Amber and Aaron

Amber and Aaron

The Fun We've Already Had...

  • Graham Tomas born July 31 at 5:04 P.M. weighing 8 lbs, 12 oz.
  • December 2, 2011: PREGNANT!!!
  • Paisley Kate arrived August 21 at 5:38 P.M. weighing 7 lbs, 9 oz
  • DUE DATE: August 25, 2010!!!
  • Dec. 14, 2009- PREGNANT!!!
  • Oct. 07,2009- Had elective D&C.
  • Sept 28, 2009- No embryo on ultrasound. :(
  • Sept 15th, 2009- We found out we're PREGNANT!!!
  • Sept '09- Aaron had varicocele repair.
  • July '09- IUI #1 with HCG shot= No such luck
  • April '09- Ovarian drilling surgery, followed by hospitalization for uterine infection
  • Jan-Mar '09- metformin + 3 rounds of clomid= no ovulation
  • Dec. 11, 2008- Hysterosalpingogram (Fancy word for shooting dye through the ovaries. OUCH)
  • Nov '08- Sent to RE. Tried metformin alone for two months (No ovulation)
  • Oct '08- Diagnosed with PCOS based on amenorrhea and crazy hormone levels.
  • June '08- Aaron convinced me to start trying.
  • June '04- Got Hitched!

Monday, December 27, 2010

Maybe I'm not such a bad mom!

Last night we went to sleep at 10:30 with our video monitor on the highest volume (the one that allows me to even hear her farts in clear detail).  I ensured this multiple times to avoid the same misshap from the previous night of it ending up muted and me ending up on the DHS Most Wanted List.  

I woke up for the first time at 5:30 this morning and thought two things:  1.) that the monitor must be off again.  2.) that my breasts were likely about to explode since I decided to skip pumping before bed, but then I realized that they had already leaked on the sheets so we were okay.  :)

Even though she's clearly doing fine on the monitor and is silent, I have to go check on her for my own peace of mind and maybe a little to try to make up for the night before.  She's asleep on her belly again and isn't with her pacifier.  I decide to pump and then lay back down.  I fed her at 7:15 and she didn't wake up until 9:15 this morning! 

So, one of two things happened.    Either she actually can sleep through the night and has decided to do so again.  OR she has given up on trusting me and just doesn't even want to bother crying.   I'm hoping it's the first choice.  Anyways, I've slept great for 2 nights now and I really don't want to go back to the waking up all night!!!  And I've retracted my nomination for mom-of-the-year due to my negligence but I'm feeling better about things now!  Thanks for all the reassuring comments.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Accidental Ferber Method...

Did I hear you ask how we slept last night? Well, I can only answer for myself because our monitor muted itself somehow!  I put her down at 11:30 (she is such a night owl) and I woke up wondering why in the world it was so bright in our room in the middle of the night.  Umm, maybe because it was 8:00 am...  So, I roll over to look at our video monitor which is on my nightstand and she is asleep on her belly.  I panic. 

By the time I get to her room which seems 10 miles away now, I am imagining the worst.  What I find is a sleeping baby (on her belly) who has kicked off her socks, mittens (her hands get cold at night), and light blanket.  Her pacifier is nowhere close to her.  Yet, she's sleeping soundly.

So, I feel like the world's worst mother this morning.  I slept 8 hours solid for the first time in 4 months, but my baby may have needed me.  I checked her face for dried tears and her eyes for puffiness but found neither sign of prolonged crying.  She smiled brightly at me this morning when I got her out of her crib like she didn't blame me for my mistake.  And she ate like a champ when I got her up, possibly because she was starving. 

And there is a chance she never cried at all.  The last couple of weeks, she's been getting up once or twice a night but it's really only that she rolls around and makes some noise and I can't go back to sleep.  So, I always just go on in there and feed her knowing that she'll sleep soundly if I do.  Maybe she doesn't really need to eat or even have me come in there.  Point is, I feel terrible and I'll be absolutely certain from here on that I can HEAR on the monitor!!!

My Most Wonderful Present Ever (and certainly the most expensive)

She loves her Jenny Jump Up already.  She doesn't know how to bounce in it but she can turn around and it puts her on eye level with our dogs who she loves to watch.


This baby LOVES bathtime!  We have started playing in there about 30 minutes at night and my tub has now been taken over by bath toys.

Wish this one wasn't blurry, but she was being SO cute!

Her grandma and her on Christmas Eve

Paisley and her Mama

And lastly, here she is this morning snuggling with her daddy.  Before you get really concerned about our parenting, his eyes are that squinted because I had to turn the light on in our bedroom to get a good picture.  He's not recovering from a wild Christmas party.  :)
Hope everyone had a Merry Christmas!!!  For those who are waiting on their miracle babies to arrive, I'm hoping 2011 is your year!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

ICLW

This is my first real participation in ICLW.  Let me explain.  I signed up to do the August edition, but Miss Paisley decided to enter the world on the day it started that month.  So, I could have tried to comment on other blogs that day during labor, but I'm just lazy I guess!

