Smiling Through the Rain

Last night we went to sleep at 10:30 with our video monitor on the highest volume (the one that allows me to even hear her farts in clear detail).  I ensured this multiple times to avoid the same misshap from the previous night of it ending up muted and me ending up on the DHS Most Wanted List.   I woke up for the first time at 5:30 this morning and thought two things:  1.) that the monitor must be off again.  2.) that my breasts were likely about to explode since I decided to skip pumping before bed, but then I realized that they had already leaked on the sheets so we were okay.  :) Even though she's clearly doing fine on the monitor and is silent, I have to go check on her for my own peace of mind and maybe a little to try to make up for the night before.  She's asleep on her belly again and isn't with her pacifier.  I decide to pump and then lay back down.  I fed her at 7:15 and she didn't wake up until 9:15 this morning!  ...

Did I hear you ask how we slept last night? Well, I can only answer for myself because our monitor muted itself somehow!  I put her down at 11:30 (she is such a night owl) and I woke up wondering why in the world it was so bright in our room in the middle of the night.  Umm, maybe because it was 8:00 am...  So, I roll over to look at our video monitor which is on my nightstand and she is asleep on her belly.  I panic.  By the time I get to her room which seems 10 miles away now, I am imagining the worst.  What I find is a sleeping baby (on her belly) who has kicked off her socks, mittens (her hands get cold at night), and light blanket.  Her pacifier is nowhere close to her.  Yet, she's sleeping soundly. So, I feel like the world's worst mother this morning.  I slept 8 hours solid for the first time in 4 months, but my baby may have needed me.  I checked her face for dried tears and her eyes for puffiness but found neither ...

This is my first real participation in ICLW.  Let me explain.  I signed up to do the August edition, but Miss Paisley decided to enter the world on the day it started that month.  So, I could have tried to comment on other blogs that day during labor, but I'm just lazy I guess! Here's our story for those who are visiting...  My husband and I met in 1998, married in 2004, and decided to add a little person to our house in 2008.  Unfortunately for us, I ended up diagnosed with PCOS and he had a hydrocele causing MFI.  We tried metformin, clomid and IUI's without success.  In fact, I just wouldn't ovulate no matter what we did. That's when my RE recommended ovarian drilling.  Sounded like the craziest idea I'd ever heard to drill holes in my already non-functioning ovaries, but guess what?  It worked!  I started ovulating immediately after and became pregnant in August of 2009.  That baby wasn't meant to be for us and I had a D...

 We went in for Paisley's 4 month check-up today which is hard to believe!  HOW can my tiny new baby be 4 months old already????   This is her 1/3 birthday.  :)  I hate to brag- but that is one adorable baby!  :) We don't really have any great pictures together, but this one is close...  Paisley weighed 12 pounds, 5 ounces and is 24.5 inches long.  She's between the 25-50% now which is a little lower than she has been, but the pediatrician isn't concerned.  She said some babies start off a little bigger than their genetics planned for and then they seem to taper off into the range they belong.  Otherwise, everything is perfect and she's still eating like a horse!  Playing with her chi-chi, Tinkerbell. Hard to imagine life without this little princess.  This has been such a learning process and I'm finally in the position that I feel like I'm in control (or so she lets me believe).  Good bye restful n...

Just when you go bragging about how you have it all figured out, your baby is doing so good, yadayadayada, they go and make you look like a fool.  Trust me, the last 2 nights I have paid for talking about how Paisley was sleeping through the night in her crib.   She has woken up every 3 hours (on the dot) to eat a massive amount and then doesn't want to fall right back asleep.  She's still eating a lot during the day too, which makes me question what is going on??? We started giving her cereal a week ago when her nursing was getting out of control in frequency.  Like every hour.  My nipples were starting to rebel.  So, I added in cereal as well as avocados which she LOVES.  She's taken to eating really well.  She doesn't hardly waste any on her face or clothes, she just gulps it off the spoon, swallows and is ready for more.  In fact, she eats about 1/2 an avocado mixed with 2 ounces of breastmilk in one sitting. SOOOO...  I rea...

