Skip to main content

A Mother's Love

I loved Paisley from the very second that I saw those double lines on the test.  It was the reason I was so afraid of another pregnancy loss.   My love for her grew with every ultrasound and every time I felt her move.  It was the reason I cried myself to sleep at night out of fear for losing her.  That love exploded the minute they laid her on my chest, and I burst into tears because the emotions were too overwhelming to contain.  

I thought I loved her as much as I could possibly ever love anyone at that moment.  But what I've found is that every single day, I love her more than the day before.   Every single morning when I wake up next to her, my heart swells with happiness that she is my baby.  That I've been given the most amazing job in the world of raising her.  And that in return, this little person will love me. 
 She has started smiling at me on purpose this week.  It's not because she farted or pooped her pants.  And I'm praying it's not because she thinks I'm funny looking...  Granted, she also smiles at the elephant above her changing table, the wall, the ceiling, etc.
 She got in her bumbo chair for the 1st time yesterday.  Well, we put her in it. She didn't exactly waddle across the room and hop in.  She may be advanced, but that's just silly.

My only hope is that she grows up happy and healthy.  I want her to look back fondly on her childhood and remember how much she was loved and adored. I spend hours just trying to memorize every expression she makes and the way she feels in my arms and how I can feel her breath on my chest at night when she's cuddling me.  I know these days will pass much too quickly and I'm trying to savor them so that I can look back on them when she's a 13-year-old diva who thinks she knows everything...

Comments

  1. RELHOctober 8, 2010 at 8:45 PM

    :) Made me smile! I love all of her cute outfits!

    ReplyDelete
  2. quadmomOctober 8, 2010 at 11:15 PM

    I agree with RELH, she has the best clothes! And what a great post. You know what we have that I love? A flip video camera. It's a tiny HD camera, takes pretty great video, and it's right on hand and easy to use. I often use it to capture moments that I'm desperately trying to memorize, even if it's just a few seconds of them making a cute expression! I think it's fairly cheap, you should check it out.

    P.S. She's adorable! =)

    ReplyDelete
  3. FaithOctober 8, 2010 at 11:50 PM

    She is so freakin' cute! I know what you mean about loving them more every day...it's like you don't think it's possible and then it happens, with each new day. Enjoy! Oh, and love the giraffe playmat..we have the zebra one exactly like it:).

    ReplyDelete
  4. TraceyOctober 9, 2010 at 2:10 AM

    Wow, she's beautiful! And you're so right, I can't believe how much I love her mire every day! How is it possible to love someone this much?

    ReplyDelete
  5. KandiceOctober 9, 2010 at 9:30 AM

    Thanks for making me cry lol. Maybe it's the hormones,. but I love how much you love and adore her ( i didn't expect any less) I need to come see her again. You are a wonderful mommy.

    ReplyDelete
  6. AbbyOctober 9, 2010 at 11:44 AM

    Yes - cutest outfits ever! Oh, and I love those Aden and Anais blankets. They're fabulous!

    ReplyDelete
  7. KenziOctober 12, 2010 at 7:15 PM

    I sometimes check out your blog, and I was wondering...where did you get the giraffe pillow from? That is so cute. Not as cute as your little girl of course:)

    ReplyDelete
  8. AnonymousOctober 13, 2010 at 2:46 PM

    She's so beautiful! I just love the pics!!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Meet Our Little Miracle, Paisley Kate

The post I have been waiting 2 years to write is finally here and I can't really believe it. On Saturday, I woke up at 8:30 a.m. with BAD contractions. By the 2nd one, I knew I was in "real" labor. They were SO different than the braxton-hicks. I got out of bed and decided that I'd take a bath, until water ran down both legs. The pain after that got pretty unbearable immediately and I was having contractions every 2 1/2 to 3 minutes. So, I called Aaron at work to tell him it was "the big day". He decided I was kidding until I nearly leapt through the phone to wring his neck. :) We got to the hospital an hour later and I was dilated to a 4 and having very active contractions. They quickly got me moved to an L&D room. I got my epidural ( AMAZING - we'll talk about this in its own post soon) at a 6 and then my doctor broke my water. (Apparently at home, it had just leaked a pocket of fluid). After he broke my water, labor started picking up ...
42 comments
Read more

The Resurrection

 So here we are.  It's now a blog graveyard.  The followers have long since moved on and infertility is something that I've somewhat put in the past (only considering I don't want any more kids).  So why am I here and writing again?  What's the purpose?   This was my safe place.  It was where I came when everything seemed much too hard and I needed to feel comfort.  I wanted to express myself in a venue that others would reassure me and even understand me.  I still love and have always loved this blog.  It guided me during some of the hardest years of my life, dealing with infertility and miscarriage. And you know... I guess it will help me again now.  Because life is freaking TOUGH.  You know the phrase "I've went through Hell and back"?  Yeah, I feel that in my soul now.  I could have a blowout in the middle lane of the highway during rush hour traffic, manage to pull over my car on the side and call for roadsi...
1 comment
Read more

Santa Claus

I miss blogging.  It's just that I'm trying to minimalize the busy-ness in my life right now because the holidays always make me overwhelmed.  Like I get a bit crazy.  All the gift-giving, shopping, parties, family, friends, drama, food, etc.  Sounds fun to most people but I just do better with simple.   And that word hasn't described my life since giving birth 3 years ago.  Sooo, I go missing from time to time, but I keep up with everyone else's blogs!   This was my mom's attempt at a Christmas card with the kids.  It looks like they were decently enjoying it but the truth is both kids were having fits for absolutely no reason.  She used it anyways. My ornery little stud-muffin playing on the stairs. Graham having a VERY rare fit.  I had to capture the moment. Sweet sibling time in pajamas.  Times like this one melt my heart and make me feel good about my decision to have two kids. Graham was tota...
2 comments
Read more