Thursday, January 28, 2010
Also funny is the patient who comes in for minor pain and says that they tried a friend's morphine/oxycodone/etc. and it worked really well. Ummm... yeah, it should have. I should be able to cut your flippin' arm off in clinic after taking that stuff. But you aren't getting it for your papercut. And taking someone else's narcotics is considered I-L-L-E-G-A-L.
I also wanted to share a funny Aaron story. Last night I was talking to a friend on the phone about her infertility and her current cycle. When I got off the phone, Aaron asked if she's ovulated yet this month and if they were able to do the IUI. Not only did he remember what she's having done currently, but he was able to calculate exactly what cycle day she is on based on where I am. He figured she would be ovulating in the next day or so... It's a mixture of sad and extremely cute. When your husband not only knows everything about your cycles, but also those of your infertile friends... I think this couple needs a baby, STAT!!!
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
- Patients who bring so many family members with them that there is no longer enough oxygen/space left in the tiny exam room for me to co-exist. And what's funny is that sometimes they even act like I'm the one who's causing the crowded conditions. Solution: bring one dependable family member with you if you are A. unconscious. B. really old. C. worried about a bad diagnosis. (Exception: Infertility and pregnancy do not count here: I think husbands should go as much as possible.)
- Patients and/or family who sit on my stool. I understand if you are 95 and can not climb up on the table. But it seems the elderly always manage to get on the exam table or in the chair. I had a young man with his wife yesterday who sat on my stool, wife in the chair and crazy, feral child on the exam table. WHERE do you want me to go? It's hard to write on a chart while standing in the center of the room. Solution: in this case, the husband and child should have waited in the waiting room. Otherwise, DON'T sit on my seat.
- Patients who use my stool to prop up their very infected leg. Guess what? I do not like twound "juice" on my seat. And if I get some nasty infection on my buttcheek, guess who I'll be calling... Solution: don't get nasty leg infections. And if you do, refrain from propping it up on my seat.
- Patients who bring extensive lists. Again, I understand if you're 95. You might forget something. And you actually have problems. But if you're in your 40's, chances are you might be a hypochondriac if you take a list. And please don't type it. It just freaks me out. Solution: limit each office visit to 3 problems or less. You should be able to remember those. If you can't, they probably aren't that important.
- Patients who show up 14 minutes late. I don't have to see you if you're 15 minutes late, but now you just pushed back everyone else's appointments all day because you made it by ONE minute. And amazingly, it's always these patients who come with the most problems. And feel especially chatty. Solution: give yourself time to make it to appointments.
- Patients who bring several small children with them who do not behave well. I had a lady this week needing a pelvic exam to check for STD's (having discharge) and she brought her unruly 2 and 5 year old kids with her. Needless to say, I could not possibly perform an exam on her while her kids tore our clinic to shreds. Not to mention that I don't really want to teach a 5-year-old boy about pelvic exams. Hmmm....weird. Solution: don't sleep around.
I really like most of my patients, but if people would just use common sense sometimes, it would make things so much better! Thanks for letting me complain. It's just been one of those weeks...
Monday, January 25, 2010
Keep in mind that we watch a lot of shows the same day or pretty soon after, such as Desperate Housewives, Amazing Race, Bachelor, etc. (And yes, he watches all of those with me.) So those aren't even on the DVR for long.
Our DVR currently contains the following:
- 4 hours of Grey's Anatomy
- The Haiti telethon (already watched it)
- 1 episode of Private Practice (we never watch it)
- 2 Real World/Road Rules Challenges
- 4 episodes of So You Think You Can Dance (which hasn't been on in about 4 months)
- The People's Choice Awards (can you say "boring"?)
- 12 episodes of Ellen (He records it, not me. Although I do like it.)
- 4 hours of The Biggest Loser (Hate this show, they cry too much)
- 1 episode of The View (I would never record this show. My husband is also "metro".)
- The American Music Awards from 2 months ago (we need counseling)
- The MTV Music Awards from 4 months ago (definitely an addiction)
As you can see, this is a real problem. Especially since I'm one of those Type A/ obsessive/ compulsive types that always has an empty e-mail account, would prefer to throw away everything rather than keep it, and love a much less full DVR. Not one for clutter, you might say.
So, I guess I'm curious. What does everyone else have on their DVR's? Who is the normal one here, me or him?
Saturday, January 23, 2010
The only true connection I have to Haiti is that Aaron and I traveled to the Dominican Republic (connected to Haiti) for our honeymoon and one other time since. We love it more than anywhere else. It's a beautiful country with amazing beaches and rolling hills. The poverty is incredibly sad, but somehow the citizens there look happy and peaceful. They are very warm and friendly people, and very beautiful.
On our last trip there, we went on a zip-lining tour in the jungle and our guide was a young man from Haiti. He had moved to the Dominican to escape the political unrest of Haiti and to hopefully build a better life. His story was amazing and he was an incredible person. His main dream was to attend college in the U.S.
Seeing what's happened there makes me think of him and of his family who still live in Haiti. And my heart was aching for all of the adorable little orphans over there. If we could bring one home immediately, we'd do it in a heartbeat.
I guess last night was just one of those times that I realized how good my life truly is. I have a beautiful home, a warm bed, clean clothes, water to drink, and a job to support me. Sure I gripe about things, and sure there are things I'd change a little. But I sure am lucky.
Monday, January 18, 2010
I woke up 30 measly minutes before my alarm was set to go off because my dog puked on my shoulder while I was sleeping peacefully in bed. Not only did he hit my pillow and my shirt, he also got it all over the sheets I washed YESTERDAY!!! I woke up to both the sound of vomit (lovely) as well as the heaviness of it on my shoulder.
