Amber and Aaron

Amber and Aaron

The Fun We've Already Had...

  • Graham Tomas born July 31 at 5:04 P.M. weighing 8 lbs, 12 oz.
  • December 2, 2011: PREGNANT!!!
  • Paisley Kate arrived August 21 at 5:38 P.M. weighing 7 lbs, 9 oz
  • DUE DATE: August 25, 2010!!!
  • Dec. 14, 2009- PREGNANT!!!
  • Oct. 07,2009- Had elective D&C.
  • Sept 28, 2009- No embryo on ultrasound. :(
  • Sept 15th, 2009- We found out we're PREGNANT!!!
  • Sept '09- Aaron had varicocele repair.
  • July '09- IUI #1 with HCG shot= No such luck
  • April '09- Ovarian drilling surgery, followed by hospitalization for uterine infection
  • Jan-Mar '09- metformin + 3 rounds of clomid= no ovulation
  • Dec. 11, 2008- Hysterosalpingogram (Fancy word for shooting dye through the ovaries. OUCH)
  • Nov '08- Sent to RE. Tried metformin alone for two months (No ovulation)
  • Oct '08- Diagnosed with PCOS based on amenorrhea and crazy hormone levels.
  • June '08- Aaron convinced me to start trying.
  • June '04- Got Hitched!

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Motherhood

Let me tell you what I've discovered from my 5 weeks of parenting so far. No one can ever really prepare you for what being a mother is like, and I have learned a lot already. Some of these things I feel guilty for even admitting, but I know others think it too and I wish someone had told me that it was normal. Some of these I should have been smart enough to realize, but apparently I wasn't...

1.) My maternity clothes will not fit. They used to be the most comfortable clothes in the world, but now they fall off. The shirts fit strangely, the pants are all wrong, and the bella band is useless.

2.) My regular clothes will not fit. I made the unfortunate mistake of trying to put on a regular pair of jeans after realizing that my maternity pants wouldn't fit right. This tragedy resulted in a 10 minute tearful fit with my husband silently observing. He tried to offer encouragement such as, "I think you look great for just having a baby" and "it will take some time to lose the weight". Thanks dear. You always know just the right thing to say.

3.) I have had several panic attacks when I think about the fact that Paisley is mine forever. She won't be going anywhere. I have this tremendous responsibility on my shoulders to provide her with everything she needs to become a good person. I want her to be safe, healthy, happy , loved, etc. And I feel like I have to protect her from everything. Yikes.

4.) Vomit is not easy to clean up. Problem is when it happens, it gets all over EVERYTHING. She gets my shirt, my pants, my hair, her clothes, her hair, the carpet, furniture, etc. I need a game plan on where to start. If I move, the vomit falls off my clothes onto the floor which creates even more of a mess.

5.) Alone time is very hard to get. I had this thought that I would still have an hour or two to myself everyday while daddy played with her. And many days I do. Dilemma: he's home in the evenings when she wants to belly up to the booby buffet for hours at a time and snuggle with mommy. In the mornings, she'd be happy playing with anyone.

6.) I did not need all this baby stuff. We don't use the baby tub, since she bathes with me. We don't use the wipe warmer, because she doesn't give a crap if her wipes are ice cold. We don't use her swing, because she despises it. Now, much of this I couldn't have predicted beforehand, but now that it's all opened and the boxes are thrown away- we're stuck keeping it...

7.) Breastfeeding is very time-consuming. I say it's easy, only because I'm fortunate enough to make lots of milk. And I have a baby who loves to participate. BUT, it leaves me as the only one who can feed her. (Remember: my baby hates bottles. This is not getting better at all). So, at least every 3 hours during the day and sometimes much more frequently, I have to feed her.

8.) No book or person can tell you what is right or wrong for your baby. There sometimes isn't one right answer. I can't get our baby out of our bed to sleep on her own. Many people have told me that I better correct that now or she'll be there forever, or that I'm making a big mistake, or how they had such an easy time putting their baby in their crib. And it has made me worry that I'm not a good parent. But I have a baby who doesn't like to be put down ever. And she literally cries 1 minute after I put her in her crib or cradle.

