Amber and Aaron

Amber and Aaron

The Fun We've Already Had...

  • Graham Tomas born July 31 at 5:04 P.M. weighing 8 lbs, 12 oz.
  • December 2, 2011: PREGNANT!!!
  • Paisley Kate arrived August 21 at 5:38 P.M. weighing 7 lbs, 9 oz
  • DUE DATE: August 25, 2010!!!
  • Dec. 14, 2009- PREGNANT!!!
  • Oct. 07,2009- Had elective D&C.
  • Sept 28, 2009- No embryo on ultrasound. :(
  • Sept 15th, 2009- We found out we're PREGNANT!!!
  • Sept '09- Aaron had varicocele repair.
  • July '09- IUI #1 with HCG shot= No such luck
  • April '09- Ovarian drilling surgery, followed by hospitalization for uterine infection
  • Jan-Mar '09- metformin + 3 rounds of clomid= no ovulation
  • Dec. 11, 2008- Hysterosalpingogram (Fancy word for shooting dye through the ovaries. OUCH)
  • Nov '08- Sent to RE. Tried metformin alone for two months (No ovulation)
  • Oct '08- Diagnosed with PCOS based on amenorrhea and crazy hormone levels.
  • June '08- Aaron convinced me to start trying.
  • June '04- Got Hitched!

Thursday, December 29, 2011

The Best of Intentions

I've had several blog friends have babies lately and it has brought me back to when I was due with Paisley.  You have so many thoughts, hopes, worries and expectations about the biggest day of your life.  Everyone tells you what to prepare for and what to bring to the hospital (turns out I needed a nanny and lots of vaginal ice packs) and of course shares their own horror stories as if that will help you somehow.  And many girls make out detailed birth plans with every aspect of a birth planned out to a T.

But babies don't read birth plans (or sleep books for that matter).  They come when they want as if due dates mean nothing to them.  I mean, are they not following our countdown calendars?  I was just trying to get some extra sleep on a Saturday morning when Paisley woke me up with gut-wrenching contractions.  Not my plan.

And I know so many girls who are forever disappointed that they had a c-section and didn't get to experience natural childbirth.  In my opinion, nothing about it is "natural".  And nothing about it was all that beautiful either.  You should have seen my episiotomy!

But all that matters in the end is that a healthy baby is brought into the world and placed safely in your arms.  And I honestly think that no matter how it happens, where it happens or when it happens, you probably always wish you could have changed something.  I wish I hadn't panicked so much when I went into labor.  I wish I'd taken the time to shower and look decent considering I despise the photos of me from that day.  I wish Aaron and I had more alone time together during labor.  And I wish that epidurals could be placed before the contractions begin.  :)

Paisley is here though and she's perfect.  And my birth plan goals were all actually met.  Pretty easy since I only had 2.  Make it to the hospital and get an epidural.  Check and check.   So, keep it simple.  Nope, it isn't necessarily fun and definitely not easy, but it's one day.  Just get the baby here safely and with as little pain as possible (just my preference).  Unless you love pain. Then go for it.  :)

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Merry Christmas

The holidays were so enjoyable this year!  I cannot believe how much more fun things are now that Paisley is here to share them with.  The enthusiasm she brings to life is just infectious! 

She opened gifts very slowly and meticulously, and then just wanted to play with whatever it was.  I'd have to encourage her to move on to the next one.  She got lots of great new toys to play with!  And I actually love the new stuff too!!!

Even better, my "biological father" and "Mother Trucker" didn't show up for Christmas which made things perfect!  The family was able to really enjoy each other without worrying about any drama.  Other than the normal silly stuff my family always manages on creating! 

I'll update more later, just wanted you all to know that we're still here!  Just enjoying the holidays and time together.  :)

Monday, December 19, 2011

Bubble Guppies

Paisley absolutely loved TV when she was a newborn.  She'd crane that head all the way around like an owl to sneak a peek of whatever was on.  Even if it was something sucky like golf.  I think she owes all of her neck muscle strength to this!  It was one of the only ways to get a minute or two to rush around getting things done before she required our undivided attention again. 

Then she could ignore it no matter what show was on.  It could be at the highest volume showing crazy bright colors and blaring music and she'd go on about her business like it didn't exist.  She's actually really good at being "selective" already.  What she hears, what she's able/wlling to do, what she likes/dislikes...

Until about a month ago when she discovered her 1st true love.  The Bubble Guppies.  It's a show on Nickelodeon about fish.  And she loves it.  She will sit and watch an entire 30-minute show.  Which is great for us because she is not the easiest child to entertain.  She'll even squeal when it comes on! 

And before anyone gets onto me about TV watching, I keep Paisley very busy with baby gym, art and music classes, playdates with friends and other activities.  But this mama needs her hands free once in a while!!!

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Child Labor Laws?

My husband and I own a vet clinic for those who don't already know.  And we bring Paisley with us to work everyday.  My office is set up for her as a play room, so it hardly looks professional at all.  I have alphabet floor mats, stuffed animals, a little bed for her, diapers, and toys galore.  And then shoved in "my corner", I have all of our important tax papers, payroll stuff, etc.  Seems fair enough.

This has been an amazing situation.  We've gotten to both spend lots of time with our little girl as she's gotten bigger and her love for animals has just blossomed.  Currently we have a stray cat that we found in a dumpster that she adores.  He lets her love on him like crazy, carry him around, and squeeze him.  Perfect friendship.

Hanging out with one of her best friends (also one of our employees)

Playing in her stray kitty's cage
Our clients also love seeing her.  They've gotten to watch her grow up and it's so sweet how many of them will schedule appointments based on when she'll be in the clinic.  But now it's even more fun because she's starting to act like she needs to greet them when they come in.  She'll head to the front of the clinic when the door dings.  And she loves waving and saying "hello".  Plus, she adores ALL animals.   We truly are blessed!

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Naughty or Nice?

Giving Santa her wish list

Watching the fish at Bass Pro

Doing art and crafts at Bass Pro after her picture

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Sleepless Beauty?

You all had tons of great suggestions, and even better- sympathy- for our current sleep debacle.   Here's what we may have figured out.  I fed her more during the entire day the past 2 days and she has slept good the past 2 nights.  In fact, Monday morning she woke up at 6 but after a sippy cup of milk, she slept in my bed until 9:00.  I could of swore it was Christmas morning.  :)

And as far as questions about naps ruining her sleep at night, I think we can rest assured that naps are not the problem.  She only takes one ever and it typically is about an hour long.  On a good day.  I'm pretty sure that she'll have outgrown naps by the time she's 2.

And as for putting her down earlier and us going to bed earlier, problem is that she doesn't fall asleep until about 10 now and wakes up at about 7 normally (prior to our current issue).  So, we already didn't get any adult time at night and I have been getting ready for work with a child clinging on to me for a while now.  Not so easy, but it's our life.

