The 24 week mark was such a relief for me during my last pregnancy and it has proven to be again this time. I've been feeling so anxious the last couple of weeks with such a ridiculous feeling of dread that something would go wrong. And knowing that no one would be able to even try to save my child at that point was heart-wrenching.
No reason to feel so much panic. I feel great. Still working. Still playing with Paisley like crazy. But you know how the infertile mind works. Especially since the only time things ever go right for us is during pregnancy (with the exception of our 1st one, obviously- that sucked big-time).
So, I feel happy today. We are one step closer to completing our miracle family with this sweet baby. We keep getting the comments that maybe we will want another one or questions about if we're sure we're done. First off, I never wanted more than 2 kids ever. Aaron would have said 3 at one point in his life, but I think Paisley opened his eyes to that being a bad idea! :)
But even more than that, it will be such an incredible relief to me to start taking my birth control again which made me feel so much better while on it. I won't have to lie in bed and wonder whether or not I'd ever be able to get pregnant again. I won't ever have to see another temp chart on my night stand. I won't ever see another positive test and then cry hysterically for fear of what might go wrong.
And even though I love being pregnant, it really is fear-inducing for me. This time has been easier, but I still have the daily worries that maybe something isn't okay. So, this chapter will soon close and our life with our 2 kids begins. I get to regain control of my life!
No reason to feel so much panic. I feel great. Still working. Still playing with Paisley like crazy. But you know how the infertile mind works. Especially since the only time things ever go right for us is during pregnancy (with the exception of our 1st one, obviously- that sucked big-time).
So, I feel happy today. We are one step closer to completing our miracle family with this sweet baby. We keep getting the comments that maybe we will want another one or questions about if we're sure we're done. First off, I never wanted more than 2 kids ever. Aaron would have said 3 at one point in his life, but I think Paisley opened his eyes to that being a bad idea! :)
But even more than that, it will be such an incredible relief to me to start taking my birth control again which made me feel so much better while on it. I won't have to lie in bed and wonder whether or not I'd ever be able to get pregnant again. I won't ever have to see another temp chart on my night stand. I won't ever see another positive test and then cry hysterically for fear of what might go wrong.
And even though I love being pregnant, it really is fear-inducing for me. This time has been easier, but I still have the daily worries that maybe something isn't okay. So, this chapter will soon close and our life with our 2 kids begins. I get to regain control of my life!
Hooray for viability! I think it's wonderful you knew what you wanted for your family and are able to attain it. I used to want 4 kids- now I'm thinking 2 (if that happens) is totally good!
ReplyDeleteYay for viability! Such a relief! As for control of your life again...well, good luck with that with 2, lol! I know what you mean, though. I'm in this weird place where my babies are no longer babies and I honestly can't imagine never holding one of my babies again. And we always said we only wanted two as well. Jason is still VERY clear on that. I don't know if it is that I want another one...or I just wish I could go back and re-live that magic one more time with the ones I already have. And then I have a rough day with them and realize even if I wanted a third, I probably couldn't handle it, lol! And then add the fact that who knows if I could even get pg - like you said, I do NOT want to go through that hell again. And I'm not sure we would want to adopt again - we got lucky with our situation the first time, but having 2 birth families to juggle sounds like a lot to think about! Anyway, I'm so happy that you are completing your family. I know the anxiety you are having, but I also know that all will be ok:).
ReplyDeleteI totally understand regaining control by going back on birth control. It's something hubby and I have talked about a lot recently - with 2 miscarriages, no doctor ever being able to find anything wrong with us, and now a possible polyp on an ovary, I think I'm about ready to take that step. Totally not where I ever saw my life going, but I think I'd rather just be able to focus on everything else right now!!
ReplyDeleteGratz on everything, and can't wait to see pics of Baby Deuce :) :)
Hooray! Viability is such a great milestone to get to. We're a two-kid family too and just love it!
ReplyDeleteOne of the things I love about your blog is your absolute honesty.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on viability! Such a HUGE milestone for us.
ReplyDeletecongrats!!
ReplyDeleteyou and i are days apart on due dates...i'm aug 6th!!!