One year ago today, I went to work at the clinic.  Nothing unusual about the day, until I felt a familiar dizzy feeling while sitting down.  Only one other time in my life had I felt something like it and it was during my 1st pregnancy.  I knew immediately that I was pregnant again.  The month had been perfect.  I had a positive OPK, my cervical mucus finally did what it was supposed to, timing was just right.  It was my first real cycle following my D&C and I was so hopeful that we could get pregnant again right away.  I knew that it was the only thing that would help with the pain of losing my 1st pregnancy.  So, I nervously went and got one of our tests (I work as a PA) and took it.  A faint line appeared pretty quickly and my heart sank. That is my mom wearing the Christmas sweater in the background- not me  :) Why would I feel so sad about something so great?  Something I'd wanted so much?  Because I had so ...

Paisley fell asleep at 10:45 after nursing and slept soundly until 6:30!!!  I went in and nursed her then and she put herself back to sleep quickly and slept until 9:45.  I am amazed at how well she's doing with this considering that she slept in our bed and hated her cradle.  Now I wish I wouldn't have worried so much that I had screwed up.  Paisley was ready to go in her crib now and she's sleeping well in it.  And I wouldn't trade those precious 3 months with her snuggled up to me!

Just a quick update since I am supposed to be getting other things done, but I didn't want to leave you all in the dark about how our crib training is going. The 1st two nights were a breeze, she woke up once each night to eat, but otherwise did great.  Last night, she woke up every 3 hours to eat, tossed and turned, and continuously fussed for her binky.  I about wore the carpet out making the trek across the house to her room which seems 5 miles away at 4 am.  I finally brought her into our bed where she slept soundly until 10 am.  This allowed us all to get good sleep and I got some much-needed snuggle time with my princess. Tonight is a new night.  We'll see how it goes and where she ends up...

I went into this crib transitioning with a strong feeling that it would be a train-wreck.  As Aaron was going to bed, he even mentioned that he'd probably see us in a few hours as we creep back into the big bed.  Luckily, we were very wrong!!!  Here's a breakdown: 9:20 pm-  Breastfed her.  She falls asleep. 9:25 pm-  I lay her down asleep in her crib.  Feeling like this will be short-lived and disaster is only moments away.  Prepare for the worst. 10:00 pm-  She wakes back up already which makes me say, "yep, I knew she wasn't ready".  But I watch her on the monitor and she just happily plays in her crib.  I leave her alone even though I want to run in there to play with her.  I hate missing out on fun time!!! 10:20 pm-  I replace her binky which has fallen out wishing you could tape it to their face (only kidding) and she puts herself back to sleep.  I'm know amazed that she can do this and I begin ...

The time has come for Paisley to pack her stuff and get to moving into her own room.  This is far from easy for me to admit because I LOVE having her next to me.  Her sweet baby breath on my skin, the gentle way she snuggles in, the ease of nursing her without getting up.  Alot of it is laziness on my part and I get a full night of sleep because our bed keeps her sleeping peacefully.  Our bed = Baby Benadryl. BUT ... it's kinda like when someone buys a cuddly little cub and then suddenly can't figure out what to do with a big, crazy lion when it gets bigger.  Yeah, it's a stretch, but this child is starting to wrestle/abuse me.  She loves to grab parts of my face and pull/twist.  Not a good way to wake up.  And I always know when it's time to cut her nails by how many scratches I have on my face.  Her new favorite is to curl her freakishly strong legs up to her chest and kick me in the belly.  The princess had 9 months to k...

Seems to have been a BUSY week for Miss Paisley!  She is changing so quickly right now I can hardly believe it.  This week, she is smiling more than ever, giggling more (even though I can't ever get enough), and playing with things she'd previously been uninterested in.  She likes to sit in her exersaucer now even though her little legs don't touch and play with the toys.  She can grasp things now which is super sweet. Yesterday, she started rolling over from back to belly every time I'd try to change her diaper on our ottoman or the floor.  Then today, she started doing consecutive rolls from back to belly to back all the way across the floor!  Of course, I think she's a genius.  Probably she's just preparing to be a VERY busy baby.  And letting us know that we might start thinking about baby-proofing in the near future... She's becoming more talkative and makes lots of heartwarming noises.  She still says "ah-goo", but now also makes th...

