk, almond milk, and chocolate milk. And since the little lovebug is on the petite end, her pediatrician encourages us to give her those fatty food for the calories. (Yes, our pediatrician also lets her have cow's milk after 6 months of age. Everyone has a different opinion on this, but a lot say 9 months now.)

This makes me both happy and sad. It will be nice to finally have my body back after SO many years of letting someone else control it. First it was my RE, with the infertility treatments, ovarian drilling, miscarriage, D&C, charts, and medications. Then it was my sweet fetus for 9 months. Now it's been my baby for the past 9 months. I think it's time that I re-take control!

My breasts are definitely aching and I am SO tempted to pump to relieve it. And I'm still nursing her when she wants, but it's only 2-3 times a day now and only for a minute. She isn't putting much effort in anymore, so she doesn't empty them. I thought just ripping off the band-aid would be the best idea, until I realized that this theoretical band-aid is centered across my nipples. And I have lumps all over my poor boobs that make even my armpits sore.

Breastfeeding has been very good for us. It's worked out well for us both and has been much easier than I'd expected based on what I'd heard from others. But maybe it's time to let go...

My Desperate Attempt at Posting a Video

2011-05-17T20:27:00.001-05:00

I finally succeeded in posting videos on here of Paisley! We got a flip video last month which has been incredibly easy to use and small in size. What I look for in my electronics is simplicity. And I feel like it came along at the perfect time because she's learning so much right now.

Last week she started crawling with her belly off the ground. If she wants to get somewhere incredibly fast, she'll still army crawl. But she's got a pretty solid crawl going now. And she plays peek-a-boo all the time with anything cloth-like. It's super sweet!

I started my PA job today and it went fine. Paisley stayed with Aaron at his vet clinic and my mom worked up there today too. She didn't mind at all, in fact I doubt she noticed that I was missing! As for me, I did okay with it. Once I left her sweet little snuggly self this morning, I focused on working and did fine. It was awesome when I got to see her this afternoon. And I'm only working 8-3 on Tuesdays and Thursdays. And Paisley is staying with her dad and grandma while I'm gone. So it's a great situation. I just worry that I'll miss something... but it's nice to use my education and my brain again!

We Slept!

2011-05-12T09:28:00.000-05:00

Last night, I decided I would sleep in the recliner in Paisley's room so that I could tend to her needs more quickly and see if it would help her at all. Turns out, she didn't need me at all. She slept 9 hours straight. Unfortunately, she makes a lot of noise during the night so I woke up a ton, but at least I had a happy baby!!!

I love your comments and really appreciate knowing that I'm not alone. And I know they all go through stages and just when something is going well, it's sure to go downhill again. I just want this princess to be happy and well-rested! And maybe play independantly every now and then...

Seperation Anxiety

2011-05-11T12:06:00.000-05:00

Paisley has entered a new phase I'm affectionately calling, "Mommy-Can't-So-Much-As-Turn-Her-Back-On-Me-Or-I'll-Scream-Bloody-Murder". It's a blast around here. She has been great about playing with others until last week. When all of a sudden, she decided that anyone other than mommy is a threat to her well-being and she must attach herself to me to avoid certain danger.

I realized what was going on when I put her in the gym nursery. She didn't last 10 minutes and the ladies came to get me because she was screaming. When I took her from them, she instantly stopped crying. When I tried to hand her back, she plastered her little body to me and wouldn't let go. We tried several times before I finally put up the white flag and did everyone a favor by leaving with my dignity somewhat intact.

She wants me to hold her a lot right now, which I adore. But I can't get a single thing done with her attached to me like a magnet. And this was all still okay up until 4 nights ago when she stopped sleeping. We'd had about 3 weeks that she was sleeping through the night almost every night and I was such a happy person.

But for the last 4 nights, she has went down around 9-10 pm, and wakes about 2-3 am. Screaming. Really LOUD. She would previously whimper and whine a little but then put herself back to sleep. Apparently, we threw that system out the window and decided that screaming unconsoleably would work better. And I'll give her that it gets my attention.

I've tried to let her cry it out since I'm exhausted. But it lasts for hours. She'll be quiet for a minute, but then it starts up again. I've tried nursing her, and it calms her down until I try to lay her down again. I've tried patting her on the back and letting her know I'm there, but she just reaches for me and tries to crawl out.

The only thing that has gotten anyone any sleep is to put her in our bed. And even then, she does a lot of tossing and turning. I keep calling it her "restless body syndrome". So as usual, I have no idea what's going on or how to fix it. Is it all part of her seperation anxiety phase? Is it teething? Does she just want to make me crazy???

You know what makes me angry?

2011-05-09T22:26:00.000-05:00

Ignorance.

Something I just can't tolerate at all. I think it's fine if someone is uneducated about something, but is willing to learn more about it. Or if someone believes one way, but is still willing to hear the other side of the story. But I absolutely cannot stand people who judge others or make idiotic statements about things they know nothing about.

Let me tell you the background on this little tirade. We caught an episode of Quints by Surprise tonight (it came on after Sister Wives which we really like. And I kinda think it looks like fun to grow up as a polygamist kid even though I never would have thought that before this show came on. I still can't imagine sharing my husband, even if it would be nice to have more help around the house.) Back to the story: my husband wondered what IF treatments they went through to have the quints.

Went to the TLC website and looked it up (it was through donor sperm IUI) and saw a comment at the bottom of the screen that might as well have been in red flashing letters with stars surrounding it. It read,

"I don't see how this would be a surprise when you have help having a baby. everyone knows you will get at least 3. if not your just stupid....."

Not only does this guy's complete lack of punctuation and capitalization drive me bonkers, but let's talk about ignorant. He obviously hasn't dealt with infertility. He hasn't sat before a doctor who tells him that he might never have a family. He hasn't held his wife's hand while she learns that her baby doesn't have a heartbeat. He knows nothing of medical conditions causing infertility, treatments meant to create families, and the emotional turmoil surrounding it all. This guy would not be my friend in real life.

I'm not even going to get into why that comment was stupid and completely based on crap. You all know why. It just irritates me that I live in a world full of people who are so uninformed about a disease that affects 1 in 8 couples. And what is this a-hole doing on the website anyways? Is he a big fan of the show, even if he doesn't have a flippin' clue what he's talking about?

Oh, Mother's Day...

2011-05-08T14:55:00.000-05:00

Today has been a very good day. I snuggled with my sweet cuddly baby in bed this morning. We went to the zoo with my mom and Aaron's mom. My princess has been loving and adorable. My family feels whole.

Mother's Day two years ago was a very different experience. I was in the middle of infertility treatments, having failed to respond to any of the ovulatory drugs we tried. Next step was my ovarian drilling surgery, which I almost considered the last resort. We decided to go to church that morning. I'm sure I felt like I needed to wash away all the jealousy and hatred I was feeling about my infertility. Turns out church is not the place to do that on Mother's Day.

We walked in and immediately things went wrong when they handed out carnations to all the moms as they entered the church. Guess who didn't get one? That's right... ME. And I took it personally. Like the guy handing them out had read my extensive medical chart from the RE's office and intentionally withheld my flower just to hurt my already-shattered-feelings just a little more. My emotions were already raw and exposed. It didn't take much at this point.

I managed to fight back the tears as we walk in and take a seat. During services, they had all the moms stand up to be recognized. It felt like they had asked all the infertiles to remain seated and give the moms the credit they deserved. Everyone seemed to be staring at me, even though I know they weren't. Once again, I felt left out and different. It seemed like no one cared what I was going through or that I may never get to stand up with them and hold a carnation.

Today is different for someone infertile. It is a day to remember where you've come from. It's a day to remember those just like you who are still TTC. Those who have miscarried. Those who have lost a baby. And to be thankful for what you have. I'll never forget how much this day hurt. And how fortunate I am to have this family.

