Yesterday, I realized even more how lucky I am to be pregnant. There is the obvious reason that I'm no longer in fear of never being able to get pregnant. Now, it's unfortunately replaced with the terror that something could happen to my baby, we can't afford a child, choosing daycare if we have to, things I'm eating, ways I'm sleeping, choosing safe carseats/strollers...
I've only had blood drawn 6 times in 4 months. And 3 were for HcG levels. This is a huge improvement from the million blood draws I had done the last 18 months. When the phlebotomist went to find a good vein yesterday, I remembered the days when I was having daily blood draws for IUI and we'd use the "least bruised" vein. And in the hospital when I already had an IV each arm and they were using "fresh" veins to draw samples several times a day. Those nurses get pretty creative. I was starting to look like a cocaine addict.
Most doctor's visits I get to keep my pants on. In fact, I've had 2 vaginal ultrasounds and my pap since I found out. Otherwise, my pants have remained happily on my body. Wow, I think my dignity may be finding it's way back! (Until childbirth that is. Then it's gone all over.)
My insurance only paid 50% for infertility. We wracked up $9,000 in bills last year alone. With pregnancy, I only pay a $30.00 co-pay once for the whole time. Hmm.... seems a little unfair doesn't it?
And the thing that occurred to me most is that when I roll over in the mornings, instead of seeing my stupid basal body chart and a thermometer, I now have my ultrasound gel and doppler to listen to Gil's heartbeat. I no longer even know what my temperature is. But I know very well how sweet my baby's heart sounds.
And that makes every single poke, prod, invasive exam, surgery, loss, hospitalization, and failure all worth it. I'd do it all over again a million times.
***To my friends still trying, I didn't write this to make you feel bad or to brag about my situation. I hope what you take from it is that I wanted to give up so many times. And I'm so glad now that I didn't. Hang in there. It's a long, hard road, but it makes you so much stronger and more appreciative in the end. I follow all of your stories and I hold my breathe each month hoping you'll get your BFP's.***
I've only had blood drawn 6 times in 4 months. And 3 were for HcG levels. This is a huge improvement from the million blood draws I had done the last 18 months. When the phlebotomist went to find a good vein yesterday, I remembered the days when I was having daily blood draws for IUI and we'd use the "least bruised" vein. And in the hospital when I already had an IV each arm and they were using "fresh" veins to draw samples several times a day. Those nurses get pretty creative. I was starting to look like a cocaine addict.
Most doctor's visits I get to keep my pants on. In fact, I've had 2 vaginal ultrasounds and my pap since I found out. Otherwise, my pants have remained happily on my body. Wow, I think my dignity may be finding it's way back! (Until childbirth that is. Then it's gone all over.)
My insurance only paid 50% for infertility. We wracked up $9,000 in bills last year alone. With pregnancy, I only pay a $30.00 co-pay once for the whole time. Hmm.... seems a little unfair doesn't it?
And the thing that occurred to me most is that when I roll over in the mornings, instead of seeing my stupid basal body chart and a thermometer, I now have my ultrasound gel and doppler to listen to Gil's heartbeat. I no longer even know what my temperature is. But I know very well how sweet my baby's heart sounds.
And that makes every single poke, prod, invasive exam, surgery, loss, hospitalization, and failure all worth it. I'd do it all over again a million times.
***To my friends still trying, I didn't write this to make you feel bad or to brag about my situation. I hope what you take from it is that I wanted to give up so many times. And I'm so glad now that I didn't. Hang in there. It's a long, hard road, but it makes you so much stronger and more appreciative in the end. I follow all of your stories and I hold my breathe each month hoping you'll get your BFP's.***
You give great perspective on the whole thing. It's amazing how things can change so much and yet there are still worries and concerns. You're right though - the dignity has returned, hasn't it?
ReplyDeleteYou use a doppler everyday?? Details please. What brand did you get and have you had any scares because you couldn't find the heartbeat? We want to get one but are worried about the potential anxiety if we can't locate the HB.