Amber and Aaron

Amber and Aaron

The Fun We've Already Had...

  • Graham Tomas born July 31 at 5:04 P.M. weighing 8 lbs, 12 oz.
  • December 2, 2011: PREGNANT!!!
  • Paisley Kate arrived August 21 at 5:38 P.M. weighing 7 lbs, 9 oz
  • DUE DATE: August 25, 2010!!!
  • Dec. 14, 2009- PREGNANT!!!
  • Oct. 07,2009- Had elective D&C.
  • Sept 28, 2009- No embryo on ultrasound. :(
  • Sept 15th, 2009- We found out we're PREGNANT!!!
  • Sept '09- Aaron had varicocele repair.
  • July '09- IUI #1 with HCG shot= No such luck
  • April '09- Ovarian drilling surgery, followed by hospitalization for uterine infection
  • Jan-Mar '09- metformin + 3 rounds of clomid= no ovulation
  • Dec. 11, 2008- Hysterosalpingogram (Fancy word for shooting dye through the ovaries. OUCH)
  • Nov '08- Sent to RE. Tried metformin alone for two months (No ovulation)
  • Oct '08- Diagnosed with PCOS based on amenorrhea and crazy hormone levels.
  • June '08- Aaron convinced me to start trying.
  • June '04- Got Hitched!

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Giving it 100% but still never enough

Having two kids is drastically different than one. My time is now split into trying to keep two little people happy and fed and bathed. I have two people fighting for my attention and needing their mama.

Most of the time it goes fine. Paisley adores Graham as if he belongs to her and loves to help me change him, dress him and love on him. Her jealousy is really nonexistent. In fact, I feel like we have a best case scenario as far as adding a sibling goes.

When it gets tricky is when they both have a need for mommy and I have to choose. You know the moments. One has a poop explosion all over the living room while the other decides to fall and hurt themselves. Or when one is super tired and needs to be rocked while the other is hungry. Or even which one to load into the car first when it's freaky butt cold outside.

Whose needs are more important? How do you decide? Every day I lay down at night and think about what I could have done different and hope that my two babies know how loved they are.

But it is tough with two at such different ages. He is still such a baby. He needs more naps during the day and eats frequently and can't just run around and keep us with Paisley. So I have to hold him and feed him which takes me away from her a lot.

Here enters guilt. She is a busy fun toddler. She wants to play and stay on the go. And she still wants to snuggle her mom and be carried places. But with a 16 pound baby, 5 pound carrier, 5 pound diaper bag and 26 pound toddler, I feel like a overwhelmed donkey.

So, I struggle to find the balance. Which is really what life has become since adding kids to it. How much to devote to work and kids and myself and my spouse. Not to mention friends, family, etc. Ugh.

I know how lucky I am to have two perfectly healthy babies. And they are such great kids 90% of the time. But when the train details around here, it can get ugly quickly!!!


  1. Oh yes, the story of my life:). I have felt guilty since day 1 with both - they never got the attention (even in utero for Addy) that other kids get because there were always two. And pretty much every day is a balance between the two, trying to prioritize. For the last 2.5 years, the rest of my entire life has been on hold - friends, social life, me time, etc. But it gets better each month, and I am slowly finding my life again. They DO know how much they are loved - all those little internal battles of yours, they have NO idea. We tend to put our adult thoughts, needs and intentions (guilt, jealousies, etc) on them, and they just aren't there. I have had to do a lot of letting go and forgiving myself in the last 2.5 years. I hope you can too!

  2. did you change from 1 kid to 2 sounds very difficult.from other people I've talked to you they always say they feel like they're in a constant struggle. I hope as Graham get older things will get easier. And you can get a little bit of your sanity and life back!

  3. Sorry that last one came out negative. I meant I hear having two is great but harder on the mommy guilt than one.

    They both know you love them and they love each other. What more can you ask for?!!!

  4. I totally felt the same way. Finding a balance with two was much more difficult than I could have ever imagined (not to mention a crazy amount of more work). I definitely agree that each day, each month has gotten SO much better, not that we still don't have days where E is screaming, "My mommy, my mommy." I think it's good for your oldest to learn to share, not only toys etc but time with mommy and daddy. I don't think it will traumatize her (at least I hope not) but hopefully it will make her have a much more realistic view of life as she gets older. I feel for you friend! Ateast you