Back to Work

2011-05-07T23:00:00.000-05:00

I got a phone call from one of my classmates from PA school last week, who works for a pain management specialist in the area. He is wanting to add a part-time PA to their practice, and she already works full-time. She loves working with him and felt like it would be a great opportunity for me.

They're going to pay me well, and the doc let me pick how many hours I wanted and what my schedule would be. I can change it with just a little advance notice if needed, and he is super nice. We all three laughed a lot during my interview and seem to have a good group dynamic.

We've decided for now that I'll work Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday from 8-12, but I'll still be at the clinic too. I realize that doesn't seem like much but I'm still sad about leaving my princess. Even if it is just 12 hours a week! I feel like I've gotten so used to being together 24/7 that it will feel like I forgot to wear my pants to work if she isn't with me. But then the other part of me says it will be really good for both of us. I need to be involved in patient care again. I need to feel like I'm using all the knowledge I worked so hard to get. I need to be around adults sometimes. And every now and then, it might be nice to have a break from dirty diapers and breastfeeding.

This isn't going to be easy, but I think it's the right thing to do. Aaron supports me either way and I know he'll take great care of Paisley when I'm at Job #2. And I'll still get plenty of time with her at Job #1 and home. Both she and I will probably enjoy it even more! I've been missing my career more lately and feel like we're getting to the point that I can be away more. My mom watches her on Saturdays while I work at the vet clinic and I do fine with that. I even enjoy it!

Words of encouragement? I know I'm going to need them when I leave her the 1st week! (Which will still be a couple of weeks out since I have to get my license changed over and get new malpractice insurance.)

My Social Baby

2011-05-06T10:42:00.001-05:00

Let's blame it on hormones (thanks PCOS!) that I was being whiny about my sweet girl never sleeping. Truly, it is mostly a blessing. I love it that she's awake with us most of the time and gets to be part of everything we do. And it's great for our busy lifestyle that she doesn't have a set schedule. Like last night. We went out for my best friend's 30th birthday and ate at a nice sushi restaurant where she napped through part of our meal and then woke up the second food hit the table to eat a bunch. (Just noodles and chicken- I didn't give her sashimi).

Afterwards, we played at a park with my best friend's two kiddos and then went to a really nice fondue place for chocolate. She was still really good and stayed happy even though we didn't get home until almost 11. Then she slept great and woke up happy this morning.

So, it is really nice to not have a schedule to allow us flexibility in our social lives! Aaron and I like to be out and about and it's funny to see how much Paisley already enjoys it. We had already taken her to the zoo yesterday afternoon, so she was a busy girl. But I was reminded of how incredibly good-natured she is and how lucky we are! She rarely throws a fit, and it's easy to cheer her up from them when she does. She loves seeing new places and people. And she genuinely enjoys being out of the house.

Spoiler Alert: I know alot of people think I took the neurosurgery job a while back, but I actually didn't. I've still been working full-time at Aaron's clinic. I took a job this week though, so I'll update on that tomorrow!

Baby, Can I Get Some Rest?

2011-05-04T16:05:00.000-05:00

Paisley is asleep right now for a nap. I better make this quick because she won't be this way for long. In fact, I'm surprised she's asleep at all. Did I hear you ask, "why?" Oh, because she apparently doesn't really require sleep. I've never heard of a baby that can function on a couple of hours of sleep here and there, but now I've met the Queen of Insomnia.

And I'm lucky enough to call her my daughter. :)

Since Day 1, Paisley hasn't been a major sleeper. She didn't fit into that whole newborn phase of "all they do is sleep all the time." I spent many sleepless nights on the couch. Then she wormed her way into our bed where she finally slept better, allowing me to become human again. And eventually she started sleeping in her own crib which I was super excited about.

But the child still only sleeps 8 hours at night, going to bed about 10 or 11 and waking at 7. I've had the rare occasion that she'll fall asleep at 9, but it's rare. And I can count on one hand how many times she's slept past 8. Unless we put her in our bed, where she'll sleep several more hours snuggling with us. (Which I love). I love that we have so much time to play in the evenings, but I have NO free time to get things done, relax, etc.

Naps are also all over the place. Sometimes she'll take 2 a day, sometimes none. They can range from 20 minutes to 2 hours. But most of the time, she naps about 90 minutes a day. Yet, she never really gets very cranky about it. Especially in the evenings- she seems to be such a night owl now which is totally like Aaron and me.

So, if you're keeping count: Paisley sleeps about 10.5 hours a day at best. The other 13.5 hours are spent wearing her mom out. She can pull up, scoot around, crawl, climb, wiggle and roll a lot of places in that amount of time. And by the time I get her down, it's time for me to hit the sack too. In fact, I practically run to my bed so I can fall asleep quickly. Problem is that I'm so exhausted from playing so hard all day that I actually need about 12 hours to catch up. But Paisley says sleep is stupid and she makes sure to wake me up bright and early!

Pulling UP!!!

2011-04-30T23:04:00.001-05:00

I swear Paisley is changing so fast right now that it's almost crazy.

This week, she started pulling up to standing. All I know is that she was playing on the living room floor with her toys, so I went to the kitchen to fill up my water bottle. I walk back around the couch (like 30 seconds later) and she is on her knees with her hands on the couch. Then she popped up to her feet.

She looked at me and realized how proud of herself she was, so she broke into a huge grin. SUPER CUTE! Now she pulls up on everything and even starting cruising around the furniture a lot. She already loved walking around while holding onto our hands. Early walker? We'll see...

She doesn't like to be rocked to sleep at night. Never really has. So I started nursing her, "dancing" with her while listening to soothing music, and then laying her down in her crib. And it works like a charm. She goes right to sleep without all the fussing! Who knew such a crazy thing would actually work???

And lastly, one of my favorite IF friends is having a baby shower tomorrow to celebrate her twin boys that she is pregnant with. I'm so glad to be attending such an awesome event!!!

My Fellow Animal Lovers

2011-04-27T13:48:00.001-05:00

First of all, I want to start by saying how incredibly sweet you all are for feeling sorry for our unfortunate rat with the tumor. I posted the pictures so you all might see how crazy my husband's job frequently is and because I'd never seen such a large tumor on something so tiny. Of course, we were really sad that he didn't make it, especially after we'd tried so hard to save him. And my husband spent over an hour on an intricate surgery to carefully remove the tumor. :(

What surprised me about your reactions is that most people say "eewww" to the rodent pets. And many say that it's not worth paying a vet bill for care on something that only cost a few dollars. But the owners LOVE these pets just like their dogs or cats. And we take their health care just as seriously. My husband actually really enjoys treating the exotics, and many other vets in our area won't treat them. So, I am excited that my readers have such a big heart for all living things! :)

Working in a vet clinic has been incredibly fun 95% of the time. But it is really difficult when we lose a patient. I've come to realize that there are certainly times that euthanasia is the best choice for an animal who is suffering. But we refuse to euthanize puppies or kittens just because someone doesn't want them. And this week we took in both a cat and a pit bull because the owners just couldn't care for them and wanted them put down. (We've already found the pit a home, and then cat is at our clinic for now).

Several weeks ago, we lost a really sweet dog (another pit-one of my favorite breeds) that had gotten attacked by a neighbor's dog. His wounds ended up too infected to save him, despite countless hours of care we gave him. We tried antibiotics, IV fluids, topical ointments, steroids, pain meds, a blood transfusion, and numerous injections. But it was just too much. So, that last night when he had really declined, we took him out into the grass behind our clinic and I sat with him in the sun. And while I petted him and spoke to him, I cried. I realized at that moment what an incredibly important job veterinary medicine really is. We even took the big guy home with us that night so he wouldn't have to die alone.

