Amber and Aaron

Amber and Aaron

The Fun We've Already Had...

  • Graham Tomas born July 31 at 5:04 P.M. weighing 8 lbs, 12 oz.
  • December 2, 2011: PREGNANT!!!
  • Paisley Kate arrived August 21 at 5:38 P.M. weighing 7 lbs, 9 oz
  • DUE DATE: August 25, 2010!!!
  • Dec. 14, 2009- PREGNANT!!!
  • Oct. 07,2009- Had elective D&C.
  • Sept 28, 2009- No embryo on ultrasound. :(
  • Sept 15th, 2009- We found out we're PREGNANT!!!
  • Sept '09- Aaron had varicocele repair.
  • July '09- IUI #1 with HCG shot= No such luck
  • April '09- Ovarian drilling surgery, followed by hospitalization for uterine infection
  • Jan-Mar '09- metformin + 3 rounds of clomid= no ovulation
  • Dec. 11, 2008- Hysterosalpingogram (Fancy word for shooting dye through the ovaries. OUCH)
  • Nov '08- Sent to RE. Tried metformin alone for two months (No ovulation)
  • Oct '08- Diagnosed with PCOS based on amenorrhea and crazy hormone levels.
  • June '08- Aaron convinced me to start trying.
  • June '04- Got Hitched!

Friday, August 5, 2011

Fitting In

When I was pregnant, I remember feeling like an imposter in the world of other pregnant women.  Somehow, it seemed like I was wearing a fake belly and wandering through Babies-R-Us, pretending that I belonged there.  It felt like the pregnant women at my doctor's office knew I was somehow different than them.  And really, I was.  I didn't celebrate from the minute I found out I was pregant for fear that my heart would be broken once again.  In fact, I was terrified. And I refused to let any baby stuff enter my house until way past the point of viability because I know all too well that a pregnancy doesn't guarantee a baby.  A nursery would just be too painful if this didn't go well.  And I had a panic attack before every doctor's appointment, because I'd received so much bad news before this. 

Then Paisley came along.  I was actually a mommy.  But still, I don't feel like I "fit in" to a mommy circle.  For one, I'm not a girlie-girl.  You won't catch me at a Tupperware party or gossiping about a great shoe sale.  I'd rather die than watch a chick flick and I think musicals are unbearable.  So, my girl friendships have always been a bit unique.  Now, I have some awesome girlfriends, but they all know that I'm not going on an all day shopping trip and that I'm really useless at hosting baby showers.

But I realized last night at the baby gym that I just don't feel like I'm a "normal" mom.  It all hit me when the other moms were all talking about getting together for a play date next week and they invited me.  First thought was, "how nice that they're including us.  I'm sure Paisley would love it."   Followed within seconds by, "I can't imagine what we'd talk about or how uncomfortable that would be."    I mean, really?  Me and a bunch of stay-at-home moms hanging out?  Sounds awkward at best.   I might as well go back to junior high if I want to put myself in that kind of situation.

Maybe it's the type of women who go to baby gym, but they all seem perfect.  Hair always fixed, wearing cute clothes, making adorable crafty things, talking about child development and cooking, etc.  And then there's me.  Wearing my athletic clothing (aka: pajamas), hair in a disheveled ponytail, my child with food on her clothing/face/hair, wondering where I should pick up something to eat on the way home. 

And at first it made me feel sad for Paisley that her mom will never be president of the PTA.  But then I realized that we have so much fun together and she's a super happy baby.  I would rather spend all of my time with her than make myself look like Martha Stewart.  So there.

8 comments:

  1. Oh girl, believe me - all those moms have their imperfections and things they wish they did differently and things they hope other moms never find out about them, too! And Paisley is more than lucky to have you as her mom! Because of what my hubby does, I know A LOT of SAHM's of like 10 children each (ok, more like 4, lol) and they have home made meals cooked every day and always seems to have it together...with 4 kids! Not me! I'm in my pj's ALL day EVERY day pretty much and if we have a home made meal, it's often because my husband makes it, lol I don't worry about it - we all have our strengths. I believe our children know exactly what those strengths are and love us because of them!

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  2. I'm like you. I live in my pjs since my girl was born because I'm comfy and all I care about is loving on my girl! I'm never going to be Martha Stewart nor do I want to be, hello jail cell, no thank you!!! :)

    All that matters at the end of the day is: is she fed? is she happy? is she loved?

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  3. I hear you! I still feel like I don't fit in in the mommy club. But I think there are all kinds of awesome mommies...and I'd venture a guess and say you're one of them!!! :D

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  4. i'm totally not a girlie girl, and never even wore makeup when i had to work everyday. plus i'm shy. i went to a mom's group once b/c my friend invited me and yes it was awkward just because there were so many other moms i didnt know. when you dont know someone it is just awkward small talk. however, i looooove getting together with other moms (who maybe i havent seen since high school for example but reconnected with on fb when i saw they had kids now), but 1-on-1 so our kids can play together and we can catch up on the last 10 years. that is never awkward and super fun.

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  5. You crack me up!! You know you're a great mom! Who cares what you do during the day or cook for dinner. As long as your sweet baby girl is loved and cared for, that's all that matters! If we were judged on how we look, I'd be in big trouble considering I spend most of my days at the back end of a cow. Emma always says "Mommy Poopy" when I get home followed by "Mommy work on cows"!! Our children love us for who we are!

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  6. You sound like an amazing mom! :) Paisley is lucky to have ya. Fitting in is for the birds.

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  7. You will find the disheveled ones! It's taking me some time to locate them, too. I also am looking for ones that will stop talking about how "advanced" or genius-like their kids are. Yeesh. I hate all that competition! Just relax and be yourself! Too bad we can't go to the same baby gym, I am sure I would make you feel super classy in comparison to me! =)

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  8. lol Paisley will be fine if you are never pres of the PTA!! I cannot even imagine joining a moms group, no matter how much good it would do Clara. I just don't like random people that much.
    my husband who is her SAHD is signing her up for swim lessons and kindermusik this fall -- he thinks at least it will be structured so he won't really have to socialize :)

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