I have several topics to talk about, so this is a hodge podge of mostly useless info! Weight:   I've lost some!!!  My weight had fallen quickly from 150 to 130 after Paisley exited the uterus, but then it froze there.  I started going to Zumba and step class three days a week last month and have lost 4 more pounds since then.  My goal is to get back to 120 before we get pregnant again (if we're that lucky), and I can start the whole cycle over...  My clothes are finally fitting a little more, but I did buy some jeans in the next size up which is MUCH more comfortable!  I just never knew this would be so tough. Sleep:   Totally jinxed us when I bragged about her.  That night she woke up twice to eat, but then slept through the night again last night.  So, who knows?  But she is back to only sleeping in our bed.  The night before last she only slept one hour in her cradle before waking up.  So, last night I just put her ...

Ms. Paisley slept through the night the past 2 nights!  Hoooooray!!!!!   One night she slept in her cradle next to the bed and then last night she slept with us, but whatever. I miss her if she's SO far away! She fell asleep at about 10:30 and woke up at 7:00 to eat.  SUPER EXCITING!!!  I didn't do anything different, she just slept.  And I realize that people consider it through the night if they sleep 6 hours straight, but I didn't count that.  I wanted a full 8.  My breasts would've preferred a middle of the night feeding, but they don't get a say in this.  :) Seeing her Great-Grandpa on Thanksgiving Looking adorable in her turkey outfit! Enjoying IHOP on the morning after Thanksgiving which is my annual tradition with my mom My life with her just gets sweeter all the time as she's growing up and getting more interactive.  She's found her feet and loves to try to reach them.  A good friend gave me some...

Thanksgiving 2009 could have been erased from the calendar for all I cared.  Same for Christmas.  We didn't even put up a tree last year because of my pitiful mood.  Why celebrate?  We had just spent our 2nd year trying to get pregnant with miserable results.  I'd had my ovarian drilling followed by unexpected hospitalization for a uterine infection.  Aaron had his varicocelectomy.  Our RE was beginning to recommend using donor "goods" since ours seemed so flawed.  Our awesome BFP turned into a nightmare when our baby failed to develop.  That was followed by a D&C. I dreaded the holidays last year.  I had to put on that stupid fake smile and wipe away my tears so the family would think things were fine.  When the video camera came out and my mother-in-law asked what everyone was thankful for, I wanted to throw it through a window.  When I found out about several unplanned preg...

During pregnancy, people feel compelled to give you their opinions about everything from the place you deliver to the food you eat to how much weight you've gained.  I felt like delivery couldn't come soon enough so that I could stop listening to the constant tips and advice I was receiving, not to mention those who want to relive their terrible birth experiences in full detail to someone who is about to have a baby...  Paisley was born and the unwanted advice didn't stop.  It didn't even slow down... in fact, it increased!  Moms of newborns as well as those who now have grandkids all had passionate opinions about EVERYTHING. I have felt overwhelmed by the amount of information, both factual and craptual, that I have been bombarded with. And let's just take a moment to realize that I'm not the kind of person who does extensive research on anything or follows the rules to a T. I think people get to wrapped up in that stuff. Aaron and I both a...

Paisley at her Christmas shoot!  I had no idea she could lift her body up so much...  :) We're still doing good around here.  I left with her with my mom for 4 hours on Saturday morning to go work at Aaron's clinic and it wasn't too bad!  My mom loved it, Paisley never noticed, and I survived without a mental breakdown.  In fact, I didn't even cry!  :) Sleep has been going pretty well here.  We fall asleep about 10-11 pm (I know it's late, but she won't fall asleep earlier) and she wakes up around 4:30 to eat, then sleeps until about 8-9 am.  Some nights she wrestles more than usual, but the past 2 nights she's slept soundly.  Of course she's still in our bed and I'm not quite sure when that's going to change.  The child is still not okay with being put down for naps in her crib or cradle, so I know overnight is out of the question. She's a happy baby for the most part, but I'd never call her "easy".  She has a way she ...