Here's our story for those who are visiting...  My husband and I met in 1998, married in 2004, and decided to add a little person to our house in 2008.  Unfortunately for us, I ended up diagnosed with PCOS and he had a hydrocele causing MFI.  We tried metformin, clomid and IUI's without success.  In fact, I just wouldn't ovulate no matter what we did.

That's when my RE recommended ovarian drilling.  Sounded like the craziest idea I'd ever heard to drill holes in my already non-functioning ovaries, but guess what?  It worked!  I started ovulating immediately after and became pregnant in August of 2009.  That baby wasn't meant to be for us and I had a D&C in October. 

But luck was on our side again since I found out I was pregnant for the 2nd time in December of 2009.  We spent much of the pregnancy worried that bad fortune would find us again, but our little one stuck around.  We didn't find out the gender even though we had LOTS of ultrasounds, and on August 21, 2010, we welcomed our beautiful little girl into the world.   My labor lasted 9 hours, I had a wonderful epidural, pushed for about 10 minutes, and delivered the most incredible child ever born.  :)

Infertility changes you forever.  It links us all together in a way that nothing else can.  I know many of you who are stopping by are still trying and I want you to know that I pray for you all every day.  I've continued this blog to give others hope in the days when you just don't feel it.  We've all been there.  And I'm lucky to be standing on this side of things now.  But I'll never forget how fortunate we are and how tough it was to get here.  Thanks for hearing our story!!!

P.S.  My goal is to have 100 followers by the end of ICLW.  When I started this blog, I never thought I'd have over 10.  :)

Monday, December 20, 2010

4 month check-up

 We went in for Paisley's 4 month check-up today which is hard to believe!  HOW can my tiny new baby be 4 months old already????   This is her 1/3 birthday.  :) 
I hate to brag- but that is one adorable baby!  :)
We don't really have any great pictures together, but this one is close...
 Paisley weighed 12 pounds, 5 ounces and is 24.5 inches long.  She's between the 25-50% now which is a little lower than she has been, but the pediatrician isn't concerned.  She said some babies start off a little bigger than their genetics planned for and then they seem to taper off into the range they belong.  Otherwise, everything is perfect and she's still eating like a horse!

Playing with her chi-chi, Tinkerbell.
Hard to imagine life without this little princess.  This has been such a learning process and I'm finally in the position that I feel like I'm in control (or so she lets me believe).  Good bye restful nights, naps, long baths, and clean clothes.  Hello spit up, poopy diapers, sleepless nights, and breastpumps.  I wouldn't trade any of it!

Friday, December 17, 2010

Hmmm....

Just when you go bragging about how you have it all figured out, your baby is doing so good, yadayadayada, they go and make you look like a fool.  Trust me, the last 2 nights I have paid for talking about how Paisley was sleeping through the night in her crib.   She has woken up every 3 hours (on the dot) to eat a massive amount and then doesn't want to fall right back asleep.  She's still eating a lot during the day too, which makes me question what is going on???

We started giving her cereal a week ago when her nursing was getting out of control in frequency.  Like every hour.  My nipples were starting to rebel.  So, I added in cereal as well as avocados which she LOVES.  She's taken to eating really well.  She doesn't hardly waste any on her face or clothes, she just gulps it off the spoon, swallows and is ready for more.  In fact, she eats about 1/2 an avocado mixed with 2 ounces of breastmilk in one sitting.

SOOOO...  I realize she will only be 4 months in 4 days, but what should I do about her hunger?  I feel like breastmilk simply isn't cutting it alone.  And I didn't give her avocado the past 2 days, just some cereal so maybe that has something to do with her lack of sleep.  Oh, and she isn't taking naps right now either.  This child can thrive on very little rest and remain happy.  Guess who can't?  ME!

Also, our nursery is the coldest room in our house.  Any tips on what to do to keep her warm?   How do you feel about space heaters?  What about blankets?  I've been giving her a lightweight (very breathable) blanket that she loves to cuddle up with, but then I'm nervous about it all night.  Advice would be welcome!

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Those Two Pink Lines...

One year ago today, I went to work at the clinic.  Nothing unusual about the day, until I felt a familiar dizzy feeling while sitting down.  Only one other time in my life had I felt something like it and it was during my 1st pregnancy.  I knew immediately that I was pregnant again.  The month had been perfect.  I had a positive OPK, my cervical mucus finally did what it was supposed to, timing was just right. 

