Okay, so I'm having one of those days where I'm feeling a little sorry for myself which I hate!!! Luckily it hasn't brought on tears which really makes me mad, but still I don't like feeling this way so I'm hoping to leave those feelings here. I think it all started yesterday when I had to go shop for a baby gift. The baby section at Target or Wal-mart is kinda like a dead animal on the side of the road. You don't want to look at it, but curiosity gets the best of you and you can't help yourself. So I usually try to avoid it, but when you're shopping for a baby gift, it makes it difficult.
It's amazing how differently I view this section now. A year ago, it made my heart race, my palms sweat and I almost felt dizzy and nauseated. Now, my heart feels heavy and longing looking at the adorable tiny clothes and soft blankets and cuddly bears. (stuffed of course). I try to focus on the price of the diapers or formula, but my doctor's appointments cost way more than a round of the essentials so that doesn't even work. Plus, I have had 9 pelvic exams/ultrasounds/blood draws this year alone which I'm fairly certain is worse than most pregnancies... And I am always happy for the person who is having a baby, but it doesn't change the fact that I feel a little left out of something great! It's like watching all of your friends go on a really cool trip and you're left behind, uninvited. Dang you, ovaries!!!
On a more positive note, I want to say thank you so much to everyone who has sent me a message either on here or my e-mail or myspace. You have said the most wonderful things and given me so much love and encouragement. This is obviously one of the toughest things we've ever dealt with, but each time someone reminds us that they're thinking about us or praying for us, it lightens the load we feel. What an amazing group of friends we have been blessed with! Some of you remind me that something good will come of this, others express their own anger and sadness over our situation, and some even offer me their functional eggs or uterus if I need them. So, I thank you all so much for surrounding us in comfort, encouragement and love.
I should find out more on my surgery at the beginning of next week, so I'll definitely let you all know more then. Until then, I have some baby showering to do...
Amber
It's amazing how differently I view this section now. A year ago, it made my heart race, my palms sweat and I almost felt dizzy and nauseated. Now, my heart feels heavy and longing looking at the adorable tiny clothes and soft blankets and cuddly bears. (stuffed of course). I try to focus on the price of the diapers or formula, but my doctor's appointments cost way more than a round of the essentials so that doesn't even work. Plus, I have had 9 pelvic exams/ultrasounds/blood draws this year alone which I'm fairly certain is worse than most pregnancies... And I am always happy for the person who is having a baby, but it doesn't change the fact that I feel a little left out of something great! It's like watching all of your friends go on a really cool trip and you're left behind, uninvited. Dang you, ovaries!!!
On a more positive note, I want to say thank you so much to everyone who has sent me a message either on here or my e-mail or myspace. You have said the most wonderful things and given me so much love and encouragement. This is obviously one of the toughest things we've ever dealt with, but each time someone reminds us that they're thinking about us or praying for us, it lightens the load we feel. What an amazing group of friends we have been blessed with! Some of you remind me that something good will come of this, others express their own anger and sadness over our situation, and some even offer me their functional eggs or uterus if I need them. So, I thank you all so much for surrounding us in comfort, encouragement and love.
I should find out more on my surgery at the beginning of next week, so I'll definitely let you all know more then. Until then, I have some baby showering to do...
Amber
I love you.
ReplyDeleteOK, so here is how you avoid this situation. Instead of buying traditional baby gifts, I think you should present the expectant mother with something that you have done in honor of their unborn child. I'm not talking about the typical plant a tree in a forest type stuff. LAME. I see no reason why you couldn't lance an abscess in honor of an unborn child. Take a picture of it and take it to the shower. That's doing as much good for society and the world in general as planting a friggin tree. And why stop there. How about a prostate exam in honor of the expectant. Taking a picture of that might get a little interesting, but you're a creative person, I'm sure you'll think of something. Well, at least consider the idea.
ReplyDeleteHoly crap, that comment above me is hilarious! (And I completely agree with it!) I missed you today....
ReplyDeletenot quite as witty as my above husband...but we seriously pray for you guys daily, not to sound cliche, but truly. God has a plan...not sure about it right now...kinda wish he would hurry up and reveal it, but i guess that's why He's who He is and we're not. love you guys and feel free to call me next time you have a pity party and you can go bathing suit shopping with me and then i'll be partying with you.
ReplyDelete