Amber and Aaron

Amber and Aaron

The Fun We've Already Had...

  • Graham Tomas born July 31 at 5:04 P.M. weighing 8 lbs, 12 oz.
  • December 2, 2011: PREGNANT!!!
  • Paisley Kate arrived August 21 at 5:38 P.M. weighing 7 lbs, 9 oz
  • DUE DATE: August 25, 2010!!!
  • Dec. 14, 2009- PREGNANT!!!
  • Oct. 07,2009- Had elective D&C.
  • Sept 28, 2009- No embryo on ultrasound. :(
  • Sept 15th, 2009- We found out we're PREGNANT!!!
  • Sept '09- Aaron had varicocele repair.
  • July '09- IUI #1 with HCG shot= No such luck
  • April '09- Ovarian drilling surgery, followed by hospitalization for uterine infection
  • Jan-Mar '09- metformin + 3 rounds of clomid= no ovulation
  • Dec. 11, 2008- Hysterosalpingogram (Fancy word for shooting dye through the ovaries. OUCH)
  • Nov '08- Sent to RE. Tried metformin alone for two months (No ovulation)
  • Oct '08- Diagnosed with PCOS based on amenorrhea and crazy hormone levels.
  • June '08- Aaron convinced me to start trying.
  • June '04- Got Hitched!

Friday, May 27, 2011

Miss Independent (and Insomniac)

Today, Paisley didn't nurse at all.  She's been nursing once or twice a day for several weeks now, mostly first thing in the morning and right before bed.  This morning, she showed no interest in nursing and ate a good "big people" breakfast instead.  All day, she ate normal foods and had lots of mommy milk in her sippy cup.  Then tonight, she took my milk from a sippy cup instead of from me...

I feel like she cut the cord.  This is both happy and sad for me.  Of course, it's a bit nice to have my body to myself again.  It's been a very long time.  But breastfeeding has been a good connection between the two of us.  It was easy and free and convenient.  My production must be way down because I don't hurt even though it's been over 24 hours now.  Luckily, I have enough frozen breastmilk stored up that she may be taking it with her in her school lunch box.  :)   Plus, she's on whole milk as well since she's a little squirt.

Speaking of, she weighed 16 pounds, 7 ounces and was 28.5 inches long at her 9 month check-up this week.  She is in the 10% for weight and 75% for height.  And her giant noggin' is now in the 90%.   That's the same head that caused me to have a giant episiotomy!

This little darling is still not loving sleep.  And I'm dearly missing it.  The sleep deprivation has started to really wear me down (especially now that I'm working two part-time jobs).  So I decided that last night she would have to work things out if when she woke up. 

I put her down at 9:30 (we're trying an earlier bedtime) and she woke up around 1 am.  I let her whine for a little bit and checked our video monitor when she started screaming.  By this point, she is standing in her crib.  I can tell she isn't really crying (no tears or sobbing) and is just throwing a temper tantrum.  So Aaron and I let her be.  And within 15-20 minutes, she was asleep with her head on the railing of the crib.  Still standing up!  It was the cutest and funniest and saddest thing I've ever seen. 

Her legs would get wobbly for a second and it would wake her, but she'd immediately go back to sleep.  I finally went in and laid her down because it was just too sad.  I will never again judge those who let kids cry it out.  My princess and I both feel so much better if we sleep good.  I just have to get us back to doing so!!!
She then slept soundly until 7:30 which was great.  I desperately need her to SLEEP!!!

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Summer Time!!!

Greeting daddy at the door- what you can't tell is that she's squealing with excitement.

Modeling her summer wear...

Looking stunning in her polka dotted two piece with the matching hat.  You can really see the hard work she's put into her abs!  :)

Swimming in the FRONT yard with her mom and grandma.  Some people laughed and smiled at us, but amazingly most didn't seem to notice...  :)

Friday, May 20, 2011

Doctor Paisley

Paisley has figured out that she LOVES daddy's stethoscope.  She thinks it accessorizes her outfit well!  The little toot decided that LOUD thunder and torrential rains were the key to a great night's sleep last night.  She's still asleep 10 hours later.  NO waking up.  In her own crib.  Who would have thought?  I woke up many times due to the storm, but she's sleeping like a rock.  And I can count on one hand (even if I amputated a couple of fingers) the number of times she's slept 10 hours straight.  So, yay!!!

