Smiling Through the Rain

I miss blogging.  It's just that I'm trying to minimalize the busy-ness in my life right now because the holidays always make me overwhelmed.  Like I get a bit crazy.  All the gift-giving, shopping, parties, family, friends, drama, food, etc.  Sounds fun to most people but I just do better with simple.   And that word hasn't described my life since giving birth 3 years ago.  Sooo, I go missing from time to time, but I keep up with everyone else's blogs!   This was my mom's attempt at a Christmas card with the kids.  It looks like they were decently enjoying it but the truth is both kids were having fits for absolutely no reason.  She used it anyways. My ornery little stud-muffin playing on the stairs. Graham having a VERY rare fit.  I had to capture the moment. Sweet sibling time in pajamas.  Times like this one melt my heart and make me feel good about my decision to have two kids. Graham was tota...

Paisley's teacher, Ms. Cristi, sent home a picture of her from school today that made my heart so happy.  If you don't know which one she is, that would be the very pink and frilly little movie star in the middle.  No, it isn't picture day.  It isn't Easter or a school program.  That was just the outfit she insisted upon that day. Raising Paisley is far from easy.  Her day can fall apart if things don't go just right.  You have to put on her left shoe first.  Never cut up her bananas- she likes them whole.  She will get herself in and out of the car without your help thankyouverymuch.  She turns off the lights and TV when we leave.  And heaven forbid you don't zip up her jackets and put the hood on before opening the door. But what I've learned is with every demand she has, she also is becoming a very strong-willed independent girl who knows what she wants.  She isn't ever afraid to voice her opinion and she stands up for herself. ...

 Where in the world has time gone?  It's like I blink and a month has passed without a single blog post from me.  I would try to explain the Bermuda triangle of time that seems to suck away hours and even days without anything to show for it.  But it is truly just filled with crazy kid stuff.  And a teeny-tiny bit of sleep.   We've been doing great!  Spending lots of time with the horses while the weather has been nice.  The three girls are all doing wonderful.  One of them had a squamous cell cancer of the eye, but one of our best friends happens to be an equine surgeon so he removed it and she's doing well.  I realize the above picture is of a baby naked on a horse.  This is Graham as Lady Godiva.  :)   Actually, he had just destroyed his clothes playing at the land...  Paisley is still her very happiest on top of a horse.  She sings sweet songs and zones out into her own pleasant little world...

Five months after the deadly tornado that tore through my city leaving a wake of destruction in its path, houses are popping up all over.  Businesses have rebuilt, street signs are repaired and the debris is cleaned up.  People have healed. Right? My mom and I were running errands by our house yesterday and just decided to stop by the elementary school (Plaza Towers) where 7 young kids were killed when the tornado leveled their school.  We've been by here a few times to check for progress or visit the small memorial on site.   Yesterday was the most encouraging because so many houses are being re-built and most of the tragic destruction is removed.  It almost looks like a normal new neighborhood, save for a few seemingly abandoned houses that still look like a warzone.   It felt good to see that.  Even the school has been completely cleaned up and the beginnings of construction are underway to replace it. But on the far side of the schoo...

When someone described parenting as a job, they were mostly correct.  It is a lot of work.  The part they seemed to have missed was that you are completely unpaid.  And usually underappreciated.  And you never get to leave "work".  The job continues 24/7.  You may think when they go to bed at night that you have you're "break" time.  I disagree.  You are still on call.  Those little munchkins may wake up crying or with explosive vomiting or diarrhea or with a sudden desire to pee/get a drink/eat a snack/change pajamas.   I'm so thankful when we go 8 hours straight without an interruption.  The current stages we are in is definitely difficult.  Paisley goes through weeks where she is so pleasant.  She is funny and enjoyable.  Then she can transform into this little terrorist whose sole purpose on this planet is to torture her mom.  Right now, she doesn't like me.  For real.  She chooses my mom o...

Such an interesting turn of events that the blog that started as my comfort and safe place during the lonely world of infertility and charting and fertility drugs has now morphed over time into this.  The days that I am embarking on long-term birth control and preventative family planning.  Marking the end to my family building and settling in to the wonderful little group we've become.  It's a happy place for me.   I love and adore my two little people.  They are incredible and I love them even more as they are getting bigger and more fun and more interactive.  Our lives are full and exhausting and overwhelming.  And I don't want an accidental number three. My IUD has been in since Graham was 8 weeks old.  I would have had it inserted during my C-section if I thought that was an option.  We went with the paragard which is non-hormonal.  It was a simple procedure to have put in and hasn't caused any trouble since.  Who...