So, the moral of this whole saga is that Paisley doesn't require much sleep at all to function and be in a good mood.  Furthermore, she doesn't care how much sleep mom and dad require to be good human beings because she's a bit selfish right now.  But she's worth the bags under my eyes and careless errors made out of exhaustion because she's amazing.  And apparently doesn't want to waste a minute of her life sleeping...  :)

Monday, December 5, 2011

Sleeping Beauty

Anyone who has read my blog for any length of time knows that sleep has been a battle in this house.  I cringe every single time I have to hear the phrase, "my baby slept through the night from the first night at home."  I try to imagine that these people are pathological liars and that babies like that have as much likelihood of existing as unicorns.  But I think maybe some people really are that lucky.  And I also think that until you have a baby who requires next to no sleep that you'll never know true sleep deprivation.

So you might guess that when Paisley finally started sleeping 8 hours straight, I felt like I'd won the lottery.  After all, she was like 8 months old.  And even then, we'd go through periods of waking up again for a while.  But things have been solid for about 3-4 months now so I crossed that obstacle off our list.

Until 2-3 weeks ago when she suddenly remembered that she likes to wake up in the middle of the night.  Except now, she can stand up in her crib and scream a heck of a lot louder than she could back then.  And I'm a little worried that my little climber may scale the crib wall at some point.  I've tried multiple attempts at solving this problem.

I've moved her bedtime earlier.  I've let her stay up later.  I've given her more milk before bed.  I've fed her more solids.  This is one tough nut to crack.  She is consistently waking me up at about 4-5 am.  And I get up at 7 am.  If you do the math, that adds up to a tired mama. 

And she is so super easy to lay down at night.  I brush her teeth, turn on her sound machine and then just lay her down in her crib.  She curls up adorably and falls asleep without a peep.  So it's not like she hates her room.  And even if I bring her into our room to sleep with us which used to work wonders, she now wrestles and sticks her finger in my eyes and nose, and pulls my hair not so sweetly. 

We've got an opening for an overnight nanny.  Pay won't be very much at all, but she sure is cute.    :)

Friday, November 25, 2011

Return of the Black Sheep

It just isn't the holidays if my idiotic bio-dad doesn't show up with his trashy wife and wreak havoc at my Grandma's house...

I've described him as the "black sheep" of the family on this blog before and I can't reiterate enough how I think this term was actually invented specifically for him.  He seems to have made it his life's goal to prove that he is the black sheep every chance he gets.

Thanksgiving morning we always go out to my Grandma's house, including my mom even though she and my dad have been divorced 30 years.  She is definitely more welcome than he is.  This was the 1st year without my Grandpa so that was tough, and everyone was on their best behavior.  It's a huge family with tons of cousins and lots of great-grandkids.  It's always been my favorite place to celebrate the holidays.  Of course, we have little family fights.  One year, it was over the gravy.  Another it was about gloves.

But then Black Sheep and Mother Trucker (she's a truck-driver) show up and try to ruin the festivities.  Even though it's only noon, he's already been indulging himself in some substances so he quickly "falls asleep" in a lawn chair in the backyard.  She came sauntering into the house wearing a leather, zip- up, biker type shirt that was not zipped up nearly enough.  And had nothing on underneath it. My eyes are still burning from seeing that.   Pretty sure I'll never be the same again.

Meanwhile, Black Sheep wakes up after being encouraged to move into a lower piece of furniture in case of a fall and starts trouble as usual.  He is told to leave by multiple family members and so Mother Trucker does what any good wife would do and drags him out to their car.  We luckily never saw anything else of him. 

But she comes back in to start drama with her daughter (my half-sister) and ends up leaving too.  But not before loading up a gigantic plate of food to take.  Aaron thinks they treat it like a soup kitchen and just come get their bellies full and then leave to go no telling where.

What would the holidays be without a couple of crazy relatives???

Monday, November 21, 2011

Possessed by the Holiday Spirit

Normally, I'm what people would refer to as a Scrooge.  The holidays have, for the most part, really gotten on my nerves and even caused anxiety attacks.  The biggest culprits being Christmas and Thanksgiving. Because with all that said, I L-O-V-E Halloween.  And I can tell you what the big difference is.  Christmas and Thanksgiving are very traditional, rigid holidays with a lot of strings attached.  Compared to Halloween, which is just fun and easy-going. 

I usually vomit when I hear carols playing in stores starting in September, and cringe when I hear a countdown to Christmas.  Turkey and its fixings are just okay in my book (I'd pick mexican food anyday) since they're kinda bland.  The weather is turning cold and crappy.  And I get a little weird about opening gifts in front of others.  Oh, and I hate shopping for gifts to give unless I know exactly what they want.  The only good thing about this time of year was Chevy Chase's Christmas Vacation.

Recently, I started thinking I must have come down with a terrible illness.  Suddenly, I was humming along to Christmas carols and shopping enthusiastically for gifts.  There was this strange little feeling inside of me that felt excited and eager and happier than usual.  And it occurred to me that I was feeling something I hadn't felt since I was 8. 

The Christmas Spirit.

And it felt really good.  My best guess is that Paisley has brought this out in me.  Last year she was only 4 months old at this time and I was too exhausted to acknowledge the holidays.  But this year it has really sunk in.  I have an amazing little girl to share them with.  Soon, she'll love gift-giving, and leave a plate for Santa Claus, and understand the meaning of Christmas.  And it will bring back all of the magic of the season that I so long ago forgot.  

Thursday, November 17, 2011

You're Too Good To Me...

After numerous facebook messages, texts, and comments left by my very sweet and loyal followers, I've decided that this blog must go on.  You all reminded me that even if people don't comment very often, it doesn't mean that they no longer read my updates.  Apparently some people like to follow my boring, pretty predictable life.  And let's face it, I really do love writing.   Even if no one reads it.

So, it's going to just have to fit in the schedule.  No more half-assing it.  I need to be better about commenting on others' posts and updating more frequently.   Because this blog truly has been my lifeline during the hardest times of my life and you are amazing friends who deserve better.  Who knows what life may hand me next.  I may just need you all again. 

Since I'm back from retirement already (sure was a lovely break), I had a comment about baby #2.  Good question.  How about you all just answer that for me?  It's not nearly as black and white as I'd hoped it would be.  The thought of going back to the RE right now is just not happening.  You know, I'd made an appointment.  And then cancelled it since Aaron was in the hospital trying to die on me.  Not a good time to go see the doctor for family planning.  And then it just happened to never get re-scheduled.

I tracked my BBT charts for a couple of months but then tucked them back away in my nightstand drawer.  The thermometer got shoved in there too, never to return.  I ran out of OPK's a while back and never bothered to buy more.  Don't even talk to me about cervical mucus.  It's like I'm super lazy this time around. 

There are moments that I think there is nothing I'd like more than another baby. Usually when Paisley is being unusually adorable and possibly asleep. And then there are just as many other moments that I'd rather cut out my own uterus with a dull knife.  Typically after she smears poop all over my kitchen floor or has a huge meltdown in public.  I literally change my mind constantly.