My job is going well at the pain management clinic.  I really like my new doc I work for and it's great working with a classmate.  She's been training me this week and it feels good to be around patients again, and regain that part of my life.  I'm actually enjoying my time there and Paisley has done great with everyone at the clinic while I'm gone.  So, I think I made the right decision!  :)

Nursing is still occurring around here. My milk likes to continue to come in massively even if I don't feed very often or very long.  So, my willpower is pretty much non-existent when she decides she's hungry.  I could make her a meal, but it feels a lot better to nurse her...  Yesterday she was kinda cranky all day, so she wanted to nurse more.  But we'll get back on track when she's ready.  I'm gonna miss the big boobs anyways.  Kinda dreading what will be left behind when this is all done!

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Bye-bye Booby Milk?

Paisley seems to be weaning herself from the breast.  I had it in my mind that we might be getting to the time where I was ready to be done, but she may be deciding for me.  She's loving solid foods of ALL types, and eats really well.  She'll eat mexican food, pasta, hamburgers, veggies, fruits, yogurt, pancakes, etc.  And she isn't a fan of plain milk, but loves coconut milk, almond milk, and chocolate milk.  And since the little lovebug is on the petite end, her pediatrician encourages us to give her those fatty food for the calories.  (Yes, our pediatrician also lets her have cow's milk after 6 months of age.  Everyone has a different opinion on this, but a lot say 9 months now.)

This makes me both happy and sad.  It will be nice to finally have my body back after SO many years of letting someone else control it.  First it was my RE, with the infertility treatments, ovarian drilling, miscarriage, D&C, charts, and medications.  Then it was my sweet fetus for 9 months.  Now it's been my baby for the past 9 months.  I think it's time that I re-take control!

My breasts are definitely aching and I am SO tempted to pump to relieve it.  And I'm still nursing her when she wants, but it's only 2-3 times a day now and only for a minute.  She isn't putting much effort in anymore, so she doesn't empty them.   I thought just ripping off the band-aid would be the best idea, until I realized that this theoretical band-aid is centered across my nipples.  And I have lumps all over my poor boobs that make even my armpits sore.

Breastfeeding has been very good for us.  It's worked out well for us both and has been much easier than I'd expected based on what I'd heard from others.  But maybe it's time to let go... 

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

My Desperate Attempt at Posting a Video

I finally succeeded in posting videos on here of Paisley!  We got a flip video last month which has been incredibly easy to use and small in size.  What I look for in my electronics is simplicity.  And I feel like it came along at the perfect time because she's learning so much right now.

Last week she started crawling with her belly off the ground.  If she wants to get somewhere incredibly fast, she'll still army crawl.  But she's got a pretty solid crawl going now.  And she plays peek-a-boo all the time with anything cloth-like.  It's super sweet!

I started my PA job today and it went fine.  Paisley stayed with Aaron at his vet clinic and my mom worked up there today too.  She didn't mind at all, in fact I doubt she noticed that I was missing!  As for me, I did okay with it.  Once I left her sweet little snuggly self this morning, I focused on working and did fine.  It was awesome when I got to see her this afternoon.  And I'm only working 8-3 on Tuesdays and Thursdays.  And Paisley is staying with her dad and grandma while I'm gone.  So it's a great situation.  I just worry that I'll miss something...  but it's nice to use my education and my brain again!

Thursday, May 12, 2011

We Slept!

Last night, I decided I would sleep in the recliner in Paisley's room so that I could tend to her needs more quickly and see if it would help her at all.  Turns out, she didn't need me at all.  She slept 9 hours straight.  Unfortunately, she makes a lot of noise during the night so I woke up a ton, but at least I had a happy baby!!!

I love your comments and really appreciate knowing that I'm not alone.  And I know they all go through stages and just when something is going well, it's sure to go downhill again.  I just want this princess to be happy and well-rested!  And maybe play independantly every now and then...

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Seperation Anxiety

Paisley has entered a new phase I'm affectionately calling, "Mommy-Can't-So-Much-As-Turn-Her-Back-On-Me-Or-I'll-Scream-Bloody-Murder".  It's a blast around here.   She has been great about playing with others until last week.  When all of a sudden, she decided that anyone other than mommy is a threat to her well-being and she must attach herself to me to avoid certain danger.

I realized what was going on when I put her in the gym nursery.  She didn't last 10 minutes and the ladies came to get me because she was screaming.  When I took her from them, she instantly stopped crying.  When I tried to hand her back, she plastered her little body to me and wouldn't let go.  We tried several times before I finally put up the white flag and did everyone a favor by leaving with my dignity somewhat intact. 

She wants me to hold her a lot right now, which I adore.  But I can't get a single thing done with her attached to me like a magnet.  And this was all still okay up until 4 nights ago when she stopped sleeping.   We'd had about 3 weeks that she was sleeping through the night almost every night and I was such a happy person.

