The urge to quit trying is battling for control. Maybe not forever, but I'm in desperate need of a break. And I know that I'm technically on a break this month for vacation, but I'm still temp charting. And now I'm starting to think about the road ahead and the tough decisions we are about to face.
IVF: Great chance of having a baby bearing our own awesome genetics, but it's terribly expensive and a lot of effort on my part. Plus, an IVF failure would be the end of the road. Also, I'm not too psyched about multiples, although the TV deal would be great.
Egg/frozen embryo/sperm donation: These options eliminate the need for our own contribution to be award-winning. It's like cheating the system. Downfall is that it wouldn't be a baby that the two of us created in love... However, I think that love fell out of this equation when we invited Dr. Haas into our personal lives.
Adoption: It's a scary system to enter into, filled with extensive paperwork, outrageous fees, and long waiting lists. Very intimidating and overwhelming.
When you date someone, you always ask the important questions. You know, like "what do you want to do for a living?", "do you want children?", "is that rash contagious?"
But you probably didn't go through the whole, "what are we going to do if we can't have kids?" And if you did, you probably didn't go into enough depth to guide you through this. It's tough when one of you (me) wants to do less and the other (not pointing any fingers) wants to do more.
Let's face it- I'm a quitter. And I'm not afraid to admit it. I just wish our choices consisted of something a little more appealing... like missing one pill and getting pregnant. Or deciding to start a family and actually getting pregnant the 1st month. Maybe I'll take the advice of the fertile and just "try to relax".
IVF: Great chance of having a baby bearing our own awesome genetics, but it's terribly expensive and a lot of effort on my part. Plus, an IVF failure would be the end of the road. Also, I'm not too psyched about multiples, although the TV deal would be great.
Egg/frozen embryo/sperm donation: These options eliminate the need for our own contribution to be award-winning. It's like cheating the system. Downfall is that it wouldn't be a baby that the two of us created in love... However, I think that love fell out of this equation when we invited Dr. Haas into our personal lives.
Adoption: It's a scary system to enter into, filled with extensive paperwork, outrageous fees, and long waiting lists. Very intimidating and overwhelming.
When you date someone, you always ask the important questions. You know, like "what do you want to do for a living?", "do you want children?", "is that rash contagious?"
But you probably didn't go through the whole, "what are we going to do if we can't have kids?" And if you did, you probably didn't go into enough depth to guide you through this. It's tough when one of you (me) wants to do less and the other (not pointing any fingers) wants to do more.
Let's face it- I'm a quitter. And I'm not afraid to admit it. I just wish our choices consisted of something a little more appealing... like missing one pill and getting pregnant. Or deciding to start a family and actually getting pregnant the 1st month. Maybe I'll take the advice of the fertile and just "try to relax".
I felt the same way as you until I saw my monitor screen with the egg in it! I realized how much I wanted a baby...last night, I was feeling the same way as you. I know it comes and goes and I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I wish you could miss one pill and get pregnant, you deserve it a lot more than most girls. It just wasn't in the cards for us...
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Don't quit! In God's timing it will all work out. I ended up taking Follistim and being carefully watched with bloodwork and ultrasound. The IUI was a cinch. The only problem I had was after the "trigger shot". I was extremely bloated and nausaus but that lasted only 12 hours. On Thursday I found out that the shots and IUI worked so that leaves me to say that I am pregnant. It can be done!! Just keep the faith and trust God. You might have to take shots eventually. Its not a big deal. Really! I wish you were in CT so I can refer you to Uconn Fertility Center. They are awesome! They were the first center in CT to do IVF. Praying for you and don't get discouraged. After your IUI did your Dr advise you to take progrestrone cream?
ReplyDeleteGood thing for Moose that the contagious rash wasn't a deal breaker! Glad we're going on vacation together-maybe it will help put everything in perspective. Know we'll support you in whatever you decide to do!
ReplyDeleteYou know, taking time off doesn't have to be an all-or-nothing decision. Maybe ya'll could set a time frame, say 6 months or a year. Spend that time on your dreams and on each other. After that time, re-examine your feelings and decide if you'd like to start trying again, or set another date to re-consider. It sounds like you need time off with each other, and that's a wonderful thing! It's not giving up, it's choosing to focus on yourself and each other for a while.
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