Smiling Through the Rain

My OB's office called to let me know that my stupid HMO which caused me nothing but grief while trying to conceive the 1st time around is still up to the same ol' bullcrap that they're known for.  They no longer refer to Dr. Haas ("not in network") and now use another well-known RE in our area.  I've had friends that have been to The Other Guy and he's probably fine, but he isn't my "miracle worker".  He hasn't held my hand when I lost a baby.  He didn't come visit me three times a day when I was hospitalized.  He didn't caress my forehead as I dozed off for surgery.  And he didn't have a hand in the miracle that is now Paisley.  There's a bond there that just can't be replicated. So, she asked what I wanted her to do and I want to see Dr. Haas.  Period.  Even if insurance denies it (which I'll appeal every single day until I get my way), I will pay to see him.  Which I'll do even if they do approve it beca...

I can't even believe I'm typing this and I'm certainly not ready to say it out loud.  Today, something clicked broke down in my crazy little mind and I forced myself upstairs today at lunch to see my OB/GYN.  If you'll remember, I work in the same building as them when I'm a PA (as opposed to office manager) two days a week.   They are wonderful people who have supported me through all of my journey to get Paisley.  My OB showed up WAY before I delivered and just hung out in the room with us, checking me every two seconds to make sure Paisley didn't deliver herself.  And his nurse practitioner who I consider a good friend spent her Saturday at the hospital so she'd get to welcome my baby into the world. I digress...  Anyway, I talked to my NP about my 40+ day cycles that my body has once again embraced, and the obvious lack of a pregnancy thus far despite the complete absence of birth control.   She feels lik...

I forgot to update you all on our pediatrician visit.  She is weighing in at a whopping 18 pounds, 9 ounces (10th percentile) and is 31 inches long (90th percentile).    I still call her my little supermodel baby but it's so funny because she has such a chubby belly!  We'd swear she was at least 25th percentile!!!  :) The pediatrician wasn't concerned about her change in stools at all.  She said it's common around the walking mark to get what she called "toddler trots".  (Thanks Erica- you were right!)  Apparently their little bodies just get so excited about their newfound independence that they forget to take the time to form solid stools resulting in completely disgusting diapers. Aaron warned her that she'd have to start using the toilet if she was going to poop like a grown-up.  Apparently, she heeded the advice because the day after we went to her appointment, she started firming back up.  YAY!!! And her appetite is in f...

Take this entire post with a grain of salt because my feelings change on a minute-to-minute basis.  Like one minute, when Paisley is snuggling with me and talking sweetly- I say I want another baby.  Then the next minute, when she's throwing herself on the ground having a fit over the fact that I won't let her re-program our TV by playing with the remote and I realize she's got poop coming out of her diaper onto my carpet, I consider calling for a hysterectomy STAT.  But today, an old familiar feeling really set in.  Today is CD 31.  I used to have 29 day cycles when things were "fixed" from my surgery. But I've had more like 40 day cycles since I quit nursing. So, I thought I might as well just take a pregnancy test to make sure that's not what's going on.  Especially since I love to have mango margarita night from time to time.  And strangely, I felt myself hoping that the 2nd line would appear.  The complete absence of a...

Just checking on one of the surgery dogs at the clinic Very serious face.  Usually means she's pooping.  This time I think she was mainly interested in me taking pictures. I LOVE the tip-toes!

Several weeks ago, I went to a local swimming pool/water park with my best friend and her two kids.  And of course Paisley.  I wore one of my favorite bikinis which is brown with white polka dots.  I feel like it's super cute and definitely doesn't scream "soccer mom".  It's not like a one-piece with a skirt, people. Well, lo and behold, someone else at the waterpark had on the exact same bikini .  Which is never good, especially if that someone is way better looking than you.  But in this case, it was even worse than that.  It was an 80-year-old woman.  In my swimsuit.  What is the chance of that happening??? And to make it worse, when I joked about it to my "best friend" ( you know who you are ), she paused when I asked her who looked better!!!   One of the saddest days of my life.  Losing a swimsuit competition to an octogenerian.  :)

This beautiful morning started off with Paisley projectile vomiting all over herself and her carseat this morning.  Not once, but twice.  In the parking lot of the vet clinic.  Very convenient and great for business. I snuck in the side door and hurried her back to my office so that none of our well-meaning clients would try to come over to catch a peek of our "adorable" baby who was currently drenched in the foulest smelling, chunkiest vomit I've ever seen. It was one of those moments where you consider calling 911 because you have no idea how to even start to clean it up.  Luckily, her daddy and one of our vet techs came rushing to my aide considering I was starting to dry-heave from the smell.  We got her washed off in our surgery sink, cleaned her clothes and sprayed out her carseat which I was ready to just throw away.  But, it got me thinking.  Paisley's digestive tract hasn't been quite right lately.  And by lately, I mean severa...

Excited about her gifts FYI:  Cakes start to lean in 100 degree weather. My little mermaid  Looks like a steady stream of urine coming from my baby and I won't promise that it isn't.  Has anyone else noticed that swim diapers do not hold in fluids???  Opening her gifts We had Paisley's 1st birthday party on Sunday at a local waterpark and it was super fun!  Lots of our closest friends and family came to celebrate, even though we did it a week early.  (The waterpark will be closing early now since school goes back, so we bumped it up a week.)   She L-O-V-E-S the water, so she thought the party was awesome.  And she loves other little kiddos, so that was just icing on the cake for her. She is learning SOOO much right now.  Yesterday she decided that she can walk, although we've known she could for months now.  She's just toddling all over the place like she's been doing it forever.  Super c...

Paisley started walking while holding both of our hands about 3 months ago.  Then she would walk with just one of our hands about 6 weeks ago.  I thought for sure that walking independantly was right around the corner.  But she's still holding on.  And now we're nearing the 1st birthday which seems to magically make children start walking, so I'm wondering if my little gal is going to get the urge.  I can hear you all out there saying, "get ready.  Things get WAAAAYYYY harder when they start walking."  And maybe you're right.  But I'm never one of those people who appreciates an "I told you so."  I love each of her developmental stages.  And I don't love the baby stage.  So I actually look forward to her being able to do more.  It makes both of us happier. Crawling actually made our lives easier because she was more content and played more on her own.  So, I'm ready for walking to begin.  And my poor back needs...

When I was pregnant, I remember feeling like an imposter in the world of other pregnant women.  Somehow, it seemed like I was wearing a fake belly and wandering through Babies-R-Us, pretending that I belonged there.  It felt like the pregnant women at my doctor's office knew I was somehow different than them.  And really, I was .  I didn't celebrate from the minute I found out I was pregant for fear that my heart would be broken once again.  In fact, I was terrified. And I refused to let any baby stuff enter my house until way past the point of viability because I know all too well that a pregnancy doesn't guarantee a baby.  A nursery would just be too painful if this didn't go well.  And I had a panic attack before every doctor's appointment, because I'd received so much bad news before this.  Then Paisley came along.  I was actually a mommy.  But still, I don't feel like I "fit in" to a mommy circle.  For one, I'm not ...