It was my first real cycle following my D&C and I was so hopeful that we could get pregnant again right away.  I knew that it was the only thing that would help with the pain of losing my 1st pregnancy.  So, I nervously went and got one of our tests (I work as a PA) and took it.  A faint line appeared pretty quickly and my heart sank.
That is my mom wearing the Christmas sweater in the background- not me  :)
Why would I feel so sad about something so great?  Something I'd wanted so much?  Because I had so much fear of losing yet another pregnancy already.  I couldn't survive another miscarriage yet.  And since I had JUST had my D&C, it was hard to seperate this pregnancy from the 1st.  It felt like one continuous nightmare.  I couldn't imagine how the world would play such a cruel joke on me again.  But I also couldn't believe that my body would finally do something right.  Nothing had worked out in our favor up until this point.   


 Our medical visits had consisted of us hearing one set of bad news after another.  These lab results didn't look good, this month didn't work, maybe you should consider donor embryos, we think you both need surgery, you have a uterine infection, the baby doesn't have a heartbeat...

She LOVES to play airplane!!!

But, here we are one year later.  I have a beautiful little girl following a rather enjoyable pregnancy.  My whole life has changed so much and it all began with two perfect pink lines.  Now those two little lines are a smiling, happy 3 month old (almost 4) who fills my heart with joy.  She was worth every single bit of the fear and all of the tears.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Best Night Yet!!!

Paisley fell asleep at 10:45 after nursing and slept soundly until 6:30!!!  I went in and nursed her then and she put herself back to sleep quickly and slept until 9:45.  I am amazed at how well she's doing with this considering that she slept in our bed and hated her cradle.  Now I wish I wouldn't have worried so much that I had screwed up.  Paisley was ready to go in her crib now and she's sleeping well in it.  And I wouldn't trade those precious 3 months with her snuggled up to me!

Sunday, December 12, 2010

The Quest for Sleep

Just a quick update since I am supposed to be getting other things done, but I didn't want to leave you all in the dark about how our crib training is going.

The 1st two nights were a breeze, she woke up once each night to eat, but otherwise did great.  Last night, she woke up every 3 hours to eat, tossed and turned, and continuously fussed for her binky.  I about wore the carpet out making the trek across the house to her room which seems 5 miles away at 4 am.  I finally brought her into our bed where she slept soundly until 10 am.  This allowed us all to get good sleep and I got some much-needed snuggle time with my princess.

Tonight is a new night.  We'll see how it goes and where she ends up...

Friday, December 10, 2010

Night 1: Success

I went into this crib transitioning with a strong feeling that it would be a train-wreck.  As Aaron was going to bed, he even mentioned that he'd probably see us in a few hours as we creep back into the big bed.  Luckily, we were very wrong!!!  Here's a breakdown:

9:20 pm-  Breastfed her.  She falls asleep.

9:25 pm-  I lay her down asleep in her crib.  Feeling like this will be short-lived and disaster is only moments away.  Prepare for the worst.

10:00 pm-  She wakes back up already which makes me say, "yep, I knew she wasn't ready".  But I watch her on the monitor and she just happily plays in her crib.  I leave her alone even though I want to run in there to play with her.  I hate missing out on fun time!!!

10:20 pm-  I replace her binky which has fallen out wishing you could tape it to their face (only kidding) and she puts herself back to sleep.  I'm know amazed that she can do this and I begin to cry.  My baby no longer needs me...  Aaron has to comfort me in the living room and remind me that she isn't moving out of state with some unemployed hoodrat boyfriend.  Just sleeping in her crib.

10:25 pm-  She wakes back up which almost makes me happy because I realize that she DOES still need me after all.  I am currently pumping so I throw 3 ounces in a bottle with some cereal (I just started that this week) and go to her room.  She allows me to feed her the bottle (first time for this) and burps really well.  I change her diaper and rock her for about 5 minutes.  I lay her back down drowsy but awake and pray for the best.

10:50 pm-  She is back asleep without any problem.

11:45 pm- I wake up to check on her and notice that "Trixie" (the teenage girl who lives across the street who we think is a hooker) has a late night customer.  Paisley is sleeping peacefully and our neighbors are wishing I'd do the same instead of spying on them.

2:15 am- I'm wondering why in the world I decided to sleep in the recliner in her room instead of my own bed since this is going so well.  I snuggle back into the recliner though at this point.  Not ready to be that far away from her.

4:20 am- I replace her binky since she's being a little restless, but not fussy.  Again, try to think of a way to get that sucker to stay in place all night...

5:40 am- She starts to cry, so I get her out and nurse her.  She never even opens her eyes and goes right back to sleep.  I lay her down and she snuggles back into her crib.

7:50 am-  She starts to wrestle around and I talk to her softly to get her to wake up.  We start our day.

So, she slept really well from 11:00 pm until 5:40 am.  And even then she just took 5 minutes to eat and went right back to sleep until 7:50.  I am so super excited about how well that went!!!  Let's cross our fingers that tonight goes as well.  (I did use the white noise machine). I'll update again tomorrow.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Crib Transitioning 101

The time has come for Paisley to pack her stuff and get to moving into her own room.  This is far from easy for me to admit because I LOVE having her next to me.  Her sweet baby breath on my skin, the gentle way she snuggles in, the ease of nursing her without getting up.  Alot of it is laziness on my part and I get a full night of sleep because our bed keeps her sleeping peacefully.  Our bed = Baby Benadryl.

