Skip to main content

Oh, Mother's Day...

Today has been a very good day.  I snuggled with my sweet cuddly baby in bed this morning.  We went to the zoo with my mom and Aaron's mom.  My princess has been loving and adorable.   My family feels whole.

Mother's Day two years ago was a very different experience.  I was in the middle of infertility treatments, having failed to respond to any of the ovulatory drugs we tried.  Next step was my ovarian drilling surgery, which I almost considered the last resort.  We decided to go to church that morning.  I'm sure I felt like I needed to wash away all the jealousy and hatred I was feeling about my infertility.  Turns out church is not the place to do that on Mother's Day.

We walked in and immediately things went wrong when they handed out carnations to all the moms as they entered the church.  Guess who didn't get one?  That's right... ME.   And I took it personally.  Like the guy handing them out had read my extensive medical chart from the RE's office and intentionally withheld my flower just to hurt my already-shattered-feelings just a little more.  My emotions were already raw and exposed.  It didn't take much at this point.

I managed to fight back the tears as we walk in and take a seat.  During services, they had all the moms stand up to be recognized.  It felt like they had asked all the infertiles to remain seated and give the moms the credit they deserved.  Everyone seemed to be staring at me, even though I know they weren't.  Once again, I felt left out and different.   It seemed like no one cared what I was going through or that I may never get to stand up with them and hold a carnation. 




Today is different for someone infertile.  It is a day to remember where you've come from.  It's a day to remember those just like you who are still TTC.  Those who have miscarried.  Those who have lost a baby.  And to be thankful for what you have.   I'll never forget how much this day hurt.  And how fortunate I am to have this family.

Comments

  1. AnnieMay 9, 2011 at 12:03 AM

    So glad this Mother's Day is such a happy one for you. It's sad that church can actually make you feel worse when dealing with infertility. Maybe you could use your experience to make a positive change and suggest that your church hand out flowers to ALL the women on Mother's Day? That's what my church does.

    ReplyDelete
  2. TinaMay 9, 2011 at 7:46 AM

    Happy Mother's Day! Today was a weird day for me...with everyone wishing me a happy Mother's day, I just felt weird. After years of choking back tears during the Mother's Day services, it was a really bittersweet day. But I hugged my little boy and, every time someone wished me a HMD, I just thanked the Lord for him.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Shannon PlumbMay 9, 2011 at 10:08 PM

    What a difference a couple of years can make! Glad you had a wonderful Mother's Day!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Meet Our Little Miracle, Paisley Kate

The post I have been waiting 2 years to write is finally here and I can't really believe it. On Saturday, I woke up at 8:30 a.m. with BAD contractions. By the 2nd one, I knew I was in "real" labor. They were SO different than the braxton-hicks. I got out of bed and decided that I'd take a bath, until water ran down both legs. The pain after that got pretty unbearable immediately and I was having contractions every 2 1/2 to 3 minutes. So, I called Aaron at work to tell him it was "the big day". He decided I was kidding until I nearly leapt through the phone to wring his neck. :) We got to the hospital an hour later and I was dilated to a 4 and having very active contractions. They quickly got me moved to an L&D room. I got my epidural ( AMAZING - we'll talk about this in its own post soon) at a 6 and then my doctor broke my water. (Apparently at home, it had just leaked a pocket of fluid). After he broke my water, labor started picking up ...
42 comments
Read more

The Resurrection

 So here we are.  It's now a blog graveyard.  The followers have long since moved on and infertility is something that I've somewhat put in the past (only considering I don't want any more kids).  So why am I here and writing again?  What's the purpose?   This was my safe place.  It was where I came when everything seemed much too hard and I needed to feel comfort.  I wanted to express myself in a venue that others would reassure me and even understand me.  I still love and have always loved this blog.  It guided me during some of the hardest years of my life, dealing with infertility and miscarriage. And you know... I guess it will help me again now.  Because life is freaking TOUGH.  You know the phrase "I've went through Hell and back"?  Yeah, I feel that in my soul now.  I could have a blowout in the middle lane of the highway during rush hour traffic, manage to pull over my car on the side and call for roadsi...
1 comment
Read more

Santa Claus

I miss blogging.  It's just that I'm trying to minimalize the busy-ness in my life right now because the holidays always make me overwhelmed.  Like I get a bit crazy.  All the gift-giving, shopping, parties, family, friends, drama, food, etc.  Sounds fun to most people but I just do better with simple.   And that word hasn't described my life since giving birth 3 years ago.  Sooo, I go missing from time to time, but I keep up with everyone else's blogs!   This was my mom's attempt at a Christmas card with the kids.  It looks like they were decently enjoying it but the truth is both kids were having fits for absolutely no reason.  She used it anyways. My ornery little stud-muffin playing on the stairs. Graham having a VERY rare fit.  I had to capture the moment. Sweet sibling time in pajamas.  Times like this one melt my heart and make me feel good about my decision to have two kids. Graham was tota...
2 comments
Read more