So, I've kind of left it up to fate until now.  No birth control for most equals certain pregnancy.  Considering I haven't been on birth control in 3.5 years and I've managed to have one child, chances are a 2nd may not happen anyways.  And definitely not on its own.  I mean, Paisley was born almost 15 months ago and I'm not pregnant again.  But I'm not feeling it for intervention.  The drive to do anything in the world to have a baby is O-V-E-R.  I've got my precious baby.  And she certainly keeps me busy enough.  She almost made me quit this blog, for goodness sake!!!

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Time-Out from Blogging?

This blog has been my source of comfort, friendship and support for almost 3 years now.  I started it during my painful infertility battle just on the verge of undergoing my ovarian drilling which ended up being a success.  I've celebrated with you all, cried with you all, and prayed for my readers who were going through similar heartbreak.   I've even looked forward to returning from vacations so that I could check my blogger again for updates on my friends who were expecting good news soon. 

This blog has been everything to me.  It's amazing how many women I've connected to that I would never have met otherwise.  No one can help you through a tough time like someone who has been there or who is currently there too.  I swear my miscarriage would have killed me if I hadn't had such compassionate readers offering amazing words of strength and hope.  And I'm so grateful that I've had that kind of support.

But most of my long-time blog friends have babies now (thankfully) and have kinda moved on.  And I get that.  Life gets hectic with a child, to say the very least.  I've honestly had days that I never got to brush my teeth or even pee because her needs come very first.  And she seems to have a LOT of needs.  :)

So, I find that less of my friends update their blogs and even fewer comment on mine.  Which leads me to believe that fewer are following at this point.  I may just not update as frequently, but will definitely continue to follow those who are still in the middle of the journey.   I will continue to pray for those waiting, and celebrate with those who have succeeded.  But, maybe my role in the blogging world has been fulfilled.  Considering the extensive list of things I need to accomplish every day, this would be one less thing I'd feel guilty about not getting done.  :)

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Picture Success!!!

Paisley had lots of pictures taken of her on the cruise and actually enjoyed it!  She didn't burst into tears once, and doesn't appear to be suffering from PTSD now.  :)   Of course, she didn't stay still for any of the pictures, but the photographers did a great job of capturing action shots!

This was a bridge on the main floor of the cruise ship that Paisley loved to run across!

As you can see from her less-than-thrilled expression, she'd rather be running loose than have me hold her.

This was a crowd favorite.  Tons of other passengers stopped to watch this shoot, because she was being adorable!

We didn't pose any of these shots, she just played and they took pictures.  Worked so much better.

Running like crazy across her favorite bridge

She adored the DreamWorks characters.  The other kids were all terrified, so she got to spend a lot of time hugging on them.

They just heaped all the props up together and she loved it!

Sneaky little grin
I'm so guilty of becoming "that" mom.  I cannot believe I posted 8 million pictures and bragged about how cute my kid is.  Next thing you know, I'll be joining PTA and making homemade meals.   Yikes!!!

Friday, November 11, 2011

Frequent Flyer Baby

Paisley has now been on 10 flights and we have only had one near meltdown which I described several posts ago.  And I was kinda on the verge of having my own at that point, so I understand where she was coming from.  Lots of you have asked me to share how I keep her happy and what I take with us to make flying a pleasant experience.   I'm certainly no expert and mostly I just wing it when it comes to parenting.   But this girl LOVES to travel and I was determined to not let a baby slow us down. 

As far as what I take with us on the plane...  I just carry-on a little rolling suitcase that can slide easily under the seat in front of us.  I don't want to stow it overhead because crap up there is essentially useless during the flight!  We also travel with a very lightweight (8 pound) stroller which we check in at the gate.  In her bag, I keep our travel documents in the front pocket away from everything else and easily accessible.

Milk: Paisley drinks whole milk and I've taken a sippy cup of whole milk through security just fine, but I find that it's a nuisance to pack a cooler with ice to take extra for later.  So, we have been using Enfamil Toddler formula.  It's for kids over 1 and she actually really likes it, which is good for a kid that drank nothing but breastmilk.  So, I pack the formula divider bowl that holds 3 servings and an empty water bottle to fill at a water fountain before we get on the plane.  It's easy to mix it up that way and super simple to go through security.

Food:  Snacks work really well to entertain a lot of kids on a plane, but not so much my little multi-tasker.  She likes to grab a handleful of Goldfish to munch on while reading a book and playing with a doll.  So, I take them out of necessity, not so much to keep her busy.  We packed the 100 calorie bags of Goldfish and also little boxes of cereal.  I also took several bananas. 

Diapers:   I took 5 diapers, a small thing of wipes, and the wonderful little blue diaper sacks just in case she decided to drop a deuce on a plane.  Let's face it- that kid's diapers could smell up an entire shopping mall, so imagine what it could do to a plane.  Luckily, I've never had to change her on a plane and I'm still not positive how I would manage that feat.  :)

Toys:  The part I'm sure everyone really wanted me to talk about...   This time around, I packed three of her favorite books, a brand new doll, sunglasses (she loves to put them on and take them off over and over), a sticker book, a toy truck, a squishy ball, etc.  Mostly we took just tiny little toys because they're lightweight and don't take up much room.  I also had a travel pillow.  Not because I thought I'd get a wink of sleep, but to cushion my arm on the armrest when she'd fall asleep on me.

Ears Popping:  Paisley only gets a binky when she sleeps now, so they make her REALLY happy when she has one.  So, I took several with us so that she could suck on it when we took off and landed.  Her ears never seemed to be a problem, so I guess it worked well!  Giving her the sippy cup might have worked but it would be hard to get her to drink for long enough.

What we did:  We had a 2.5 hour flight and then a 1.5 hour flight both ways this time and she slept during one of the flights each way.  Paisley is great about napping anywhere so it definitely comes in handy during travel.  Otherwise, she was awake the rest of the flight time.  She loves to watch out the window during take-off and landing.  She also likes to play with the overhead light and fan.  We found that her favorite item to play with was an empty cup.  We could put her toys under it so she could lift it to find them.  She liked to talk into the cup like a megaphone.  This kept her busy the longest!  She also enjoyed flipping through the Sky Mall magazine and identifying objects she knows such as "cat", "dog", "fish", etc. 

She also likes talking to people near us.  On one flight, we had a little baby boy behind us so she loved peeking over our seats to see him.  Both babies really enjoyed interacting and stayed perfectly happy.  It really always goes so much better than I anticipate!   I'm always terrified that she's going to freak out and scream for 2 solid hours while I'm trapped on a plane, but it just never happens.  Kids seem to always surprise us!   :)

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

The Great Diaper Crisis of 2011

Sure, I could post about more important things.  But it's late.  I'm exhausted from this stupid time change.  So I want to talk about diapers.  Or I should say the lack thereof.