BUT... it's kinda like when someone buys a cuddly little cub and then suddenly can't figure out what to do with a big, crazy lion when it gets bigger.  Yeah, it's a stretch, but this child is starting to wrestle/abuse me.  She loves to grab parts of my face and pull/twist.  Not a good way to wake up.  And I always know when it's time to cut her nails by how many scratches I have on my face.  Her new favorite is to curl her freakishly strong legs up to her chest and kick me in the belly. 

The princess had 9 months to kick me all she wanted.  My tummy needs a break.  And she needs her own bed to scoot all over.  I refuse to upgrade to the california king size due to a 12 pound baby. 

My thought is it's time to poop or get off the pot.  I have to stop putting this off because I'm dreading how horribly it's going to go.  I don't look forward to returning to sleepless nights.  And I will miss her like crazy!  But she has a pretty, cozy room we made just for her.

Now, any advice on how to do this???  How did this go for you experts out there?  Will I ever sleep again?

I'll update tomorrow on how this fun project is going...

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Milestones....

Seems to have been a BUSY week for Miss Paisley!  She is changing so quickly right now I can hardly believe it.  This week, she is smiling more than ever, giggling more (even though I can't ever get enough), and playing with things she'd previously been uninterested in.  She likes to sit in her exersaucer now even though her little legs don't touch and play with the toys.  She can grasp things now which is super sweet.

Yesterday, she started rolling over from back to belly every time I'd try to change her diaper on our ottoman or the floor.  Then today, she started doing consecutive rolls from back to belly to back all the way across the floor!  Of course, I think she's a genius.  Probably she's just preparing to be a VERY busy baby.  And letting us know that we might start thinking about baby-proofing in the near future...

She's becoming more talkative and makes lots of heartwarming noises.  She still says "ah-goo", but now also makes this adorable growling sound, and is trying to blow raspberries.  She loves to stick her tongue out and thinks it's really funny when I make fish faces at her!

I can't believe I've become "that" mom who goes on and on about seemingly silly things that my baby is doing!!!  Those silly things sure seem magical now!!!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Random Post

I have several topics to talk about, so this is a hodge podge of mostly useless info!

Weight:  I've lost some!!!  My weight had fallen quickly from 150 to 130 after Paisley exited the uterus, but then it froze there.  I started going to Zumba and step class three days a week last month and have lost 4 more pounds since then.  My goal is to get back to 120 before we get pregnant again (if we're that lucky), and I can start the whole cycle over...  My clothes are finally fitting a little more, but I did buy some jeans in the next size up which is MUCH more comfortable!  I just never knew this would be so tough.

Sleep:  Totally jinxed us when I bragged about her.  That night she woke up twice to eat, but then slept through the night again last night.  So, who knows?  But she is back to only sleeping in our bed.  The night before last she only slept one hour in her cradle before waking up.  So, last night I just put her with us to start.  Problem here is that I LOVE sleeping with her.  It's the sweetest thing in the world to wake up next to her warm cuddly body.  I like her sweet hand that she rests on my chest and the amazing smiles she gives when she first wakes up.  Call me a pushover.  I deserve it.  But you know how much nicer it is to wake up by her instead of an ovulation chart and thermometer?

Breasts: Feeding is still going really well, I'm luckily making enough to feed her and save about 10 ounces extra a day.  I have no idea why I'm worried about stockpiling it because this child HATES bottles.  She took one from my mom last weekend as a last resort when she figured out I wasn't home to feed her.  She took 6.5 ounces which I thought was probably good.  Obviously I don't know how much she's eating, since my breasts don't have measurements on them.  You know what they do have though?  Stretch marks.  My belly escaped without any, yet my poor boobs have a ton.  Mainly on the bottom side, which I guess is to be expected when they grow 2 cup sizes.  It's all worth it though so Paisley can get milk, and I can save money on formula.  :)

Schedule:  I'm thinking that I may try getting her on a more predictable eating schedule.  Do your babies eat on a schedule or just as needed?  It would be easier for when I go back to work part-time since she'll be with Aaron.  That way he can prepare her bottle (hope she didn't hear me type that word) ahead of time.  Plus, it would be nice for me to know when she might get hungry.  I was thinking of doing every 3 hours since it seems to fall around then anyways.  Does this work for anyone else?  Any suggestions?  As far as sleep schedules, she has NONE.  She usually goes to sleep around 10:30, but hates waking up early.  She'd like to stay in bed until about 9:30 and is not too happy when I wake her up earlier than that.   Naps are all over the place and last anywhere from 20 minutes to 2 hours. 

I'm still learning more and more about her all the time and feel like I'll never quite understand what I'm doing!

Monday, November 29, 2010

You're Getting Verrrry Sleepy!!!