Aaron casually mentioned last night that maybe I should start looking for a part-time job soon.  Those seemingly harmless words opened up a floodgate of emotion and I handled it in the best way I knew how...  I cried a little uncontrollably for the next hour while holding Paisley as close as possible so as to prevent anyone from seperating us. The "plan" (which I now refer to as "worst plan ever") from the beginning was that I would take off until somewhere around the 1st of the year and then find a part-time job.  And by part-time, he's just saying 2 days a week.  My problem with this plan now is that the 1st of the year came WAY too quickly and 2 days at work = 2 days away from this amazing baby.  So, I panicked!  And I know how ridiculous it is.  I've been so fortunate that I'll have about 5 months at home with her and that I can just go back part-time after that.  This is an amazing situation that I've been given, and I r...

No need to worry- Paisley didn't have surgery.  She just "helped" her daddy out with one at the clinic.  He spayed a racoon this morning and we decided that sounded like something we might want to see, so we headed up there to watch. Aaron and Emma (the racoon) before surgery Me and Emma...  she's drowsy from her anesthetic Racoons are not into S&M, she's prepped for surgery The end of her baby-makin' days---Her uterus and ovaries are about to be gone Paisley's excitement was overwhelming- she slept the whole time! Everything went great with the surgery and Emma went home this afternoon feeling fine.  Well, you can't ask her how she's feeling obviously, but she was acting like herself.  :) We love getting to spend time with Aaron during the week and I always enjoy a good surgery, so I'd say it was a great day!

Sure wish I had figured out 2 months ago that sleep gowns will pull on from the feet up and that it's not necessary to force those stupid things over the baby's head, causing her to get angry.  That elastic band at the bottom seemed so difficult to maneuver over her head! Paisley's reaction to figuring out a simpler way to put on our favorite sleep attire Why did I not notice that the head hole is huge?  Makes a girl wonder if there are other things I'm missing that would make life easier...  We went to see Saw 3D tonight which was awesome!  I can't believe how much I miss her when I'm away for 2 hours.  Halfway through the movie I felt the urgency to rush home to her, which I resisted because Aaron would make fun of me plus the movie was great.  (If you're into ridiculously bloody movies with terrible acting-  I happen to love it).  Things are great around here.  Paisley is getting more and more fun every day and I fall deeper...

 My mom luckily took lots of pictures from Halloween too so she had a non-blurry picture of the 3 of us!!!  Yay!  I'm super excited that we don't all have to get re-dressed up to get this shot.  The Beekeeper with his Bees Nothing says "Let's Party" like breastfeeding in a bee costume!!!  Does anyone else think fishnet hose are really comfortable?  Wish they were appropriate for work/church/etc.... Having a little chit-chat with her Grandma She's obviously the highlight of this picture, but let me point out that I'm wearing pre-pregnancy jeans here...  They weren't fun to get on and definitely not as comfortable as wearing elastic waistbands, but I'm in them!!! Question : for those who have breastfed or are currently breastfeeding, did you start having cycles again?  I haven't had a period which I know can be normal while breastfeeding, but when does it come back?  I know people have gotten pregnant while breastfeeding so some ...

Paisley celebrated her 1st Halloween this weekend, which has been so much fun.  Mainly for us, since she doesn't realize...  We went to a friend's party on Friday night, then had our own party last night after some trick-or-treating around our neighborhood.  She's exhausted from all the fun!  Her bee costume was a bit warm and she was kinda too long for it, so it wasn't her favorite thing to wear...  Mine, however, made it really easy to breastfeed which was great! A picture with her favorite twins, Renna and Reagan!  Don't mind her expression, again it's just her hatred of the bee costume.  She loves sheep! Here's a group of picture of us with our friends Mendy and Adam.  This is before we went trick-or-treating which was super fun!  Sure, none of our kids are really old enough to eat candy, but we sure enjoyed it!  Because I have no idea how to get these pictures in better order since every time I drag them to a new p...

One of my favorite blogger friends who is still on the journey to pregnancy posted a wonderful reminder that it's hard to be "left behind" when everyone else gets pregnant/has babies and you still don't.  She feels sad and angry that others have forgotten about her now that they've gotten what they wanted.  They no longer keep up their blogs and never leave comments. This was a wonderful reminder to me that I don't ever want to forget what I've been through to get to where I am today.  Paisley is only here because of a wonderful team of doctors, many dollars spent, countless prayers on our behalf, several surgeries endured, and way too much heartache to imagine.  And I only survived it all because I had the most amazing husband, incredible friends, and a supportive family. The blogging world was a huge comfort for me during my darkest days.  I would come home from another failed appointment in tears, write a despondent blog about how I'd never...