We're with these pets from their first puppy check-ups (occasionally even their births if by c-section) and remain part of their lives until their last breath. Often, we're the ones comforting them in their final moments. And even though it hurts and we all cry from time to time, it's all worth it in the end. If Paisley learns nothing else from us, I hope she feels the same devotion to animals that we feel.

My Little Booby Baby

2011-04-25T14:42:00.000-05:00

Paisley and I started off the nursing journey a bit rocky. I was expressing colostrum onto a spoon in the hospital and forcing her to eat it because she just wasn't interested. Then, we had a problem with her not latching onto lefty. She just did not like that side, so I used a nipple shield. (Mainly because I had this picture in my mind that my right breast was going to be ginormous and my left would shrivel up like a grape.) My milk took WAY too long to come in- like 5 days. Which seems like 5 years when you have a hungry baby that is keeping you up all night. Those free samples of formula were taunting me. Why in the world your body doesn't kick the milk-making into gear sooner is beyond me.

Then, it happened. My milk came in full force, my baby learned to latch on and eat well, and it started to seem natural. The nipple shield was no longer needed, I never used any lanolin because my nipples were painless, and I suddenly had the most amazing cleavage ever! I realized that breastfeeding rocks when it works out for both participants! :)

However, what we have 8 months down the nursing road is a baby who absolutely loves to nurse. She's still never taken a bottle. And even if she eats a huge meal of solid food, she still prefers to nurse afterwards. The child has slowed down to about 4-5 nursing sessions a day, but she also eats a ton of other stuff. So, my question is how will I get her to quit nursing?

I feel like I'd like to wean her around 9-10 months, just because she's got those huge teeth now and I'm pretty sure she's working on a complementary set up top now. If she bites me with that pair, I'm going to pass out. And it's not very often that she nibbles now, but it already hurts really bad! So, I just want to hear how the weaning went for others out there. I'm really going to miss this special time between us, but I really don't like it when she clamps down on my nipple and then pulls her head back like the poor thing is Stretch Armstrong. And I also don't want to have to visit her in kindergarten to nurse her mid-day! :)

The Lowering of the Crib

2011-04-24T22:52:00.000-05:00

I know many of you are thinking why in the world would this crazy girl be writing a post about lowering a crib. Surely there can't be too much to say about something so simple, right? I mean, she's a PA and he's a veterinarian. They must be smart enough to conquer a task easy enough for a monkey.

Except that we aren't smart enough. In our defense, the directions that came with the crib are like reading ancient hieroglyphics. And I didn't take that course in college. Nor was I born with freakishly tiny hands that can easily fit through the crib rails and then bend at a 90 degree angle in order to unscrew the stupid parts that adjust.

I kept putting this off, until I knew the day was going to arrive that she figured out she could pull herself to standing in there. It's amazing she hadn't done it already. But now I wish I'd just built some sort of contraption to make the bed rails taller. I realize that would have been simpler. So, after about 2 hours of the two of us deliberating over how to get this done and Paisley watching us wondering why she was stuck with us as her parents, it was finally at the middle level. And she slept on it last night without any incidents.

Just makes me wonder why such an expensive piece of furniture has to be so confusing! Maybe we should have went ahead and put in on the lowest setting to avoid doing this ever again...

If Your Rat Looks Like This, You Have a Problem

2011-04-23T17:44:00.000-05:00

A hairless rat, weird enough by itself, with a gigantic mammary tumor

Side view to further show how absolutely not normal this is

Putting "Buddy" under anesthesia to remove the tumor

The tumor in a bowl following removal.

These owners brought this rat in 6 months ago for this tumor, which at the time was MUCH smaller. They chose not to operate at the time, so Aaron figured they probably just weren't going to. WRONG. This is what he looked like when they brought him in on Friday to have it removed.

Aaron did a great job at removing the tumor from the poor rat. It ended up being 25% of his body weight. Good news: he looked a TON better following the surgery. Bad news: he decided to go to Rat Heaven during his post-op period. :(

If Only There Were 2 (maybe 3) of Me

2011-04-23T17:08:00.000-05:00

Since becoming a mom, I have learned that there is NEVER enough time in a day to accomplish everything I want/need to do. The hours fly by like they're minutes and before I know it, it's time for bed again. I expected it to be hard to be a mom, but I think I actually underestimated how difficult it really is.   Of course I love it. But finding balance has been a real struggle for me.

I'm an only child. I enjoy my alone time. After being around people for a large amount of time, I need time by myself to recoup. But my new best friend is always with me. Which is exactly where I want her to be.  I just lack that time in "Amber Land" that used to refresh me.

One of the biggest issues here is that Paisley doesn't feel the need to sleep. She gets 8-9 hours at night (usually straight through, sometimes she wakes once to nurse), but may only catnap once or twice during the day.   Every now and then, she'll take an hour nap.   The car frequently puts her to sleep but she wakes whenever we get to where we're going. And she isn't cranky at all because of it. It's like she simply doesn't require sleep.   So you might imagine my surprise/jealousy when I read the blogs talking about a baby sleeping 12 hours at night and taking 3 naps a day. Seems impossible!!!

I take her to the gym nursery 2-3 times a week for an hour which is a great time for myself. But often she decides to schedule her pooping at the same time. And they don't change their diapers, so they come get me. Usually when we're at the peak of our aerobics class and my heart is beating 170 beats per minute. And I'm drenched in sweat... And she's covered in poop. :(

When we're home, she wants CONSTANT interaction. This is not the type of baby you plop down in an exersaucer while you kick back and relax. She wants you next to it, talking to her and playing with her toys. Which I think is great except it is exhausting.   She does like to sit in her bumbo seat while I cook and clean, if I pile the tray with lots of finger foods she can feed herself.

So, I'm still trying to figure out how to stretch myself in a million different directions without feeling too worn out. And I've come to terms with the fact that I have a "difficult" baby. She's happy as long as she's getting her way, but she requires a LOT from us. Her beauty and hilarious personality more than make up for it though... :)

ICLW

2011-04-22T20:02:00.000-05:00

Since it is ICLW, I figured a "cliff's note" view into my blog might be in order! So, for those who are new or just stopping by- welcome! Here's a little about me and my blog-

I'm 30 and graduated from physician assistant school. I worked as a family-practice PA for 2 1/2 years until I had my sweet baby and couldn't leave her!
My husband is 31 and is a veterinarian. We recently purchased the vet clinic where he works and I am now his office manager. The best thing about this job is that I can take Paisley with us everyday. :)
We got married in 2004 after dating for 6 years. We started trying for a baby in 2008 which quickly turned into disaster.
I have PCOS, he had a varicocele. Together, we are a reproductive nightmare.
We suffered a miscarriage in October of 2009. Thankfully, I got pregnant again 2 months later.
Thanks to a varicocelectomy, ovarian drilling, and metformin, we have a beautiful little 8-month-old girl!
I am an open book. ~~Occasionally~~ Usually I share more than enough info. To the point that every now and then, my much more private husband makes me delete something from a post. (LAME).
Our daughter is our world. She is a curious, busy, sweet, demanding, little bundle of energy that doesn't much care to sleep, eats a ton but never gains weight, and constantly keeps me guessing. Too bad these things don't come with manuals...

My Little Explorer

2011-04-20T16:20:00.000-05:00

Meeting twin baby goats with her favorite human twins!

Her 1st donkey ride

Showing off her rockin' spike!

Typing at work with Morgan

Paisley's first pedicure with mama- we had to go for matching colors! I know people are going to ask- I did them while she sat on my bathroom counter and I let her brush her teeth. She didn't mind at all!

My happy baby's sweet smile!

Having a blast at play gym!

I love this one- it looks like she's being chased by someone. :)

Exploring the tunnel at baby gym

Paisley is truly more fun every single month. I'm definitely not one of those moms who gets sad when she gets bigger and I don't miss the newborn phase at all. Personally, I thought it was WAY too much work and not nearly enough reward. This is the fun time. She can interact and she's getting her own personality. (Even if it does mean she's starting to show her stubbornness more and more).