Ms. Paisley slept through the night the past 2 nights!  Hoooooray!!!!!  One night she slept in her cradle next to the bed and then last night she slept with us, but whatever. I miss her if she's SO far away! She fell asleep at about 10:30 and woke up at 7:00 to eat.  SUPER EXCITING!!! 

I didn't do anything different, she just slept.  And I realize that people consider it through the night if they sleep 6 hours straight, but I didn't count that.  I wanted a full 8.  My breasts would've preferred a middle of the night feeding, but they don't get a say in this.  :)


Seeing her Great-Grandpa on Thanksgiving

Looking adorable in her turkey outfit!

Enjoying IHOP on the morning after Thanksgiving which is my annual tradition with my mom
My life with her just gets sweeter all the time as she's growing up and getting more interactive.  She's found her feet and loves to try to reach them.  A good friend gave me some socks that are brightly colored and have a rattle toy on the tips so she plays in those alot.  Her bouncer seat is still her best friend and she adores the yellow giraffe attached to her carseat handle.  Some days I think I'll paint myself a flourescent color just so she'll love me as much as her toys!

She's starting to drool like crazy which leads to all of her clothes being soaked...  and I'm praying it doesn't mean a tooth is headed our way because my breasts are SO not ready for that!!!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Feeling a bit more thankful this year!!!

Thanksgiving 2009 could have been erased from the calendar for all I cared.  Same for Christmas.  We didn't even put up a tree last year because of my pitiful mood.  Why celebrate?  We had just spent our 2nd year trying to get pregnant with miserable results.  I'd had my ovarian drilling followed by unexpected hospitalization for a uterine infection.  Aaron had his varicocelectomy.  Our RE was beginning to recommend using donor "goods" since ours seemed so flawed.  Our awesome BFP turned into a nightmare when our baby failed to develop.  That was followed by a D&C.

I dreaded the holidays last year.  I had to put on that stupid fake smile and wipe away my tears so the family would think things were fine.  When the video camera came out and my mother-in-law asked what everyone was thankful for, I wanted to throw it through a window.  When I found out about several unplanned pregnancies, my heart sank with jealousy.  When everyone pitied me because I was a mess, I knew they were right.

The year seemed to center around failure, disappointment, and tears.  Until December 15th, when the year made a last ditch attempt at salvation and I got another BFP.  And now that little 2nd line on the test is an amazing 3-month-old with a ton of personality packed into her little 12 pound body!

I am thankful for her curiosity in the world around her.  And for the chance to introduce her to new things.

I am thankful for her innocence and perfection.

I am thankful for her sweet voice, amazing giggles and adorable smile.
It's pretty much impossible this year to not feel like the luckiest girl in the world.  I've been blessed with so much in my life.  She was worth every single thing we endured during 2008 and 2009.  And for the first time in a very long time, I'm actually looking forward to the holidays.  Happy Thanksgiving!

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Opinions

During pregnancy, people feel compelled to give you their opinions about everything from the place you deliver to the food you eat to how much weight you've gained.  I felt like delivery couldn't come soon enough so that I could stop listening to the constant tips and advice I was receiving, not to mention those who want to relive their terrible birth experiences in full detail to someone who is about to have a baby... 

Paisley was born and the unwanted advice didn't stop.  It didn't even slow down... in fact, it increased!  Moms of newborns as well as those who now have grandkids all had passionate opinions about EVERYTHING. I have felt overwhelmed by the amount of information, both factual and craptual, that I have been bombarded with.

And let's just take a moment to realize that I'm not the kind of person who does extensive research on anything or follows the rules to a T. I think people get to wrapped up in that stuff. Aaron and I both are the kind to make last minute plans, show up late for everything, and wing it as we go.  I didn't read a single pregnancy or parenting book (still haven't), only ask advice of those who I feel have reasonable ideas, and rarely stress if I'm not like everyone else.  For example, I bought the carseat I bought because it's the one everyone else had so I figured it must be safe. 

I let my sweet pea sleep in our bed (which I LOVE), nurse on demand, and immediately address her needs when she cries.  I have no set schedule, let her stay up late (she also sleeps late), she watches TV with us at times, and I forget to do tummy time some days.  And I've been told by some that I'm making mistakes.  And maybe I am.  But it's working for us.

Paisley and I may not do anything right or "by the books", but I know she's happy, healthy and growing.  I love to read all the other blogs and see what people say about breastfeeding, formula, diapers, daycare, sleep training, development, etc.   I've learned that no 2 babies are anything alike and that my baby isn't going to follow any book.  There isn't a right or wrong when it comes to raising them in most areas.  What they need is love, affection and a stimulating environment and I feel that they'll be just fine. 

