Smiling Through the Rain

When I first found out that I was infertile, it seemed to open the door for unwanted comments.   How everyone felt morally about different fertility treatments, what I needed to do to get pregnant (relax, adopt, etc) and meaningless reassurance that this would all work out.  When I finally found out that we were having a baby, a new set of discussions began.  How large or small everyone thought I was, what books I should read, how important breastfeeding is, very honest opinions of the names I had chosen, which gender I was having (since both have been surprises).   And then when I first became a mother, it seemed to only worsen further.  Now I get tips on eating, sleeping, potty-training, discipline, education, etc.  And yeah, sometimes this is super helpful when it is solicited.  It is NEVER good to get hints from a stranger, and yet they most like to give their input. But the hottest topic of them all has got to be childbirth.  ...

I had my 36 week growth scan yesterday along with a visit to my OB who promptly decided that a c-section would be the safest mode of entry into this world for our large baby.  The ultrasound was difficult to say the least due to the size of our fetus.  Our tech actually can't remember ever having such a tough time finding a femur to measure, but our little person had both legs tucked up under the bootie.  The other measurements all came out to 39.5 weeks and the femur was 38 but he knew that was inaccurate.  It's always measured consistent with the others.  Even with the one short measurement, baby's weight was estimated at 8 pounds, 3 ounces.  And I know- I've been reminded a hundred times that ultrasound measurements can be off.  Here's the deal:  since 22 weeks, my baby has measured 2-3 weeks ahead on ultrasound.  And at that point- it's easy to get good measurements.  Plus, my belly is measuring 3 weeks ahead on fundal ...

My blog countdown officially freaked me out today.  How in the world can it say 35 days?!?  I mean, I get it.  I'm 35 weeks pregnant.  But how can I have SOOO few days left?  5 weeks seems a lot longer than 35 days.  And truth be told, this baby isn't going to get to cook until my due date.  My doc will decide next week after my next growth ultrasound if we need to just go ahead and schedule a c-section. Which means I could only have 4 weeks at most.  And that equals 28 short days!!!!  You might be wondering how we'll decide on the c-section vs. yucky, traumatic vaginal delivery.  Well, if the baby is over 8 pounds on this ultrasound, he thinks a scheduled c-section would be much less risky.  And I'm pretty sure we're going to meet that goal without a problem since he/she was already 6 pounds at 32 weeks.  This also means that this baby is probably Paisley's birth weight now.  If you want my opinion, this baby is b...

34 weeks pregnant.  I cannot believe that this is really happening!  It's starting to sink in as I wash our infant carseat and put away our diapers from my shower and sterilize the dreaded breast pump.  A baby is well on the way and we are going to be a family of 4. I worry daily that I won't be a good enough mom to two kids.  I worry that Paisley will have a rough transition.  It makes me sad that she won't remember the almost 2 years that we've had by ourselves to bond.  And I'm terrified about how I'll handle the sleep deprivation this time. But I'm equally as excited to see this baby's face.  And to give Paisley a sibling that she will hopefully grow to adore.  And to feel that our family is complete finally.  Oh, and to be able to walk across a room without being winded or lift my child without having to heave her over the mountainous bump. The belly is seriously growing larger EVERY single day.  I'd be a liar if I didn...

For one, this pregnancy is truly flying by.  I really wanted it to go slowly so I could savor each moment.  I'm trying so hard to capture every single wiggle, kick and roll in the safest, deepest part of my memory so I don't ever forget that magical feeling.  Unfortunately, it is unlike any other sensation in the world so I can't even try to remember by comparing it and words are not sufficient for describing it. However, this pregnancy is also getting tougher here at the end.  With Paisley, I could come home and rest for the whole evening.  With Deuce, I come home and play with P like crazy until bedtime (which for her is almost our bedtime) and then I crash for 9 hours before doing it all over again.  Plus, I'm a LOT bigger.  My weight gain is exactly the same at this point as last pregnancy (plus 25 pounds), but it's different.  My belly feels like it is stretched to its absolute max.  And carrying around a 24 pound child all day really ...

Our photographer posted the rest of our maternity photos today (61 total) and something about them made my heart feel so full.  It was as if seeing my big belly with my perfect little girl just brought everything to reality for me.  We are really going to have 2 kids.  I can't count how many nights I went to sleep wondering if we'd ever be able to carry one.  Or which path we'd have to go down in order to have a family.  Or how many times I cried myself to sleep over the grief we were enduring.  But now I have proof in pictures.  My family is growing once again.  Definitely the last time I'll be pregnant which makes me super sad because I LOVE it, but maybe not the last of our kids.  We're still very interested in adoption and feel that we will go down that road one day.  Sitting in the chair the other day, I was holding Paisley on my lap and Deuce was happily kicking around in my belly.  And it took my breath away....

These are the 4 sneak peek pictures that my photographer has released so far.  Can't wait to see the rest!!! Paisley looks like such a big girl here!!! I'm not so good at serious pictures, so I can't believe this turned out alright! Loved this idea! The giant bump in all it's glory.  Does the ribbon make me look thinner?  :)