For those who somehow do not enjoy posts about my cycles, please return next time for more pleasant subject matter. Otherwise, feel free to read on...
I think I might be starting my period tonight!!! I had one 2 weeks after my D&C which my OB/GYN thought was a bit too early. But now, 28 days later, I am spotting and cramping. It's a little different than usual for me since I'm used to starting first thing in the morning and it's heavier than this. But things might not be the same for a while...
Point is, I'm excited than I'm having normal cycles again!!! I've been terrified than I wouldn't ovulate on my own anymore and then I'd be back at square one with those nasty progesterone shots... Thank you ovarian drilling!
Several weeks ago, I had a patient come in to the clinic to see me for bleeding during pregnancy. She was a younger girl who didn't plan a pregnancy, but was concerned due to excessive bleeding at 12 weeks gestation. I did a pelvic exam on her and we found out that she was, in fact, miscarrying. It was such a moment of deja vu.
Just weeks after being told of my own failed pregnancy, here I sit... holding this poor girl's hands, explaining to her that "it's not her fault", "these things just happen", and other such nonsense ramblings designed to give the healthcare provider something to say. I almost felt like I wasn't even the one saying these things, but actually hearing them from my own doctor. I felt like I had no idea how to even do my job anymore.
I watched her face go from seemingly calm and understanding to completely confused and devastated. And I knew exactly how she felt. I also knew that I could not say anything at all to make it better. She probably wouldn't even hear what I was saying if I tried. So I just sat with her and tried with all my might not to cry.
The day I saw my empty sac on ultrasound will always be one of the most disappointing days of my life. Dr. Haas stood there holding my hands and offering such sweet words of encouragment and hope. But nothing else mattered at that moment. I'd lost that little embryo that I wanted so badly and prayed for so hard.
My experience has made me better at my job since I do deal with infertility and even miscarriage from time to time. I definitely have much more empathy than before. I just wish I could make it easier on them. And even myself. I wish there were words that would ease the pain. But I know that nothing does.
So we keep on moving. Taking it one month at a time, holding out hope for that miracle, praying that you've got a lucky streak heading your way. And right now, I'm on cycle day 1. I'm looking at this as a new beginning...
I think I might be starting my period tonight!!! I had one 2 weeks after my D&C which my OB/GYN thought was a bit too early. But now, 28 days later, I am spotting and cramping. It's a little different than usual for me since I'm used to starting first thing in the morning and it's heavier than this. But things might not be the same for a while...
Point is, I'm excited than I'm having normal cycles again!!! I've been terrified than I wouldn't ovulate on my own anymore and then I'd be back at square one with those nasty progesterone shots... Thank you ovarian drilling!
Several weeks ago, I had a patient come in to the clinic to see me for bleeding during pregnancy. She was a younger girl who didn't plan a pregnancy, but was concerned due to excessive bleeding at 12 weeks gestation. I did a pelvic exam on her and we found out that she was, in fact, miscarrying. It was such a moment of deja vu.
Just weeks after being told of my own failed pregnancy, here I sit... holding this poor girl's hands, explaining to her that "it's not her fault", "these things just happen", and other such nonsense ramblings designed to give the healthcare provider something to say. I almost felt like I wasn't even the one saying these things, but actually hearing them from my own doctor. I felt like I had no idea how to even do my job anymore.
I watched her face go from seemingly calm and understanding to completely confused and devastated. And I knew exactly how she felt. I also knew that I could not say anything at all to make it better. She probably wouldn't even hear what I was saying if I tried. So I just sat with her and tried with all my might not to cry.
The day I saw my empty sac on ultrasound will always be one of the most disappointing days of my life. Dr. Haas stood there holding my hands and offering such sweet words of encouragment and hope. But nothing else mattered at that moment. I'd lost that little embryo that I wanted so badly and prayed for so hard.
My experience has made me better at my job since I do deal with infertility and even miscarriage from time to time. I definitely have much more empathy than before. I just wish I could make it easier on them. And even myself. I wish there were words that would ease the pain. But I know that nothing does.
So we keep on moving. Taking it one month at a time, holding out hope for that miracle, praying that you've got a lucky streak heading your way. And right now, I'm on cycle day 1. I'm looking at this as a new beginning...
Sometimes our job can be so hard when we can relate to what our patinets are going through. But I think that is what makes us better caregivers.
ReplyDeleteOn another note, YIPEE for periods!:)
That exact thing happened to me! I had a "period" two weeks after the D&C, and then another one 28 days later. They've been regular ever since. Yay for you getting back on track!
ReplyDeleteGlad you are back on track. And I bet you did provide some comfort to the woman who miscarried even if you couldn't make the pain go away. I hear too many stories of drs and nurses who don't understand the pain that is felt then.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad to hear that things are getting back to normal for you. I wish you the best of luck with upcoming cycles. I'm looking forward to following your journey.
ReplyDelete