My Supermodel Baby

2011-04-15T18:11:00.000-05:00

Paisley went in for a weight check-up on Wednesday, which for those of you who have chunky babies or even babies of normal size, is when the pediatrician makes you come in to see how your tiny child is now doing on the growth charts knowing good and well that they're still going to be smaller than most others their age.

Well, guess what... She's still smaller than 75% of her peers (big woop-te-doo). But she's taller than average! She went from weighing 14 pounds, 4 ounces at her last appointment 6 weeks ago and is now 15 pounds, 9 ounces. I was super ecstatic about her gaining 1.5 pounds that quickly! Apparently, she's just playing catch-up with the others now.

Thanks to all of you who have the jumbo babies that set the curve too high for my little petite gal to maintain... :) She's eating everything on the planet. She loves table food the most, but eats baby yogurt, fruits, veggies, and still nurses every 3-4 hours. Our pediatrician has recommended foods with lots of calories for her since she's such an active baby.

I say she's just going to be a supermodel- tall and skinny!

First Word

2011-04-12T21:41:00.002-05:00

My mom thought she heard Paisley say "mama" during baby gym class tonight, but I wasn't nearby so I didn't hear it. I assumed she was being crazy and wishing she'd heard it. But then, while Aaron, my mom and I ate dinner tonight, she clearly said, "mama". In the sweetest little voice ever.

And it was the most beautiful thing I've ever heard.

Pictures

2011-04-10T16:25:00.000-05:00

Playing at the clinic with one of her best friends/other mommies

I'm finally back to my pre-pregnancy weight!!!

Swimming with her dad- she finished her swim classes a week ago.

Her 1st elephant ride with her mom, dad, and Grandma

Her 1st camel ride at the Medieval Fair

Everything is going great around here. Paisley is just keeping me REALLY busy! I know people always use their kids as excuses, but now I totally get it. Life really does fly by with a little one around. I feel like we wake up, and before I know it- it's time for bed!

Thanks for your comments on my last post. It's just so hard to have something controlling your life and know that you can't always change the way things are going to go. And please don't think I'm at all ungrateful for this precious little girl! I just love her so much, that I'd kinda like another just like her!!!

Ovarian Drilling

2011-04-06T11:02:00.000-05:00

The longer time goes on, the more I think about whether or not my baby-making factory is going to start working again or not. Maybe this was just an incredible fluke or maybe my body will function as female again...

For readers who don't know, I had failed to ovulate on metformin and clomid after being diagnosed with PCOS in 2008. I'd never had regular periods that I could remember, but without progesterone I wasn't having them at all. My RE suggested either ovarian drilling or injectables and I chose the surgery which insurance would cover.

It was the best decision I ever made because it resulted in the birth of my beautiful baby girl. Even worth the hospitalization afterwards for a nasty uterine infection...

But since it isn't a common treatment, there isn't a lot of research out there about it. We were told that 75% ovulate after surgery, and pregnancy rates are 30-40%. But what about subsequent pregnancies? How long does the surgery last?

I had three periods after my surgery and then got pregnant the 1st time. I had one period in between the miscarriage and baby #2 (now known as Paisley). So it didn't take long. And I'm still breastfeeding now which interferes with cycles, so it's not surprising that I haven't started. But my infertile mind can't help but wonder if the "shop" is closed for business.

When I used to go on a certain site about PCOS, the girls who'd had ovarian drilling mostly didn't get pregnant. The very few who did only had 1 baby. In fact, one of the girls got pregnant right after her surgery, but then had 4 miscarriages following that baby's birth. Not too promising...

I guess the moral is that I'm incredibly lucky to have this sweet baby. She's my miracle and will complete our family if I don't have another. It's just hard to accept that we don't control how many babies we have or when...

Sometimes I pretend I'm "normal" (I can hear some of my friends laughing) because I had this perfect baby and I want to do it again because I loved pregnancy and enjoy being her mama so much. But I guess we'll just see what happens. :)

You Like Me... You Really Like Me!!!

2011-03-30T17:01:00.001-05:00

My dear sweet blog followers have come through for me once again. I ask for one poor soul to sign up as a follower and I get 5!!! Which is WAY better than one! I'm going to try to kick it up a notch and post about some really awesome things (this will be a change). Any suggestions?

I wanted to update on my little nipple biter: we've had no more incidents since that one dreadful morning. However, the explosive pooping has continued. We've had at least one blowout a day for 5 days straight. I'm saying it has to be related to teething. I'm ready to invent some type of duct tape to seal the diaper off to prevent leakage. We're ready for things to firm back up around here, for the sake of our washer, carpet, and noses!

100th Follower, Where Art Thou???

2011-03-29T10:13:00.000-05:00

Dear 100th Follower,
I know you're out there. Just dying to take the plunge and become a follower of my blog. I've been holding steady at 99 followers for what seems like forever (after falling to 98 for a while), and there is nothing I'd like better than to hit that 100 mark. Honestly, I can't believe that even 10 people read the crap I write and I feel like I may have one of the most boring blogs around. But nonetheless, you know you want to be part of this. To feel included. It's quite an exclusive group. :) So, just do it. Click on the follow this blog button. Because followers make me happy!

Sincerely,
Amber

My Glamorous Life

2011-03-27T22:32:00.000-05:00

This morning started off (key words) perfectly. Paisley started to stir around 7 a.m. so I crept in her room to get her. On days we're off work, I like to take her back to my bed to sneak in some cuddle time and more sleep. She immediately snuggled in, nursed for a while, and then fell quickly back to sleep. I love nothing in this world more than I love the feel of her soft, warm, tiny body next to me. I love her sweet breathing, and the way she always has a hand on me as if for security.

We sleep until 9:30 which was awesome considering we had went to bed at 11:00. I am a person who adores sleep. And until I had her, I never really missed out on a good night's sleep. Anyways, I woke up feeling really happy that she'd slept so long and thought I'd nurse her again before we got up just to extend our sweet family time.

Everything was still going along perfectly, until something I feared for a long time happened. I knew this was possible, but I'd really hoped that she'd be kinder to her mama than to do something so mean.

She bit me.

On my poor nipple. I thought she'd actually taken "Rightie" off by the way it felt. I was sure I was going to look down to see a nipple-less breast. In fact, it made me a little woozy. But all was still intact. Just very traumatized. And confused.

Why would she injure the one thing that she's loved the most up until now? Why would she betray her food source and the place she goes for comfort?

The child has two teeth on the bottom. What in the world is going to happen when she gets some upper teeth to work with? She could do some serious damage! And I'm just not ready to give up nursing yet. But I also appreciate keeping all of my parts. Especially the ones with lots of nerve endings. It's actually painful right now just thinking about it.

But then she went on to further solidy my perfect day as a mom. She pooped all over our living room carpet. We just had it cleaned on Wednesday. And she explosively pooped all over it. She's had 3 blowouts in the past 24 hours. Yesterday's got all over me and possibly ruined one of my favorite outfits of hers. What is the deal? This house is falling apart. But at least it's all because of the most beautiful baby in the world!

My Active Little Girl

2011-03-21T21:41:00.000-05:00

Paisley just gets busier and busier all the time. I know it seems a little excessive to have a 7-month-old enrolled in baby gym once a week and swim class twice a week, but I actually feel like she needs even more than that going on. This child is ACTIVE! She loves to go running around, whether it be to the zoo, Wal-mart, or around the block. Outdoors are her favorite and she's pretty much always content as long as we're outside.

She decided that getting one tooth this week wasn't good enough, so she decided to welcome the one next door as well. Which she seems to be handling teething great so far! In fact, she's slept anywhere from 8-10 hours straight at night for the past week. Hmmm...

