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Racking up the surgeries

I struggled with my decision all night last night and this morning. I called DeLene who is the OB/GYN nurse practitioner and a good friend of mine. We talked things through and decided that I will have the D&C on Wednesday. But to make myself feel absolutely right about it, we're going to repeat the ultrasound right before.

I need to gather my strength by seeing inside my uterus one last time. I mean, what if a roaming, homeless little embryo stumbled across my unoccupied gestational sac and thought, "this might be a nice place to stay... for let's say 9 months." Yeah, I know, there won't be a change. It will be one last glimpse at my failed pregnancy. But I need that for closure and to go into this without extra regret.

And as much as I dread it, I am ready to put this in the past. I can't look forward to our future with such an obstacle in my path. I appreciate the comments so much. It was pretty much unanimous for having the D&C. It just really hits home every now and then how much this hurts. No one should have to do this. But it's just the way the cookie crumbles. I'll update everyone on Wednesday after surgery. I'm starting to think there should be a surgery punch card. Buy 3, get one free...

Comments

  1. JessOctober 6, 2009 at 3:53 PM

    I wish you could go in and see your baby but the odds of that happening are slim and my heart breaks for you but if there is a chance that God has some mercy on you, I'm going to pray that maybe just maybe you get to see a baby (hah, that rhymed!)

    I never made it far along with my babies to have a D&C but I can tell you my natural miscarriages were painful and left me doubled over in pain. This may be the less painless and I hope you get the closure you need. I know you made a tough decision, but I think you made the right one for you.

    Keep your chin up and know that you will get your baby someday. I'm sorry it may not be this time and I know how much that hurts...gosh, I wish I could give you the biggest hug!

    babyparamore.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  2. jrose35October 6, 2009 at 6:20 PM

    Hi. I had a D&C back in March 2009 and it did hurt emotionally and you are right no one should have to go through it. It was not a easy decision but at seven weeks there was no embyro growing and I knew it was gone. I had a hard time but once the hormones settled down after three weeks I started feeling better and was ready to try again. I still think of my little one I lost and get sad but every month gets better and we have hope we will get pregnant again and stay pregnant. If you ever need to talk I am here. My heart and thoughts are with you at this time.

    ReplyDelete
  3. emilyOctober 6, 2009 at 7:32 PM

    Thinking about you guys tomorrow...call me when you feel like it! Love you!

    ReplyDelete
  4. shalynOctober 6, 2009 at 9:52 PM

    I am so sorry, will be praying for your strength tomorrow, we love you!

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousOctober 7, 2009 at 11:18 AM

    Thinking of you today..You don't have to be strong.. cry, kick your feet and let it all out.. I am here for you if you need to talk.. Love Jennifer.. I miss you guys so much...

    ReplyDelete
  6. LinOctober 7, 2009 at 1:58 PM

    I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish you strength this week and beyond! (((HUGS)))

    ReplyDelete

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