Aaron casually mentioned last night that maybe I should start looking for a part-time job soon. Those seemingly harmless words opened up a floodgate of emotion and I handled it in the best way I knew how... I cried a little uncontrollably for the next hour while holding Paisley as close as possible so as to prevent anyone from seperating us.
The "plan" (which I now refer to as "worst plan ever") from the beginning was that I would take off until somewhere around the 1st of the year and then find a part-time job. And by part-time, he's just saying 2 days a week. My problem with this plan now is that the 1st of the year came WAY too quickly and 2 days at work = 2 days away from this amazing baby.
So, I panicked! And I know how ridiculous it is. I've been so fortunate that I'll have about 5 months at home with her and that I can just go back part-time after that. This is an amazing situation that I've been given, and I really am thankful. And she'll be staying with him at the clinic on the days I go to work, so we won't even have to put her in daycare.
BUT... I will miss her so much it's unbearable! What if I miss something? Even if it's just that breathtaking smile that I see frequently these days. I don't want to miss a single one. I know she'll be fine, but I'm worried about how I'll survive without her. During pregnancy, it was such a wonderful feeling knowing that she was always with me. And since then, I've barely spent any time away from her.
Arrgghhhh... I can't believe how much overwhelming love and intense affection I have developed for this little lady. She is a vital part of me now and I have no idea what to do without her. How am I going to send her to full-day kindergarten in 5 short years?????
The "plan" (which I now refer to as "worst plan ever") from the beginning was that I would take off until somewhere around the 1st of the year and then find a part-time job. And by part-time, he's just saying 2 days a week. My problem with this plan now is that the 1st of the year came WAY too quickly and 2 days at work = 2 days away from this amazing baby.
So, I panicked! And I know how ridiculous it is. I've been so fortunate that I'll have about 5 months at home with her and that I can just go back part-time after that. This is an amazing situation that I've been given, and I really am thankful. And she'll be staying with him at the clinic on the days I go to work, so we won't even have to put her in daycare.
BUT... I will miss her so much it's unbearable! What if I miss something? Even if it's just that breathtaking smile that I see frequently these days. I don't want to miss a single one. I know she'll be fine, but I'm worried about how I'll survive without her. During pregnancy, it was such a wonderful feeling knowing that she was always with me. And since then, I've barely spent any time away from her.
Arrgghhhh... I can't believe how much overwhelming love and intense affection I have developed for this little lady. She is a vital part of me now and I have no idea what to do without her. How am I going to send her to full-day kindergarten in 5 short years?????
Oh.. how cool that she will get to stay with your husband while you are at work! Thats a blessing. My girlfriend went back to her full time job recently after only getting to spend 12 weeks with her daughter. I felt so sorry for her. =( Although many women WANT to go back to work.. the fact that you dont want to spend a second without your baby girl shows how loving of a mother that you are!
ReplyDeleteHang in there girl. Adjustments are really hard for me too!
God bless xoxo
Awww! I'm sure it is SO hard to even think about being away from her at all! I can only imagine! But you are right, you are fortunate that you only have to go back part time :) Some women have to work three jobs and put their kid in daycare...only seeing them for dinner and a bath and then they are asleep. I'm sure those first few weeks will be rough when you start again, but just think how awesome it is that shes with her dad on those days! You will be ok:) Paisley will be ok :) Because Im crazy Im already thinking about how long I get for maternity leave...6 weeks! 6 little weeks! I dont even have a baby and Im sad to think about that Id have to part from him/her so soon! AHHH! Hugs to you :)
ReplyDeleteOne step at a time, hun - let's not worry about kindergarden yet:). I am back at work 2 days a week, and it is hard some days. Jax is home with daddy, though, and that does help A LOT. I would NOT be able to leave him with a sitter and we have agreed that if we ever had to do daycare, I just wouldn't work, because I just can't do that. But, knowing he is with daddy makes going to work pretty easy actually. I get distracted with work when I am there and in a few short hours, I am back with him. I only miss 2 feedings a day, which isn't much. And I get a little change of scenery. I actually do need breaks for him, he can be exhausting as he is pretty needy some days. But, that's me. I love the work that I do and it's a big part of me, so I think that helps, too. You will know IF you can do it when the time comes. If not, that's ok, too (well, with me - not so sure what your husband would say...lol!). Good luck and keep us updated:).
ReplyDeleteawwhhh, the first day away will be bad but you will see that she is OK and that it is much harder on mommy than baby!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm already trying to dream up ways to stay at home longer and I'm not due back at work till September! I hope it's kinda like pregnancy where you love it so much and never want it to end, but then by week 40 you're so uncomfortable you just want to get the baby out already. Maybe I'll magically WANT to go back to work by then. Yeah, right.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I'm sure of is that it is definitely harder for the mom than it is for the baby!
Once the time comes, you'll be sad but you'll be able to do it. Knowing that she'll be with Aaron makes it waaaaay more bearable. I'd love to see you with Paisley - I picture the two of you being so cute together!
ReplyDeleteI go back to work Monday. BOO!!
What a rough day! I can't believe time has gone by so fast! I can't even imagine how I'm going to feel once that maternity leave flies by! But it's so awesome Paisley will get to be with her daddy two days a week!
ReplyDeleteI know the feeling!! The love is insane!!! Sending them to school is going to be toture!! (I'm sorry I've been a M.I.A. bloggy friend, but I have been reading just not commenting since my blackberry makes that impossible! I'll try to do better!!)
ReplyDeleteXOX