Amber and Aaron

Amber and Aaron

The Fun We've Already Had...

  • Graham Tomas born July 31 at 5:04 P.M. weighing 8 lbs, 12 oz.
  • December 2, 2011: PREGNANT!!!
  • Paisley Kate arrived August 21 at 5:38 P.M. weighing 7 lbs, 9 oz
  • DUE DATE: August 25, 2010!!!
  • Dec. 14, 2009- PREGNANT!!!
  • Oct. 07,2009- Had elective D&C.
  • Sept 28, 2009- No embryo on ultrasound. :(
  • Sept 15th, 2009- We found out we're PREGNANT!!!
  • Sept '09- Aaron had varicocele repair.
  • July '09- IUI #1 with HCG shot= No such luck
  • April '09- Ovarian drilling surgery, followed by hospitalization for uterine infection
  • Jan-Mar '09- metformin + 3 rounds of clomid= no ovulation
  • Dec. 11, 2008- Hysterosalpingogram (Fancy word for shooting dye through the ovaries. OUCH)
  • Nov '08- Sent to RE. Tried metformin alone for two months (No ovulation)
  • Oct '08- Diagnosed with PCOS based on amenorrhea and crazy hormone levels.
  • June '08- Aaron convinced me to start trying.
  • June '04- Got Hitched!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Infertility is no one's fault

I just found an online article in the New York Times titled, "The Gift of Life and it's Price". It's discussing IVF and the costs, risks, etc associated. The media does a fantastic job at casting a terrible light on infertility and the treatments of it. We rarely see the struggle a couple actually went through to become a family, or the medical condition causing the problem. You hear about the costs, the babies who have problems, the octo-mom, overzealous doctors...

You miss the part about the couple who is completely financially and emotionally prepared to welcome a child and finds out that they can't without help and maybe not even with. These aren't single, teenage moms who are on welfare. These are your friends, neighbors, and co-workers who would love a child with all their heart and have the resources to care for them.

Some of the ignorant comments from readers following the article:
  • "People want miracles, and they want someone else (you and I) to pay for them."
  • "Society as a whole CAN NOT AFFORD to indulge these people. If they can’t have children, get over it or adopt."
  • "These people are very selfish just because they want a child genetically related to themselves."
  • "Do we really think it's a good idea to use technology to allow people to *perpetuate* these substandard genes?"
I don't even know where to begin. Let's start with the fact that no one else is paying for what we're going through. We've paid about $8,000 out of pocket this year alone. My insurance covers VERY little. And yet as a society, we pay for extraordinary costs associated with diabetes complications, obesity and smoking. I have always taken great care of myself, eat healthy, exercise, etc. and was unfortunately born with a disease that I could not prevent and which causes my infertility. So, don't worry about paying my bills.... you aren't.

Until you walk in my shoes, don't you dare tell me what you think I should do or how we should build our family. When you are fortunate enough to bear children without any effort, it is probably pretty easy to say, "just adopt". I have always planned to at some point. But that doesn't take away my yearning to feel a baby grow inside of me and to have a baby that we created. Furthermore, don't act like adoption is a "cheap" alternative. It is NOT!!! It is an incredibly lengthy and emotional process and it costs more than IVF in many cases.

We have enough hurt, sadness and anger without people judging us. The day that someone tells you that you may never have children and you walk away knowing that it "just wasn't meant to be", then you can judge me. Until then, try to remember that we are just people who want our own family too. And we're going through hell and back to get there.


  1. Ok so I officially take back saying I don't wish this on anyone. I know wish for those people to have to go through what we are going through. What inconsiderate little.......(fill in the blank).

  2. I've been working through some of these same thoughts today. Until you walk in someone else's shoes you can't say they are selfish for wanting what is one of the most basic parts of life. I wonder if some of the same people who say ART is selfish are the same people who think the childless by choice couples are missing out on the miracle of parenthood.

  3. I can't even read this article because I won't be able to help myself read the comments, and then I'll be furious with the world at large. People have NO IDEA what they are talking about, and NO IDEA how their words (or comments) are affecting others.

    And, although it's been many months, I'm still trying to come to grips with the fact that I am one of the people they are talking about in that article. Wow.

  4. My Papa always said, "You can't fix stupidity." Those who have never walked the infertility road just can't grasp what its like to go through the journey. But those who can't find the least bit of compassion for those who have walked that path are just plain dumb.

  5. Hey honey, you have a friend who lost her baby at 24 weeks. She left me the sweetest comment. I have no way to communicate with her and if you can, could you please tell her thank you and that my heart goes out to her more than she will ever know. I can't imagine having a baby born at 24 weeks. I don't know the pain personally but my niece is the baby who I talked about that was born at 21 weeks. I wish I could give her a warm hug.

  6. People are insensitive and ignorant about the things they don't understand. If we would all try showing a little empathy to our neighbors we would have a lot less problems in this world. It is too easy to make a quick judgement on someone without having any idea what they are going through.

  7. Wow, reading some of those comments got my blood boiling. People are so hurtful and insensitive sometimes and just altogether lack empathy. NO ONE knows what infertility feels like unless they've been through it, plain and simple. It's so easy to say "well if I was in that situation, I would just adopt" if you've never had trouble getting pregnant. Oh well. It is what it is and I guess there's no changing the minds of people like that. I just hope not to run across them in my daily life.