9.) You can have the best plans for how you're going to do everything and things that you will never do. Toss those expectations out the window. Sometimes you just have to do what is best for you and your baby. Not the ideal baby from the books that exists in a perfect world. One of my friends wisely told me that the infant stage is about survival. You do what you have to do.

Now, don't take this post to mean that I don't love being her mom. I do. Paisley is a beautiful little girl and we are SO lucky to have her. But I don't think it's fair that I should be expected to sugarcoat everything just because we had trouble getting to this point. And it's getting easier everyday. But I sure wasn't aware of how tough it would be! And my blog has always been a place for me to be honest and reach out to others who maybe feel the same way. I'm actually having a hard time hitting the publish key because I feel bad about complaining!

12 comments:

  1. I feel the SAME way. It's not complaining, it's being real. Just because we say it's hard doesn't mean we don't appreciate it. I have the SAME problem with Jackson in his bassinet or crib (and wanting to be held constantly). He sleeps SO much better in our bed. We'll figure it out, and you will too. When it HAS to change, you'll change it. And we have the vomit episodes, too, and I laughed as you described it! It does pool on you or him and then you're afraid to move an inch for fear of flooding your nice furniture, blanket, etc. LOL! It is all unexpected. If we all KNEW how scary this all was, most people would not become parents! I also have a heart attack when I think of having Jackson forever - and I also have the added panic of how the heck am I going to explain adoption to him and explain how/why we had a biological child right after him? And how truly and completely SPECIAL and wanted he was? But, it will all come in time . For now, enjoy the cuddle time, enjoy the cute little baby noises, the first smiles, the chubby legs, etc. With every new stage comes new challenges, but also new and wonderful milestones. I try to remember that when I want to SCREAM at 2am:). And, yes, I love the thought that having an infant is all about survival. I JUST today started doing what I said I'd always do - read a book with him and give him tummy time. I spent the last 4 weeks just surviving:). I think he's thriving, despite my short comings:). And I'm sure your little angel is, too. Anyway, hang in there, girl.

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  2. looove this post! mommyhood really is overwhelming and i dont think husbands quite understand (thus frustrating mommies even more). 10 weeks postpardum I still can't fit in my jeans and IT FRUSTRATES THE HECK OUT OF ME. lol. and about the baby swing, just keep trying it every couple days. babies change their likes / dislikes. it took my son a looong time to like his swing but we'd try it every couple days and now it is a "go to" device to get him to nap.

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  3. I love this post because I'm 11 weeks out from having our first baby and these are the things that I NEED to know! We all know that babies are cute and cuddly. But, we DONT all know how it REALLY is after the sweet cuddly thing pops out!.. when it starts crying and needing and not sleeping like it did in the womb! I'm all about preparing myself for the worst.. so that way when my baby boy is here.. I am not left feeling like I'm a complete lunatic when I want to lock myself in the closet and never come out. LOL

    Of course the good outweighs the bad and I will NEVER know excactly what you are talking about until I am also knee deep in spit up. But, I appreciate your honesty! =) I think everybody appreciates honesty much more than sugar coating! We know that you love being a mom.. no questions about that. I would NEVER second guess that. So dont feel like your complaining makes anyone think anything less of you as a mother. You need to vent just like anybody else in the world does! Hang in there sister!

    God bless xoxo

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  4. I had to laugh at point number 6 because I am the grateful recipient of many many second hand baby items, and yet the parents who handed them down to me made it seem like I was the one doing THEM a favour! Then there's point 3 - I had a similar (temporary) panic attack early in my pregnancy. You wait and wait and wait for this miracle then BAM, it happens, and you're suddenly overwhelmed by the reality of it all. I don't think any of this is complaining, it's honest and it's real, and I have a feeling it's very, very common. I'm sure you're doing a great job so far, and very soon you'll be over the newborn stage (when I hear things get a little easier).