Packing for myself and a one-year-old in a single suitcase is difficult.  Kinda like working a rubik's cube. I have to plan very precisely for exactly what we'll need for an entire week for both of us.  And diapers take up a bunch of room in that tiny space.  So I must have done the math a bit wrong when deciding how many diapers we'd need for 7 nights, because I decided that 34 would be plenty.  In my defense, I also packed about 10 swim diapers since we'd obviously be spending a lot of time in the water. 

What I didn't account for was that due to all the amazing cruise food, including a ton of delicious fruit, my child pooped about 3 times a day.  And peed WAY more than usual, resulting in a diaper change at least every 2-3 hours.   Now, none of this was a concern to me until the 4th day when I realized that our diaper stash was getting L-O-W.  And the cruise ship, amazingly enough, did not sell diapers.  You can surf onboard, climb a rock wall, and ice skate.  But heaven forbid they sell diapers!

So we did what any intelligent parents would do, and we started using swim diapers in place of the regular ones.  What we didn't realize is that they are completely worthless in capturing any bodily fluids at all.  Don't ever swim in a pool with kids wearing swim diapers if you aren't okay with swimming in urine.  Because she peed all over my pretty dinner dress one night while wearing one.  :)

Since "Operation Swim Diaper" failed to help us, we resorted back to the regular diapers which were now like an endangered species.  This began the phase of "Commando Baby" or "Premature Potty Training".  We started letting her swim in the ocean without a diaper at all, in just her suit.  I'm sure she actually really enjoyed this, and it worked well for the most part except when she peed all over my mom while sitting on the beach.  Oops.  Still it bought us some hours that she didn't need a diaper.

And let's all admit that we have some less than stellar moments as parents.  Sadly enough, this is not the first time I had to resort to the following disgusting measure.  One night, I had just changed a really wet diaper and to my horror, she immediately goes into poop mode.  The kid loves pooping in a clean diaper.  Her face turned red, she squatted down, and started doing "shoo-ey" with her hand.  It's cute everytime she does it, but this was not the time!!!  I checked the diaper and found about 4 solid rabbit pellets in there, so I had only one option.  I fished them out with a kleenex and flushed them down the toilet.  Crisis everted.

We ended up making it home with one diaper to spare. (My mom found a package of 3 in Cozumel that we bought or we would have been using towels as cloth diapers.) I was holding on to it in case of absolute emergency.  I will pack more than enough diapers next time we travel.  I may even order a jumbo box of them online to be delivered to where I'm going just to be sure.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011


We are home from our cruise and we had a wonderful time!  I have SOOO much to catch up on, so I'm planning on posting a blog a day for a while.  We'll see if my motivation can hold up with this stupid daylight- savings-time-nonsense that is making me comatose by 7 pm...

Relaxing on a hammock in Haiti
Paisley was remarkably good.  The flights all went well again with the exception of one "incident".  It was our last flight coming home and we'd been traveling all day.  The plane was hot, Paisley was tired and I had to sit by a stranger in a very tiny seat meant for a dwarf.   The crisis began when we had delays due to the airline "overbooking" the flight.   How this is possible I still don't get.  But they kept asking for volunteers to take a later flight and we kept waiting to leave.  So, Paisley had a meltdown.

My worst nightmare.

Luckily, it only lasted about 2 minutes.   Sadly, it felt like 4 hours.  And I had her to sleep in no time, but let me tell you how many dirty glances I got in that time period.  Like I wanted her to scream.  I was trying to ruin everyone's flight...   But then she slept through the rest of the flight.  I was too afraid to move by this point and risk waking her up, so my legs were completely numb by the time we arrived home.

In her defense, she was an angel the rest of the trip.  She played quietly on the flights, entertained strangers on the cruise ship, napped wherever we were when sleepiness hit, and ate everything we offered.  She loved swimming in the ocean and playing in the sand.  She was perfect when we spent 8 hours wandering around in the hot sun.

Carrying around a rose that one of the workers on the cruise ship gave her.  We got her this dress in Jamaica and I think she's precious in it!

Ignore the fact that her daddy looks like he's passed out in the sand...

I'll post some pictures to recap a bit of our trip.  As a reminder mostly to myself, I'll be posting about "The Great Diaper Shortage of 2011", entertaining a child on a plane (by request), our cruise ports-of-call, and our drunken co-cruisers. 
Happy baby on the cruise!
Snuggling with mama!!!

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Pack, Unpack, Pack Again

I'm about to make a really lame excuse for not blogging the past week and a half, and you can feel free to judge me all you want for it.  :)  Because it's not that the past week has been busy, but this upcoming one will be and I've been concentrating on that.  You know, doing mental checklists of everything I need to get done to prepare while not actually doing anything at all to get it done. 

This week I have my annual PA conference and I'll be gone to Tulsa Tuesday night through Thursday, which I'm super excited about.  It's great to see all of my classmates and this year, it will be nice to have a small break from my normal responsibilities.  Plus, I LOVE staying in hotels.  Especially ones with pools.  :)

Then, one of my college friends will be in Friday night so we're having dinner with him (he was a bridesmaid in my wedding) and his fiance.  And after that, we leave for our cruise on Sunday!!!   We're going to Jamaica, Haiti, Grand Caymen and Cozumel.   Paisley and my mom are going with us, which I'm really happy about! 

Point of this story is that I've been a bad, bad blogger, excuses are not my strong-point, and I don't expect my blogging to improve over the next 2 weeks.  Forgive me if you can!

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Paisley's One Year Photos

I'm delayed in adding these 1st year photos because she didn't do quite as well as we'd hoped!

You might notice a complete lack of smile, or even personality in general.  :)

She liked this chair.  It was the only thing she liked.

Great shot of her adorable tutu.

Beautiful face.  Even if she does hate taking pictures.

At least she put some effort into this one with the finger.  I'm surprised she didn't use the middle one!

I love the colors of this picture even if she is a bit put off by being in it.
Picture taking is NOT fun for this family.  Paisley hates it.  So much that we have left with a child in tears and adults having panic attacks.  And it doesn't matter if we take her to a portrait studio or outdoors (like we did here), she just doesn't want to be herself for pictures.  And most of the time, she cries.  So, enjoy these.  They are most definitely the last professional photos that we'll have done for a LONG time.  :)

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Room for More Friends

I have to admit that I've been a terrible blogger since Paisley was born.  She definitely consumes a HUGE part of my day and then I like to enjoy my free time (aka: 5 minutes) by taking a rapid bath, brushing my teeth, eating, picking up toys, etc.   But I still love to follow everyone's blogs!  My problem is that alot of my blog friends have stopped writing altogether since having their own babies.  So, I'm on the lookout for some new blogs to follow.

I love to follow some that also have babies so I can relate and get advice.  I love having others where a baby just hasn't happened yet.  Those are the most important to me so that I can remind myself every day how lucky I am to have Paisley and to encourage someone who may need it.  And there's nothing more exciting than a pregnancy announcement!

