I went in for my regular check-up with my OB today which was nice and anti-climactic. After 2 years of doctor's visits that included invasive ultrasounds showing an empty uterus and cystic ovaries, many blood draws, and generally bad news of some sort, it was such a welcome relief to not dread going to the doctor. (aka: "not have to shave my legs since I get to keep my pants on.")
Now we already expected that things were going to go well, since I have a doppler at home that I can listen to the baby with every day (otherwise known as stalking). And sometimes two or three times a day. And luckily my baby has been very cooperative up to this point, always allowing me to at least momentarily find that adorable, little heartbeat.
I realized today that it was the 1st visit in a LONG time that I haven't been pacing in the waiting room with my heart racing wondering if this was the visit that I'd hear that we'd never be able to have kids. Or that this treatment wasn't working and it was time to move on to something more invasive. Or after getting pregnant, hearing that this pregnancy too was going to fail.
And most of all, it hit me that I am so lucky and so grateful to be where I am today. Of course I'm terrified. Until that baby is safely in my arms, I will be scared to death. And then I'll worry about newborn stuff. But I know so many of you out there who have been going through this longer and have suffered so much more than I have. And it isn't fair at all.
So, I just want you to know that I will NEVER forget where we've come from to get to this point and I will never forget all of you who are still dealing with it all. It is a permanent part of who I am and who I will be as a mother. This baby has two parents who have struggled for his/her existence. And we will love him/her with all of our hearts. And we will always know that we, for some unknown reason, won the infertility lottery when our number was drawn.
When people comment on me being pregnant (after noticing my bump), it's so hard for me to just say thanks or we're excited. Because there is SO much more to this story and this pregnancy means so much more than that to us. It is, hopefully, the final chapter in an emotionally, physically, and financially draining part of our lives that finally has a happy ending.
Now we already expected that things were going to go well, since I have a doppler at home that I can listen to the baby with every day (otherwise known as stalking). And sometimes two or three times a day. And luckily my baby has been very cooperative up to this point, always allowing me to at least momentarily find that adorable, little heartbeat.
I realized today that it was the 1st visit in a LONG time that I haven't been pacing in the waiting room with my heart racing wondering if this was the visit that I'd hear that we'd never be able to have kids. Or that this treatment wasn't working and it was time to move on to something more invasive. Or after getting pregnant, hearing that this pregnancy too was going to fail.
And most of all, it hit me that I am so lucky and so grateful to be where I am today. Of course I'm terrified. Until that baby is safely in my arms, I will be scared to death. And then I'll worry about newborn stuff. But I know so many of you out there who have been going through this longer and have suffered so much more than I have. And it isn't fair at all.
So, I just want you to know that I will NEVER forget where we've come from to get to this point and I will never forget all of you who are still dealing with it all. It is a permanent part of who I am and who I will be as a mother. This baby has two parents who have struggled for his/her existence. And we will love him/her with all of our hearts. And we will always know that we, for some unknown reason, won the infertility lottery when our number was drawn.
When people comment on me being pregnant (after noticing my bump), it's so hard for me to just say thanks or we're excited. Because there is SO much more to this story and this pregnancy means so much more than that to us. It is, hopefully, the final chapter in an emotionally, physically, and financially draining part of our lives that finally has a happy ending.
Congrats on a no-frills, nothing out-of-the-ordinary doc appt! Those are just the best. In and out in 20 minutes, with a healthy baby in your belly!
ReplyDeleteSo glad you had a great OB appt!!! I just orederd a doppler (so I can stop freaking out daily) and I can't wait for it to arrive so I can start "stalking" my baby too!! LOL hilarious!!
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean when people comment on my pregnancy...its so not the same experience to us as it is for most new moms-to-be, but its impossible to try to explain it to them.
So glad we have eachother!!!! xox
Ohhh my doppler is in the mail! Can't wait to get it. When did you start using it and were easily able to hear the hb?
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad for you guys!! It's crazy that we are only 10 days apart...I love it! Maybe I should get a doppler, help with a little peace of mind. I've just been hoping I'll feel the baby move like super early. Of course it will probably be late but a girl can hope.
ReplyDeleteIsn't it amazing? The end will only start the begining. I would just reply to people and say "thank you, we've waited a long time for this baby!"
ReplyDeleteOnly 6 more weeks until you know if your baby is a boy or girl. Are you going to find out?