Ignore my idiotic expression here- point is to show you how adorable her swimsuit is!

She loves riding around on the board

Water time with daddy

Mendy and her adorable twin girls, Renna and Reagan. It is so great seeing them twice a week for class!

I love this one because her head seems to fit perfectly in the bend of my neck. Plus, it shows off her adorable spike she's been working on!

Enjoying a dill pickle tonight while we ate our dinner.

Downward facing dog.

A little more showing off her yoga moves.

Today is her 7 month birthday and I can't believe how fast it really has gone. Especially considering how incredibly slow I felt the first 2 months went with the sleepless nights and endless breastfeeding. She's more and more fun every day and I am so lucky to have such an amazing baby!

Update on our criminal and victim: Detectives came to the clinic today to talk to each of us. He said that the Suspect has a huge arrest record and has spent a lot of time in prison. Our victim was only 12-years-old! The detective felt that we handled the situation well and was quite certain that the Suspect would have killed him. Such a sad deal, but I'm so glad it turned out the way it did.

Puppies, Kitties, and Cocaine???

2011-03-19T17:25:00.000-05:00

You're gonna want to sit down for this story... We had quite the eventful day at the vet clinic on Thursday. I'm pretty much positive that I can't possibly describe the event in its full craziness. Nevertheless...

We had just returned from lunch and Aaron, Paisley and I were out in the front of the clinic planting some shrubs to add "curb appeal" as Aaron calls it. Next thing we know, a young black boy (maybe 15 years old)- let's call him "Target"- runs up to us from across the busy street we're on yelling that someone is trying to kill him and he needs to call 911. He runs into our clinic with us close behind him. At this point, we're wondering what this kid is talking about and not taking it very seriously. However, we're smart enough to go inside with him.

One of our employees calls 911 and Target asks to call his mom.  In the meantime, we spot the Suspect across the street searching for the boy. So it's starting to get more believable. And then we see that the Suspect has a gun. In full view, in broad daylight. He's wandering frantically around the carwash with the gun in one hand with a lot of people washing their cars (Side note: reminds me of a song, "washing their cars on their lunchbreaks, washing and scrubbing as best as they can in skirts and suits").

Target, who was already freaking out, is now panicked. He tells us that the Suspect believes that he and his friend robbed his house and he kidnapped the two boys at gunpoint. Our boy jumped out of the car at the stoplight by us and ran to the clinic. He says the man has drugs and several guns on him.

The story gets worse... Now, the man turns his attention towards our clinic and heads across the street. Our employees and Aaron race to lock the front doors and check the 3 back doors before he can get there. I went to the back with the boy and Paisley to hide/run depending on what happened next.

Now, you might be thinking it doesn't sound very safe to be hanging out with this strange kid who is being pursued by a gunman. Yeah, I'd normally agree. But it was sure safer than being outside. And he was wearing gym shorts and a T-shirt so I felt pretty good about him not having a gun.  He was a scrawny little scared kid at the moment, who just didn't want to die. And I couldn't blame him for that! I did however question him while I had a moment, beginning with "how did you get yourself into this mess?"

The Suspect tried our doors but left when it didn't open, thank goodness!!! The cops arrive shortly after this and Target goes out front to talk to them. The Suspect shows up with another lady in a different car. He ends up getting in a scuffle with the police (in our parking lot) and gets put in the back of the car. They take Target in the other car.

Later, an officer came back to get statements from all of us, because apparently they found $65,000 worth of cocaine in the car!!! Not to mention the gun charges, and kidnapping.   So, we're hoping we don't have to testify in court because we really don't want any of these people to see our faces or know our names. But I'm still glad we let Target come in, because I feel like the Suspect really would have killed him. And he probably wasn't innocent in the whole mess, but I can't imagine someone so young dying. I hope he can turn his life around after this...

Two of our clients had to wait in the parking lot until the Suspect was taken into custody because they felt like it was still too unsafe until then. Great advertisement for the clinic... :)

Her First Tooth

2011-03-16T22:10:00.000-05:00

Paisley has had a runny nose for the past 3 days and I was convinced that we were dealing with our first sickness. I realize that we are super lucky to make it this far without being sick at all, but I still didn't want her to feel bad. She's been a little cranky and very attached to me this week. Her naps are limited again and it's tough to get her to go to sleep. It's concerned me at points that she's getting really spoiled (how could that have happened?).

But tonight I found the reason for the changes: she cut her first tooth! It's on the bottom right side and it's as sharp as a shark tooth. So, maybe they really can get a snotty nose before cutting teeth... Hmmm... And now I feel like her mood hasn't been that bad at all considering she's had a sharp object pushing its way through her sweet little gums. Now, my nipples are kinda cringing at the thought of teeth. And my baby is still happily nursing throughout the day. So, we're going to have to set some ground rules about biting. :)

I donated 800 ounces of breastmilk to the Mother's Milk Bank today. It felt great to give my milk to such a good cause. And to clear out our deep freeze. They've made the process so super easy, and I'm happy to have found them. I had to do bloodwork to check for HIV, hepatitis, etc. I filled out paperwork about my health, baby's health, etc. And my pediatrician and OB/GYN had to fill out a form vouching for our health. It didn't take any time at all to get it all done, and now I'm a qualified donor. So the milk with go to North Texas to be pasteurized and then will most likely return to Oklahoma to be used in our NICU. Yay! I'm so glad that I was really successful at this, since reproduction in general was a disaster for me...

Paisley is changing daily right now. She's still scooting all over the place, and now she likes to do "downward facing dog". It's a yoga pose where you are on your hands and feet with your rear in the air. She is so cute doing it- I have to get a picture of it! She LOVES swim class and is now kicking and using her arms in the water. Pretty much the sweetest thing I've ever seen. She sits if I distract her, but prefers her belly still. Loves feeding herself, so I've been giving her noodles and shredded cheese to play with. Any other ideas on foods she can feed herself without choking?

Paisley's 6 Month Photos

2011-03-11T22:51:00.001-06:00

Our Little Mermaid

2011-03-09T21:12:00.000-06:00

Paisley showing off her new bikini

Me and my sweet girl!!!

Hanging out with our friends, Renna and Reagan, in the pool

Showing off our natural swimming skills

Playing ball in the pool

We started swim classes last night and it was SO much fun! It's going to be on Tuesday and Thursday evenings for 4 weeks at the YMCA. Our best friends, Mendy and Adam, are taking their twin girls too so it's even more fun!!!

I was afraid the cooler temperature of the water might make her mad, but she was super excited the whole class. She is excited for the next class already, and looks stunning in her bikini! I'm thinking she might be the next Michael Phelps (minus the whole pot-smoking ordeal)...

Donated Booby Milk

2011-03-06T17:05:00.001-06:00

Thank you ladies so much for helping me get my head on straight and remember that there is a GREAT use for my unused breastmilk! I looked up the closest mommy's milk donation center to us and it's in North Texas. So, I will call them tomorrow morning and hope that they want my milk. It was just so disappointing to me to look at the deep-freeze full of perfectly good milk that I know in my heart my baby will never need/want. She's still nursing as much as she wants and I still have overage. They require at least 100 ounces to be donated over the course of a year, and I have well over 1,000 already. So I'm hopeful that I can help out some babies that need it! And don't think I don't appreciate having too much milk. I realize supply is a HUGE problem for many women and I'm super thankful I've had enough to give. Which makes it all the more frustrating when you have to waste any of that "liquid gold".

Since you all helped me solve that problem, maybe you can figure this out...

Paisley's sleep is C-R-A-Z-Y!!!! And her mama is losing her mind!!! It's always been a bit erratic but we seemed to be getting into a pretty good routine of either sleeping through the night or waking up once around 3-4 to eat. And last week, she went 4 nights straight sleeping 9-10 hours straight which was equal to winning the lottery for me. My dark circles under my eyes went away, I actually fixed my hair, and felt like life was in order again. Until the last 4 nights which have been a nightmare.