So, if I'm not already a follower, leave me a comment.  I'd love to start stalking following you!  :)

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

The Dreaded Gym Nursery

This week I started back to the gym.  Or I should say that I tried to start back.   But you might remember that Miss Paisley never much liked the gym nursery.  She'd always decide to need to nurse or poop every time I'd put her in there.  Which always resulted in me getting drug away from my exercise class or machine to tend to her.  While disgustingly sweaty and with a heartrate of 160.

But it's been 3 months.  She's much more confident these days and doesn't mind strangers at all.  I know she loves playing with other kids and can walk around now.  So, this was going to be much better.  Let's face it, the milk factory shut down 5 months ago and she poops like once a day.  Surely we could make it through a step class.

The dropping off part was easy.  She actually took off across the room and began playing with a toy like it was the coolest thing she'd ever seen even though it's one we have at home that she ignores.  Funny how that works.  So I went to my class feeling amazed that she did SO well.

And about 25 minutes later, I get the dreaded gesture from the doorway that signaled me to leave class.  My baby was obviously having a meltdown.  And with my head held low, I hurried my way across the gym to rescue my poor baby from that bright, colorful, toy-filled room where a nursery attendant was trying desperately to comfort her.

One second in my sweaty arms and she was fine.  She even wanted to show me around in there and continue playing.  She just didn't want me to miss out, I guess.  So, I'll try again next week.  And maybe the week after that.   Eventually, this girl is going to work out again on a regular basis.  And that little stinker is going to realize that the gym nursery is F-U-N.

Side note:  not a good sign that my legs are actually sore today after only working out for 25 minutes.  :)

Monday, October 3, 2011

Baby Fever

Baby fever.  Girls always talk about it.  Especially when they see a tiny newborn outfit or hold a baby in the hospital or realize that their own kids are getting big.   But I have to admit that I just don't get it

I remember when my friends told me they were pregnant before we even thought of trying and I was so disappointed.  Not because I was jealous, but because I was so not there yet.  Of course I was happy for them, but no baby fever set in.  Baby showers never pulled on my heart-strings and I wasn't one to "ooh" and "aah" over stranger's babies.  Just not my thing.  Kind of like Tupperware parties or musicals.

Now, when I was at my low point in trying, I felt tremendous sadness at the sight of anything baby.  A poopy diaper at that point would have made me cry.  Now it's usually the smell that makes me tear up.  :)

But to be quite honest, I did not looooove the baby phase.  I didn't love the sleepless nights where I felt like I could do nothing right to make this tiny little person happy.  I didn't love losing the 25 pounds that didn't come off with delivery of my 7 pounder and her luggage.  I didn't love worrying about if she was eating enough or pooping enough.  I didn't love my sore, leaky breasts.  And I didn't love the constant fatigue from the sleep deprivation.

Of course, she was beautiful.  I loved her.  But not like I love her now.   She's amazing now.  She smiles and laughs and plays.  She actually LOVES me back.  I wouldn't go back for a second.  Maybe she doesn't cuddle as much, but she's so funny.  And maybe I can't just lay her in one place to get something done, but now she follows me around and mimics me.

I think at the time I worried that I wouldn't ever bond with her the way people describe.  Most moms describe it as an instantaneous love that is greater than anything.  And maybe it already was.  But it was nothing like it is now.  Like any other good relationship, I feel like it's one that just continues to get better with time.  She's my best friend these days.  So I'll gladly pack up her little tiny clothes in exchange for a more reciprocal relationship!

Friday, September 30, 2011

Life around here is getting back to normal.  Aaron went back to work and has been able to do surgery without paralysis in his arms.  :)   Definitely a positive for the animal he's operating on...   Miss Paisley has been running all over the house, clinic, baby gym, mall, grocery store, etc.   Her tiny little legs NEVER. STOP.MOVING.  It's actually amazing.  I wonder how she isn't sore the next day from the high mileage she puts on them. 

And I realized several things this week. 

1.) She doesn't get into things.  I still haven't baby-proofed anything in our house with the exception of the plug-in protectors.  And let's face it, I'm just not willing to risk it with electricity and my only child.  

2.)  She's really happy.  Many days, we go without any tears or fits.  She smiles a lot and laughs hysterically when we play peek-a-boo, if a cat or dog licks her feet or face (yep, we let them...), or during parachute time at the gym.   But let's be honest, when she does throw a fit, it can get U-G-L-Y.  So the days without are amazing.

3.)  She's VERY healthy.  This may be due to multiple factors.  She hasn't ever had to go to daycare, but is exposed to the public on a daily basis at the clinic and baby gym.  Plus, we aren't germ-a-phobes by any means so I believe she's building an immune system.  Of course, I keep things clean for her but I certainly don't keep her in a bubble!  She lives with animals and works with them, so a certain amount of germs happen.  And sometimes she eats something off the floor at home after she drops it...   But she's never needed antibiotics and has only had a fever once.  I'm still giving all credit to my breastmilk.  :)  (Even though I was formula-fed and was just as healthy).

4.)    She's probably a genius.   Okay, so I'm totally kidding, but I do think she picks up on things really quickly.  And she's in a mimicking phase right now which I LOVE.  Keeps me on my best behavior.  I was cleaning a spill off the floor the other day and she grabbed a piece of tissue and bent down to help me.  So cute!

Bragging is over.  You won't catch me doing that much, but she deserves it this week.  She's cutting two teeth right now and is in a great mood.  Still sleeping good (8 hours at night and maybe a short nap, but that's great around our house), but her eating is pitiful.   She's on pretty much a milk only diet and just doesn't care at all about solids right now.  I'm blaming the teeth, but she's over 20 pounds now so I guess the whole milk is working! 

Saturday, September 24, 2011

My Busy Little Girl!

I sometimes wonder why I don't have time in the day to blog for 15 minutes.  And then I upload our pictures from the month and remember that this little princess of mine keeps me SUPER busy!!!   Here's what Paisley's been up to these days:
Learning to drive her car, which was a 1st birthday present from her Grandma.  She fills the trunk of it with her bracelets and necklaces!

Posing for the camera- don't let her fool you.  She's a diva!

Cheering on her Cowboys!

Helping daddy with a raccoon spay at work

Eating corn on the cob at the state fair (Look- no hands!!!)

Picking apples at the state fair

Cheesing for the camera right before we tried to take professional photos for the 2nd time.  This smile quickly turned to tears when we went into the studio...  :(

Playing at Gymboree

Laughing like crazy at Gymboree

Again, Gymboree.  We have LOTS of fun here!
I apologize once again for being such an absentee blogger.  I read everyone else's blogs regularly still and even comment as much as I can.  But this is how I fill my days now.  Plus working 2 jobs and trying to sleep every now and then...

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Our Romantic Getaway

Aaron and I spent our first two nights away from Paisley this week.  Unfortunately, it entailed Aaron being hospitalized and me sleeping on a cot while nurses came in all hours of the night.  Maybe you'd like more of an explanation...