But for the last 4 nights, she has went down around 9-10 pm, and wakes about 2-3 am.  Screaming.  Really LOUD.  She would previously whimper and whine a little but then put herself back to sleep.  Apparently, we threw that system out the window and decided that screaming unconsoleably would work better.  And I'll give her that it gets my attention.

I've tried to let her cry it out since I'm exhausted.  But it lasts for hours.  She'll be quiet for a minute, but then it starts up again.  I've tried nursing her, and it calms her down until I try to lay her down again.  I've tried patting her on the back and letting her know I'm there, but she just reaches for me and tries to crawl out. 

The only thing that has gotten anyone any sleep is to put her in our bed.  And even then, she does a lot of tossing and turning.  I keep calling it her "restless body syndrome".  So as usual, I have no idea what's going on or how to fix it.  Is it all part of her seperation anxiety phase?  Is it teething?  Does she just want to make me crazy???

Monday, May 9, 2011

You know what makes me angry?


Something I just can't tolerate at all.  I think it's fine if someone is uneducated about something, but is willing to learn more about it.  Or if someone believes one way, but is still willing to hear the other side of the story.  But I absolutely cannot stand people who judge others or make idiotic statements about things they know nothing about.

Let me tell you the background on this little tirade.  We caught an episode of Quints by Surprise tonight (it came on after Sister Wives which we really like.  And I kinda think it looks like fun to grow up as a polygamist kid even though I never would have thought that before this show came on.  I still can't imagine sharing my husband, even if it would be nice to have more help around the house.)  Back to the story: my husband wondered what IF treatments they went through to have the quints.

Went to the TLC website and looked it up (it was through donor sperm IUI) and saw a comment at the bottom of the screen that might as well have been in red flashing letters with stars surrounding it.  It read,

"I don't see how this would be a surprise when you have help having a baby. everyone knows you will get at least 3. if not your just stupid....."

Not only does this guy's complete lack of punctuation and capitalization drive me bonkers, but let's talk about ignorant.   He obviously hasn't dealt with infertility.   He hasn't sat before a doctor who tells him that he might never have a family.  He hasn't held his wife's hand while she learns that her baby doesn't have a heartbeat.  He knows nothing of medical conditions causing infertility, treatments meant to create families, and the emotional turmoil surrounding it all.    This guy would not be my friend in real life. 

I'm not even going to get into why that comment was stupid and completely based on crap.  You all know why.  It just irritates me that I live in a world full of people who are so uninformed about a disease that affects 1 in 8 couples.  And what is this a-hole doing on the website anyways?  Is he a big fan of the show, even if he doesn't have a flippin' clue what he's talking about?

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Oh, Mother's Day...

Today has been a very good day.  I snuggled with my sweet cuddly baby in bed this morning.  We went to the zoo with my mom and Aaron's mom.  My princess has been loving and adorable.   My family feels whole.

Mother's Day two years ago was a very different experience.  I was in the middle of infertility treatments, having failed to respond to any of the ovulatory drugs we tried.  Next step was my ovarian drilling surgery, which I almost considered the last resort.  We decided to go to church that morning.  I'm sure I felt like I needed to wash away all the jealousy and hatred I was feeling about my infertility.  Turns out church is not the place to do that on Mother's Day.

We walked in and immediately things went wrong when they handed out carnations to all the moms as they entered the church.  Guess who didn't get one?  That's right... ME.   And I took it personally.  Like the guy handing them out had read my extensive medical chart from the RE's office and intentionally withheld my flower just to hurt my already-shattered-feelings just a little more.  My emotions were already raw and exposed.  It didn't take much at this point.

I managed to fight back the tears as we walk in and take a seat.  During services, they had all the moms stand up to be recognized.  It felt like they had asked all the infertiles to remain seated and give the moms the credit they deserved.  Everyone seemed to be staring at me, even though I know they weren't.  Once again, I felt left out and different.   It seemed like no one cared what I was going through or that I may never get to stand up with them and hold a carnation. 

Today is different for someone infertile.  It is a day to remember where you've come from.  It's a day to remember those just like you who are still TTC.  Those who have miscarried.  Those who have lost a baby.  And to be thankful for what you have.   I'll never forget how much this day hurt.  And how fortunate I am to have this family.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Back to Work

I got a phone call from one of my classmates from PA school last week, who works for a pain management specialist in the area.  He is wanting to add a part-time PA to their practice, and she already works full-time.  She loves working with him and felt like it would be a great opportunity for me.

They're going to pay me well, and the doc let me pick how many hours I wanted and what my schedule would be.  I can change it with just a little advance notice if needed, and he is super nice.  We all three laughed a lot during my interview and seem to have a good group dynamic. 

