Smiling Through the Rain

Many mornings, I have actually felt a tear roll down my cheek before I even manage to pry my eyes open.  That is never a good sign for how the day will then progress.  I've learned that grief comes and goes in brutal, unpredictable waves.  The stretches of "good" days has definitely gotten longer with every passing day and I start feeling confident that I have things under control.   And then... BAM.  The sadness and anxiety hits me like a train and I may spend a day merely surviving. This has all taught me a ton about self-care.  I have to be extra mindful to get my sleep, rest when my body and mind are screaming at me to do so, and avoid any stressful situations as best as I can.  Because grief is EXHAUSTING.  When I say that, I mean it feels similar to the worst flu you've ever had as far as the fatigue goes.  I will literally have to lay down and often even sleep to manage the overwhelming sensations it brings.   What has really been interesting to me about it all

 Once you've heard a bit about what I've been doing the past 2 years, you might better understand why my blog went unattended.  So, in a nutshell: I was living my perfect life.  I'd been married for 15 years to the best guy I knew, finally had the two kids I had struggled so hard to have, and was living in my "forever" home on the most beautiful land.  It was good.   And then it absolutely came crashing down.  I found out that my marriage wasn't at all stable anymore, and that one of us (him) had essentially checked out without notifying the other (me).  It was absolutely devastating.  I left home with the kids for a few weeks to gather my thoughts and feel like I was in a place where I could mourn the loss of a relationship I had long cherished.  I was certain I would grow old with this person.  Obviously, I learned a whole lot about how much someone can change and that no one can truly be completely trusted. Things were tough from there.  I filed for divorce

It has been WAY too long since I’ve posted here and I’m eager to rejoin the blogging world!!!  The kids are 5 and 7 and super fun, I’m working at a medspa doing injectables and lasers full time and I’m 14 years in to marriage now.   But here’s where life has now lead me!  I have been driven to do a medical mission trip over the past few weeks and I’m very set on Haiti.  Yes, they are currently having a temper tantrum over the increased fuel prices which they definitely can’t afford, but that country needs help!!!!!   So, I’m here to tell my story of how this all goes!  I’ll need lots of prayers and support in this crazy endeavor!

The fact that I blog less than I exercise is not a good sign.  I miss you all.  And I'm glad to be where I'm at because the problem is that my cup runneth over.  Life is crazy.  The kids are growing and becoming real people and exploring and I'm still struggling to figure out how to parent a VERY challenging 3-year-old. Dear Paisley is actually quite a joy to raise.  She is spunky and energetic and funny.  We desperately struggle to stifle our laughter as we discipline her for things that I never expected her to do or say.  She is the center of attention and loves her baby brother like there's no tomorrow.  I've never met a more opinionated and divalicious child though.  She picks every piece of clothing she wears, which toy she brings in the car, exactly what she is willing to eat, how her hair is fixed, which door she uses to get in the car, etc.  I hear you out there judging me.  I would have to until I gave birth to Whitney Houston Jr.  I'm telling you n

Last month, I went to Chicago for 5 days with two of my PA classmates for a board review course. Can I just tell you how EASY it was to fly alone?!?  I made it through security in record speed, sat uninterrupted throughout the flight and even read a book (gasp!!!).   And even though I missed the little people, I thoroughly loved eating with friends and sleeping peacefully and bathroom time alone.   Aaron and I will be in Costa Rica for 8 days this summer and I worried about how I could leave them for so long but now I know I can.  It's important for me to have time away so I can remember who I am and enjoy doing non-mommy things.  Plus, I'm super excited to spend a week with poor neglected Aaron!!!

I had several people who read this who asked for more details so for those of you who have no interest in my new breasts, skip this post.  I won't blame you.   I went in at 8 am and had surgery at 9.  We were in the car driving home by 10:45.  I initially felt some tightness around my chest from the muscles being stretched, but have had no discomfort since coming home.  I took one norco for pain and I'm icing the girls every 2 hours.  I've been lying down because I'm supposed to but I feel like I could easily tolerate mild activity.   For those who are local, I used Dr. Justin Jones at Waterford plastic surgery.  He came highly recommended as the best in the state for this from a pa friend who works in the field and an anesthesiologist friend who has worked with a lot of plastic surgeons.  I had several consults but chose him because he was very thorough, and had amazing before and after pictures.   We did silicone gel implants under the muscle so they don't interfe