Aaron had a NASTY virus starting Friday night which caused high fevers (over 103 while taking tylenol), chills, extreme fatigue, etc.  You know, the good old flu type symptoms.   He was better enough by Monday morning that he went to work but had the other vet do the surgeries.  While his flu-like symptoms were getting better, his muscle aches and weakness were getting worse.  Not normal.

He realized that he couldn't even write with a pen due to tremors in his hands.  We thought about it for a while that evening and finally decided that we were worried enough to go to the ER.  Which we NEVER do.  The only other time we went was when my uterus tried to rot out following my ovarian drilling. 

Luckily we did, because he was diagnosed with rhabdomyolysis which is a breakdown of muscle tissue which can cause kidney failure and even death.  He was admitted and kept on IV fluids while they ran LOTS of tests to try to decide what had caused this.  All the labs have been negative so far, so we left without many answers.   The docs don't think we need to worry about it recurring and feel like it was just a really bad virus.  (He was negative for flu A&B, all tick-borne illnesses, etc.)

So, I stayed with him the whole time and my mom kept Paisley.  I was actually so focused on him that it wasn't too hard on me at all.  He and I tried to make the most of our "getaway" by watching TV together and making jokes about everything we could.  That's what I love most about this guy.  We make the best of bad situations.

We missed our RE appointment on Wednesday, obviously, but I'll reschedule once this all blows over.  We had a doc's appointment this morning to re-check his labs and we go again in 2 weeks for infectious disease, but maybe shortly after that.  In case you're wondering, my OPK's have all been very negative this month and my temp chart is like a slightly bumpy yet very level road equaling no ovulation.  :(

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Doctor's Appointment: Check

Today, I did something I never ever thought I'd do again.  I called my RE's office and scheduled an appointment.  My heart was racing and I felt like I was choking back tears as the phone rang.  I actually felt dizzy when I heard the sweet voice answer, "Center for Reproductive Health".  Amazing how different this feels from the first time around.  I was naive and ignorant and excited about starting my family.  Sure I'd been told that things weren't normal and deep down I knew that.  But I had NO idea what pain would follow nor what great lengths we would go to for a baby.  However, I was also unaware that it would all be worth it once I got my perfect baby.

I'm committing myself to this again.  I've been charting my basal body temperatures again this month,  started OPK's today (CD 13, but since my cycles are freakishly long now I'm sure I haven't missed it), and I'll be seeing my favorite doctor in the world next Wednesday.  Maybe another baby isn't meant to be, and that's okay.  God blessed us with Paisley and we are more than fortunate to have her.  And our hearts are still very open to adoption if that's the path that opens to us.

I feel peaceful with this decision and ready to endure it again.  And at least this time, I have a precious baby to love on if times are hard.  So, let's get this show on the road!

Monday, September 12, 2011

Decisions, decisions

Crap.  My approval to see Dr. Haas came in the mail today.  I totally expected them to deny it.  He's not a covered provider anymore.  And I should be excited but this is REAL now.

I can call his office and make an appointment.  Anytime.  And then I'll admit that once again I'm not normal and drag myself into his clinic to hear whatever kind of crazy bad news he has to say in his compassionate way.   The first time around, I had no idea what I was getting myself into.  I'm not quite so blissfully naive now.

And I have my beautiful angel.  What am I really willing to do for another?  I definitely don't want to take any time or money away from Paisley.  And maybe we're not ready for another baby anyways.  Maybe I never will be.

But what if I regret it if I never try again?  There's enough doubt in my mind that I'm not certain.  There are several reasons that I can't wait on this forever.  One:  my age.  Yeah, we're "only" 31, but eggs don't get better with age.  And I don't want to have kids after 35.  Period.  Two: my insurance.  I have COBRA coverage until April which doesn't leave us long until we'll both be on private (aka: crappy and expensive) insurance without maternity coverage.  Luckily, my OB will work with me as a self-pay to make it affordable, but I can't spend a ton on infertility too.  Three:  I feel like the older Paisley gets, the more I'm resistant to go back into the baby phase.  I wanted my babies close in age and they'll at least be 2 years apart now even if I got pregnant quickly.

The baby phase is tough.  I'm definitely not one of those moms who is super sad about her getting older.  I LOVE the independence she's gaining and the things she's learning and our relationship as it evolves.  And I'm not worried that I can't love a 2nd child as much as I love her, but I love that she and I share such a special relationship.  I know I have some time to think about this.  But I don't know if it'll ever be clear to me.

Side note:  I've never adapted well to change and resist it with all my might.   I also avoid healthcare as much as possible even though I work as a health care provider.  Weird, I know...  just not sure I'm ready to start hearing about my "inhospitable" mucus and "inadequate" eggs again...

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Cold Stirrups= Cold Feet

Day 40 brought AF knocking on my door again, which is exactly when it's started every month since I weaned Paisley.  Yay for consistency.  Boo for not even coming close to falling in the "regular range".  And if you're wondering why I haven't blogged in over a week, it's because it nearly killed me.  (And my marriage.)  

The cramping was terrible, my bloating made me consider pulling out my maternity clothes, I was sleeping more hours in a day than I was awake, and my mood was horrendous.  Like clomid horrendous.  Honestly, if they start going this badly from now on, I'm ready to sign up for some good ol' birth control. 

A very familiar feeling set in with this cycle and I remembered why I had been on birth control for SO many years.  Because my periods sucked.   And they made me really physically and mentally sick.  Whereas, birth control made things wonderful.  Like rainbows and unicorns appeared near a beautiful stream, erasing the dark clouds and monsters created by stupid periods.

And of course, I'm again wondering if this isn't all a sign that maybe my dysfunctional ovaries are up to no good again.  I had a gut feeling before we even started trying the first time that maybe something just wasn't right.  No reason to feel that way, I just did.  And the 2 months I got pregnant, I knew I had.  They just felt exactly right.  Again no reason for my optimism, it was just there.  Now, I feel pretty certain that it isn't happening.   If I am ovulating, I think it's the teeny-tiny follicles that I was creating during my early RE appointments.  You know, the ones we forced to happen with multiple medications and hCG trigger shots and watched hopefully on ultrasound every flipping day while the OPK's did nothing and my temps stayed the same.

I haven't heard on my RE appointment yet and I'm getting cold feet about it.  My heart is just begging me to not open myself up to this again.  Walking through those doors as a patient again would be really tough.  Like opening your life story up to a painful chapter, knowing you'd have to relive it.  And maybe the ending wouldn't be so great again.   Aaarrrrgggghhhh!!!    I was so hopeful that I wouldn't be back up in the stirrups until my yearly exam.  :(

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Insurance Can Kiss My...

My OB's office called to let me know that my stupid HMO which caused me nothing but grief while trying to conceive the 1st time around is still up to the same ol' bullcrap that they're known for.  They no longer refer to Dr. Haas ("not in network") and now use another well-known RE in our area.  I've had friends that have been to The Other Guy and he's probably fine, but he isn't my "miracle worker". 