We've decided for now that I'll work Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday from 8-12, but I'll still be at the clinic too.  I realize that doesn't seem like much but I'm still sad about leaving my princess. Even if it is just 12 hours a week! I feel like I've gotten so used to being together 24/7 that it will feel like I forgot to wear my pants to work if she isn't with me.  But then the other part of me says it will be really good for both of us.  I need to be involved in patient care again.  I need to feel like I'm using all the knowledge I worked so hard to get.  I need to be around adults sometimes.  And every now and then, it might be nice to have a break from dirty diapers and breastfeeding.

This isn't going to be easy, but I think it's the right thing to do.  Aaron supports me either way and I know he'll take great care of Paisley when I'm at Job #2.   And I'll still get plenty of time with her at Job #1 and home. Both she and I will probably enjoy it even more!  I've been missing my career more lately and feel like we're getting to the point that I can be away more.  My mom watches her on Saturdays while I work at the vet clinic and I do fine with that.  I even enjoy it! 

Words of encouragement?  I know I'm going to need them when I leave her the 1st week!  (Which will still be a couple of weeks out since I have to get my license changed over and get new malpractice insurance.) 

Friday, May 6, 2011

My Social Baby

Let's blame it on hormones (thanks PCOS!) that I was being whiny about my sweet girl never sleeping.  Truly, it is mostly a blessing.  I love it that she's awake with us most of the time and gets to be part of everything we do.  And it's great for our busy lifestyle that she doesn't have a set schedule.  Like last night.  We went out for my best friend's 30th birthday and ate at a nice sushi restaurant where she napped through part of our meal and then woke up the second food hit the table to eat a bunch. (Just noodles and chicken- I didn't give her sashimi).

Afterwards, we played at a park with my best friend's two kiddos and then went to a really nice fondue place for chocolate.  She was still really good and stayed happy even though we didn't get home until almost 11.  Then she slept great and woke up happy this morning. 

So, it is really nice to not have a schedule to allow us flexibility in our social lives!  Aaron and I like to be out and about and it's funny to see how much Paisley already enjoys it.  We had already taken her to the zoo yesterday afternoon, so she was a busy girl.   But I was reminded of how incredibly good-natured she is and how lucky we are!  She rarely throws a fit, and it's easy to cheer her up from them when she does.  She loves seeing new places and people.  And she genuinely enjoys being out of the house.

Spoiler Alert: I know alot of people think I took the neurosurgery job a while back, but I actually didn't. I've still been working full-time at Aaron's clinic.  I took a job this week though, so I'll update on that tomorrow! 

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Baby, Can I Get Some Rest?

Paisley is asleep right now for a nap.  I better make this quick because she won't be this way for long.  In fact, I'm surprised she's asleep at all.  Did I hear you ask, "why?"  Oh, because she apparently doesn't really require sleep.  I've never heard of a baby that can function on a couple of hours of sleep here and there, but now I've met the Queen of Insomnia.

And I'm lucky enough to call her my daughter.  :)

Since Day 1, Paisley hasn't been a major sleeper.  She didn't fit into that whole newborn phase of "all they do is sleep all the time."  I spent many sleepless nights on the couch.  Then she wormed her way into our bed where she finally slept better, allowing me to become human again.  And eventually she started sleeping in her own crib which I was super excited about. 

But the child still only sleeps 8 hours at night, going to bed about 10 or 11 and waking at 7.  I've had the rare occasion that she'll fall asleep at 9, but it's rare.  And I can count on one hand how many times she's slept past 8.  Unless we put her in our bed, where she'll sleep several more hours snuggling with us.  (Which I love).  I love that we have so much time to play in the evenings, but I have NO free time to get things done, relax, etc. 

Naps are also all over the place.  Sometimes she'll take 2 a day, sometimes none.  They can range from 20 minutes to 2 hours.  But most of the time, she naps about 90 minutes a day.   Yet, she never really gets very cranky about it.  Especially in the evenings- she seems to be such a night owl now which is totally like Aaron and me.

So, if you're keeping count:  Paisley sleeps about 10.5 hours a day at best.  The other 13.5 hours are spent wearing her mom out.  She can pull up, scoot around, crawl, climb, wiggle and roll a lot of places in that amount of time.  And by the time I get her down, it's time for me to hit the sack too. In fact, I practically run to my bed so I can fall asleep quickly. Problem is that I'm so exhausted from playing so hard all day that I actually need about 12 hours to catch up.  But Paisley says sleep is stupid and she makes sure to wake me up bright and early!