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Oh, Mother's Day...

Today has been a very good day.  I snuggled with my sweet cuddly baby in bed this morning.  We went to the zoo with my mom and Aaron's mom.  My princess has been loving and adorable.   My family feels whole.

Mother's Day two years ago was a very different experience.  I was in the middle of infertility treatments, having failed to respond to any of the ovulatory drugs we tried.  Next step was my ovarian drilling surgery, which I almost considered the last resort.  We decided to go to church that morning.  I'm sure I felt like I needed to wash away all the jealousy and hatred I was feeling about my infertility.  Turns out church is not the place to do that on Mother's Day.

We walked in and immediately things went wrong when they handed out carnations to all the moms as they entered the church.  Guess who didn't get one?  That's right... ME.   And I took it personally.  Like the guy handing them out had read my extensive medical chart from the RE's office and intentionally withheld my flower just to hurt my already-shattered-feelings just a little more.  My emotions were already raw and exposed.  It didn't take much at this point.

I managed to fight back the tears as we walk in and take a seat.  During services, they had all the moms stand up to be recognized.  It felt like they had asked all the infertiles to remain seated and give the moms the credit they deserved.  Everyone seemed to be staring at me, even though I know they weren't.  Once again, I felt left out and different.   It seemed like no one cared what I was going through or that I may never get to stand up with them and hold a carnation. 




Today is different for someone infertile.  It is a day to remember where you've come from.  It's a day to remember those just like you who are still TTC.  Those who have miscarried.  Those who have lost a baby.  And to be thankful for what you have.   I'll never forget how much this day hurt.  And how fortunate I am to have this family.

Comments

  1. So glad this Mother's Day is such a happy one for you. It's sad that church can actually make you feel worse when dealing with infertility. Maybe you could use your experience to make a positive change and suggest that your church hand out flowers to ALL the women on Mother's Day? That's what my church does.

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  2. Happy Mother's Day! Today was a weird day for me...with everyone wishing me a happy Mother's day, I just felt weird. After years of choking back tears during the Mother's Day services, it was a really bittersweet day. But I hugged my little boy and, every time someone wished me a HMD, I just thanked the Lord for him.

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  3. What a difference a couple of years can make! Glad you had a wonderful Mother's Day!

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