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  5. Hi, Amber! Ah, motherhood and all the fun that goes with it. On the puke cleanup thing, my son had reflux and awful projectile vomit for 12 months (even with medicine). He threw up most all of every bottle. He was tiny for the first 2 years. My suggestion, is if the problem happens at feed time, or in carpeted areas, try putting a flat sheet over the chair, or area she is laying. You will still get puked on, but, you will be able to safely stand up. The sheet will catch the puke, etc, etc. With all the baby stuff you don't need, you could always donate it to a women's shelter? Or a friend who maybe is going through a rough time? You will find something good to do with it! You are doing great! I love reading your posts about little Paisley! Take care!

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  6. You said it, sister friend! It's not all cuddles and smiles and I feel guilty about not being more blissful about every single aspect of this new adventure. We re strugging with the sleeping situation too...As much as I like her with us, I know that we aren't getting the good sleep we need to be our best with her. I don't know how we're going to make the leap from our bed to her own, but we have to do it!!

    Thanks for being so open and honest - it helps me feel like I'm not alone =)

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  7. You don't sound like you're complaining, you're just telling the truth! And thank you for doing it.

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  8. Don't feel bad, feel good bc what you wrote just made a whole bunch of moms feel less alone, and helped a whole bunch of moms-in-the-making (like me!) have a more realistic idea of what we are in for. Thanks Amber and please keep up the blog!
    - Nisha

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  9. Hang in there, Amber. At 6 weeks things really begin to turn around as their melatonin starts kicking in and you can move out of survival mode. We started sleep training the babies ("Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" book) and it has been a godsend (haha although Liam and Sophie are currently screaming with my DH because we screwed up tonight and they're too overtired). But seriously most days it has turned our house into a peaceful, happy place with babies going down easily into their cribs for naps and night time. Watch me jinx myself now.

    As for the stuff you don't need, try selling it on craigslist! I bought TONS of used stuff on there and you can recoup some money that way.

    Ah, the spit up! Holy cow, it's ridiculous!!! Projectile vomit especially. So gross.

    The clothes thing WILL get better. I still can't button my old jeans but things are beginning to even out. But yeah, it totally sucks. =(

    Also I had to try a ton of different bottles/nipples before I found one my kids would take. That is probably super obvious advice though haha.

    Thanks for posting this and being so honest, Amber! It is so refreshing to hear what we're all thinking deep down at times!!

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  10. I am SO right with you on the clothing issue...and I'm certainly not going to buy any new clothes until I'm smaller than I am now! The c-section scar is not helping my situation one but. I totally agree with you that you have to do what's best for you and your baby. We are still in survival mode too, and some days I can't believe I'm even functioning with such little sleep. I know it's supposed to get better, but when?! Love your honesty - thank you!

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  11. So true sister! I think I agree with all of these points! Motherhood is the best thing ever and it is also the hardest thing ever...how is that possible. It sounds like Miss Paisley has strong opinions...funny to see that in a baby so young. I realized last night as I was feeding Elliott (in the semi-dark), I can now recognize the sound of spit-up hitting the chair without even seeing it. What a fabulous skill. :)

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  12. Hey Amber - Thanks so much for your comments on my blog recently! I especially appreciate knowing that you too struggled with the transition to motherhood in many of the same ways that I am. It is SO much harder than I expected. And in many ways its the little things - like not getting ANY personal time anymore. Having NOTHING to wear is a bummer - I still have 30 lb to lose and don't want to invest in a new wardrobe, but... I need to look good to feel good! And you hit the nail on the head about the first few months being about survival - I have a whole new respect for the choices that parents make. In our house, its all about survival!

    I spent so much time last night reading back thru your posts - and rereading - it really does make me feel better to be reminded that 'this too shall pass' and that I am not the only one who struggles. Thanks again for sharing your story!

    xoxo - Foxy

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