Paisley is well-loved and I can only hope that she remembers that about her childhood.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Christmas pictures

Paisley at her Christmas shoot!  I had no idea she could lift her body up so much...  :)


We're still doing good around here.  I left with her with my mom for 4 hours on Saturday morning to go work at Aaron's clinic and it wasn't too bad!  My mom loved it, Paisley never noticed, and I survived without a mental breakdown.  In fact, I didn't even cry!  :)

Sleep has been going pretty well here.  We fall asleep about 10-11 pm (I know it's late, but she won't fall asleep earlier) and she wakes up around 4:30 to eat, then sleeps until about 8-9 am.  Some nights she wrestles more than usual, but the past 2 nights she's slept soundly.  Of course she's still in our bed and I'm not quite sure when that's going to change.  The child is still not okay with being put down for naps in her crib or cradle, so I know overnight is out of the question.

She's a happy baby for the most part, but I'd never call her "easy".  She has a way she wants things done and if you don't do it her way, she throws a fit.  A little worried we have a diva on our hands....   Case in point:  she VERY reluctantly drank 4 ounces from a bottle on Saturday while my mom was watching her but threw a huge fit the whole time, just to remind her that it was not the way she wanted it.  My mom kept reminding her that it was my milk made just for her, but she didn't seem to feel like being rational about it!

She's talking more and more and gives such amazing smiles!  I love it when she coos and she started mimicing me when I stick out my tongue.  She loves her playgym now and turns her body in circles to play with all of the toys.  Her hand-eye coordination is less than perfect but she wildly throws her arms around and hits the toys hanging from it.  Super cute.  And she still adores her bouncer seat, but despises the swing...  You win some, you lose some! 

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Back to Work?!?!?!?

Aaron casually mentioned last night that maybe I should start looking for a part-time job soon.  Those seemingly harmless words opened up a floodgate of emotion and I handled it in the best way I knew how...  I cried a little uncontrollably for the next hour while holding Paisley as close as possible so as to prevent anyone from seperating us.

The "plan" (which I now refer to as "worst plan ever") from the beginning was that I would take off until somewhere around the 1st of the year and then find a part-time job.  And by part-time, he's just saying 2 days a week.  My problem with this plan now is that the 1st of the year came WAY too quickly and 2 days at work = 2 days away from this amazing baby. 

So, I panicked!  And I know how ridiculous it is.  I've been so fortunate that I'll have about 5 months at home with her and that I can just go back part-time after that.  This is an amazing situation that I've been given, and I really am thankful.  And she'll be staying with him at the clinic on the days I go to work, so we won't even have to put her in daycare.

BUT...  I will miss her so much it's unbearable!  What if I miss something?  Even if it's just that breathtaking smile that I see frequently these days.  I don't want to miss a single one.   I know she'll be fine, but I'm worried about how I'll survive without her.  During pregnancy, it was such a wonderful feeling knowing that she was always with me.  And since then, I've barely spent any time away from her. 

Arrgghhhh... I can't believe how much overwhelming love and intense affection I have developed for this little lady.  She is a vital part of me now and I have no idea what to do without her.  How am I going to send her to full-day kindergarten in 5 short years?????

Monday, November 8, 2010

Paisley's First Surgery

No need to worry- Paisley didn't have surgery.  She just "helped" her daddy out with one at the clinic.  He spayed a racoon this morning and we decided that sounded like something we might want to see, so we headed up there to watch.

Aaron and Emma (the racoon) before surgery

Me and Emma...  she's drowsy from her anesthetic

Racoons are not into S&M, she's prepped for surgery
The end of her baby-makin' days---Her uterus and ovaries are about to be gone


Paisley's excitement was overwhelming- she slept the whole time!
Everything went great with the surgery and Emma went home this afternoon feeling fine.  Well, you can't ask her how she's feeling obviously, but she was acting like herself.  :)

We love getting to spend time with Aaron during the week and I always enjoy a good surgery, so I'd say it was a great day!

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Fast Learner? Not so much...

Sure wish I had figured out 2 months ago that sleep gowns will pull on from the feet up and that it's not necessary to force those stupid things over the baby's head, causing her to get angry.  That elastic band at the bottom seemed so difficult to maneuver over her head!

Paisley's reaction to figuring out a simpler way to put on our favorite sleep attire
Why did I not notice that the head hole is huge?  Makes a girl wonder if there are other things I'm missing that would make life easier... 

We went to see Saw 3D tonight which was awesome!  I can't believe how much I miss her when I'm away for 2 hours.  Halfway through the movie I felt the urgency to rush home to her, which I resisted because Aaron would make fun of me plus the movie was great.  (If you're into ridiculously bloody movies with terrible acting-  I happen to love it). 

Things are great around here.  Paisley is getting more and more fun every day and I fall deeper in love with her every second.  It's crazy how I never feel like there's enough time in the day to spend with her, even though I'm always with her.   Her smile melts my heart, her tears break my heart, and she has shown me how much love I'm capable of having for someone else.  Truly incredible.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

More pictures...

