- Patients who bring so many family members with them that there is no longer enough oxygen/space left in the tiny exam room for me to co-exist. And what's funny is that sometimes they even act like I'm the one who's causing the crowded conditions. Solution: bring one dependable family member with you if you are A. unconscious. B. really old. C. worried about a bad diagnosis. (Exception: Infertility and pregnancy do not count here: I think husbands should go as much as possible.)
- Patients and/or family who sit on my stool. I understand if you are 95 and can not climb up on the table. But it seems the elderly always manage to get on the exam table or in the chair. I had a young man with his wife yesterday who sat on my stool, wife in the chair and crazy, feral child on the exam table. WHERE do you want me to go? It's hard to write on a chart while standing in the center of the room. Solution: in this case, the husband and child should have waited in the waiting room. Otherwise, DON'T sit on my seat.
- Patients who use my stool to prop up their very infected leg. Guess what? I do not like twound "juice" on my seat. And if I get some nasty infection on my buttcheek, guess who I'll be calling... Solution: don't get nasty leg infections. And if you do, refrain from propping it up on my seat.
- Patients who bring extensive lists. Again, I understand if you're 95. You might forget something. And you actually have problems. But if you're in your 40's, chances are you might be a hypochondriac if you take a list. And please don't type it. It just freaks me out. Solution: limit each office visit to 3 problems or less. You should be able to remember those. If you can't, they probably aren't that important.
- Patients who show up 14 minutes late. I don't have to see you if you're 15 minutes late, but now you just pushed back everyone else's appointments all day because you made it by ONE minute. And amazingly, it's always these patients who come with the most problems. And feel especially chatty. Solution: give yourself time to make it to appointments.
- Patients who bring several small children with them who do not behave well. I had a lady this week needing a pelvic exam to check for STD's (having discharge) and she brought her unruly 2 and 5 year old kids with her. Needless to say, I could not possibly perform an exam on her while her kids tore our clinic to shreds. Not to mention that I don't really want to teach a 5-year-old boy about pelvic exams. Hmmm....weird. Solution: don't sleep around.
I really like most of my patients, but if people would just use common sense sometimes, it would make things so much better! Thanks for letting me complain. It's just been one of those weeks...