He hasn't held my hand when I lost a baby.  He didn't come visit me three times a day when I was hospitalized.  He didn't caress my forehead as I dozed off for surgery.  And he didn't have a hand in the miracle that is now Paisley.  There's a bond there that just can't be replicated.

So, she asked what I wanted her to do and I want to see Dr. Haas.  Period.  Even if insurance denies it (which I'll appeal every single day until I get my way), I will pay to see him.  Which I'll do even if they do approve it because they suck at infertility coverage.  Their policy is that infertility treatment is optional.  But since he is the only one who does ovarian drilling in this area, so it only makes sense that I would follow-up with him now.  We wouldn't be starting from Square One.  He already knows my whole history, and he knows that my body frequently throws modern medicine a curveball. 

And if I'll ever cycle again, I'm going to do a month of charting and OPK's to see what (if anything) is going on in there!

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Back to Square One?

I can't even believe I'm typing this and I'm certainly not ready to say it out loud.  Today, something clicked broke down in my crazy little mind and I forced myself upstairs today at lunch to see my OB/GYN.  If you'll remember, I work in the same building as them when I'm a PA (as opposed to office manager) two days a week.   They are wonderful people who have supported me through all of my journey to get Paisley.  My OB showed up WAY before I delivered and just hung out in the room with us, checking me every two seconds to make sure Paisley didn't deliver herself.  And his nurse practitioner who I consider a good friend spent her Saturday at the hospital so she'd get to welcome my baby into the world.

I digress...  Anyway, I talked to my NP about my 40+ day cycles that my body has once again embraced, and the obvious lack of a pregnancy thus far despite the complete absence of birth control.   She feels like 4 months after weaning, things should be getting more "normal". Whatever that means..  But here we are.  Day 38.  And no period.  

She thinks I should consult with Dr. Haas (my hero) and see what he thinks.  Not what I expected.  I thought she'd do some bloodwork.  Maybe an ultrasound.  But she feels like we've done everything with them before and it didn't get us anywhere.  He did my ovarian drilling and would know better what to think about things now.

And then something shocking happened. I agreed.  She's putting in a referral and I agreed.  I'm admitting that I'm not just fine, I've noticed that I have only been pregnant twice (once successfully) in over 3 years time off birth control.   Maybe I do need a consult.

But that sure does suck.  Because if I have hundreds of ovarian cysts again and my hormone levels are crazy out of whack and my follicles are weak and useless like they were and my uterine lining is once again "hostile", this door may close.  And it's just nice to know that maybe, just maybe, it's still possible for me to be pregnant once more...

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Toddler's Trots

I forgot to update you all on our pediatrician visit.  She is weighing in at a whopping 18 pounds, 9 ounces (10th percentile) and is 31 inches long (90th percentile).    I still call her my little supermodel baby but it's so funny because she has such a chubby belly!  We'd swear she was at least 25th percentile!!!  :)

The pediatrician wasn't concerned about her change in stools at all.  She said it's common around the walking mark to get what she called "toddler trots".  (Thanks Erica- you were right!)  Apparently their little bodies just get so excited about their newfound independence that they forget to take the time to form solid stools resulting in completely disgusting diapers.

Aaron warned her that she'd have to start using the toilet if she was going to poop like a grown-up.  Apparently, she heeded the advice because the day after we went to her appointment, she started firming back up.  YAY!!!

And her appetite is in full-force again.  She'll eat anything and everything we offer her, plus her milk.  So, I'm much more at ease about things now. 

Still waiting on AF to show up.  Day 35 now...  Do any of you have really long cycles on a normal basis? 

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Back in the Saddle?

Take this entire post with a grain of salt because my feelings change on a minute-to-minute basis.  Like one minute, when Paisley is snuggling with me and talking sweetly- I say I want another baby.  Then the next minute, when she's throwing herself on the ground having a fit over the fact that I won't let her re-program our TV by playing with the remote and I realize she's got poop coming out of her diaper onto my carpet, I consider calling for a hysterectomy STAT. 

But today, an old familiar feeling really set in.  Today is CD 31.  I used to have 29 day cycles when things were "fixed" from my surgery. But I've had more like 40 day cycles since I quit nursing. So, I thought I might as well just take a pregnancy test to make sure that's not what's going on.  Especially since I love to have mango margarita night from time to time. 

And strangely, I felt myself hoping that the 2nd line would appear.  The complete absence of a line in that control area made me sad.  Which I did not expect.  So here's what I'm thinking.  Maybe, if CD 1 shows up again, I may chart this month.  Heck, I may even do OPK's.  Because it may be best for me to know if a 2nd baby is likely or if this body has retired from the baby-making business...

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Little Miss Veterinarian

Just checking on one of the surgery dogs at the clinic

Very serious face.  Usually means she's pooping.  This time I think she was mainly interested in me taking pictures.

I LOVE the tip-toes!

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Who wore it best?

Several weeks ago, I went to a local swimming pool/water park with my best friend and her two kids.  And of course Paisley.  I wore one of my favorite bikinis which is brown with white polka dots.  I feel like it's super cute and definitely doesn't scream "soccer mom".  It's not like a one-piece with a skirt, people.

Well, lo and behold, someone else at the waterpark had on the exact same bikini.  Which is never good, especially if that someone is way better looking than you.  But in this case, it was even worse than that.  It was an 80-year-old woman.  In my swimsuit.  What is the chance of that happening???

And to make it worse, when I joked about it to my "best friend" (you know who you are), she paused when I asked her who looked better!!!   One of the saddest days of my life.  Losing a swimsuit competition to an octogenerian.  :)

Friday, August 19, 2011

My Pukey Baby

This beautiful morning started off with Paisley projectile vomiting all over herself and her carseat this morning.  Not once, but twice.  In the parking lot of the vet clinic.  Very convenient and great for business.

I snuck in the side door and hurried her back to my office so that none of our well-meaning clients would try to come over to catch a peek of our "adorable" baby who was currently drenched in the foulest smelling, chunkiest vomit I've ever seen.

It was one of those moments where you consider calling 911 because you have no idea how to even start to clean it up.  Luckily, her daddy and one of our vet techs came rushing to my aide considering I was starting to dry-heave from the smell.  We got her washed off in our surgery sink, cleaned her clothes and sprayed out her carseat which I was ready to just throw away. 

But, it got me thinking.  Paisley's digestive tract hasn't been quite right lately.  And by lately, I mean several months.  You might remember me saying how great she was at eating solids.  She loved anything and everything we put in front of her.  But slowly, she's become less and less interested in food.  In fact, some days the only thing she'll even consume is milk.   Sometimes she'll completely refuse to even try solids, and other times she'll put in her mouth and then spit it out.  Even her favorites.

