Smiling Through the Rain

Yeah, I know it's a funny and somewhat inappropriate title, but it sums up the day I've had. Here's the deal: during laparoscopic surgery, they fill your belly up with a bunch of air to make room for the tools to go in and for better visualization. Well, they don't remove that air when they're done so you're left with a stomach full of a big-toot-waiting-to-happen. Except it hasn't happened and I'm uncomfortable. And I'm fearful of how it is going to feel when it does happen and who will be around to witness it! The picture above is pre-op: notice how incredible I look in a giant hospital gown and the fact that I could stand upright at that time. The picture below is post-op and you might notice my graceful new walking position. But check out my cute new nightgown: it was $7 at Old Navy!!! My new walking style has been quite the source of jokes thanks to my caring husband and mom. Aaron says I look like either a camel or an old woman with b...

Hi all, I didn't expect to be writing this myself but I creeped my way incredibly slowly over to the computer so that I don't get a bed sore on my hiney from sitting so much. Plus, my bladder is a little dazed from the catheter so I'm trying to go frequently. Surgery went well today- no unexpected findings and Dr.Haas felt good about it. My infertility doc, anesthesiologist and nurses were so incredible today that it was a smooth and stress-free process. Dr. Haas even held my hand and comforted me while I was put to sleep. Very kind! I'm doing both better and worse than I expected. I'm worse in the fact that my belly hurts more than I thought it would, but I'm better in that I have been pretty alert all day. Which has been great since we've had company all day and you all know how I love to socialize. I woke up quickly in recovery and started talking the nurse's ear off. Aaron and my "surgery crew" knew I was okay when they let them se...

Well, tomorrow is the big day! This week has zoomed by and I'm not sure if I'm ready or nervous or what. I'll tell ya that right now my biggest concern is the whole "nothing to eat or drink after midnight" business. I tell patients that all day but it's a different story when you tell me not to eat breakfast- I feel that it might kill me. I literally roll out of bed and stumble directly to the kitchen to eat every morning. Second big problem- now prepare yourself for this one- is that they made me take off my nail polish- my toes are NEVER unpainted. I feel like they are just taking away my dignity one luxury item at a time. I mean do they just want me to look completely awful??? The lady from the hospital was kind enough to call me tonight to pre-admit me and had lots of questions. Some of my favorites included "would you be willing to accept blood products?" and "what denomination are you?" I feel like they expect me to kick the ...

Aaron ran the OKC Memorial half-marathon this morning which is 13.2 miles. This is the 3rd year that he has ran it, and I'm really proud of him. The first year I slept through it, not really understanding what a huge deal it is. In my defense, it starts at 6:30 a.m. and my alarm doesn't go that early! Then last year I ran it with him, so this was my first year to watch him race. (In case you aren't good at Where's Waldo?, he's the one in orange.) I dropped him off at the start line and then planned on going to the capitol to watch at the 3 mile mark. Well, being that I am very directionally challenged, maneuvering my way around downtown was interesting. Not only are there way too many one-way streets but lots of roads are blocked off due to runners! So I saw him at the 3 mile mark and then again at 10 miles. I barely made it to the finish line to watch him come in, but luckily I got there in time. This is him right after the ...

We've scheduled my surgery for next Wednesday, April 29th at St. Anthony's hospital. My special time arrived yesterday (if you're unsure what that means, be thankful) so I called Dr. Haas and he got me set up for surgery. I went in for my pre-op labs and work-up today so that's out of the way. Now I just have to show up that morning and try not to be a basket-case! I'm surprised at how nervous I am, most of my fear focusing on the urinary catheter and intubation tube. I've watched and even done too many of these to be blissfully ignorant about it. And I've seen the complications from having them done. Of course, worse things have probably happened on skateboards (I'm still healing some bruises and cuts). So, I know I've explained it a little before, but for those who haven't heard- my procedure is called laparoscopic ovarian drilling. Very delicate name for a very gentle procedure :) What happens is I will have 3 incisions made in my...