 My mom luckily took lots of pictures from Halloween too so she had a non-blurry picture of the 3 of us!!!  Yay!  I'm super excited that we don't all have to get re-dressed up to get this shot. 
The Beekeeper with his Bees
Nothing says "Let's Party" like breastfeeding in a bee costume!!!  Does anyone else think fishnet hose are really comfortable?  Wish they were appropriate for work/church/etc....

Having a little chit-chat with her Grandma

She's obviously the highlight of this picture, but let me point out that I'm wearing pre-pregnancy jeans here...  They weren't fun to get on and definitely not as comfortable as wearing elastic waistbands, but I'm in them!!!
Question: for those who have breastfed or are currently breastfeeding, did you start having cycles again?  I haven't had a period which I know can be normal while breastfeeding, but when does it come back?  I know people have gotten pregnant while breastfeeding so some people obviously cycle.  Just curious, because there is that crazy part of me that worries that I'll go back to my old ways and never have another period...  Stupid infertility always has me worried!

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Happy Halloween!!!

Paisley celebrated her 1st Halloween this weekend, which has been so much fun.  Mainly for us, since she doesn't realize...  We went to a friend's party on Friday night, then had our own party last night after some trick-or-treating around our neighborhood.  She's exhausted from all the fun!

 Her bee costume was a bit warm and she was kinda too long for it, so it wasn't her favorite thing to wear...  Mine, however, made it really easy to breastfeed which was great!
A picture with her favorite twins, Renna and Reagan!  Don't mind her expression, again it's just her hatred of the bee costume.  She loves sheep!

Here's a group of picture of us with our friends Mendy and Adam.  This is before we went trick-or-treating which was super fun!  Sure, none of our kids are really old enough to eat candy, but we sure enjoyed it!


 Because I have no idea how to get these pictures in better order since every time I drag them to a new place everything gets a little crazier, let's just skip around...  This is just a cute picture of Paisley that makes me wonder why I don't put her in hats more often.



This is the amazing face I wake up to every morning.  I took this one right after she woke up this morning before we even got out of bed.  This is the most amazing face to wake up next to.  (No offense, Aaron.)  I need to point out that this smile is usually accompanied by toots and a strong scent of urine since she goes all night without a diaper change...
Paisley doing some sweet cuddling the other night.
The only picture we got of the 3 of us is blurry so we may have to all get dressed up again to get a good picture!
And finally, one more picture of that amazing smile.  I was never a morning person until I met her...

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Once an infertile, always an infertile

One of my favorite blogger friends who is still on the journey to pregnancy posted a wonderful reminder that it's hard to be "left behind" when everyone else gets pregnant/has babies and you still don't.  She feels sad and angry that others have forgotten about her now that they've gotten what they wanted.  They no longer keep up their blogs and never leave comments.

This was a wonderful reminder to me that I don't ever want to forget what I've been through to get to where I am today.  Paisley is only here because of a wonderful team of doctors, many dollars spent, countless prayers on our behalf, several surgeries endured, and way too much heartache to imagine.  And I only survived it all because I had the most amazing husband, incredible friends, and a supportive family.

The blogging world was a huge comfort for me during my darkest days.  I would come home from another failed appointment in tears, write a despondent blog about how I'd never have a baby, and then you all would leave wonderful responses of encouragement and understanding.  And I still rely on you all even now, because let's face it- motherhood is challenging at times! 

So, I just want to remind all of those who have had babies or are pregnant/adopting to keep supporting those who are having hard times still.  Never forget what you've been through to get here, if it's even possible to forget...   I think it's so important for us all to remember that we're really in this together.  And for those of you who are still wishing for that special little person, know that we all still care.  It's like a special (sometimes sucky) club that we were all chosen for.  One of the best things to ever come of my infertility is all the amazing friendships that I made that wouldn't have happened otherwise.  So, if you ever need encouragement or a shoulder to cry on, I'm still here.  I'm still the same infertile girl I was last year, just a little more sleep deprived and thankful now.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Sleep

Paisley is currently asleep in her CRIB (yeah, you read that right) and has been for 25 minutes.  Her morning nap hasn't been much more than a little catnap, so that's already pretty good for her.  Plus, it's the first time she's really slept in there at all!  She started taking a pacifier last week which has made her sleep even better.  And I have her heartbeat sound monitor on, which could be helping.

I realized that she's starting to really need a good afternoon nap or she's cranky in the evenings.  Problem is, she'll only sleep for a long period of time if I lay down with her.  So, I'm working on the crib this week.  Well, starting today anyways.  And this first trial is going well!!!

She'll still be sleeping with us at night for now since it's easiest to nurse her in bed and we're getting about 10 hours of sleep that way.  She only nurses once overnight, but I'm just loving the convenience still.

