Amber and Aaron

Amber and Aaron

The Fun We've Already Had...

  • Graham Tomas born July 31 at 5:04 P.M. weighing 8 lbs, 12 oz.
  • December 2, 2011: PREGNANT!!!
  • Paisley Kate arrived August 21 at 5:38 P.M. weighing 7 lbs, 9 oz
  • DUE DATE: August 25, 2010!!!
  • Dec. 14, 2009- PREGNANT!!!
  • Oct. 07,2009- Had elective D&C.
  • Sept 28, 2009- No embryo on ultrasound. :(
  • Sept 15th, 2009- We found out we're PREGNANT!!!
  • Sept '09- Aaron had varicocele repair.
  • July '09- IUI #1 with HCG shot= No such luck
  • April '09- Ovarian drilling surgery, followed by hospitalization for uterine infection
  • Jan-Mar '09- metformin + 3 rounds of clomid= no ovulation
  • Dec. 11, 2008- Hysterosalpingogram (Fancy word for shooting dye through the ovaries. OUCH)
  • Nov '08- Sent to RE. Tried metformin alone for two months (No ovulation)
  • Oct '08- Diagnosed with PCOS based on amenorrhea and crazy hormone levels.
  • June '08- Aaron convinced me to start trying.
  • June '04- Got Hitched!

Friday, September 30, 2011

Life around here is getting back to normal.  Aaron went back to work and has been able to do surgery without paralysis in his arms.  :)   Definitely a positive for the animal he's operating on...   Miss Paisley has been running all over the house, clinic, baby gym, mall, grocery store, etc.   Her tiny little legs NEVER. STOP.MOVING.  It's actually amazing.  I wonder how she isn't sore the next day from the high mileage she puts on them. 

And I realized several things this week. 

1.) She doesn't get into things.  I still haven't baby-proofed anything in our house with the exception of the plug-in protectors.  And let's face it, I'm just not willing to risk it with electricity and my only child.  

2.)  She's really happy.  Many days, we go without any tears or fits.  She smiles a lot and laughs hysterically when we play peek-a-boo, if a cat or dog licks her feet or face (yep, we let them...), or during parachute time at the gym.   But let's be honest, when she does throw a fit, it can get U-G-L-Y.  So the days without are amazing.

3.)  She's VERY healthy.  This may be due to multiple factors.  She hasn't ever had to go to daycare, but is exposed to the public on a daily basis at the clinic and baby gym.  Plus, we aren't germ-a-phobes by any means so I believe she's building an immune system.  Of course, I keep things clean for her but I certainly don't keep her in a bubble!  She lives with animals and works with them, so a certain amount of germs happen.  And sometimes she eats something off the floor at home after she drops it...   But she's never needed antibiotics and has only had a fever once.  I'm still giving all credit to my breastmilk.  :)  (Even though I was formula-fed and was just as healthy).

4.)    She's probably a genius.   Okay, so I'm totally kidding, but I do think she picks up on things really quickly.  And she's in a mimicking phase right now which I LOVE.  Keeps me on my best behavior.  I was cleaning a spill off the floor the other day and she grabbed a piece of tissue and bent down to help me.  So cute!

Bragging is over.  You won't catch me doing that much, but she deserves it this week.  She's cutting two teeth right now and is in a great mood.  Still sleeping good (8 hours at night and maybe a short nap, but that's great around our house), but her eating is pitiful.   She's on pretty much a milk only diet and just doesn't care at all about solids right now.  I'm blaming the teeth, but she's over 20 pounds now so I guess the whole milk is working! 

Saturday, September 24, 2011

My Busy Little Girl!

I sometimes wonder why I don't have time in the day to blog for 15 minutes.  And then I upload our pictures from the month and remember that this little princess of mine keeps me SUPER busy!!!   Here's what Paisley's been up to these days:
Learning to drive her car, which was a 1st birthday present from her Grandma.  She fills the trunk of it with her bracelets and necklaces!

Posing for the camera- don't let her fool you.  She's a diva!

Cheering on her Cowboys!

Helping daddy with a raccoon spay at work

Eating corn on the cob at the state fair (Look- no hands!!!)

Picking apples at the state fair

Cheesing for the camera right before we tried to take professional photos for the 2nd time.  This smile quickly turned to tears when we went into the studio...  :(

Playing at Gymboree

Laughing like crazy at Gymboree

Again, Gymboree.  We have LOTS of fun here!
I apologize once again for being such an absentee blogger.  I read everyone else's blogs regularly still and even comment as much as I can.  But this is how I fill my days now.  Plus working 2 jobs and trying to sleep every now and then...

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Our Romantic Getaway

Aaron and I spent our first two nights away from Paisley this week.  Unfortunately, it entailed Aaron being hospitalized and me sleeping on a cot while nurses came in all hours of the night.  Maybe you'd like more of an explanation...

Aaron had a NASTY virus starting Friday night which caused high fevers (over 103 while taking tylenol), chills, extreme fatigue, etc.  You know, the good old flu type symptoms.   He was better enough by Monday morning that he went to work but had the other vet do the surgeries.  While his flu-like symptoms were getting better, his muscle aches and weakness were getting worse.  Not normal.

He realized that he couldn't even write with a pen due to tremors in his hands.  We thought about it for a while that evening and finally decided that we were worried enough to go to the ER.  Which we NEVER do.  The only other time we went was when my uterus tried to rot out following my ovarian drilling. 

Luckily we did, because he was diagnosed with rhabdomyolysis which is a breakdown of muscle tissue which can cause kidney failure and even death.  He was admitted and kept on IV fluids while they ran LOTS of tests to try to decide what had caused this.  All the labs have been negative so far, so we left without many answers.   The docs don't think we need to worry about it recurring and feel like it was just a really bad virus.  (He was negative for flu A&B, all tick-borne illnesses, etc.)