Paisley is currently asleep in her CRIB (yeah, you read that right) and has been for 25 minutes.  Her morning nap hasn't been much more than a little catnap, so that's already pretty good for her.  Plus, it's the first time she's really slept in there at all!  She started taking a pacifier last week which has made her sleep even better.  And I have her heartbeat sound monitor on, which could be helping. I realized that she's starting to really need a good afternoon nap or she's cranky in the evenings.  Problem is, she'll only sleep for a long period of time if I lay down with her.  So, I'm working on the crib this week.  Well, starting today anyways.  And this first trial is going well!!! She'll still be sleeping with us at night for now since it's easiest to nurse her in bed and we're getting about 10 hours of sleep that way.  She only nurses once overnight, but I'm just loving the convenience still. Some of you asked about baptis...

Paisley's baptism was yesterday and it was beautiful!  One of my favorite ceremonies in the Methodist church is the baptism of babies.  It's such a sweet ritual and I remember watching these in the past and wondering if I'd ever be up there with my own baby.  They were almost hard to bear during the darkest part of my infertility and especially following my miscarriage. Our pastor baptized her with my husband, my in-laws, my mom, my best friend, and Aaron's brother and sister up front.  She then held her and walked her around to introduce her to the congregation while everyone sang the sweetest lullaby.  I thought I'd post the lyrics....wish I could sing them, but you'll just have to imagine since my singing voice is terrible ! Paisley, Paisley , God claims you.             God helps you, protects you, and loves you too.             We this day ...

Paisley took two bottles today!!!  Yes, you read that right.  After a million different tries and absolutely no success, we figured it out. Up until today, I've pumped and then made her bottle with that milk.  Well, apparently she likes her milk a little warmer if she's going to take it by bottle. SILLY ME!!!  Someone call DHS, because I obviously have no idea what I'm doing here!  :) Today, my mom took from my frozen stash to make her bottle and she took it like a champ.  NO problem at all.  So all we can figure is that she likes it a little warmer than normal when it's in bottle form.  Problem solved.  Aaron and I just got home from seeing a movie and she stayed home with my mom.  It was actually pretty great to get away for a minute and then I was SO excited to see her when we were headed home...

Let's start this by saying that Paisley gives her 2 month shots a HUGE thumbs-down.  She woke up in a beautiful mood this morning and did her usual smile at mama and snuggle.  I got up to pump before my breasts sprung a leak and let her cuddle with her dad for a while.  Then we went to the pediatrician's office... Which is when it all went to crap.  She didn't notice the 1st shot, but screamed for the next 2.  I've apparently never actually heard her really cry.  But she did it today.  And I was relieved when she calmed down a minute later and quickly fell asleep for 3 hours.  Seemed like we had it easy.  Until she woke up.  REALLY angry.  She screamed for a long time, until we gave her a warm bath and some tylenol.  Then she and I took a nap together.  She's now awake again and really cranky. The pediatrician suggests not giving tylenol unless necessary.  I'm calling this necessary!  And it's heartbreaking...

Paisley attending her 1st wedding!  I luckily had a dress that matched hers and actually fit.  She's already discovered the beauty of a black dress. She did great except for the giant poop with outstanding sound effects right before the wedding started.  :)  That's my classy girl. Cheering on her undefeated Cowboys! This is the mess we had to clean up after leaving the movie theatre from seeing "Life as we Know it".    I put her in her carseat, and look what she did.  Taking a car seat completely apart to wash it is NOT fun.  Reassembling the carseat is even worse. My little old woman before playing mini golf.  Has to get her UV protection! Pretending to be Baby Carlos from the Hangover.  She loved mini golf and we got 2nd place (3 of us played). It wasn't actually too much different to golf with baby strapped on to me as it was while 9 months pregnant.  Just looks so much cooler now.  :)