I kinda just blamed this on her being a baby learning to eat, and didn't get too excited about it.  But over the past few weeks, her stools are changing.  They've went from formed and brown, to very liquidy and almost yellow.  She had a few that were solid and white, which concerned me that something was wrong with her liver.  (Remember I went to PA school, so I'm constantly analyzing everything like the true nerd that I am. However, I've never treated kids, so everything she does is a mystery!)   Again though, I've kinda ignored all of this because baby's poop is ever-evolving.  But this current poop is very acidic and is giving her terrible diaper rash.  Which we've never dealt with. And I should mention that she went from pooping once a day to about 3-4 times a day. And there were chunks of grapes and strawberries in her vomit which she hasn't eaten in 2 days.  Meaning they didn't digest at all.

So, I'm concerned.  She has her 1-year check-up on Wednesday morning and I'll obviously address it then.  But I was wondering if anyone else has had anything like this happen.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Party Animal

Excited about her gifts

FYI:  Cakes start to lean in 100 degree weather.

My little mermaid

Looks like a steady stream of urine coming from my baby and I won't promise that it isn't.  Has anyone else noticed that swim diapers do not hold in fluids???

Opening her gifts

We had Paisley's 1st birthday party on Sunday at a local waterpark and it was super fun!  Lots of our closest friends and family came to celebrate, even though we did it a week early.  (The waterpark will be closing early now since school goes back, so we bumped it up a week.)   She L-O-V-E-S the water, so she thought the party was awesome.  And she loves other little kiddos, so that was just icing on the cake for her.

She is learning SOOO much right now.  Yesterday she decided that she can walk, although we've known she could for months now.  She's just toddling all over the place like she's been doing it forever.  Super cute.  And she now pokes us in the eye and says "eye" in the sweetest voice.  It makes me happy that she's poking my eyeball out.  :)

She now says "fish" along with "kitty cat" and "doggy".  Not surprising that our child's vocabulary consists almost entirely of animals.   Although she does say "ball-ball" (not sure why she has to say it twice) and "boon" for balloon.   She loves to sing "la-la-la" especially to Beyonce's "All the Single Ladies".  In fact, she'll usually copy our "uh-uh-oh-uh-uh-oh-oh...."    

I have been a very bad blogger lately because my days are FULL with a busy baby, 2 jobs and summer time plans.  I'm committing myself to getting better SOON.   Maybe this week I'll make up for it.  :)

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Walking? No, Thanks.

Paisley started walking while holding both of our hands about 3 months ago.  Then she would walk with just one of our hands about 6 weeks ago.  I thought for sure that walking independantly was right around the corner.  But she's still holding on.  And now we're nearing the 1st birthday which seems to magically make children start walking, so I'm wondering if my little gal is going to get the urge. 

I can hear you all out there saying, "get ready.  Things get WAAAAYYYY harder when they start walking."  And maybe you're right.  But I'm never one of those people who appreciates an "I told you so."  I love each of her developmental stages.  And I don't love the baby stage.  So I actually look forward to her being able to do more.  It makes both of us happier.

Crawling actually made our lives easier because she was more content and played more on her own.  So, I'm ready for walking to begin.  And my poor back needs a break from bending over!  I've tried luring her with toys/food/remotes/phones to no avail.  We've tried having her walk between us but she just throws herself on the ground like her legs are broken.  But then every now and then, she'll just take three or four steps before lowering to crawl mode.  And she can stand very steady if she isn't thinking about it.  Any ideas on how to encourage her?

Friday, August 5, 2011

Fitting In

When I was pregnant, I remember feeling like an imposter in the world of other pregnant women.  Somehow, it seemed like I was wearing a fake belly and wandering through Babies-R-Us, pretending that I belonged there.  It felt like the pregnant women at my doctor's office knew I was somehow different than them.  And really, I was.  I didn't celebrate from the minute I found out I was pregant for fear that my heart would be broken once again.  In fact, I was terrified. And I refused to let any baby stuff enter my house until way past the point of viability because I know all too well that a pregnancy doesn't guarantee a baby.  A nursery would just be too painful if this didn't go well.  And I had a panic attack before every doctor's appointment, because I'd received so much bad news before this. 

Then Paisley came along.  I was actually a mommy.  But still, I don't feel like I "fit in" to a mommy circle.  For one, I'm not a girlie-girl.  You won't catch me at a Tupperware party or gossiping about a great shoe sale.  I'd rather die than watch a chick flick and I think musicals are unbearable.  So, my girl friendships have always been a bit unique.  Now, I have some awesome girlfriends, but they all know that I'm not going on an all day shopping trip and that I'm really useless at hosting baby showers.

But I realized last night at the baby gym that I just don't feel like I'm a "normal" mom.  It all hit me when the other moms were all talking about getting together for a play date next week and they invited me.  First thought was, "how nice that they're including us.  I'm sure Paisley would love it."   Followed within seconds by, "I can't imagine what we'd talk about or how uncomfortable that would be."    I mean, really?  Me and a bunch of stay-at-home moms hanging out?  Sounds awkward at best.   I might as well go back to junior high if I want to put myself in that kind of situation.

Maybe it's the type of women who go to baby gym, but they all seem perfect.  Hair always fixed, wearing cute clothes, making adorable crafty things, talking about child development and cooking, etc.  And then there's me.  Wearing my athletic clothing (aka: pajamas), hair in a disheveled ponytail, my child with food on her clothing/face/hair, wondering where I should pick up something to eat on the way home. 

And at first it made me feel sad for Paisley that her mom will never be president of the PTA.  But then I realized that we have so much fun together and she's a super happy baby.  I would rather spend all of my time with her than make myself look like Martha Stewart.  So there.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Day 1....finally

Since I haven't had all too many periods considering I've been nursing for 9 months and pregnant for the 9 months before that and pregnant again before that and completely non-functioning prior to my surgery which finally got my lady parts in working order, I don't exactly know what to expect from a "monthly" cycle.

All I do know is that my cycles were always 29 days long following my ovarian drilling. (They were endless before the surgery).  I would ovulate on Day 16 or 17 every time.  And we only had 4 monitored cycles after surgery, but they were very consistent.

So I was feeling rather dismal about the possibility that maybe, just maybe, my body would finally give me a break and just do what nature says it should do.  I had my 1st period after weaning Paisley last month and expected the next 4 weeks later.  Well, 29 days later actually.

But 29 days came and went.  I thought I should give it more time.  32 days showed up and I decided maybe I should take a pregnancy test just to be sure.  Even though I knew immediately the 1st two pregnancies before I even tested.  There was just this unusual feeling my body had that told me without a doubt that I was pregnant.  And of course, the test was negative.  Just as I expected.  By day 35, I was throwing in the towel.  Sign me up for a hysterectomy because my uterus is just annoying me now.   No reason to keep around a broken-down body part that's just taking up space and blood flow.

Except on Day 39, while meeting with our accountant to make sure we aren't going to owe a million dollars in taxes since buying Aaron's vet clinic (we may be selling our organs soon), I started my period again.  Nope, it wasn't good timing considering we were in a meeting.  And of course it means I'm not pregnant.  But the good thing is I started on my own.   Better late than never, right?