Amber and Aaron

Amber and Aaron

The Fun We've Already Had...

  • Graham Tomas born July 31 at 5:04 P.M. weighing 8 lbs, 12 oz.
  • December 2, 2011: PREGNANT!!!
  • Paisley Kate arrived August 21 at 5:38 P.M. weighing 7 lbs, 9 oz
  • DUE DATE: August 25, 2010!!!
  • Dec. 14, 2009- PREGNANT!!!
  • Oct. 07,2009- Had elective D&C.
  • Sept 28, 2009- No embryo on ultrasound. :(
  • Sept 15th, 2009- We found out we're PREGNANT!!!
  • Sept '09- Aaron had varicocele repair.
  • July '09- IUI #1 with HCG shot= No such luck
  • April '09- Ovarian drilling surgery, followed by hospitalization for uterine infection
  • Jan-Mar '09- metformin + 3 rounds of clomid= no ovulation
  • Dec. 11, 2008- Hysterosalpingogram (Fancy word for shooting dye through the ovaries. OUCH)
  • Nov '08- Sent to RE. Tried metformin alone for two months (No ovulation)
  • Oct '08- Diagnosed with PCOS based on amenorrhea and crazy hormone levels.
  • June '08- Aaron convinced me to start trying.
  • June '04- Got Hitched!

Friday, December 11, 2009

Tick-tock... tick-tock...

It's amazing how slowly days pass when you're waiting for your period (or hopefully- the lack thereof). I'm in last part of the dreadful 2 week wait. And I can't help but let myself fall into that silly hopeful mode again. I've never, ever believed I was pregnant from any other cycle (especially the one where I was actually pregnant). Not the clomid, or the IUI, or post-surgery. Until now. Now I believe that I am. And it's not because I'm having any justifiable reason to think so, it's just that I can't imagine going any longer without being pregnant again.

I miss it so much. And it only gets tougher every month that goes by that I come to terms with the fact that my belly won't get bigger (except from holiday eating) and that we won't be preparing a nursery and that I will be returning for empty uterus ultrasounds if I choose more treatment. I miss the phone calls and e-mails and cards telling us congratulations and seeing how I'm feeling. I miss the way Aaron would love on my tummy, even though our baby was tiny. I even miss the nausea and weird cravings and overwhelming fatigue.

So, I'm just praying and hoping and dreaming that maybe I'd be lucky enough to get pregnant again this quickly. It's hard to imagine waiting another 18 months for a pregnancy. Of course, I never knew we'd go this long and through this much. And see everyone around us (even infertile friends) have babies who are now having birthdays. But maybe it's our month...

* Side note: I realized that one part of me thinks like this previous post. And then there's the other side of me saying, "are we still talking about the miscarriage? Are you still belly-aching over your infertility? I bet people are tired of hearing you complain." But then the sensitive side wins over and you get posts like these... Sorry.

12 comments:

  1. I'm in the last couple days of waiting as well. It's really hard. I wish you the best of luck.

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  2. Here with you in the last couple days of the 2ww, too! I hope this is your months, too! (((HUGS)))

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  3. I'm praying for you hon! I hope your BFP comes sooner than later...I can't imagine having you to weight as long as the first time!

    The dreaded 2WW is no fun...it takes forever!

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  4. Sending all the positive thoughts I can!! Hugs Amber...try no to go crazy during this 2WW...ahhhhh!!!! I know how HARD it is!!

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  5. Your post didnt make me think "Oh.. she's talking about that miscarriage again!".. It actually made me think "Oh cool.. someone out there feels the same way that I do!"

    I enjoy your posts! Good AND bad. Your only human.. let yourself belly-ache whenever you feel like it.. I sure do! Lol..

    God Bless

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  6. I'm with you......I'm going to test this weekend. Hopefully we'll both get good news. ((hugs))

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  7. Hey I read your side note, and from my perspective I love and hate it. I love it that there is someone out there that feels similar to me, but, I Hate it because you feel this way. It's tough, but be assured, you are not alone.

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  8. Your blog is about getting your feelings out there - if people don't like it they don't have to read it!! Given the number of followers you have, I think people enjoy it. Miss you both - I'll keep praying this is your month!!

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  9. I will keep you in my prayers and wishing you the best of luck in this cycle! I am sending you tons of good and happy thoughts that you will see that positive this month!!

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  10. Of course you are going to still be thinking and talking about your miscarriage. It is a hugely emotional thing that is a part of you and definitely a part of dealing with IF. Wishing a BFP for you this month!

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  11. Never feel bad for sharing your feelings. You need a support system. We are that. I am hoping that this month you get your wish! I pray for a baby coming your way! Keep blogging Amber!

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  12. I've been out of town and haven't had computer access. One of the first things I thought when I sat down to catch up on emails and stuff was I better check on Amber. So you let which ever side of Amber feels like blogging, blog on! We read this because we love you and want to know how you are doing! Miss you and hoping we can see you guys at Christmas?

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