So, I stayed with him the whole time and my mom kept Paisley.  I was actually so focused on him that it wasn't too hard on me at all.  He and I tried to make the most of our "getaway" by watching TV together and making jokes about everything we could.  That's what I love most about this guy.  We make the best of bad situations.

We missed our RE appointment on Wednesday, obviously, but I'll reschedule once this all blows over.  We had a doc's appointment this morning to re-check his labs and we go again in 2 weeks for infectious disease, but maybe shortly after that.  In case you're wondering, my OPK's have all been very negative this month and my temp chart is like a slightly bumpy yet very level road equaling no ovulation.  :(

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Doctor's Appointment: Check

Today, I did something I never ever thought I'd do again.  I called my RE's office and scheduled an appointment.  My heart was racing and I felt like I was choking back tears as the phone rang.  I actually felt dizzy when I heard the sweet voice answer, "Center for Reproductive Health".  Amazing how different this feels from the first time around.  I was naive and ignorant and excited about starting my family.  Sure I'd been told that things weren't normal and deep down I knew that.  But I had NO idea what pain would follow nor what great lengths we would go to for a baby.  However, I was also unaware that it would all be worth it once I got my perfect baby.

I'm committing myself to this again.  I've been charting my basal body temperatures again this month,  started OPK's today (CD 13, but since my cycles are freakishly long now I'm sure I haven't missed it), and I'll be seeing my favorite doctor in the world next Wednesday.  Maybe another baby isn't meant to be, and that's okay.  God blessed us with Paisley and we are more than fortunate to have her.  And our hearts are still very open to adoption if that's the path that opens to us.

I feel peaceful with this decision and ready to endure it again.  And at least this time, I have a precious baby to love on if times are hard.  So, let's get this show on the road!

Monday, September 12, 2011

Decisions, decisions

Crap.  My approval to see Dr. Haas came in the mail today.  I totally expected them to deny it.  He's not a covered provider anymore.  And I should be excited but this is REAL now.

I can call his office and make an appointment.  Anytime.  And then I'll admit that once again I'm not normal and drag myself into his clinic to hear whatever kind of crazy bad news he has to say in his compassionate way.   The first time around, I had no idea what I was getting myself into.  I'm not quite so blissfully naive now.

And I have my beautiful angel.  What am I really willing to do for another?  I definitely don't want to take any time or money away from Paisley.  And maybe we're not ready for another baby anyways.  Maybe I never will be.

But what if I regret it if I never try again?  There's enough doubt in my mind that I'm not certain.  There are several reasons that I can't wait on this forever.  One:  my age.  Yeah, we're "only" 31, but eggs don't get better with age.  And I don't want to have kids after 35.  Period.  Two: my insurance.  I have COBRA coverage until April which doesn't leave us long until we'll both be on private (aka: crappy and expensive) insurance without maternity coverage.  Luckily, my OB will work with me as a self-pay to make it affordable, but I can't spend a ton on infertility too.  Three:  I feel like the older Paisley gets, the more I'm resistant to go back into the baby phase.  I wanted my babies close in age and they'll at least be 2 years apart now even if I got pregnant quickly.

The baby phase is tough.  I'm definitely not one of those moms who is super sad about her getting older.  I LOVE the independence she's gaining and the things she's learning and our relationship as it evolves.  And I'm not worried that I can't love a 2nd child as much as I love her, but I love that she and I share such a special relationship.  I know I have some time to think about this.  But I don't know if it'll ever be clear to me.

Side note:  I've never adapted well to change and resist it with all my might.   I also avoid healthcare as much as possible even though I work as a health care provider.  Weird, I know...  just not sure I'm ready to start hearing about my "inhospitable" mucus and "inadequate" eggs again...

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Cold Stirrups= Cold Feet

Day 40 brought AF knocking on my door again, which is exactly when it's started every month since I weaned Paisley.  Yay for consistency.  Boo for not even coming close to falling in the "regular range".  And if you're wondering why I haven't blogged in over a week, it's because it nearly killed me.  (And my marriage.)  

The cramping was terrible, my bloating made me consider pulling out my maternity clothes, I was sleeping more hours in a day than I was awake, and my mood was horrendous.  Like clomid horrendous.  Honestly, if they start going this badly from now on, I'm ready to sign up for some good ol' birth control. 

A very familiar feeling set in with this cycle and I remembered why I had been on birth control for SO many years.  Because my periods sucked.   And they made me really physically and mentally sick.  Whereas, birth control made things wonderful.  Like rainbows and unicorns appeared near a beautiful stream, erasing the dark clouds and monsters created by stupid periods.

And of course, I'm again wondering if this isn't all a sign that maybe my dysfunctional ovaries are up to no good again.  I had a gut feeling before we even started trying the first time that maybe something just wasn't right.  No reason to feel that way, I just did.  And the 2 months I got pregnant, I knew I had.  They just felt exactly right.  Again no reason for my optimism, it was just there.  Now, I feel pretty certain that it isn't happening.   If I am ovulating, I think it's the teeny-tiny follicles that I was creating during my early RE appointments.  You know, the ones we forced to happen with multiple medications and hCG trigger shots and watched hopefully on ultrasound every flipping day while the OPK's did nothing and my temps stayed the same.

I haven't heard on my RE appointment yet and I'm getting cold feet about it.  My heart is just begging me to not open myself up to this again.  Walking through those doors as a patient again would be really tough.  Like opening your life story up to a painful chapter, knowing you'd have to relive it.  And maybe the ending wouldn't be so great again.   Aaarrrrgggghhhh!!!    I was so hopeful that I wouldn't be back up in the stirrups until my yearly exam.  :(