I have NO idea what changed. But suddenly she just will not sleep at night. She falls asleep around 10 and then wakes up about 2 hours later. Screaming. Not a pleasant sound on the monitor and a terrible way to wake up. She'll finally go back to sleep but then repeatedly wakes up about every 2 hours the rest of the night. I used to put her in bed with us on nights like this and she'd do great, but now it's like she has restless body syndrome. She just wiggles and stretches all over the place. And she moans and whines in the process.

Sometimes she'll fall fast asleep and then wake up screaming. And I've tried everything that I can think of here. I've went in immediately and tried patting her on the back or feeding her. I've tried to wait it out to see if she'll go back to sleep. I've even slept through it a couple of times because I'm so exhausted from the lack of sleep. I've held her in the recliner in her room and she still only sleeps for brief periods.

And even more strange, she's finally taking good naps during the day. She's sleeping for about an hour and a half to two hours in the morning and early afternoon. But she was also doing this when we were getting the great nights of sleep too. She's eating more than ever and is happy all day. The child is super active and wears me out, so you'd think she'd also be exhausted. No teeth are trying to come in still. So, what gives???? And will we ever sleep again???

Cutting the Cord

2011-03-05T23:37:00.000-06:00

At our last pediatric visit, our doctor suggested that we add in meat baby foods, yogurt and whole milk to Paisley's diet to try to increase her calorie intake since she's built like a supermodel (tall and skinny). I felt like that was a great idea, and I certainly don't want my baby to be hungry!

I really thought she'd hate the meat, but she LOVES it. All of it- turkey, beef and chicken. I think they all smell like roadkill and they're all terrible colors that stain EVERYTHING. But, she gobbles them up. Like an entire jar in a sitting. And then she'll top it off with some yogurt. She eats like her mama, which is crazy!

But, what I'm noticing recently is that she doesn't want to nurse as much. She started cutting back several weeks ago which is probably why her weight gain stalled out. It seems to bore her now, except in the evenings when she goes on a nursing marathon. :)

And our pediatrician isn't too concerned with that since we've made it past 6 months and she thinks it's time to start getting a wider range of nutrition. But I'm sad because I can see that breastfeeding will soon be over. It's not going to be our special bond anymore. Any ol' person on the street could feed my baby and she'd be fine. I'm SO not ready to quit yet, which is nuts since I wasn't sure I ever wanted to start before she was born. But it's went so well for us. And I have an entire deep-freeze full of breastmilk that I'm going to end up throwing out which is just totally sad!

What I've realized is that Paisley's growth is going to paralleled by my backing off. I have to teach her independence. She's going to get bigger and smarter and even more amazing. And she won't need me the same as she does right now. I totally need her more than she needs me! But I have to encourage her to become her own person and hope that I'm doing the best job I can as her mom. Even if it means no more "booby buffet"...

(The bright side is that I may be able to start wearing my own bras again soon and can stop planning outfits around which are easiest to feed in.)

6 month check-up

2011-03-02T11:04:00.000-06:00

Paisley has celebrated her 1/2 birthday already (in Vegas) and went for her shots today. It was great as always to see all of my former co-workers and I love our pediatrician. She got to play with lots of new people, but then we had to get 5 shots. :(

She screamed about it for ~~hours~~ several minutes and then fell quickly asleep. She's still napping now, so I'm hoping she'll wake up in a great mood and forget all about it! The little peanut is only weighing 14 pounds, 4 ounces which is between 10-25%, but she's 26.75" long which is 75%. Our pediatrician isn't too concerned about her weight since I'm petite and she's SOOO active. And by SOOO active, I mean she wears me out by the end of the day. She still goes to the baby gym to "exercise", and our instructor says she's a "multi-tasker." Good description.

So, her doctor wants us to start giving her whole milk, yogurt and meat baby food now to try to pack on some pounds. I'm going to continue breastfeeding because she and I both enjoy it. But apparently I'm producing some low-fat milk which is hard to believe considering how much Mexican food I eat! And it's really crazy because I was a total chunk as a baby!!! To the point where I never really crawled because it was impossible.

Thanks for all of your suggestions on our future reproductive efforts. We're definitely taking it one day at a time and I know some of you think it's crazy that we'd already be talking about it with a 6-month-old. But it took us a very long time to have her and we're already in our 30's. My fertility isn't going to improve over the next few years and my surgery may not work for long, so I probably don't have a long time to ponder this. Plus, I don't want kiddos very far apart in age. SO, I think I'll continue to go with the "I'm not preventing anything" approach and see where this takes us. If it happens, we'll welcome another baby with open arms and realize how fortunate we are. If not, we'll praise God that we were given one amazing miracle!

Baby Numero Dos?

2011-02-27T12:54:00.001-06:00

Even while I was pregnant with Paisley, I had already started contemplating having a 2nd child. Which is crazy for several reasons. 1.) I was huge pregnant during the HOT summer months. 2.) I grew up an only child and always thought I'd also want an only child. 3.) We'd actually started to think we'd never even have one, so 2 was crazy talk.

My pregnancy was such a great experience, and even her delivery wasn't too bad. However, my first 6 weeks as a new mom were EXHAUSTING. I didn't get any sleep, and felt like I might just die from feeling overwhelmed. I'm not quite sure if it's as bad with a 2nd child, or maybe if it's even worse. And who knows if I might get a 2nd baby who actually does like to sleep more than a few hours a day. And is willing to be put down every now and then (that's the sound of Paisley gasping in the background at the thought.) But how could I manage with a toddler in the house? And I know traveling would be easier with one. And we can afford to do more with just her...

Then the other side of me says, I can't imagine never feeling a baby move inside of me again. Or watching my belly grow larger every week with a tiny human (rather than just too much food.) I want to get out her newborn clothes again and put them on a new baby. I'm not ready to sell her tiny baby things and move on to big girl stuff. And maybe she'd be happier with a sibling. I know I always wanted one when I was little. Now I think the idea is ridiculous and realize how much more attention I got being an only! *Side note: I came from a poor family though, so I didn't end up spoiled rotten with expensive stuff. In fact, I've never owned a brand-name purse and have no desire to, frequently buy things only on sale/clearance, and own fewer hair products than my husband.*

Back to my point... I want whatever is best for Paisley. I don't want a new baby to steal my time from her. She and I have developed an amazing relationship. And yet I don't want her to be lonely either. I grew up with 13 cousins so I felt like I had siblings. She's the only kiddo on either side of the family. My husband has 2 siblings and had a lot of fun growing up with them.

And the craziest part is that all of this may not even be up to us. I may not ever be able to get pregnant again. Or I may have more miscarriages. It took us 2 years and a whole lot of medical intervention to have her. And maybe that's why I can't commit either way. I'm not willing to pour my heart into this again if it won't ever happen. Infertility has controlled our lives for too long. And I am SO thankful that we were able to have this amazing baby at the end, but we may not be so lucky again. I can't go through another 2 years of crying myself to sleep after yet another failed month. I don't want to take my temps every morning, keep a chart on my nightstand and pee on LH tests every day. But I'm not ready to close this chapter of my life either.

(For those curious, I haven't had a period yet since having her which could very likely be due to nursing, but in the back of my mind- I have to wonder if it's my PCOS again. Was it my metformin that made me ovulate? Did the surgeries only work for a little while? Will I ever be able to carry another baby anyway? My RE was interested to see if I'd ovulate again after having her, so I guess we'll find out eventually.)

Vegas Baby!!!

2011-02-24T23:16:00.001-06:00

Checking out New York-New York from our hotel window.

We had a great time in Vegas and Paisley was perfect! I have to admit I was VERY concerned that she might cause a bit of trouble (aka "ruin the trip"), but I am so happy to report that she made it so much more fun!

