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Memorial Service

Today was Kate's memorial service which, of course, was incredibly heart-breaking. Seeing a tiny little casket is completely surreal. Knowing that we will never see her again is hard to imagine. I am glad she will never have to suffer. And I am so thankful that she was brought into our lives. Never will a little one mean so much to me and make such a huge impact in such a short amount of time.

Many of our family and friends were there. Grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles. I realized a very important lesson. News of a pregnancy travels like wildfire. News of a miscarriage does not.

I can't tell you how many times I was asked today about when I'm due, or congratulated on our baby. And this isn't the first time this has happened. My neighbors congratulated me on Halloween night. And it's so sad to watch their faces go from happy to sad/embarrassed in seconds. They don't realize that I'm okay. Infertility has given me thick skin. They think that they just broke my heart. I can't convince them that it will take a lot more than that.

But I realized that I have to keep the next pregnancy (God willing) a lot more private. I just don't want to see the hurt faces again next time. And we will probably be even less excited about the next pregnancy than we were about this one. I never felt completely comfortable about it. You can't put this much time, money and effort into something and not feel total fear that it will all be taken away.

I am sad for our loss. It's unfair that we'll never meet our baby. But I'm even more upset for Amee and Billy. I just can't even begin to imagine their pain. It really puts my own situation into perspective...

Comments

  1. emilyNovember 5, 2009 at 8:34 PM

    What a heartbreaking day. Thoughts and prayers are with your family and you. Let us know if there's anything we can do.

    ReplyDelete
  2. JessNovember 6, 2009 at 9:12 AM

    Oh honey, I've been gone for a few days and I came to your blog today and found out that baby Kate died. My heart is very broken for you guys...seeing her pictures is crazy because she looks so healthy and happy and then for her to suddenly die, I can't even imagine all of your pain, especially her parents and poor Marley. She looked happy and healthy on the outside but I know on the inside it wasn't the case and I hope she is happy in Heaven where she can live without surgeries. God Bless her!

    babyparamore.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  3. Kari FrazierNovember 6, 2009 at 3:49 PM

    It's impossible to go through Halloween without thinking of you and Aaron!! You two will forever be associated with that holiday in my mind!! It has been forever since we've seen y'all, but know that your journey is never far from our hearts and prayers. Your stork may be directionally challenged, but I have faith that he will one day find the breadcrumbs to your sweet belly. :)

    Loving and praying for you always Amber, and now also praying for little Kate and the loved ones she left behind.

    ReplyDelete

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