Hey friends, Well, I can't imagine how this posting relates to my infertility at all except to say that it's certainly good that I'm not currently pregnant since I took up my new hobby. It all began yesterday when we are standing in our front yard talking to our neighbor, Brandon. He's one of those people who always has interesting stories and ideas. You should always use extreme caution when taking part in anything he decides would be a good idea. But yesterday I was feeling a bit reckless and invincible when he suggested that we try to skateboard. It's not just a normal old-school skateboard though, it's one of those new kinds on 2 wheels that kinda twists when you're on it. (Or should if you're actually good at it.) After he and I (Aaron was again smart enough to sit this one out) finally figured out how to get on it with the help of a neighbor kid, we took turns trying to master this new skateboard. He caught on a little quicker than I did, but...

Well, I started off my glorious Monday morning with a fun visit to my infertility doc. He drew some blood and did a vaginal ultrasound which still showed a ton of cysts and a thicker endometrial lining. So he thinks that I just didn't have enough lining to shed last try so I am fortunate enough to get to take provera again starting today!!! Thank goodness since the hot flashes actually just stopped yesterday and I was already missing them. Who wants to sleep through the night and wear weather appropriate clothing??? So, I take my crazy pill for another week and then call him on Day 1. Sad that a month is no longer made up of dates, but cycle days. Then we'll schedule my surgery FINALLY!!! I never thought I'd be so ready to let someone cut on me. But we have a vacation planned for June and I don't want to have fresh scars on the beach! Good news is that he had mentioned putting me on birth control pills for a while to reduce the number of cysts I have, but this ...

Starting this whole journey 10 months ago, I had no idea what it meant to be infertile. I have come up with a list of some of the lessons life has given me... I have learned... 1. That the longer and harder I try to concieve, the more pregnant women spring up around me. 2. That living my life in 2 week increments would be the norm. 3. That my cycles would be documented in detail on a chart every month. 4. That PA school didn't really teach me anything about a woman's reproductive cycle. 5. That simply relaxing won't get me pregnant. And it is impossible to "just not think about it." 6. That doing everything right doesn't equal positive results. 7. That one day my husband would know details about my uterus, ovaries, ovulatory cycle, etc. 8. That I wouldn't know how important a baby was to me until it took so long and I realized I would do anything to make it happen. 9. That it is insensitive and possibly hurtful to ask people when they are going...

Well, Nothing has happened yet and it's now been 9 days, so Dr. Haas is having me come to see him on Monday morning at 7:30 (SO early) for another ultrasound and labwork to decide why my body isn't responding like it should. I'm not so sure why I need to have a cycle before we do the surgery, considering that the surgery is meant to restore my natural cycles. So, I'll let you all know what happens on Monday! Pray that I will not have to take another round of Provera as I am not sure if I could handle it again so quickly, nor can Aaron...

Well, I am still waiting on the provera to do it's job which usually only takes 2 days. This time, we're already at day 5. Of course, the month that I am most eager to move forward, my body would put on the brakes... So I became one of those patients who can't help but call their doctor for stupid stuff. Maybe I earned a phone call for all of the stupid messages I get every day. Examples of such messages: What other ways can you catch chlamydia? (NO- it does not come from toilet seats!!!) I think I had a stroke/heart attack, what should I do? (The ER is there for a reason.) How do I treat a mosquito bite? (Who cares?) So, maybe my phone call isn't all that ridiculous, but their answer to me was essentially to wait it out. If nothing happens by Thursday, I'm to call them then. Not that they'll be able to do anything about it since they are closed this Friday. But I guess just for fun. That way they can tell me to call them again on Monday. In othe...

Okay, so I'm having one of those days where I'm feeling a little sorry for myself which I hate!!! Luckily it hasn't brought on tears which really makes me mad, but still I don't like feeling this way so I'm hoping to leave those feelings here. I think it all started yesterday when I had to go shop for a baby gift. The baby section at Target or Wal-mart is kinda like a dead animal on the side of the road. You don't want to look at it, but curiosity gets the best of you and you can't help yourself. So I usually try to avoid it, but when you're shopping for a baby gift, it makes it difficult. It's amazing how differently I view this section now. A year ago, it made my heart race, my palms sweat and I almost felt dizzy and nauseated. Now, my heart feels heavy and longing looking at the adorable tiny clothes and soft blankets and cuddly bears. (stuffed of course). I try to focus on the price of the diapers or formula, but my doctor's appointme...