Only good news to share from this experience was that it didn't get in my hair.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
So, let's catch up, shall we?
First of all, nothing new on the infertility front as of now. I'm cycling perfectly and it's now been 3 months since my D&C. Some docs recommend waiting this long to try again, but sometimes nature decides that for you! We'll probably do another month on our own before we go back to our specialist to see what we might want to do next. I kinda feel like it's the same ol' story all the time right now, so I try not to bore you with unnecessary details.
Next, work has been crazy busy. The first of the year... everyone gets new insurance so they come to establish care, get med refills, get new referrals, drive me crazy, etc. So it's just pretty hectic from January until March. And really until December it seems like... In a future post, I'm going to mention the things that patients do to drive me bonkers. I was making a mental list of these the other day while in with one particular patient.
Lastly, I keep forgetting to zip my dress pants while at work. I use the restroom, button my pants, flush the toilet, and move on my way. But guess what, when a person sits on a stool in a patient room, your pants sort-of split open when they aren't zipped. And there isn't really a secretive way to zip them when you're sitting in front of a patient. Hmm... guess it's time for me to wear pants with elastic waistbands.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
One of the reasons it stands out is that I have a gigantic stack of medical receipts to give our accountant for taxes. Which reminds me of how much we've had done this year. And it all leads me to thinking about "stirrups", since that's where I've spent much of my time.
When I say stirrups, you might think of the bone in the inner ear (also called stapes)...
Or the kind we use for horseback riding...
Or if you're an '80s child, maybe you think of this fashion statement...
Saturday, January 2, 2010
The perfect white carpet became important because the punch was very red. And very strong. Therefore, those drinking it might have had slightly impaired motor skills, leading to several very unfortunate spills on the carpet. Amazing how there can be 20 cups of red punch in the kitchen and not one gets spilled on tile, but the minute someone stumbles into the living room with it...
We totally need to find out what carpet cleaner Mr. Host uses, because it was quite amazing. And his attitude was much kinder than mine would have been. But I guess when your guests have already been puking in your kitchen sink, passing out in the guestroom, and crying on the party snacks, what's a little punch on the carpet?
And yes, beer pong was played. And yes, we are 29 years old. But I think it encouraged even worse behavior from the participants which in turn made for better story telling. So, thank you beer pong.
Friday, January 1, 2010
There are 13 people at this party, but with all the personality involved, you would have thought there were 50. It was Mr. and Mrs. Hostess, their 2 best friends, Mr. Host's cousin, us, and then the other guests arrived.
First was "other Amber" and "Old Man". I'm guestimating that she's 27 and he's 45. And she's very tipsy already, wearing a silly New Year's hat and flashing her tramp stamp repeatedly. Aaron will note that he didn't understand how she could always be showing her tattoo but not her buttcrack. Anyways...
Next in was "cousin's" new girlfriend. She's a nice girl who I really enjoyed talking to and I was glad she was there. I'm not sure if she'd agree...
Last of the guests was the "gay trio". It was 3 way overly dressed guys in business like attire. I would have thought they were the mafia except they weren't italian and they were smaller than me. This trio is made up of "the singer", "his #1 fan", and "crybaby". I'll explain the names in a minute.
At about 11:50, "old man" decides that his not-so-concious woman needs to go home. Mr. Host convinces him to stay until midnight. Even though she will not know any better. So midnight arrives and "other Amber" is puking in the kitchen sink where we are all having our champagne toast. After her stomach lets up, she starts frantically drinking straight from the faucet. Like her mouth is on fire and she'll die without it.
Soon after, "Old Man" decides she is partied out for the night and he needs to take her home. But not before getting a mixed drink for the road. Interestingly, he had mentioned about 10 minutes earlier that he doesn't drink. And I'm pretty sure it wasn't for her. So, not sure what to make of that.
"Singer", 1/3 of the gay trio, is encouraged to break out the guitar and play a few songs for everyone. Usually I cringe at this point, because it gets awkward, the person usually isn't good at all, and I feel guilty when I talk or lose attention. But he's actually pretty amazing and has an incredible voice. It doesn't even sound real. So we're all enjoying listening to him.
Except for "Crybaby". Not sure what has triggered his sudden rush of emotions, but he is now in the kitchen sobbing hysterically. And he has his cell phone plugged in to the wall, so it's like he's on a leash. He can't move more than 2 feet in any direction. Which turns out to be to our advantage.
People wandered around him to make drinks, everyone else was talking and having fun, and he never snapped out of it. He would alternate between frantic crying and dozing off while standing up. Sometimes he'd lay his head on the kitchen counter. Mr. Host affectionately dubbed him "Level 4 Creeper". Which I'd say is quite fitting. He's one of those people that you aren't sure what to think. Is he packing heat? Or does he just need a hug?
At one point, Aaron and I are talking to Mr. Host in the kitchen and he's telling us a story. "Crybaby" walks in at the end of the story and starts nodding his head and interjecting comments like he actually heard the story. Except nothing he says makes any sense and does not apply to the story. But it's hilarious.
His friends decide it's time to pack him up and take him on home, so they leave. But on his way out, he's telling everyone that we can be roommates in jail and do crafts together. Sounds fun, I'll definitely keep that in mind... He's also thinking at this point that they are going to head to Bricktown, which is out of the question considering that his emotional status is questionable and the fact that's it already 2 a.m.
There are things I am not at liberty of discussing on here, so this is where the story ends. I just had to tell you about all of our great new friends! Obviously all names were changed to protect the innocent, the guilty, and the strange. Happy New Years!!!