Some of you asked about baptism pictures and I'll post them as soon as I get them from the friend who took them for us.  She looked amazing in her light pink, frilly Gap dress.  And I managed to find a dress to wear after a somewhat depressing session of realizing that none of my dress clothes fit.  (The people who said I only gained weight in my belly were apparently VERY wrong...)  My new breast size is a huge problem in finding shirts to wear.  They're now tight through that area, show major cleavage and are too short.  And trust me, the midriff look is not good...

And lastly, I forgot to update on birth control.  We've decided to go with the spermicidal suppositories.  It has a 70% effectiveness which is fine with me.  If we are able to get pregnant with that 30% failure rate and our combined reproductive problems, then so be it.   We're really hoping for a 2nd baby, so we'll probably be the crazy couple with babies close in age.  And I'll be thrilled to death if we're lucky enough for it to happen again!!!  (Just got to get these last 10 pounds off first so I can wear my clothes.)

Paisley's still asleep in her crib and it's now been 30 minutes!!!

Monday, October 25, 2010

Paisley's Baptism

Paisley's baptism was yesterday and it was beautiful!  One of my favorite ceremonies in the Methodist church is the baptism of babies.  It's such a sweet ritual and I remember watching these in the past and wondering if I'd ever be up there with my own baby.  They were almost hard to bear during the darkest part of my infertility and especially following my miscarriage.

Our pastor baptized her with my husband, my in-laws, my mom, my best friend, and Aaron's brother and sister up front.  She then held her and walked her around to introduce her to the congregation while everyone sang the sweetest lullaby.  I thought I'd post the lyrics....wish I could sing them, but you'll just have to imagine since my singing voice is terrible!

Paisley, Paisley, God claims you.
            God helps you, protects you, and loves you too.
            We this day do all agree a child of God you’ll always be.
Paisley, Paisley, God claims you.
            God helps you, protects you, and loves you too.
            We are here to say this day that we will help you on your way.
Paisley, Paisley, God claims you.
            God helps you, protects you, and loves you too.

I felt so incredibly proud to be her mother as I watched the congregation smile at her.  My eyes filled with tears as I heard the song for the first time since we had her.  It's crazy how certain things trigger my emotions to resurface.  Apparently, that song was a big one! 

It's amazing how many people love this baby.  She is so blessed to have such a great family, and we are incredibly lucky to have her in our lives!!!

Friday, October 22, 2010

Mystery Solved!!!

Paisley took two bottles today!!!  Yes, you read that right.  After a million different tries and absolutely no success, we figured it out.

Up until today, I've pumped and then made her bottle with that milk.  Well, apparently she likes her milk a little warmer if she's going to take it by bottle.

SILLY ME!!!  Someone call DHS, because I obviously have no idea what I'm doing here!  :)

Today, my mom took from my frozen stash to make her bottle and she took it like a champ.  NO problem at all.  So all we can figure is that she likes it a little warmer than normal when it's in bottle form.  Problem solved.  Aaron and I just got home from seeing a movie and she stayed home with my mom.  It was actually pretty great to get away for a minute and then I was SO excited to see her when we were headed home...

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Happy 2 months!

Let's start this by saying that Paisley gives her 2 month shots a HUGE thumbs-down.  She woke up in a beautiful mood this morning and did her usual smile at mama and snuggle.  I got up to pump before my breasts sprung a leak and let her cuddle with her dad for a while.  Then we went to the pediatrician's office...

Which is when it all went to crap.  She didn't notice the 1st shot, but screamed for the next 2.  I've apparently never actually heard her really cry.  But she did it today.  And I was relieved when she calmed down a minute later and quickly fell asleep for 3 hours.  Seemed like we had it easy.  Until she woke up.  REALLY angry.  She screamed for a long time, until we gave her a warm bath and some tylenol.  Then she and I took a nap together.  She's now awake again and really cranky.

The pediatrician suggests not giving tylenol unless necessary.  I'm calling this necessary!  And it's heartbreaking to see her so sad.  I just want to fix it and make her my happy baby again!!!  In other doctor's office news, she weighs 10 pounds, 2 ounces and was almost 23 inches long.  She said everything looks great.

Anyways, I'm off to attempt to calm my fussy little angel and give her dad a break!

Monday, October 18, 2010

A Picture Post...

Paisley attending her 1st wedding!  I luckily had a dress that matched hers and actually fit.  She's already discovered the beauty of a black dress. She did great except for the giant poop with outstanding sound effects right before the wedding started.  :)  That's my classy girl.
Cheering on her undefeated Cowboys!

This is the mess we had to clean up after leaving the movie theatre from seeing "Life as we Know it".    I put her in her carseat, and look what she did.  Taking a car seat completely apart to wash it is NOT fun.  Reassembling the carseat is even worse.
My little old woman before playing mini golf.  Has to get her UV protection!
Pretending to be Baby Carlos from the Hangover.  She loved mini golf and we got 2nd place (3 of us played).
It wasn't actually too much different to golf with baby strapped on to me as it was while 9 months pregnant.  Just looks so much cooler now.  :)