Smiling Through the Rain

I cannot believe my firstborn has turned THREE!!!  The moment she entered this world, my life changed forever.  I have not been well-rested or relaxed since that day, but it is all so worth it. She has the most infectious little laugh and has such a huge personality.   We had an awesome party with a cookout and swimming and then horseback riding.  Even daddy's tortoises came to meet everyone!

For those of you who live out of state, you may think all Oklahomans ride horses to work everyday and wear belt buckles the size of our heads.  TV shows do not help our case with such stereotypes.  We always cringe about the contestants they choose from here on all shows because they are always as country bumpkin as they can get. With that said, we have always wanted horses.  I have loved riding since I was a little girl and Paisley already adores them.  So when a popular riding stable near us closed due to owner retirement, all of their horses went to auction.  We went and won three of the child friendly horses!!! Meet our three mares, "Honey", "Buzz", and "Molly". They are amazingly gentle with our kids and we are all in love with them.  They do great with trail rides and give us lots of affection.

Everyone can breathe a giant sigh of relief and tell DHS that they don't need to investigate for now.  This house is back to normal. There is a very direct correlation between my attitude towards parenting and breaks from Mother's Day out.  When they have a break for holidays, they spend way too much time with me and with each other.  And then add an illness for each of them along with teething for one and you have a MESS! And the kids seem to thrive on the structure of school.  Which is just not something I am good at providing.  I'm very much a "let's-just-wake-up-when-we-feel-like-it-and-do-whatever-we-feel-like-doing-at-the-moment" kind of person.  Plans are fine if they happen to be made, but Aaron and I were spontaneous and unstructured before kids.  And now we are even more so because life is crazier. Moral of this story is that I should give you all fair warning when the kids will be out of school for several weeks again (Christmas) so that I d...

Lately I've been really stressed out as a mom.  Both kids had fifth's disease which produced a nice rash all over both of them, but the worst part was the foul moods that appeared.  We've now had two tough weeks of fits and mood swings.  And I was lying in bed last night after fighting Paisley for an hour to go to bed, and a thought hit me like a freight train. I don't hate being a mom.  Trust me, I've felt worried that maybe this wasn't the right role for me.  But then I figured it out I sometimes just resent that I'm not as good as I thought I'd be.  I know my own mom was better.  My expectations I had set for myself were just so much more than what I've actually managed. I pictured myself as fun and productive and calmer and organized.  The kids would have tidy little rooms and perfect schedules and cute activities.  And maybe I should have known that none of that fits my personality, but a girl can dream... What I'm living with currently ...