Hey friends, It's been a month and I've been totally MIA.  We went on a week-long cruise with both kids to the Virgin Islands which was amazing.  And tiresome.  And we're still recovering.  I should totally post some adorable babies in swimsuits on the beach photos.  If only I could remember where I downloaded them. The big thing going on in my mommy-world right now is weaning.  Or the attempt to wean.  Big man is now almost 14 months old and if it were his choice, we would nurse until college.  Seriously.  So, whereas with Paisley and I it was more of a mutual decision and seemed natural and easier, this one is a doozy. I've weaned him down to one feeding just in the mornings but I swear my breasts are hard as a rock and fuller than I've ever seen them by morning.  The milk fairy needs to spread the love elsewhere because I cannot cold turkey this with the production still up like it is.  Why is my body not getting the hint t...

I cannot believe my firstborn has turned THREE!!!  The moment she entered this world, my life changed forever.  I have not been well-rested or relaxed since that day, but it is all so worth it. She has the most infectious little laugh and has such a huge personality.   We had an awesome party with a cookout and swimming and then horseback riding.  Even daddy's tortoises came to meet everyone!

For those of you who live out of state, you may think all Oklahomans ride horses to work everyday and wear belt buckles the size of our heads.  TV shows do not help our case with such stereotypes.  We always cringe about the contestants they choose from here on all shows because they are always as country bumpkin as they can get. With that said, we have always wanted horses.  I have loved riding since I was a little girl and Paisley already adores them.  So when a popular riding stable near us closed due to owner retirement, all of their horses went to auction.  We went and won three of the child friendly horses!!! Meet our three mares, "Honey", "Buzz", and "Molly". They are amazingly gentle with our kids and we are all in love with them.  They do great with trail rides and give us lots of affection.

Everyone can breathe a giant sigh of relief and tell DHS that they don't need to investigate for now.  This house is back to normal. There is a very direct correlation between my attitude towards parenting and breaks from Mother's Day out.  When they have a break for holidays, they spend way too much time with me and with each other.  And then add an illness for each of them along with teething for one and you have a MESS! And the kids seem to thrive on the structure of school.  Which is just not something I am good at providing.  I'm very much a "let's-just-wake-up-when-we-feel-like-it-and-do-whatever-we-feel-like-doing-at-the-moment" kind of person.  Plans are fine if they happen to be made, but Aaron and I were spontaneous and unstructured before kids.  And now we are even more so because life is crazier. Moral of this story is that I should give you all fair warning when the kids will be out of school for several weeks again (Christmas) so that I d...

Lately I've been really stressed out as a mom.  Both kids had fifth's disease which produced a nice rash all over both of them, but the worst part was the foul moods that appeared.  We've now had two tough weeks of fits and mood swings.  And I was lying in bed last night after fighting Paisley for an hour to go to bed, and a thought hit me like a freight train. I don't hate being a mom.  Trust me, I've felt worried that maybe this wasn't the right role for me.  But then I figured it out I sometimes just resent that I'm not as good as I thought I'd be.  I know my own mom was better.  My expectations I had set for myself were just so much more than what I've actually managed. I pictured myself as fun and productive and calmer and organized.  The kids would have tidy little rooms and perfect schedules and cute activities.  And maybe I should have known that none of that fits my personality, but a girl can dream... What I'm living with currently ...

My sweet little baby boy is one today.  He has been such an amazing blessing in our lives and I adore him so much.  I love his sweet, laid-back personality.  He lets us drag him around all over the place to do the things that his opinionated big sister likes to do and he even seems to enjoy it. He has the most beautiful smile I've ever seen and his laugh could melt your heart.  I am so glad that I put my tremendous fear of having two kids aside because he truly completed our family. Happy birthday, little man.  I hope all of your dreams and wishes come true.

Why is it that it annoys me SO much when people (always women) tell me that my kids look like their dad???  I obviously think he's attractive and chose to have kids with him.  But it grates on my nerves every time I hear it. Maybe it's that I don't agree.  Sure they both have resemblance to us but even our own parents don't think the kids are spitting images of either of us.  Aaron and I agree that they are a perfect combination of us. Maybe it's that it takes me out of the equation.  As if I didn't carry these little people around in my uterus for 9 months and squeeze them out of a tiny opening and nurse them for a long time, often overnight, and completely become sleep deprived in caring for them.  Only seems fair that they would resemble me a little.  Right? And I know it doesn't matter.  They are beautiful kids and are perfect.  Somehow it just makes me crazy when people are so determined that they look just like daddy.   

