We're friends, right? I can totally tell you girls (and some guys who wish to remain private readers because it's apparently embarrassing to read an infertility blog) anything on my mind, can't I? If your answer was "no way" or "I'm not quite comfortable with that", you should probably stop reading now. For the true friends, here goes...
So, a realization slammed into me like a mack truck yesterday. When my grandma, cousin, then friend of the family all walked up to me at the funeral and asked when "the little one is due", I had the fleeting idea of answering as if the miscarriage hadn't really happened. I actually wanted to just pretend things are fine, tell them May 22nd was the big day, smile like the proudest expectant mother and maybe even rub my belly for good measure.
But that's crazy talk. What in the world is wrong with you, insane girl?
Don't worry about me, it's just the infertility talking. You just get to a point where you're tired of disappointing people around you. It's always, "nope, still not pregnant", "that treatment didn't work", or "we lost that pregnancy". People are starting to dread talking to us for fear of having to hear about another failed month. And I'm quite honestly tired of talking about it.
It was such a wonderful change of pace to tell people I was pregnant. To talk about pregnancy symptoms and due dates and ultrasounds where you expect to see something in the uterus. I've talked myself and everyone around me to death about infertility. People are ready to fling themselves from moving vehicles to avoid hearing about my cycles, cervical mucus, and emotional turmoil.
And then I realized, I'm just one slippery step away from being like those crazy women who fake their pregnancies and steal someone's baby. Uh-oh... When did I lose my mind? Now, let's take a minute to note that I am perfectly aware that stealing a baby is also spelled F-E-L-O-N-Y. I'm just saying- infertility and pregnancy loss can make the mind play tricks on you. You become a little desperate. Which in my book also equals crazy.
So, now that I've worried everyone about my sanity or lack thereof, I hope you all have a great weekend. Just back away from the computer and forget that this ever happened.
So, a realization slammed into me like a mack truck yesterday. When my grandma, cousin, then friend of the family all walked up to me at the funeral and asked when "the little one is due", I had the fleeting idea of answering as if the miscarriage hadn't really happened. I actually wanted to just pretend things are fine, tell them May 22nd was the big day, smile like the proudest expectant mother and maybe even rub my belly for good measure.
But that's crazy talk. What in the world is wrong with you, insane girl?
Don't worry about me, it's just the infertility talking. You just get to a point where you're tired of disappointing people around you. It's always, "nope, still not pregnant", "that treatment didn't work", or "we lost that pregnancy". People are starting to dread talking to us for fear of having to hear about another failed month. And I'm quite honestly tired of talking about it.
It was such a wonderful change of pace to tell people I was pregnant. To talk about pregnancy symptoms and due dates and ultrasounds where you expect to see something in the uterus. I've talked myself and everyone around me to death about infertility. People are ready to fling themselves from moving vehicles to avoid hearing about my cycles, cervical mucus, and emotional turmoil.
And then I realized, I'm just one slippery step away from being like those crazy women who fake their pregnancies and steal someone's baby. Uh-oh... When did I lose my mind? Now, let's take a minute to note that I am perfectly aware that stealing a baby is also spelled F-E-L-O-N-Y. I'm just saying- infertility and pregnancy loss can make the mind play tricks on you. You become a little desperate. Which in my book also equals crazy.
So, now that I've worried everyone about my sanity or lack thereof, I hope you all have a great weekend. Just back away from the computer and forget that this ever happened.
So dont be stupid like I did and quit your job.. LOL.. Hang in there.. Things will get better.. Jennifer
ReplyDeleteI hear you hon! I think that is why we moved to adoption, I didn't know if I could handle a fifth loss, and I was scared that I would end up in jail with a felony!
ReplyDeletebabyparamore.blogspot.com
Hi Amber! I just found this blog. My name is Courtney and I have only (so far) read your top post from today.. but it was so funny and soooo true that I had to leave a comment! My husband and I have been trying for 2 years and I just had a miscarriage (at 6 weeks) in March. I went in for an ultrasound and they also saw NOTHING in my uterus! So, I can relate to that. And also.. the whole thing about feeling like your so crazy and desperate that you will turn into one of those women who steals someone elses baby!! That made me laugh because I seriously feel like I've talked about my infertility so much to people that they are gonna start thinking I am one of "those" women!!
ReplyDeleteAnyway.. you gave me a laugh today and I just wanted to thank you for that!! =D
God Bless
Courtney-Brooke Xoxo
Well, to be honest, I've been a bit concerned and was pretty sure that you were coming home with a cute little Mexican bambino in your suitcase when we were down there. So, feel free to call and chat about mucus or cycles anytime if that keeps my best friend out of jail. What can I say?!? I'm a giver! =)
ReplyDeleteOkay, first of all, I live to hear stories about your cervical mucus so please keep sharing them. And second of all, if you need help scouting for babies to steal, just give me a call ; )
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