She peed on my mom's bed twice during this trip while having naked time. :)

The flight there went really well. She nursed and fell asleep before takeoff, and then slept through the entire 2.5 hour flight. Luckily, it was a direct flight which made it really easy! On the way home, she nursed again on takeoff but stayed awake the entire flight. Thank goodness there were three of us to keep her busy, so she did great playing with toys/ tearing up the sky mall magazine/ eating snacks...

Big gambler! We spent exactly $0 on gambling which means we came out even! She loved hanging out with her Aunt Emily and shopping!

We went for Aaron's vet conference so 4 of our vet school friends went too which was super fun. She enjoyed all of the attention she got being the only kiddo in the group. I couldn't believe how good she was about being busy ALL day every day we were there. We would wake up, eat breakfast, go shopping while Aaron was in class, then run around all day until bedtime. She took a couple of naps in her stroller, but otherwise was awake and loving it!

Having a little mommy time

Reading her free copy of the Sky Mall magazine, wishing she could buy some breast milk.

She didn't necessarily love her hotel crib so she'd wake me up in the middle of the night and coerce me into letting her sleep with me. Which let's face it, I love to snuggle with this sweet baby so it doesn't take much to convince me. Now we're back home and I'm already missing her being next to me.

Checking out the aquariums at Rainforest Cafe with her dad

We went to Tournament of Kings one night which was great. We ate a delicious meal with our hands, and watched a fun show with lots of action. Paisley would watch the horses intently and even like the fireworks at the end which I wouldn't have guessed.

Posing in her adorable new Vegas showgirl outfit

So, what I learned from this experience is that our traveling days are not over! We've just got a new travel buddy. And it's amazing how the little things I failed to take time to appreciate before, she makes me see in a whole new light. YAY for my little traveler! Next stop: Mexico in June!!!

Where have I been???

2011-02-17T23:03:00.000-06:00

Since becoming a mom, I've learned that time doesn't move the same as it did before. It seems that it has sped up tremendously to the point that at the end of the day, I can't imagine how it's already time for bed. And I can't see that I got anything done! I always wish I just had an extra hour to do the housework, or even better- to sleep. The dogs don't get as much attention as they deserve. And no matter how much time I spend with Paisley, I beg for a few minutes more.

So, I'm not going to make excuses as to why I've been a terrible blogger lately. You've all heard them before. What I am going to do is catch you up on life around here.

Paisley has entered a very active phase. She is so close to crawling it's crazy, and never just sits contently anymore. Suddenly, she doesn't like to play in her jumperoo or exersaucer for more than 10 minutes and is insisting on lots of mommy time. While I love that, it's exhausting. By the end of the day, I've been drooled on, chewed on, wrestled, loved, hugged, pinched, hair-pulled, and patted to the point that I'm pooped out. She requires a lot of attention and constant interaction.

Sleep has also become more challenging. She no longer just falls asleep when it's time. Suddenly, she fights me tooth and nail to get her down. Once she's asleep, she stays asleep 7-8 hours overnight. But the last few nights, I've had to let her cry it out for about 5 minutes until she'll go to sleep. I would love to rock her, but she just won't go down like that anymore. Naps are still totally hit or miss, but she usually falls asleep in the car.

Loving the straw!

She loves fruits and veggies of pretty much all kinds. And of course breastmilk. We've been getting constipated lately, so I've introduced a sippy cup with water to keep things moving and it seems to be helping. Plus, she thinks it's a lot of fun to use!

Sleeping at Affair of the Heart while I ate my strawberry crepe (yum!)

And lastly, we leave for Las Vegas on Saturday and it will be her first plane trip!!! For the first time in my life, I started packing earlier than the night before we leave. She requires so much stuff. But she LOVES exploring new places and being busy all day, so I'm pretty sure she's going to love it. Fingers crossed we survive the almost 3 hour plane ride to get there...

Mover and a Shaker

2011-02-09T22:48:00.000-06:00

We've been blindsided here in Oklahoma with 2 nasty snowstorms in a week. For those of you who don't live here, snow pretty much shuts our state down. We have no idea how to deal with it or drive on it. So, it's better to just stay home in warm sweats! I'm super eager for summer time. Cold weather is NOT my thing at all, and my flip-flops are dying to come out of the closet.

This week my mom started taking Paisley to a "Little Bug" gym class. I kinda thought it sounded like a waste of time to be honest, but she REALLY enjoyed it. And Paisley liked it too. :) There were only 2 other babies this week due to our ridiculous weather issues (I'm so over it), but they were all about the same age.

One of the things I found amazing is how different they all are in their development. I never read the books about development and I don't worry about when they should be hitting their milestones. I'm not too interested in comparing my baby to others, and I refuse to lay awake at night strategizing on how to make my baby smarter. I did learn some of these things on my pediatric rotation, but I hardly remember since it was 4 years ago!

So, I was quite happy to see that she's actually a little ahead of the other kiddos in most areas. She's much more alert and interested in her surroundings, and she's doing great with her motor skills. This week she's scooting all the way across our floor and several times I've caught her pushing her adorable tushy up in the air into crawl mode.

Also this week, I realized she can drink out of a straw. Who knew? I had a fruit smoothie at the mall and she's always super interested in what I have, so I let her try to take a drink just to entertain her. What I didn't expect is for her to immediately suck up a bunch of smoothie and drink it. Probably not on the approved food list for a 5-month old, but she LOVED it!

Speaking of foods, she'll pretty much eat anything which you'd never guess by her tiny slender body. I guess she isn't going to resemble a sumo wrestler like I did as a baby. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that my mom fed me mashed potatoes on a regular basis...

Now, I'm a little ashamed of myself because I haven't been trying one food only for 5 days straight or anything to test for allergies. In fact, I got really excited and started doing combos of fruits/veggies. Good news is she doesn't appear to be allergic to anything at all, and she loves to eat! Which I think must be from her mom, because I'm a huge fan of food. :)

I have no idea why I went on an 8-day hiatus from blogging, but I'll try to be better. I guess this little girl just keeps me busy! I've been meaning to blog about having another baby and the internal debate I'm going through, but I'll save it for next time...

Picture Overload

2011-02-01T20:41:00.000-06:00

Miss Paisley rockin' her skinny jeans

Loving my water bottle. Maybe she realizes that I drink 3-4 of these a day to keep the milk supply up. And she loves fresh milk!

Enjoying a 70 degree day in January at the zoo

Our family at the zoo- plus a random child who wandered up.

My stylish fashionista protecting her retinas

Pooped out from a long day at the zoo. Oh, and that is so not our Escalade. I'm the Equinox parked next to it!

Life just keeps getting more and more fun with her. She's smiling more, giggles spontaneously, and interacts all the time. She loved watching the animals at the zoo and would squeal with delight when they'd come close. Of course she wasn't too impressed with the goats in the petting zoo since she has one of her own!

As I type this, she's squirming all over my lap and when I just looked down at her, she grinned from ear to ear and whispered a sweet "goo" which I'm pretty sure is baby talk for "I love you mom". This little girl has me wrapped around her finger!

From Mom to PA?

2011-01-27T22:20:00.000-06:00

We may have found the job for me. (My 3rd job that is, I'm still a mom and office manager.) I interviewed with a neurosurgeon a month ago and really liked everyone. Well, I got a call on Monday asking if my husband and I would like to join the surgeon and his wife for dinner.

So, I panicked when I found out that we were going to a reservations-only type place. And then I really freaked out when I looked up their menu online and realized that they served things like rabbit, pate, and other such fancy unedible dishes. ("Ummm....can I see your children's menu?")

I called my etiquette type friends for a crash course in how to pronounce french names, which silverware to use, and what to wear. Turns out, he's just a really down-to-earth guy who didn't care. His wife is super sweet and the conversation went really well.