These two children have been impressing me lately.  I feel like each is changing and growing so much right now as they are both creeping up on birthdays.  He is playing with Paisley more on his own and becoming increasingly mobile every day. I still think he may be a late walker but he can cruise well now and crawls FAST.   Paisley's language development is astonishing.  I swear every morning I feel taken aback by how adult-like she sounds.  It's so much fun having conversation with her now and she is a funny little person.  I adore this child. Watching the two of them play together has been the most rewarding part of parenting so far.  Last night she was doing a "check-up" on him and he was laughing hysterically.  One of those memories that I wanted so badly to capture on video but couldn't risk ruining the moment. Like when Graham stretches his head around while I'm holding him to smile sweetly at my face.  Or when Paisley wraps her tiny ar...

Operation "Please-Stop-Nursing-For-The-Love-Of-My-Sanity" is looking to be a failed mission.  I am ready to be done with this phase and Graham needs to agree with me. We are so lucky that we had two great breastfeeders.  Paisley gradually transitioned to the sippy cup and whole milk by 9 months though while Graham is 11 months old now and still wants to nurse every 2-3 hours even if he is eating solids well. He hates ALL sippy cups.  It doesn't matter to him if they have handles or straws or cute patterns or awesome shapes.  They all suck compared to mom' bottles.  And he's never taken a bottle. But as much as I've enjoyed the sweet, quiet nursing time with both babies, I need to reclaim my body.  I want to get back on regular birth control and feel like I have energy again.  I want to drink three glasses of wine without worrying about it.   And I want to leave my house without fear that he is going to lose his marbles without being able to nurse....

Paisley somehow managed to make it through a whole year at Mothers Day Out before I got the much-dreaded, yet very expected, bad report from school. It read, "Paisley is having an issue with naptime.  She won't stay on her mat and bothers the other kids.  After telling her multiple times, she was sent to Ms. Kim's office." She hasn't taken a nap there again since that day and they've stopped sending me notes because I guess my lack of reaction must make them realize that it's a waste of their time. Instead of taking a walk of shame with my note in hand, I got a chuckle out of it and put it in her baby book.  I did talk to her about not bothering the other kids, but I don't see any need in punishing her over this.  Well, now they are worried because Graham only wants to nap for 20-30 minutes.  Duh.  That's all he ever naps at home.  When I try to explain that to the three women who all address it with me every time I pick up, I'm met with blank ...

Last week, the kids started Mother's Day out for the summer session.  They like to call it Children's Day Out to make it sound less like parents are just dumping off their kids for a few hours of sweet freedom, but let's call it what it is.   Paisley has been there for a year now, but Graham is just now old enough.  She has loved it and I feel like she has learned a ton.  And let me tell you how amazing it has been to have two days a week to do my errands, work out, catch up at the clinic, pee alone, etc.   I drop those two off without a second glance, dodge the other parents in the hallway, and peel out of the parking lot headed for alone time.  You can hear me giggling with glee and celebrating victory.   Yesterday, I went to the gym for an hour then mowed our front yard.  I showered alone, ate lunch with my husband, and ran a ton of errands.  All in 5 hours time.  With kids, it would have taken... Until the end of time.  Lets fac...

Anyone have a child that they are pretty sure is unique compared to...well, everybody else on the planet?   Paisley is my one of a kind.  She marches to her own drummer.  Carves her own path.  Whatever you want to call it. She did her first 5k race with my mom and I last night and loved it.  But she had to pee towards the end and was happy to do it on the side of the track as people passed.  And then at a princess party tonight while the other kids are doing horse rides, she takes her cute fairy costume off in the pasture and streaks all over the pasture. It's weekends like this that make all the hard work worth it.  And remind me why I'm so exhausted!!!

Are most parents born with some kind of endless source of patience and never ending love for being the provider (also known as personal assistant/slave) to their kids?  I feel like there are women who always love being a mom.  You know the ones that say, "being a parent is the best thing I've EVER done" and "I wish there were more hours in the day to spend with my kids!"   And I so wish that I could agree excitedly with these women but I find myself looking at them like they're from outer space.  I search their eyes for signs of deceit or even insanity.  They look honest and heartfelt.  So then I try to decide what I lack to make me feel less excited. I have stay-at-home friends who can't imagine why I would ever return to being a PA.  Maybe because its my career and something I love doing.  Maybe because I like to contribute financially to this family.  Maybe because I love going somewhere all alone. I have days where this is awesome.  ...

We just took a much needed trip to Great Wolf Lodge, the Dallas Zoo, the Dallas Aquarium and to see several of our college friends who live in Dallas.  It was great and the kids were fantastic as usual!!!