I'm finally settling in to believing that I am actually pregnant. The moment that urine hit the test and the double lines immediately appeared... my life changed. Not trying to be dramatic, but the world seemed to stop moving around me and all that matters now is my uterus and these little tiny dividing cells. It's literally all I can think about and I can hear the seconds tick by. (I should be nominated for a soap opera award.)
My emotions change from excited to fearful to hopeful to worried about every 2.7 seconds. It's quite exhausting. I feel like I look at the world in a whole new way. Things that seemed so important now seem silly. My body even seems different. My emotions have changed, and I have feelings inside that I can no longer explain. ("Is that normal?", "Should that concern me?", "Is that just gas?")
The realization that this could end in miscarriage is at the forefront of all the emotions. I just found out about two of my best girlfriends having miscarriages this month. And there's not a single thing I can do about it. I can hope and pray and beg, but it doesn't give me any guarantees. Nobody can. It's literally the most painful waiting game in the world. There's never been so much at stake.
I'm not quite sure how the human race hasn't went extinct. This seems SO difficult. Why can't we be like chickens? You just lay some eggs and here come baby chicks. Not sure how I'm going to lay eggs (ouch), but this sure doesn't seem like a good plan either.
So, if my misbehaving little uterus would just play nice for about 8 more months and provide a loving and nourishing home for this little embryo, I'd be incredibly grateful. I'm doing my best from this point of view, laying around and trying to relax. And you all have done excellent at keeping my hopes up and my spirits high.
My emotions change from excited to fearful to hopeful to worried about every 2.7 seconds. It's quite exhausting. I feel like I look at the world in a whole new way. Things that seemed so important now seem silly. My body even seems different. My emotions have changed, and I have feelings inside that I can no longer explain. ("Is that normal?", "Should that concern me?", "Is that just gas?")
The realization that this could end in miscarriage is at the forefront of all the emotions. I just found out about two of my best girlfriends having miscarriages this month. And there's not a single thing I can do about it. I can hope and pray and beg, but it doesn't give me any guarantees. Nobody can. It's literally the most painful waiting game in the world. There's never been so much at stake.
I'm not quite sure how the human race hasn't went extinct. This seems SO difficult. Why can't we be like chickens? You just lay some eggs and here come baby chicks. Not sure how I'm going to lay eggs (ouch), but this sure doesn't seem like a good plan either.
So, if my misbehaving little uterus would just play nice for about 8 more months and provide a loving and nourishing home for this little embryo, I'd be incredibly grateful. I'm doing my best from this point of view, laying around and trying to relax. And you all have done excellent at keeping my hopes up and my spirits high.
Laying eggs...sounds alot less painful than childbirth :P (although I cannot wait!! until I can have the birthing experience)
ReplyDeleteI wish you all the best! I'm so happy for you!! Keeping my fingers crossed that everything continues to go so well for you! It seems to be happening so fast:) Good luck and congrats!!!
I felt the same way - my mom had 4 miscarriages all around 10-12 weeks. I was on pins and needles until 13 weeks!!
ReplyDeletelol you said exactly what I've thought a million times! It's a miracle any of us ever procreate at all!
ReplyDeletei wish I could give you a guarantee, but I can't, so the best thing I can give you is my prayers, I'm praying for you guys! :)
ReplyDeleteI think it's amazing that this baby was produced without IUIs, it just happened. Was the baby conceived after his surgery or before? I think it is so exciting that it happened when you least expected...you need to fill me in, comment back on my blog because I'll forget to come check back during this post or just blog about it...I think it would make a great blog! :)
Okay, so now-back to the dreaded studying!
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