And the great thing is that I would be assisting in surgery in the mornings and then doing clinic in the afternoons which would really break up the day. Plus, I know it would be a job I really enjoyed which would make it tolerable being away from Paisley 2 days a week. SOOOO, I have to call tomorrow to finalize things and go over salary/hours/etc. But I survived a fancy-schmancy dinner without making a scene!!!

Baby on the Move?!?!

2011-01-25T17:10:00.000-06:00

Paisley has always been a busy girl. She isn't content to just sit still for long periods and seems to constantly be exploring her surroundings. And I've always known that as soon as she can take off, she will. But I expected to have a few more months of sweet, tiny baby-cuddle time before that happened.

However, she's been rolling for a while now and can maneuver her way across the floor/crib/changing table/etc. in the blink of an eye. But starting yesterday, she started doing an army crawl on the floor using her elbows to propel her forward. And twice I caught her pulling her knees underneath her into CRAWL position!!!

What in the world are we going to do with a CRAWLER??? We are so not ready for a mobile baby. Let me tell you- we are still trying to figure out how in the world to change a diaper on a baby that immediately does an alligator roll when you lay her down. I've actually learned how to change it with her on her belly. And I can also dress her that way. The child moves around so much in her crib overnight that I spend all night readjusting the video monitor so that I can see her.

But crawling? Not yet, please. I just need a bit more time to prepare myself, my pets, and my home for what's coming...

Being a mom...

2011-01-18T12:22:00.000-06:00

Being a mom means...

     ... always smelling slightly funny. It doesn't matter how much deodorant or body spray I use. I can't seem to take enough showers to scrub away the smell of spit-up and other bodily fluids. And my poor clothes will never be the same again.

     ...sleeping when my baby tells me it's okay. I no longer choose my bedtime or set an alarm to wake me up in the morning. There's no longer any risk of me sleeping through lunch. Or even breakfast for that matter.

     ...wearing my hair in a ponytail or getting the "mom cut".   I haven't chosen to break down and cut my hair off yet, but I don't really know what I'm holding out for. She's able to weave both hands into my hair within seconds and pull me towards her in a death grip. Even better, she then sucks on my forehead or cheek and I can't get away. I pretend it's her way of showing me love, but I think she's actually just stating her dominance.

     ...decorating my house with plastic baby crap. We've replaced the nice decor that we once had with baby swings, exersaucers, and toys. Our ottoman is now the diaper-changing station and our kitchen is the pump-cleaning area. Best part of it all is that she doesn't even like playing in most of this baby stuff. She prefers to roll around on the floor. :)

     ...worrying that I'm never doing anything right. I haven't really ever cared how I compared to anyone else. Until now. Motherhood has made me competitive. I worry that my baby isn't as happy or smart or well-adjusted because I'm not doing my job. But, at the end of the day, I've done my best. And she seems pretty content with not being a future Pulitzer Prize winner.

     ...lots of changes to my body. My boobs are strangely different, nothing is toned anymore, and I've had to work to lose weight. And why is my belly button so large?

     ...spending an extra hour trying to leave the house. Do we have diapers, wipes, a change of clothes, toys, hooter hider, etc? Yesterday I realized that I didn't know where my driver's license, credit card or cell phone were. But it didn't matter because I had her necessities.

     ...loving someone more than I ever knew was possible!!! I would give up everything to make her happy. Seeing her smile makes it all worth it! Even the sleepless nights and ill-fitting clothes...

What does it mean to you???

Every Girl needs a Goat

2011-01-16T15:05:00.001-06:00

We had a beautiful day here in Oklahoma yesterday, so we took advantage of it and spent time outside. Paisley has met our big dog and our goat before, but she is so much more aware now. So, we put on her adorable winter hat and headed out to the backyard for some bonding time!

It was dark outside, so I couldn't get great pictures (blame me, not the camera). But you get the idea. We are so lucky to have 5 dogs and a goat who all really like our baby. They're all very good with her and even tolerate her pulling on their ears and hair which CANNOT feel good. She squeals with happiness when they pay attention to her!

The chihuahua is Tinkerbell and she's our newest rescue dog. She is incredibly gentle with Paisley and loves any attention given. The crazy haired one on the back of the chair is Bentley. She's definitely our wild child. Her and Paisley are the best of friends, and she takes most of the ear pulling because she'll put up with anything! The sweet white one is Mya, and she is my princess (also the favorite, but don't tell the others). During my pregnancy, I would fall asleep on the couch and she would sleep by my side. I would wake up and she'd be shivering without a blanket. Now, she still gets up every time I have to get up with Paisley. She'll drag herself across the house with me and sit in the recliner while I nurse. I know she's exhausted, but she's very faithful. Paisley has a lot of love from her furry family!!!

Takes a Rocket Scientist...

2011-01-13T21:55:00.000-06:00

If there's one thing I've figured out about babies, it's that you can't possibly explain anything that they do and/or don't do. Example 1: My sweet girl slept through the night really well several nights in a row, like 3-4 weeks ago. It was nice and I enjoyed it, but she decided that it was overrated. Since then, she wakes up usually once around 4 am to eat, but sometimes she wakes up 2-3 times. Not cool.

I've tried to work out what the secret recipe is to getting her to sleep through the night. Perfectly timed nursing, comfy pajamas, sound machine on different settings and various volumes, space heater, naps during the day/evening, a variety of binkys, warm baths, solid foods, etc.

What I've determined from this month long "science" experiment is that none of it makes a single bit of difference. The nights I swear she'll be SO exhausted and is definitely going to sleep through the night, she wakes up a ton. Then there are nights like last night... She fell asleep at 9:30 (earlier than usual), didn't eat a ton last night before bed, slept without her binky, sound machine off. Guess what happened? She slept 9 hours straight, ate and then went back to sleep.

Hmmm.....

I don't get it. This baby is crazy. She just does whatever she wants and I have to try to keep up. This is why you don't wait until you're 30 to have a baby. I don't have the energy for this! And what's the deal with the way she won't even bother to open her eyes in the middle of the night to look at me??? It's like she thinks it's my idea to hang out with her in the night, when she was the one who woke me up! The child looks like she's fast asleep but is whining. And if you try to ignore the whining, it will sometimes stop, but often it just keeps going for way too long. And I can't sleep through it. So, I trudge my way across the house to her room.

But it's all worth it because she smells so good, and she's all cuddly in her soft pj's. It's amazing how she'll just curl into me when I get her out of her crib. And I love when she places her hand on my chest. So sweet.

There is no amount of education or experience in the world that can prepare you for being a mommy. It's all hands-on training! :)

Bling, bling...

2011-01-09T23:04:00.000-06:00

Work went really well for our 1st week. Paisley worked a full-time week with me at the clinic and she did fantastic! She loves the dogs and cats that come in, and even squeals at them frequently. The clients love meeting her and she gets lots of compliments and attention all day. This is her passed out on her play mat in my office.

Exhausting being this adorable!

I've been working with our accountant to learn to do all of the bookkeeping which is somewhat terrifying because I don't think I want to spend the rest of my life in prison due to tax evasion if I screw things up. But I seem to be catching on pretty quickly even though accounting is foreign to me! My biology degree is not helping so much with this... :)

Another example of my poor photography skills...

Today, we pierced Paisley's ears! My mom, Aaron and I were at the mall and we just decided to go ahead and get it done. I had already decided that it would be for the best to get them done when she's young and won't remember. Mine were done when I was 6 months old and it didn't seem to scar me for life or anything. :) So, we did it. And it was SO not bad at all. She didn't mind them cleaning her ears or marking the dots at all. What she did mind was me having to restrain her so they could pierce them. But she got over it really quickly and then enjoyed the rest of her trip to the mall. And she looks adorable!!!