Smiling Through the Rain

I cannot believe my firstborn has turned THREE!!!  The moment she entered this world, my life changed forever.  I have not been well-rested or relaxed since that day, but it is all so worth it. She has the most infectious little laugh and has such a huge personality.   We had an awesome party with a cookout and swimming and then horseback riding.  Even daddy's tortoises came to meet everyone!

For those of you who live out of state, you may think all Oklahomans ride horses to work everyday and wear belt buckles the size of our heads.  TV shows do not help our case with such stereotypes.  We always cringe about the contestants they choose from here on all shows because they are always as country bumpkin as they can get. With that said, we have always wanted horses.  I have loved riding since I was a little girl and Paisley already adores them.  So when a popular riding stable near us closed due to owner retirement, all of their horses went to auction.  We went and won three of the child friendly horses!!! Meet our three mares, "Honey", "Buzz", and "Molly". They are amazingly gentle with our kids and we are all in love with them.  They do great with trail rides and give us lots of affection.

Everyone can breathe a giant sigh of relief and tell DHS that they don't need to investigate for now.  This house is back to normal. There is a very direct correlation between my attitude towards parenting and breaks from Mother's Day out.  When they have a break for holidays, they spend way too much time with me and with each other.  And then add an illness for each of them along with teething for one and you have a MESS! And the kids seem to thrive on the structure of school.  Which is just not something I am good at providing.  I'm very much a "let's-just-wake-up-when-we-feel-like-it-and-do-whatever-we-feel-like-doing-at-the-moment" kind of person.  Plans are fine if they happen to be made, but Aaron and I were spontaneous and unstructured before kids.  And now we are even more so because life is crazier. Moral of this story is that I should give you all fair warning when the kids will be out of school for several weeks again (Christmas) so that I d...

Lately I've been really stressed out as a mom.  Both kids had fifth's disease which produced a nice rash all over both of them, but the worst part was the foul moods that appeared.  We've now had two tough weeks of fits and mood swings.  And I was lying in bed last night after fighting Paisley for an hour to go to bed, and a thought hit me like a freight train. I don't hate being a mom.  Trust me, I've felt worried that maybe this wasn't the right role for me.  But then I figured it out I sometimes just resent that I'm not as good as I thought I'd be.  I know my own mom was better.  My expectations I had set for myself were just so much more than what I've actually managed. I pictured myself as fun and productive and calmer and organized.  The kids would have tidy little rooms and perfect schedules and cute activities.  And maybe I should have known that none of that fits my personality, but a girl can dream... What I'm living with currently ...

My sweet little baby boy is one today.  He has been such an amazing blessing in our lives and I adore him so much.  I love his sweet, laid-back personality.  He lets us drag him around all over the place to do the things that his opinionated big sister likes to do and he even seems to enjoy it. He has the most beautiful smile I've ever seen and his laugh could melt your heart.  I am so glad that I put my tremendous fear of having two kids aside because he truly completed our family. Happy birthday, little man.  I hope all of your dreams and wishes come true.

Why is it that it annoys me SO much when people (always women) tell me that my kids look like their dad???  I obviously think he's attractive and chose to have kids with him.  But it grates on my nerves every time I hear it. Maybe it's that I don't agree.  Sure they both have resemblance to us but even our own parents don't think the kids are spitting images of either of us.  Aaron and I agree that they are a perfect combination of us. Maybe it's that it takes me out of the equation.  As if I didn't carry these little people around in my uterus for 9 months and squeeze them out of a tiny opening and nurse them for a long time, often overnight, and completely become sleep deprived in caring for them.  Only seems fair that they would resemble me a little.  Right? And I know it doesn't matter.  They are beautiful kids and are perfect.  Somehow it just makes me crazy when people are so determined that they look just like daddy.   

These two children have been impressing me lately.  I feel like each is changing and growing so much right now as they are both creeping up on birthdays.  He is playing with Paisley more on his own and becoming increasingly mobile every day. I still think he may be a late walker but he can cruise well now and crawls FAST.   Paisley's language development is astonishing.  I swear every morning I feel taken aback by how adult-like she sounds.  It's so much fun having conversation with her now and she is a funny little person.  I adore this child. Watching the two of them play together has been the most rewarding part of parenting so far.  Last night she was doing a "check-up" on him and he was laughing hysterically.  One of those memories that I wanted so badly to capture on video but couldn't risk ruining the moment. Like when Graham stretches his head around while I'm holding him to smile sweetly at my face.  Or when Paisley wraps her tiny ar...